Chapter Thirty Seven
It didn’t take long for them to get over their initial awkwardness as they walked along the winding path which headed towards Hogsmeade and they were grinning at each other before they went very far. “So where do you want to go first?” James asked.
“Wherever, I don't really mind,” Lily replied with a shrug and a smile. “I don’t need anything special really.”
“Well we can just sit in The Three Broomsticks then,” he said, “have a drink and chat. There’s nothing that I need to do but if you have somewhere you need to be then we can go.”
“No honestly The Three Broomsticks sounds wonderful,” she grinned. “I'm really not fussed. That’s really all that I do when I come with Cassie, Alice and Mary so… I’ll live.”
“Well that’s good I suppose... I was worried you’d make me fulfil my promise to make Madam Puddifoot’s fun!”
Lily grimaced and said, “Oh trust me no, I really don’t want to go there!”
Smiling, James agreed enthusiastically and they headed directly towards the welcoming pub; unlike The Hog’s Head The Three Broomsticks was filled with warm candlelight and cheerful chattering; not many people had gone straight there, preferring instead to spend most of their money on sweets and stocking up on Zonko’s products, but the few people who were there were more than making up for it, with raucous laughter and joyful cries bursting through the air like fireworks. The lack of students milling around made it very easy for the two of them to grab a table in a corner and, once Lily was seated, James wandered over to where Madam Rosmerta was polishing glasses at the bar. There was no crowd for him to part but, as she turned to him and beamed, their friendliness gave off the impression that he would always be served before anyone else, no matter how many people were waiting.
“James Potter,” she greeted as she put the glass down and flung the cloth onto the counter, “I wondered whether I’d be seeing you today.”
“Ah Rosmerta you missed us you darling!” he exclaimed. “I knew you would!”
She shook her head in mute amusement and said, “So who’s your pretty friend? What have you done with the other troublemakers?”
“Sirius is with Cassie and Remus and Peter are... doing their own thing.” Rosmerta smiled at this and replied, “So Sirius finally got her back. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so wretched as he did. He was miserable! Frankly it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen!” James laughed as he agreed with her and ordered two Butterbeers. “Your friend bears an uncanny resemblance to Lily Evans,” she observed as she poured them and James rolled his eyes.
“You’re as observant as ever Rosmerta,” he sighed. “How on earth do you manage to remember who everyone is?”
“Oh it’s not everyone,” she said dismissively, “but eventually you begin to put faces to names. Of course Horace is always talking about her, and between his glowing praise and your constant whining – don’t even pretend that you didn’t spend the last few years moaning about her to your friends because I’ve heard it a number of times,” she chuckled, “one gets curious and begins to pay attention. She’s in here a fair amount with her friends anyway. Still, I’m happy for you Potter,” she said as she handed him the two glasses. “I don’t know how you did it but I hope it’s worth it.”
“Thanks,” he replied as he sauntered between the tables and back over to Lily. Once he had sat down they fell into silence for a few minutes and James looked over at where Lily sat across from him, cupping her warm Butterbeer in her hands and watching the spirals of steam emanate from it; her nose and cheeks had turned pink from the cold outside and her hair was ruffled – while he had been buying their drinks she had yanked her hat off her head and various tufts were escaping from behind her ears. As he observed her she looked glanced up and caught his eye and, after a moment of embarrassed silence, began to giggle. It was infectious and soon James was laughing too, even though he wasn’t sure why. “I’m sorry,” she finally spluttered. “I’m not sure why I’m laughing… I don’t know, I guess I was so nervous about this.”
“You don’t need to be nervous,” he said.
Her slender hands wrapped themselves around her throat and she looked down at the grainy table. “I know I guess I just-” Lily broke off and made a half-hearted gesture with her hand. “I don’t know it’s just that… Well it’s you… I mean I really like you James but I’ve spent so long trying not to. I think I just have to get over the fact that it’s you.”
“I’m really not sure I understand that,” he admitted, unsure whether it being ‘him’ was a good or bad thing, “but if it helps at all I’ve wanted this for a long time.”
Lily laughed and said, “Yeah I’m not sure whether that helps or not to be honest. You always put me on a pedestal and I feel like I have to live up to the image of me that you have in your head.”
“Trust me Lily, the real you is more than enough for me,” he said seriously, smiling at her and barely thinking as he took her hand. Smooth and soft in his it felt like it belonged there and she beamed back at him as she turned her mug around and picked it up with her free hand.
They drank their way through three more mugs of Butterbeer each before they noticed how much of the afternoon had passed; somewhere along the way James had moved from sitting opposite Lily to beside her, both of them squashed onto one bench, warmed up by the Butterbeer and their shared body heat; Lily had her head rested on James’ shoulder and was playing with his hand, folding and unfolding his fingers, as she listened to what he was saying. He, half distracted by her closeness, was looking at her as he spoke, watching the way the candlelight glinted in her hair and how her eyes creased up at the corners as she smiled at him. “What?” he asked as she looked at him questioningly.
