Abigail's POV
Coughing I grimaced as I accidentally inhaled some of the smoke, tearing up a little as it burnt all the way down my throat and into my lungs. Good lord that tasted terrible. I don't think it would be wise to tell Sirius that though. The rest of the smoke wafted away slowly, revealing the outfit laid out on my bed, presumably by Sirius.
Picking it up, I looked at the skinny black jeans which I had accidentally ripped thoroughly that time I fell through a bunch of enchanted hawthorn bushes trying to collect a newt, the oversized woollen jumper which I think had been collected from real Hungarian flying sheep and the graphic shirt lying on my bed.
Throwing off my robes, I quickly got dressed in the outfit laid out on my bed, glancing in the mirror before jamming on the scarlet beanie, which had a sarcastic quote embellished on it, and headed downstairs only to bump into a familiar head full of flaming red hair.
“Oh wow, Lily, I was actually going to go find you and ask if you wan-“
“To come to the camp out tonight? Yeah Harry had to ask me after you forgot to so I guess I’ll see you there,” she replied frostily, heading up the stairs before I could explain what had happened.
Not that it would have made a difference.
I’d totally forgotten to ask Lily to come with us; I’d been far too preoccupied with worrying over Sirius to ask Lily about the campout. I’m a horrible friend. I’ll give her some time to cool off; maybe James will take her mind off me or something like that.
“Nice beanie,” James complimented me when I landed in the armchair next to him. In response I simply scowled and gave him the finger, not in the mood for bantering with anyone. Lily’s cold exterior had put me in an even fouler mood.
“Someone’s suffering serious withdrawal symptoms,” James snickered, obviously thinking he was so smart for coming up with such a good pun. To that, I got up and threw the couch cushion into his face.
“Piss off Jamie,” I snapped, hoping that the pillow would somehow smother the life out of him.
“Alright Abraham,” he surrendered, snickering when I flipped him off again. We waited in silence for the rest of the group to join us, which felt like forever. I wish Sirius was here.
God I really am pathetic.
“Alright ladies and lads, let’s go now,” James exclaimed enthusiastically, locking his eyes with Lily’s, smirking when a small smile graced her lips. Noisily we headed out, picking up Harry on the way before James spluttered at us to put a zip on it.
One by one, we sneakily filed out into the already darkening evening, running until we made it to the cover of the forest. The moment my foot touched the carpet of decaying leaves, the back of my neck prickling as I felt eyes watching from every dark nook and cranny in the forest.
This forest is creepy.
“Is it just me or does anyone else feel like we’re being watched,” Harry asked uneasily, pulling Vivienne into his chest in a protective gesture. Oh my lord, they are so cute. I found myself missing Sirius more then I ever thought was possible.
“No this forest is seriously giving me the creeps,” Lily chipped in.
“Oh god this forest has never felt this creepy,” James whispered under his breath, “shit we left Sirius here for the entire afternoon.”
Before I had time to freak out, the bushes to my right rustled and the one of the demons that haunted my sleep at night emerged from it, streaked with dirt and blood, his familiar yet not familiar eyes boring into mine. There was something in his eyes that drew me in, everyone else’s shrieks of concerns fading out into the background as I looked into the eyes of my father.
“D-dad?”
An unknown sense of emotion swept over me as his green eyes focused on me. How could this be possible, my father was dead. Dead because of me.
“Look at what you’ve done,” he rasped, his body slowly decaying as he continued to talk emotionlessly as rotting flesh peeled away from his yellow bones teeming with insects eating there way through his now exposed chest cavity, “it’s all your fault.”
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for a-anything to ha-happen.”
By now his face had started to decay as well, his grey skin decaying in front of my eyes, revealing the sickly pink muscles in his face as one of his eyeballs slowly rotted, giving me a clear look into his rotten brain.
“All your fault,” he whispered once more before the remaining bones in his body collapsed, his empty shell collapsing onto the forest floor as I watched in mute terror before falling to my knees and scrambling over to the corpse of my dad.
“Dad!”
I shook his rotting body in desperation as he continued to whisper in my ear, my heavy heart sinking even further with every word he uttered. Wordlessly, I watched his body turn into dust in my bare arms once more and I closed my eyes, a stray tear escaping as his words echoed in my head.
“All your fault.”
All my fault.
It’s all my fault.
