Half way through the show, I was asked to go on the tour bus so no one will see me. I was being lead through the exit doors, into the late night and to the tour bus that was parked next to a fence that held back only a couple of fans. I shot my head down and slipped on my hood so they wouldn't see me.
"Julia!" One of them called out in a shaky voice, seeming to be at the verg of crying. I eased my eyes to the fans through the medal wire. "Please, give this to the boys?" She begged as I saw the sorrow in her eyes. She was dying to meet them and instead of bringing them, I picked two random girls on an airplane? I need to rethink my decisions.
"She can't-"
"Why not?" I turned to David confused. "I want to, so.." I laughed, walking to the fence. She handed me a letter with her hand not being able to stay still. "It's okay." I softly spoke as I held her hand that held the paper.
"I love them so much.." She began to cry as a friend of hers tried to comfort her by putting an arm around her.
"Is your name in this?" I asked, getting a nod. "How about your twitter or instagram?"
"Both." She inhaled deeply with tears streaming down her face.
"Good." I smiled as I took the note and slid a hand through to wipe a tear from rolling down her cheek. "I'll be sure to give it to them."
"Are you going to be with them for the whole tour?" One girl asked loudly.
"No, she's going home after tonight. She needs to get going now." David tugged on my arm.
"She isn't even famous, why does she have you?" The same girl spat rudely.
"Shut up, Nicole!" The sobbing fan, who gave me the letter, snapped to the outspoken girl.
Before stepping onto the bus, I saw the girl turn back to me with a broken smile, even though it seemed whole. I know she was hurting because of something.
While I waiting for Niall and the rest of the boys, I took a quick shower. I felt the warm water pouring down my face and streaming down my body. I took a deep breath in as I recalled all the memories that have led up to this point in my life. All the hate and all the pointless drama that I fought through, with my mom and Hannah. I reached for my razor I took with me in the shower, and I began to take it apart. Finally, having it in pieces, I took the sharp blade and held it against my leg. Hard, I pressed into my skin before I dragged the pressure into a line. I did a couple more lines before my leg began to bleed rapidly. The blood seeping down my leg, reminding me of what I've been through and to help me remember that life is real and anything could happen. Strangely, I wasn't sad, I wasn't cutting because something was wrong, but because I was mostly bored. I watched as the blood slowly leaking from my leg and rolled down my leg, slowly, then washed away from the water and down the drain.
Getting out, feeling refreshed, I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. I snuggled into a ball on the small couch that was placed somewhat in front of the tv, next to a kitchen counter. I couldn't seem to get the unnamed girl out of my head, so I took out the letter she had gave me. I began to read the beautiful handwriting that filled the page. Tears soon swelled into my eyes as she went into detail the struggles she's been through and how the boys helped her get through them. She then goes on to tell how much she wants to thank them. As tears slowly began to leak from my eyes, i heard the door open, letting in the loud screams of girls. I quickly dried my eyes before anyone saw me and I folded back the paper how I got it, then standing up to see the five boys piling into the bus, cutting off the screams by closing the door.
"How was it?" I smiled, taking notice just how tired they looked.
"It was amazing!" Zayn said with the biggest smile.
"Loved it! The crowd was crazy." Niall smiled widely as he approached me, dripping in sweat.
"Oh!" I put my hand on his chest, stopping him from getting any closer. "I just showered!" I could smell the odor seeping through his clothes.
"Fine, I'll take a shower.." He said, disappointed.
"Were you not going to?" Liam questioned with a loud laugh following after Niall turned and gave him the death glare.
Hearing the door to the bathroom shut, the water soon turned on. Louis took a seat down next to me, first taking notice to the note.
"Whats that?" He said, pointing to it before grabbing it.
"It's for you guys, this girl out there gave it to me." I gestured to outside. Harry's eyes widened as he remembered the screaming and the crazy fans that he loved so much.
"Emma, what a name." Louis gave a toothy smile as he began to read it.
"I call reading it next!" Liam called out, raising a hand as if we were in a classroom of some sort.
Shortly after a few moments of silence from Louis reading, he took out his phone and opened up twitter. Without another word, he followed her and passed the letter on to Liam where Harry and Zayn read over his shoulder.
"It's mindblowing.." Louis' soft voice spoke up as he sat, seeming to be rereading the note in his head. "They go through so much, wish we could help more."
"You guys help so many people without even realizing it." I smiled, tucking my knees into my chest, hearing the shower water turn off.
"Wow.." Harry seemed to be left speechless, along with the other two after reading the heartfelt note.
Niall stepped from the steamed filled bathroom with nothing but a towel that wrapped losely around his waist, showing off his v-line and lightly shaped 6-pack. My eyes were in awe at the sight, but I quickly snapped myself back to my normal thoughts, back to the letter.
"What's this?" He said as Harry handed it to him.
"A fan gave it to Juls to give to us." He explained before passing him to take a shower himself.
"Someone saw you?" His eyes filled with fear and worry as he went to go change into basketball shorts and a shirt in the hall where no one could see.
"Yeah, but I let them, this seemed important. Once in a life time chance for her and I didn't want it to slip away because I couldn't be seen. Plus, David told the girls I was leaving in the morning." I flashed a reassuring smile while he came back into my view.
He took the note in his hand slowly before he began to read it. In deep reading, his eyes became glossy and clear.
"You alright, mate?" Louis seemed a bit worried as Niall became close to tears. I stood from my seat on the couch and I went over to him, wrapping my arms around Niall's waist, he brought an arm around me and held me close to him, tightly.
