I sit there in complete disbelief in everything that's left her mouth. "My dad is dying!?" I ask, my hands gripping the table tightly. She nods her head. "You didn't know?" She asks. I shake my head, my eyes watering quickly. I know my dads been nothing but hard on me and completely controlling but losing my father... Is the last thing I thought would happen. "What is he dying of.. I mean.. Like.. How!?" I'm becoming hysterical.. I can't control myself.
"Faith calm down. Please." She touches my hands making me feel safe. "He has prostate cancer. He recently started taking chemo.. But he's too stubborn and rich to stay in the hospital. He refuses... Also being that he owns the biggest company in Korea, he can ruin lives. But he's ruining his own life by not going to the hospital and getting proper treatment." She says. I blink my tears back. "That's why he's going bald.." I frown.
"How did I not notice anything wrong with him?" I bite my lip. "I'm such a horrible daughter." Her grip tightens. "No you're not. Your father is just so hard headed and his ego is much too high for him to realize that he should have told you." The words that stir in my mind make me want to explode.
My eyes quickly water. "I wish you were there. I wish that I had you there with me.. I wish that instead of doing what my father wanted, you were there to stand by me and support me in everything that you said." My tears fall and I see her face break completely.
"I wish I had my mother there, to hug me and comfort me because I grew up with out love and compassion. I didn't have an actual parent figure because my father was never there. For talent shows, recitals, and even art events that I worked hard on." I pause taking in a deep breath, continually hiccuping from lack of air in my lungs.
"I thought you left me because I wasn't good enough... That you didn't love me enough to stay with me.. Or even take me with you.." I know I probably look like I swollen sweaty tomato. "I thought I'd never meet you after you left.." She's crying too, at my words.. That makes me cry even more.
"I tried so hard to contact you Faith... But your father wouldn't allow it." She gets up and sits next me me, her dark chocolate eyes staring into mine. "There were times that I'd wonder what you were doing. And I'd light a little cupcake for you on your birthday..." She looks down and clasps my hands in her warm ones. "I.. I love you so much Faith. You're my only love." I shut my eyes, letting her words sink in. The words I've been dying to hear for so many years.
"I know that.. Maybe its too much to ask for.. Because I've been gone for so many years.." I open my eyes and look at her. "I'd like to know.. And I'm fine if you say no.. But if you'd give me permission to stay in your life.." My heart jumps with joy. I nod my head quickly. "Yes!" I pull her into a hug.
I cry against her shoulder. "I love you mom." I say between sobs. I feel her peck my head. "I missed you so much Faith.. So much. That's why I couldn't wait two weeks to see you.." I smile, "I'm glad you did." I say, hugging her tighter.
**
After a couple of minutes crying we start talking about how our lives been. "So you love him right?" She asks. I stare at her for a while then look down at my drink. "I.." I can't say it. "Just because you're with Shawn?" She asks. I look up and nod. "But from what you told me.. Hoseok seems to be the better match for you. A businessman doesn't seem to be the right element for you." She says. "Maybe you're right..." I let out a breath.
"But.. How am I supposed to like.." My eyebrows knit together. "Break things off with him... Or what if Hoseok changes his mind?" I chew on my bottom lip. "Or what if I'm mistaken... Wha-","Faith.. Calm down. The way you talked about Hoseok.. You couldn't even stop smiling." She says grinning. I feel my face heat up. "No.. I.. Wasn't." I grab my heated cheek. She smiles wider. "Sure." She teases.
"This is what I missed all those years.." I say fiddling with my cup. "I've missed the whole boy talks. Did your father ever give you boy talks?" She asks. I take a sip of my drink. I laugh. "I thought you knew he wasn't capable of doing such things." She taps her temple then looks up at the ceiling. "Ah. Right." She chuckles. "Is he still crazy about you taking over Lean Industry?" She asks. I nod. "But what do you want to do?" I bite my nail.
"Even though I haven't had time to, I want to paint." Her face lights up. "Paint?" She asks. I nod. "I know.. Its stupid. My dad always tells me." I say rolling my eyes at the thought. "Ugh." She slaps her forehead. "Your father. Never supportive.." She shakes her head. "He said the same thing when I told him I wanted to paint." She says tilting her head and looking at me with a unreadable look on her face.
"Just don't listen to him Faith. You do you.. And I support the whole way." She smiles. A small grin works itself on my face. "I wish I had that growing up." My grin turns into a frown. "I wish I can turn back time and demand to keep you Faith..." I shake my head. "Its fine. I know my father. He wouldn't have budged. The only thing that matters is that you're here now." I smile. She grins.
"So what do you think of my Cafe? I was hoping that one day you'd see it." I look around and I've noticed that its much more beautiful than when I first saw it. "I love it." I say, my smile unable to go away. "I like the use of the paint.. How'd you get stamps this big?" I ask running my fingers along the wall, touching the pastel flowers. I hear her chuckle, causing me to avert my eyes to her. "What's so funny?" I ask. Her cheeks pigmented.
