CHAPTER 8
I couldn't help but stare; Taylor looked horrible.
His light brown hair was a complete mess atop his head, his face was covered in unshaven facial hair, and his eyes were red raw.
Before I could say anything though, his lips moved around the words I'd been dying to hear.
"Nas, I'm sorry. I'm beyond sorry. This was stupid of me, and I want to make it up to you," he rushed desperately.
I tried to let words flow, but they were caught in my mouth from shock. I only stared at him, opening and closing my mouth like an idiot.
"I'm going to tell you about Chelsea; I want to tell you about Chelsea," he answered, clarifying exactly what he was planning on doing. "I'm not going to let this break us up, Nas."
I smiled through the sobs forming in my thick throat. I moved back against the door, inviting him into the kitchen. I closed the door as soon as the way was clear, and turned around to see him pulling out a chair to the kitchen table.
"Hang on a sec," I told him as I poked my head through the doorway into the lounge room. Paul was lifting Bridget into his arms, clearly preparing their departure.
"Are you guys going?" I asked, shocked, but relieved that I'd be alone with Tay.
"Yeah, I think we'll call it a night, Nas. I've got to get up for work in the morning," Paul answered. It sounded like a lie, but I was beyond caring at the moment.
"Oh, okay," I answered, not sure whether to take them out through the kitchen.
They smiled monotonously, hugged me, and walked through the doorway into the kitchen. Paul would have continued out the front door if Sam hadn't had noticed Taylor sitting at the table.
"Taylor?" she asked in shock.
"Hi, Sam," Tay replied, giving a nod that said he was guilty for his actions.
Sam's eyes darted to various point in the room before she hurriedly said, "C'mon, Paul," before racing out the door as fast as they possibly could.
I closed the door before turning back to Tay. I sat in the chair adjacent to him, pinning my elbows up on the dark wood of the table, waiting.
"You didn't have to send them home, you know," Taylor said after a short moment of silence as I'd stared into his dry eyes. Had he been crying?
"I know, but they were leaving anyway," I told him.
"Oh," he breathed, fiddling with his fingers.
He continued to look down at his fingers, intertwining them with each other. I decided he needed a hint as to what to say next.
"Chelsea?" I asked, desperate to finally know.
As soon as I said the name, his eyes darted up to meet mine and they were filled with nothing but pain.
"I don't know where to begin, Nas..." he trailed off, dropping his eyes back to his hands.
"Tell me who she is," I said as calmly as I possibly could.
Tay locked his gaze with mine and searched my eyes for something. I had no idea what he was looking for though.
"Tell me who she is, please," I whispered through a desperate plea.
"I will tell you... I just don't..." he took a deep breath. "Please don't be angry when I tell you."
"I can't guarantee that," I said sternly. I was ready for answers now! "Please, just tell me, Tay."
He nodded and dropped his gaze back down to his hands. "Chelsea was my first and only girlfriend before I met you," he said in a small voice.
I waited for more, but nothing else came. "That's it?" I asked, shocked. "Are you serious? This whole time, that's all you've been keeping from me? That you had a girlfriend before me?"
"No," he said, cutting me off from my giggling rant.
That shut me up.
"It's a long story, Nas," he began.
"And I've got all the time in the world." There was no way he wasn't going to explain what he was keeping from me.
He took a deep breath. "Yes, er, for that, I'll have to start from the beginning...
"Nas, when I was fifteen years old, I had a fourteen year old girlfriend, Chelsea Montgomery. She had curly blonde hair, with soft grey eyes, and at the time, she was my entire world. We were only young, but we felt mature at heart.
"At school, we'd do nothing but make out between classes and during lunch breaks," - here, I almost lost it. It was hard to hear Tay speak about another girl like this - "We'd spend each and every waking hour together, mostly at her house, in her bedroom.
"She was an only child and lived with her single mother. Chelsea often had the house to herself which, of course, worked out perfectly for us. Being younger, we had hormones raging and we often felt the need to release the urges we felt..."
He trailed off as my choking sobs cut through his speech. LIAR! He'd told me he was saving himself for the honeymoon!
"You told me you were a virgin, Tay!" I shouted.
"I know, Nas, I know. I'm sorry, but please, let me finish. I'll explain everything, I promise. You can yell at me all you like at the end, but please, you need to hear the full story before you begin making such irrational judgements," Tay pleaded.
My heart felt like it was being ripped further and further apart. These worded stitches weren't helping very much. I wiped the tears from my eyes with my jacket sleeves and pushed my throbbing forehead against my palms.
"I'm listening," I muttered through a coughing sob.
"So, yes, Chelsea and I often had sex," he began again, "Quite a lot actually. We were just so in love... well, at least that's what I thought we were feeling at the time.
"Sean," - as soon as Tay mentioned his cousin, I knew that this must have something to do with why he hates Sean - "came up for a visit because he was kicked out of home. Mum was always opening her arms to pretty much anyone and took him in without even asking why he was kicked out. It turned out that it was because of his cocaine dealing."
"Drugs?! You let my daughter near a drug dealer?!" I couldn't help voice my anger. Could this story involve anything else beyond the ordinary?
"Nas, please, just let me finish," Tay pleaded.
I wanted him to explain right there and then why he'd even thought of letting Tahlia near Sean, but I wanted him to continue also. I nodded, and he continued with his explanation.
"Yes, Sean dealt drugs. At the time, he was only seventeen, but somehow he still managed to get his hands on the disgusting powder. He started dealing it out around the school, but somehow he was never caught. Chelsea often referred to Sean as 'hot' and 'sexy', because, back then, he wasn't overweight like he is today.