“I hate you,” an all too familiar voice whispered in my ear, sending my eyes flying open as I stared unbelievingly at Sirius who was lying in the exact same spot my dad had just rotted away in.
“Wh-what,” I asked, not able to believe my ears. A small part of me was telling me this wasn’t real, this couldn’t be real but the majority of me believed the boggart in front of me.
“You heard me,” he smirked, “I don’t want you. No one wants you. You ruin everything.”
My mouth went dry as I tried hard to hold back the tears that were rapidly accumulating in my eyes. He isn’t real, he can’t be real. It’s an illusion, Sirius would never say that to me. I think.
With that fortifying thought I found the strength in me to yell ‘Riddikulus’ at the imposter, immediately turning it into a jacket potato that was tap dancing with tiny French fry legs dipped in tomato sauce, which it promptly slipped in, turning it into a pile of spuds.
Warm familiar arms engulfed me as his scent washed over me, causing me to jerk in shock before I whipped my head around to find Sirius’s eyes looking at me. My vision blurred as I scrambled far away from him, my mind reeling as my heart thudded wildly against my chest.
A look of understanding dawned on his face and he quickly opened his mouth to explain but I was already far too deep in the boggarts lies.
“Abi-“
“St-stay away from me! You’re right everyone’s better off without me!”
“No it’s really me,” he pleaded, capturing me in his embrace as he tried to calm me down, “it’s really me.”
Slowly I looked up at him, daring not to breathe. What if this was a cruel trick the boggart had concocted to torture me even further.
“Is it really you,” I whispered, “because if this is a trick I think I will lose my mind.”
He answered me by burying his head in my neck, breathing my scent in, instantly confirming that he really was Sirius in the only way he could. I released my breath and sagged against him, completely defeated as I broke down right there and then on the forest floor.
“It’s ok now, I’m here,” Sirius whispered in my ear, holding onto me as I cried in his arms.
“I don’t think it will ever be ok,” I voiced my fear before passing out from sheer terror and fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Long, thick black lashes. That was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, wincing when the light from the campfire momentarily blinded me as well as the pounding headache I was harboring in my skull. After my eyes adjusted to the light, I once again turned my attention to those eyelashes.
Merlin’s beard, my boyfriend has really nice eyelashes. Wow. No wonder why his eyes were mesmerizing, those almost silver orbs glowed brightly against the thick set of eyelashes he possessed, enhancing his eyes. Faintly in the background, I could hear his deep, even breaths whooshing through his nasal cavities.
As I continued to stare at those eyelashes, my body slowly became aware of the surface I was lying on. It was warm, a little bit soft but mostly hard yet oddly comfortable. Turning my head as softly as I could, I was met with the glorious sight of Sirius’s bare, muscled chest, which I had been using as a pillow.
Oh my lord, how could someone be so fit? It defied the laws of nature, although the existence of magic did also defy the laws of nature. As stealthily as possible, I pushed off the warm, thick quilt covering the both of us, courtesy of Sirius himself, before I quietly stood up, pulling down my tank top back down to my hips.
“What are you doing,” Sirius grumbled from the forest floor, yawning widely before sitting up, his tousled hair falling down to his chin, “it’s late and you’ve had a long night.”
And just like that, the memories rushed back into my mind pushing me over the brink of insanity as Sirius tried unsuccessfully to calm me down. Faintly in the background I could hear everyone try to help.
“She’s gone off the rails! Like proper off the rails,” Remus exclaimed, “what do we do?!”
I saw my dad dying in my arms, Christopher laughing as he advanced towards me, Lily casting the cruciatus curse on me and Sirius pinning me down with his arms as he whispered how much everyone hated me.
All your fault.
All your fault.
All my fault.
All my fault.
“Obliviate,” Lily shouted, holding her wand against my head.
Suddenly I felt nothing at all and just before my eyes closed and sleep overtook me, I heard Sirius whisper ‘sorry’ in my ear before he kissed me gently on the lips, one of his tears landing on my face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What happened Sirius, what happened to her,” Vivienne cried as I felt one of her petite cold hands stroke my head, “I was gone ten minutes and I come back and she looks like death and not to mention the bloody nose Sirius is sporting!”
“She went like proper off the rails. Like she completely derai-“
“Oi you lot can you stop talking about her like she’s some sort of alien yeah? She’s my girlfriend!”
Silence fell upon them until James broke the silence with a whip like noise. “You my friend, are completely whipped!” The other boys joined in with James until Sirius snapped.