"I'm fine.." His voice broke and that's when I knew that he didn't tell the others about my scars or about my troubled past. "Do you want to go lay down?" He said, placing the note on the counter, wrapping his other arm around me. I barely nodded, yes, before he took my hand to lead me to his bunk.
As we snuggled close in the small space for the bunkbed, he rubbed my back softly. I knew he started to cry softly as his breathing became heavy and his heartbeat became loud and fast. "Niall," I spoke muffled while my head was against his chest, "you need to breathe. Remember that you've saved her. You've saved so many people and you're helping many more, even me." As my words slipped, the bunk fell silent as we could hear the soft words from the others down the hall. I heard him sniffle once and twice before he cleared his throat deeply, taking another breath.
"Show me your leg."
"What?" I said, nervous with hope that I didn't hear him correctly.
"I want to see your leg, Juls.." He lifted his head up as his touch soon slipped from my body.
"Are you just trying to get my pants off?" I joked with a soft laugh that didn't seem to effect him. His eyes were light, almost piercing blue, and his lips formed a rough frown. As a dragging sigh slipped from my lips, I lifted my lower body to slide down my sweatpants with my eyes closed. I didn't want to see his expresstion. I didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes.
"Princess.." His voice was soft and almost vaguely hearable. His fingers soon found the freshly made scars, they grazed over them. Following the line from side to side. "Why?" His tone staying low.
"I-I dont know," I spoke, not lying.
"Look at me," He pleaded, moving my chin over with his hand as his fingers leave my scars, the scars that were made for no reason at all. I turned away, sliding back up my sweatpants. "Why did you do it?" His voice became more questioning in a painful voice the longer I didn't get in and tell him.
"They mean nothing," I whispered, I wasn't lying, in a way, "I got bored and it just happened.."
"Julia," He said through his teeth, using my name; not Juls, not even Princess. "I- When you're bored, text me, call me, but don't pick up a blade.." He said with a shaky voice as his words began to break and crack. "What if you don't stop bleeding, one day?" his words slipped as tears started to fall and roll down his cheeks painfully.
"I know what I'm doing." I said in a convincing tone, "Niall, I won't bleed out."
"Please just don't do it anymore, it's- it hurts knowing you do this to yourself." More tears fell as he spoke, every word with so much meaning and passion.
"I can't promise anything, but I'll try, for you." With that, he put his lips to my shoulder and his hand back at my now covered scars. He smoothed his hand on my leg slowly as his lips traveled from my shoulder to my neck. Feeling his hot breath on my skin, rose goosebumps down my body.
"I'm falling for you." He muttered against my neck, taking me back with four words I turned to him causing the kissing to stop and his hand to freeze.
"Really?" I curved in my eyebrows as my eyes filled with water and my heart was pounding through my chest, having his words replay through my mind, over and over again.
He nodded as he lowered his lips to mine. My eyes eased close and i soaked in his kiss and wished that this moment would last forever. My hopes soon came to a stop as we heard the opening of the curtain.
"We're going to bed." Zayn sneakered through his laugh, joined by the other boys.
"Why'd you have to tell me that?" Niall smirked, covering up the fact that he was annoyed.
"Mate, have you been crying?" Louis asked, his smile fading.
"I told him a sad story." I giggled while turning to see them.
"Well, goodnight." Niall said before reaching around me to pull the bunk closed.
"I want someone to cuddle with.." Harry whinned as the curtain closed. "They looked comfortable..." He continued as he climbed on the bunk above us. "Liam, cuddle?"
"I can hear you hitting the wall in your sleep, I don't want to get slapped."
"Louis?" Harry's voice mocked a little kids' begging for ice cream.
"Sorry, mate, but when you fart in your sleep, it's deadly.."
"Zayn?"
"After just hearing their reasons, no way!" Zayn laughed. The conversation outside of our bunk soon had me laughing.
"Julia, you want to cuddle?" Harry said through a smirk it seemed.
"No." Niall answered for me before I even had the chance to.
"Oh, Juls, your voice drops at night, huh?" Harry teased as the other laughed.
"Niall wants to cuddle." I giggled as I announced out loud.
"Niall?! Baby?" Harry said excited, jumping from the bunk and yanking the curtain back.
"Dear Lord.." Niall swear under his breath as joyous Harry fought to fit on the top of Niall and I, having me going into an uncontrolling laughing fit.
The next morning I woke up in Niall's arm and with a smile spread across my lips. I left a soft kiss on his cheek before slipping from his hold to go check my phone that I left charging on the counter. My lock screen displayed a new message from Jade.
"Hey, Juls, not sure if you know this or not, but news about you taking a fans letter to the boys is all over the fandom. People are beginning to warm up to you. Call me as soon as you can. I miss you so much, best friend.xx"
I smiled to myself, thankful that the fans were starting to give me a chance but at the same time I realized that I didn't take the letter for people to like me, but to give the girl hope.
I opened up twitter without texting her back and I decided to send out a tweet.
I don't want anyone to lose hope. If I had lost hope, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Seconds after I tweeted it, my mentions began to blow up with tweets from fans. One standing out from the others, breaking my heart.
My hope is with Niall, but his hope is with you.
*Okay guys! I really hope you like this chapter and how long it is because I just spent all day doing this because I love you. Yeah, so I'm starting to get a little bit more into thanks for all the ideas guys!
I believe @ijustread was the one who gave me the idea of her having more panics and to cut and stuff so yeah, big thanks to her!
Please leave feedback!
I love you! ~Mara *