"I thought that Chelsea was only joking about this, and didn't take much notice of it. As the weeks continued, Chelsea started to spend less and less time with me. She told me that her mum had scolded her for being with me so much, and I was stupid enough to believe her at the time.
"One day, she was gone. She didn't go to school, and she didn't return my calls. Her mother said she's gone to meet her father, but that didn't seem like her - she's told me just how much she hated her father.
"That night when I got home, there was a letter on my pillow," - Tay opened his jacket and pulled out a hot pink envelope that had been torn open already, and placed it on the table - "Read it please, Nas."
I fumbled with the envelope and pulled out a piece of pink paper that matched its envelope. With shaky hands, I unfolded the parchment and read its script:
My dearest Taylor,
I don't think you would be able to understand
just how sorry I am. I can't stay here anymore.
It was fun, but I don't want to be with you,
I want to be with Sean. He loves me, and he
can give me what I want. He and I left this
morning and we won't be returning. But,
Taylor, please forgive me. You're not the one
I want to be with, but there is someone out
there for you. Don't hold onto me, let me go.
Be happy; fall in love. Have a life, marry the
woman of your dreams, have a zillion kids
together, watch them grow up and have their
own kids, and grow old with her. Whoever she
ends up being, I know that she will be the
luckiest woman on this planet. She'll be treated
like royalty and be adored so much that she'll
never ever want to let you go, and she'll be
more deserving of you than me. I promise.
Move on,
Love always,
Chels.
My hands were shaking uncontrollably with an unknown emotion flooding my veins. This woman, I hated her and loved her at the same time.
My own tears began to fall on the paper, meeting the dried ones that Tay had most likely shed. I wouldn't blame him.
"So, Chelsea left with Sean, and hadn't seen him until he moved back the other month," Tay summarised, "Apparently she'd moved on from him as well. She dropped out of school and Sean told me that she's been on the streets with random guys for a while... And she gave Sean a letter very similar to the one in your hands," he said, placing his warm hands over my cold, wet, shaky ones. I all but melted at his touch.
Tay began snuffling his own sobs as he began to wipe my tears away. These light, gentle touches were pumping my heart harder than ever. I got up from my seat and moved closer to Tay. He opened up his arms and I curled myself up against his chest, sitting on his lap. It felt good to be caught in his embrace again.
After a few minutes of nothing but tears and sobs coming from the both of us, I pulled myself together.
"I don't hate you, Tay. I didn't mean it, I promise," I cried, "I love you."
He smiled he drop dead gorgeous smile and replied with a smile. "I know you do," he kissed the top of me head, "But I don't blame you for hating me. I shouldn't have kept this from you, sweetheart. You were right to hate me."
"Never mind, you've told me now. And thank-you. Anything else you want to tell me so that we can avoid these situations again?" I asked in a light manner.
"There is nothing more I have kept from you," Tay promised.
"Okay, but I need to know why you let Tahlia near Sean when you knew his background, and also, why the hell won't you have sex with me?!"
He huffed out a hot breath. "He is family, and as much as I should, I don't actually hate him. But, he's only ever been near Tahlia once, and I'm determined to make it the last time. He's stopped his drug addiction, but I still don't want you or her near him. And... with the whole sex thing, I now know that my relationship with Chelsea was based on lust, and we did those things out of lust, not love. But, Nasettia, my love, I love you more than you could possibly imagine and I don't want to have sex with you... I want to make love with you... on our wedding day. I want to pretend as though Chelsea never existed."
I took a deep breath to try and take all this in. And it was a lot to take in! I looked away from Taylor and tried to think, but my mind had gone completely blank.
"Is the fire lit in the lounge room?" Tay suddenly asked.
"Yeah, why?" I asked, confused.
"Will you come with me, please?" he asked, holding out his hand.
"What's going on Tay?"
He picked up the pink envelope. "I've been holding onto Chelsea way too long. It's time I moved on completely."
"You're going to burn the letter?"
"Yes. Will you come with me?" he asked again, holding out his hand.
I took it almost immediately and we walked into the lounge room, where Tahlia was still sleeping, hand-in-hand. It felt so good to have his hand tightly around my own.
We walked pass Tahlia and stopped in front of the open fire place. Taylor moved the guard away and squatted down. I went to kneel down beside him, but he brought me to sit on his lap. I didn't mind though.
"Will you do the honours?" he asked, putting forth the letter.
"Are you sure?" I asked, hesitantly taking the envelope.
"One hundred and ten percent sure," he answered, smiling ever so handsomely.
"Okay..." I trailed off as I leant forward and threw the last piece of Chelsea into the fire. I leant back into Taylor's chest and we watched it burn to ashes. His arms coiled around me tightly and he began whispering in my ear.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing lightly down my jaw and neck.
I smiled greatly, because I knew he meant it. "I love you too," I replied, turning to face him.
"Will you marry me still?" he asked, looking deep into my eyes.
I wanted to reply with as much love as he did, but I thought I'd lighten the mood a little. "Only if you get rid of this," I said, placing my hands over his prickly facial hair.
"I think we can work something out," he joked.
I smiled before bringing his face down to mine, connecting our long parted lips. He responded with so much love and passion that it was hard to keep up. I think I managed pretty well though.
As we began deepening the kiss, we were interrupted by none other than Tahlia herself.
She was crying, seeing as she was waking up in a place other than her bed. "Mummy," she sobbed, sitting up and looking around.
"I've got this one," Tay said, standing up after I moved off him.
I smiled, euphoric that my family was back together, tighter than ever before.