[Saturday Evening]
I stretch out on my bed as I text Dustin. I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him today because he was busy, so I insisted on keeping my phone with me so we could text when he was done. Turns out it took him a lot longer than he thought it would, so I ended up waiting around until the sun was setting.
I laugh to myself as he jokes about everything that he had done today. I'm more than happy to see him acting more and more like his old self, making jokes and being sassy. I shift my body again, trying to find a comfortable spot. I had gotten my cast removed a few days ago, and I still felt weird not having anything on my arm, but it was definitely better than not being able to use or move it at all.
I end up just standing and walking around my room as Dustin and I text, it's much easier. A few papers glare at me from my backpack. It's getting close to the end of the school year and the teachers are dishing out homework like it's a fad, and it's becoming much more important to study every night for the upcoming exams. I've tried to work today, but I just couldn't focus with my mind expecting a text from Dustin every minute.
I look out the window as I wait for Dustin to text back. It's raining slightly, but not as much as it had been on Monday, and I can see the trees shivering in the wind. Just looking outside makes me feel cold, so I snuggle into my hoodie and look somewhere else in my room.
My eyes rest on a DVD instead, and I smile softly. Last night, Dustin and I watched a movie together as his soft of apology for not going to be able to see me today, and it was a nice relaxing break from all the 'excitement' happening in school. We had ended up watching 'My Neighbour Totoro' after we found it under his bed (it was actually mine that I had lent to him when we first met because he hadn't seen it). We had played it on his parents laptop and watched it in his room on his bed, sharing a blanket that was wrapped around our shoulders, snuggling. Eventually he fell asleep on me, with his head resting on my shoulder and his hair tickling my neck, and I was forced to tuck him into his bed after the movie ended. I had manged to take a picture of it though, and texted it to him as I walked back to my place, which got me a very flustered reply today.
My phone buzzes, indicating that I got a text, and I read it. I sigh in disappointment, Dustin's got to go now. He added an apologetic emoji face though, and I shake my head at his silliness. I then check the time, realising that I should probably sleep as well. As I pull my covers over myself, I can't help but think :
'Everything's getting better.'
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I wake up to my phone ringing like crazy.
I groan and roll over in bed. Opening my eyes, I realise that I can't see a thing besides the light shining from my phone. 'What time is it?' I think as I grab my phone and look at the time. Two in the morning. 'Who could be calling at this hour?' I check the caller's number.
Dustin.
I instantly answer the phone, worry and fear filling my senses. "Dustin? Hello? Dustin?!" I whisper-yell into the phone. There's silence on the other end until :
"F-Fisher?" he whimpers, and I can immediately tell he's crying.
"Yeah, I'm here. What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"I-It's dark..."
"Calm down, it's okay. Where are you?"
"H-Home."
"Why are you crying?"
"Too much... I can't do it Fisher!" he screams.
"Calm down, calm down. It's okay, you can do it."
"It's too much Fisher... Haven't slept... him...."
"What? I'm coming over there Dustin!"
"No!" I flinch away from the phone "I've already done too much. T-Too many problems with m-me. I can do this on my own- I can- I can-" his sentences are cut off by loud sobs.
"No, no, don't say that. I'm going to be there-"
"I'm not going to let you in... Parents-" a loud gasp.
"Dustin!? What's wrong?"
"I've caused so many bad things... I don't want any more..." I hear a click from my phone. He hung up.
"Dustin? Dustin! Shit!" I call into my phone, but there's only silence.
I leap out of bed and grab my hoodie that's lying on the floor next to my door. I run as quietly as possible through my house and, right before I'm at the door, realise that I should probably let my parents know where the heck I'm going to be. I spin on the spot and dash to where I know we keep our pens and paper. I quickly scribble down a note then run out the door, locking it behind me with my spare key.
I don't stop to hesitate as I sprint down the street to Dustin's house. As I'm running, I go over the many possibilities of what has happened and how the heck I'm going to get into Dustin's house without waking his parents. I have no idea what's going on, and if his parents would be more of a hindrance than a help (which they (no offence) usually are).
I don't bother trying to focus on anything other than getting to Dustin's house. I don't need to hit another tree. I squint my eyes as I make my way down the dimly lit street. I'm getting to Dustin's house by memory, since it's too dark to see the addresses and all the houses look similar in the dark.
Finally, I skid to a halt in front of the house that I believe is Dustin's. I jog up the driveway and check the car sitting in it. 'Black, check. Four doors, check. Stupid thing sitting on the dashboard, check. Yup, this is Dustin's house.'
I wander around the side of the house, until I reach the part where Dustin's room is, and I stop to listen. There is no noise that I can hear, but the window is closed, and there's no light shining as well. I sigh and run my hands through my hair. 'What am I going to do?'
I look around the house for any way to get in, but I find nothing. My last resort is to wake up his parents, and again, I don't want to do that. I try to call Dustin, but he doesn't answer, same with texting.
I look back up to Dustin's window. It's above a small amount of the roof, perhaps it could hold my weight? I bite my lip as I think about that. Dustin's house isn't wide, but it's quite tall so that's a hard climb for me, and I don't want to break anything. I look around again, and realise that climbing up to the window is the only option.