"They're not stamps. I painted them." My eyes widen at her words and I look back at the wall.
Knowing that my mother painted these beautiful things, makes it 10×s as beautiful. "Wow.." Leaves my lips as I lean in closer. The lines were perfect, not a mistake would be spotted. "I would love to show you my art studio." I hear. My head shoots her way. "Art studio!?" I say a bit too loud. She smiles. "Yes. Art studio. At my house." She sets her empty cup to the side. I feel this odd feeling rush over me. "What do I do about my dad?" I ask. Her smile goes away.
"I'd say.. You have to get him to take Chemo in the hospital." She tells me, I agree that she's right. "And that's crazy.. Because I was just there at his house and I didn't even know that he has cancer." I can't help but tear up again. "Ugh! And he's been smoking!" I bite my knuckle trying to stop myself from whimpering like a hurt dog.
"I hate being like this. I hate being weak!" I feel an arm pull on my shoulder, embracing me tightly. "You're not weak Faith. You're a human. And humans leak from their eyes sometimes." Her words make me smile for some reason. "I just feel like. Even though he was a horrible dad most of my life. I can't be a weakling. I have to be strong." She tilts her head. "I don't think you're a weakling.." She says. I shake my head chuckling lightly and drying my tears.
"But you haven't seen me in years. How would you know if I'm strong or not?" I ask, looking at her with my puffy eyes. She uses her other hand to caress my face, dabbing my under eye with her thumb. "You're Lean Heons daughter. I'd know you're a strong person by just looking at you." She says. I smile then set my hand on top of hers. "I wish I had all those words when I was younger.." I bite my lip. "If it means anything .. I'm here now." She says.
I smile. "Of course it means everything." I lean my head on her.
**
A month later
I hadn't worked up the strength to talk to my dad, yeah. I know. Its really bad that he's not in the hospital. But I was hoping I'd give him time to at least think over his way of thinking things. Hoping that he can make his own decisions. I decide to walk into my small art studio. Most of my canvases have collected a light layer of dust. I grab a clean one from my closet and a couple of pigmented paints. I use my thumb to measure different angles I'm going for.
I slip open my paint jars. The aroma of the alcohol and different chemicals that make paint invites me, filling my senses with the familiar sensation and exhilaration I'd get when I paint. I smile and dip my paint brush into the paint, and my hand does as it pleases. About thirty minutes or so later I stand up and admire my master piece. Its my mother, I was finally able to paint her for so many years that I had yearned to know what she looked like.
Her short hair above her shoulders, cut more like a pixie style. Her face was small, much like mine. Her iris's dark brown, almost black. And when she smiles, a small dimple peaked out from under the corner of her lips. It was beautiful, one of the first pieces I've made from the happy side of my heart. I loved being about to finally paint.
I catch a glimpse of the pile of canvases that were dark paintings. I walk up to it. The first one I pick up is of my father using me as a puppet. I pick up another. My father slowly closing his hand into a right fist. I find myself lost in my art world, looking at all the paintings I've done of my father. They're all dark and most of the ones, I make his face unnoticeable. I grab a couple and toss them in my large bin I have out back.
And I noticed.. I threw almost all the ones of my father away. They were all dark, that wasn't my ascetic.
I look down at the one I did keep. It was one of my father I drew when I was starting off. I sit down. Its Heon.. Sitting at his desk, writing nonstop on the paper work that consumed his desk. My eyes start to water for some reason and I set the canvas down. My studio looked less cluttered and more neat. I look at my hands that were covered in dust and paint. I set the new painting next to the one of my mom. I stare at it for a while, then walk out of the studio.
I hear a knock at the door. Oliver trots over to me and we walk to the door together. I open the door. "Faith." He smiles widely. "Come in." He walks in happily. "Shawn." He looks at me. "Yes?" I look down at Oliver then back at him. "Is it okay if I just let Oliver lay on his bed? Its much too cold outside." He stares at me for a while. "He's your dog." He says. Out of no where Oliver starts barking at Shawn.
"No! Bad Boy!" I point to him and he walks to his bed with his tail between his legs. "What happened to you?" He asks. "Huh?" I ask. "Your hands. It looks like something exploded in your hands." He grabs my hands in his. A smile slowly spreading on his face. "I was painting." I tell him. His eyebrows raise and he leans in. "What were you painting." He asks, his voice deepening. "Something." I smile. One of his hands caress my cheek.
"Faith." He pecks my lips, his arm wrapping around waist bringing me to his hard body. He kisses me again, and I feel this sensation I can't explain. "I.." He takes a breath. "I love you." He whispers in my ear making me shudder.