“What the actual fuck you lot, get yo-“
“What happened,” I managed to croak quietly, immediately silencing everyone as I opened my eyes, my body feeling like it had been battered with a wooden rolling pin.
One quick glance around my surroundings, I realized somehow I’d ended up in the campsite even though I could only remember leaving class, getting changed and…and nothing.
My eyes stopped on Sirius, or more specifically, Sirius’s bloody nose. Trails of fresh blood were still leaking down his face, running over the ridges of the already dried blood and an impressive bruise had already begun to show around his nose.
“How did I get here and why is Sirius hurt?”
Lily was the first to break the silence as she glanced over at Sirius for confirmation before hesitantly opening her mouth.
“What do you remember about today?”
“Everything up to leaving the common room with you guys.”
“Thank merlin.” I heard Lily whisper to herself before she cleared her throat and spoke loud enough for me to hear.
“I think the memory blockers should hold but I don’t know how strong they are, they might break.”
“Wait why did you tamper with my memory,” I yelled angrily, watching as everyone shared the same look before leaving Sirius and I alone as they retreated to their own tree tents.
Chickens.
I turned my attention back to Sirius, watching as he scratched the back of his neck before he spoke.
“The-There’s not an easy way to tell you this but we had to remove part of your memory,” he whispered, dropping his eyes down to the forest floor as he shredded a leaf.
I’d never felt so betrayed in my whole life. My own friends had removed part of my memory. And Sirius had agreed. Why would they do that?
“Cut the bullshit Sirius I already knew that, look me in the eyes and tell me it was necessary to remove part of my memory and tell me why.”
He met my eyes with his own, which I noticed were spilling tears periodically. Sirius never cried. Never.
“Nothing could ever express how sorry I am but at that time it was the only solution an-“
“Siri-“
“And I understand if you never want to see me again. Just tell me and I’ll go away forever.”
His voice cracked on the last word and he quickly turned away from me as he fell apart right in front of me. And as he fell apart in front of me, I felt myself fall apart as I crawled towards him, wrapping my arms around his shaking frame as I rested my own head on his shoulder.
Looking around, I noticed everyone was looking at us and I shooed them away with my hand before casting a silencing spell so they couldn’t eavesdrop.
“Why are you crying silly.” I leant on his shoulder, wiping away his tears, “do you really think I could ever hate you. What you did, you probably saved me.”
He turned his head to face me, a small glimmer of hope flickering in his stormy grey eyes..
“Really,” he asked, not daring to breathe as he held my hand, “do you really mean it?”
“Yes,” I said honestly right before he kissed me hard.
“Ow,” he mumbled into our kiss, flinching as I broke the kiss to look at his face, realizing that his nose had probably bumped against mine.
“What happened to your nose?”
“You went mad. You were completely in your own world and you kept on screaming and saying it was all your fault before you,” he paused to wipe away another tear before starting again,” You sta-started to hurt yourself right in front of me. Why would you do that? Every time you did that… it was like you were hurting me to. So I stopped you and well I got this.”
“Oh my god I’m so sorr-“
He cut me off once more.
“I was always a disappointment to my family. I stopped caring once I realized I didn’t need them to be happy. As you probably know, I ran away from home and James parents took me in, they were always my second parents. But every now and then, not that I care about my family, I just wonder why they never loved me. What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. You’re perfect and before you spout some shit about yourself Sirius, I really mean it.”
There was no amount of words that could reassure him so I did it in the only way I knew how.
“Wait what are you doing,” he asked, gently pushing me off his lap as he panted for breath. Satisfaction filled me when I realized I had managed to make Sirius very happy indeed.
“What do you think,” I asked before once more kissing him, pressing my body against him as I managed to pull off his shirt.
“Why now,” he interrupted once more causing me to huff in annoyance.
“Why not?”
“You don’t have to fuck me to make me feel better Abs,” he said rather bluntly, putting some space in between us. Hurt flooded me the moment those words came out of his mouth.
“Oh.”
“No, no, no I don’t mean it like that,” he quickly said when he saw my facial expression,” it’s not like I don’t want to screw you, I’d like very much to screw you, but I don’t want you to do it just because you heard my sob story.”
“What if I told you I wanted to?
“Then I would ask if you’d regret it later.”
“I would say no. Not in a million years.”
That was all the confirmation he needed and that night Sirius made me go mad in the best way.