I sigh and prepare myself for this. I take a few steps back and bend my legs, reading myself for the climb. I run at the house and jump in the air. My fingers hook around a looser piece of siding, and I'm left hanging.
My arm already hurts, the doctors told me not to overuse it for a few weeks, but I ignore the pain and choose to move my feet to find a spot to put them. Eventually, I manage to rest my left foot on something, but my right is still useless. I push myself up with my left leg and begin reaching my arms out to grab other pieces of siding.
Finally, I grab the roof. I reach my other arm up and grab onto the gutter, which suddenly bends and throws me off guard. I curse silently and regain my focus, pulling myself up onto the roof. It creaks under my weight, but it holds.
I realise that I'm not directly in front of Dustin's window, so I'm forced to crawl across the roof. 'I hope nobody is watching.' I think to myself as I approach the window. I have to pause multiple times to calm myself down, I'm not good with heights.
Finally, I arrive at his window. I look inside and see Dustin sitting on the floor. He's curled up into a ball and is rocking back and forth. I can't see his face since he's turned away from me, but I can easily assume that he's crying. I knock on the window, but he either doesn't hear me, or he's ignoring me. I guess option one.
I start getting to work immediately. I remove the screen quickly, but opening his window is much harder. Eventually, I manage to do it. I pull open the window and leap inside his room. I didn't even realise it, but the entire time I was getting in, I was saying "I'm tired of all these secrets."
I run to Dustin, but pause in front of him. I don't know what to do, should I talk to him? Touch him? Get help?
I can't think, so I just grab Dustin and pull him close to me. He lets out a quiet scream which is muffled by my sweater, but I just wrap my arms around him and keep calm.
"Dustin. D, it's me. It's me, Fisher. It's okay, you're okay. Calm down, calm down, everything's fine." I whisper to him as he cries. I continue whispering short, quiet, reassuring words to him for a long time, all while holding him in a hug.
Dustin tries multiple times to get away from me, sometimes kicking and punching me, but I keep him close. I'm not holding onto him tightly, and I keep telling him that everything is fine, but he still panics.
I realise it then : Dustin's having a panic attack. I mentally slap myself, I was so oblivious! I should have recognised the signs, but once again I didn't see it until it was too late.
"Dustin. Open your eyes, please." I beg him "Open your eyes. You're safe, look around, you're safe. Just open your eyes." I press my forehead to his and he cries and tries to push me away, but I keep us locked in place "Open your eyes D. What your thinking about isn't real, they're not real. It's me, Fisher. Just open your eyes. Escape from those fantasies, you can do it, they aren't real, just bad dreams."
Finally, he stops thrashing around and sits still, but he still won't open his eyes. I have no idea what he's going through right now, but I can only assume he's reliving memories from the party. I continue to whisper things to him, I remind him of good memories and who I am. I don't know how long we sat there, but it felt like days.
"F-Fisher..?" Dustin finally croaks after a few hours. His eyes aren't open yet, but I know he's finally recognising my voice.
"It's me Dustin. You're okay. Calm down." I whisper as I wipe some of the tears from his face. He's silent for a little bit as I continue to talk to him. After a few minutes, he slightly opens one of his eyes.
"I-It's so dark... I-I don't..."
I shush him "Open both your eyes D. We're at your home. Nowhere else."
He slowly opens his other eye and blinks a few times. I feel so sad when I see the intense fear in them, and it takes all my willpower not to break into tears with him. I brush his hair out of his face and try to smile.
"We're home?" he asks weakly and I nod.
"Yeah. We're home."
His eyes go wide and he buries his face into my chest. "I-I'm s-so sorry Fisher! I-I should have told you-"
I pet his hair and sigh deeply "It's okay. You told have to tell me anything. It's okay now, just try to calm down."
"Talk to me? P-Please?"
"What?"
"Y-you and your voice... It calms m-me down... It's what I think about..."
"Okay." I cradle Dustin in my arms, and stand. I walk over to his bed and lay him down in it, he grips my sweater tightly and whimpers.
"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." I whisper and he reluctantly lets go. I pull my sweater off, then climb in bed with him. He instantly turns and presses his face back into my chest, and tangles our legs together. I smile softly and rest my chin on his head.
"What should I talk about?"
"A-Anything... Talk about your life..."
I take a deep breath and begin speaking "Okay... My first memory is when I was four..."
I talk for hours about anything and everything, and before I know it, Dustin falls asleep. I allow myself to relax and soon enough, I fall asleep as well.
And everything is okay.
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Aren't time skips great?!?! Longer chapter. I was going to put more, but I felt it was good. I think I'm going to end the book on chapter 40, and this is chapter 37 I think, so just a heads up. There is going to be a prologue though. I did a little bit of research on how to deal with panic attacks, but I didn't really come up with much so I improvised. There's going to be more information about everything next chapter, Dustin's gonna explain some things. Anyways! HAPPY CHAPTERS SOON I PROMISE!!! Bye! :3