Well I was back in Manhattan. The week had been slow here, and I missed Katie. I wanted to be back in my home town, but before I even have a chance to think about being back, I have a few things I need to settle here.
I decided for myself and no one else that I can't marry Zack. I love him so much and he means so much to me! But I'm not in love with him. And I'm not doing this for Adam either. I'm doing this for me. Yeah I know that it'll probably do nothing for me, but I'd rather have no body and be happy than have someone and be not that happy.
I want more for myself, and Katie's right. I want to accomplish my dream career and I want to do more, I don't want to just settle. The only reason I moved to Manhattan with Zack is because Adam got married, and I thought there wasn't really much for me their anymore. But God I'm an idiot! Just because Adam moved on with his doesn't mean I have to literally change my whole life! I probably maybe could've done something with my life.
Now here I am stuck in an engagement that I don't want. I don't think I'm ready to get married. I want more for myself. I want just to live life and when the time comes where I fall in love with someone for real, I'll get married. Just- well I can honestly say that a huge part of me still loves Adam, and I tried to ignore it by moving in with a guy and getting engaged just because I wanted to stop loving him. But man, that didn't help what so ever! Now I live in Manhattan, unsure what to do.
Well that isn't entirely true.. I'm going to end my engagement and gonna move back to my home town. I don't belong here, I have no one here besides Zack, and now that I'm breaking everything off, well I think it's the best just to leave.
Besides I have Katie and a lot of my friends over there. Although me and Adam aren't exactly friends anymore, I think our relationship has became too awkward to even be friends. It's too complicated between us.
Anyways, I started packing my stuff from me and Zacks apartment, well his apartment now. I figured when he came home I'd just tell him and than leave. I wasn't sure what I'd do, but I'd probably just get a hotel tonight or something.
I packed my car with all my belongings that meant something to me. I decided just to leave all my furniture, none of it meant much to me. After I was done packing, which took all day since Zack left for work, I sat on one of the bar stool across the counter, waiting patiently and anxiously for Zack.
I took my apartment key off my key chain and sat it across from me.
About 10 minutes passed when I heard the front door of the apartment open and close. I closed my eyes tight, taking in a deep breathe.
"Hey babe." Zack gives me a smile as he opened the fridge, grabbing out a water bottle and taking a drink out of it. "Hi.." I trail off, watching him as he did so. He sat the bottle on the counter, looking at me weirdly. "Is something wrong?" He asks slowly, narrowing his eyes at me.
"Zack we need to talk.." I whisper, looking down. "That doesn't sound to good.." He chuckles slightly, seeming uncertain. I look up at him. "Zack I spent today packing.." I whisper. "What? Why?" He asks. "Zack.. I love you. I do so much! You mean more than anything to me, but-I'm not ready for this. When I agreed to move here with you, I don't think I actually thought about what that would mean..
But when you proposed, I said yes because I thought that's what I wanted. But with going back to Florida, and seeing everything, and being there. I think I realized that I can't do this anymore with you. I think I loved the idea of it more than I loved it." I whisper.
He sighs, looking down. "So you're saying- saying that it's over?" He asks, looking up, his eyes looked glossy. I felt so bad.
"You can't say that you felt like everything was perfect with us.." I mutter. "Nothings ever going to be perfect Allison, but it wasn't bad." He says, shaking his head. "It wasn't bad for you, but for me, I was living your life and not mine. I haven't had a job, or anything. I've been working with you and practically doing nothing really. I don't want that for myself. I want a life."
"Well we can fix that, I can help you find the job you want and we can get on track-" I look down. "I can't Zack. It's not what I want." I slowly take his ring off my finger, putting on the counter. "I love you Zack, but I don't feel right being with you." I whisper.
"And I can't ask you to wait for me, or wait for me to feel okay with all of this. You belong here with your company- and I belong back in Florida. I made a mistake coming here with you, but I'm not going to make the mistake of marrying you." I stand up, grabbing my purse.
"I'm sorry Zack." I walk over to him, I reach up and kiss his cheek.
"Goodbye." with that I walked out, tears streaming down my face.