“I don’t know,” Lily said, “you just stopped talking.”
“I got distracted.” Her face crumpled into another grin and she tried to sound serious as she said, “Oh really? And why would that be?”
“Well see,” James answered, “there’s this stunning girl sitting next to me and I just couldn’t stop wondering-”
“If she’d kiss you?” she interrupted, taking him by surprise.
“Er no, that wasn’t what I was wondering actually,” he muttered and Lily’s face immediately went pale before she blushed, hiding her face in her hands. “Oh my god, I thought that that might be the kind of thing you were going to say. Merlin that’s so embarrassing! Oh I can’t believe I said that!”
“Lily…” She looked up, peeking at him from between her fingers, and James shifted himself slightly, bringing his free hand – the one which wasn’t trapped between Lily and the back of the bench – up to her face and moving one of her hands. He cupped her face instead and leant in slowly, his gaze fixed on those amazing emerald eyes; he stopped barely an inch away from her lips and Lily, deciding to throw all caution to the wind, closed the gap quickly, instinctively placing one hand on the back of James’ neck and tangling the fingers of the other in his hair, running her thumb along his jaw.
James pulled Lily even closer to him and shivered as he felt the warmth of her body press against his chest. She tasted like Butterbeer and he kissed her hungrily, peppering her jaw and neck with pecks too before she grabbed him again; her jumper had ridden up slightly and he felt her shudder as his hands pressed into the exposed skin of her back. “Sorry, cold hands,” he murmured hurriedly between kisses.
“It’s fine,” she breathed as she manoeuvred herself into James’ lap and clung onto him with both hands; Lily’s kisses became more and more desperate and she was the only thing that James was aware of; he could feel her leaning into him and smell her perfume, could feel the weight of her hair as it tumbled over both of their shoulders; neither of them were aware of anything apart from the other person and so, luckily for them, neither James nor Lily noticed a boy glaring at them, seeming like all the hatred in the world had been reserved for that one moment in time.
“What were you going to say? What were you wondering?” she asked breathlessly when they eventually parted.
“Oh I was only joking. I was going to say that I was wondering when she’d let go of my hand and let me have it back. Your suggestion was much better though.” Lily giggled at this and settled down into the crook of his arm; with an involuntary groan James shifted and said, “Wait a second Lil, I really need to run to the bathroom.” He extricated himself from underneath her and shuffled out from behind their table, sauntering across the room. Two pairs of eyes followed him and, as soon as the door had swung shut behind him, Lily started studying the warped pattern of the table.
“Lily,” a cold voice said from above her. She didn’t look up. “Lily, really?”
“Go away Severus,” she muttered.
“Why?” he asked. If his voice hadn’t been so furious she would have thought that he was on the verge of begging.
“It’s none of your business Severus,” Lily said warningly.
“Potter?” he spluttered. “Potter! Of all the people- Why Potter? What has he got that I haven’t?”
“Severus,” she hissed, pronouncing every word extremely clearly, “it is none of your business.”
“It’s my business when you two are- are- are together in front of everyone!”
“No Severus that still only makes it mine and his business. I like James and you need to get over it.” With that said, and seeing that he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon, she stood up and started to make her way towards the girls’ bathroom. Suddenly a hand clamped itself around her wrist and Lily spun around, all of her fury unleashed. “Let go of me right now Severus Snape or I swear to god I will hex you into next year; what the hell makes you think you have the right to try and control me and what makes you think you can just grab me like that?” She yanked her wrist out of his hand and hurried away, disappearing into the ladies’.
James was washing his hands when the door opened and admitted Snape; he barely registered it and turned to leave, wanting to get back to Lily quickly; Snape, however, was standing in the doorway with a challenge in his icy eyes and James sighed internally as he recognised the aggression in his stance. “What do you want Snape?”
“I want you to stay away from Lily,” he hissed. James’ hands clenched into fists in his pockets and he nearly rolled his eyes. “Yes well we don’t always get what we want, do we?” he retorted as he went to move past him. Snape’s arm shot out in front of James, blocking his way, and he sighed with frustration as he turned back to face the black haired boy. “What now?”
“I told you to leave Lily alone,” he muttered.
“Yeah well that’s not going to happen anytime soon Snape so I suggest you get over it,” James replied.
“It will if I have anything to say about it!”
“The thing is though,” he said, his voice dropping to nothing more than a menacing whisper, “that you don’t have anything to say about it because you don’t have anything to do with it. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s not you who is here with her, it’s me, and I’m not here with you, I’m here with Lily. Nowhere in this trip to Hogsmeade do you come in... apart from now when you try to stick your nose into something which doesn’t concern you in the slightest.”
“It does involve me!” he spluttered, struggling to spit his words out around his anger. “I’m Lily’s friend! I’ve known her much longer than you have and I know exactly what she thinks about you!”
“Nobody has a right over anyone else,” James said coolly, “and even if they did you gave it up the day that you called Lily a- the day you stopped being friends with her.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I know she’s making a mistake!”
“Even if you think that she doesn’t seem to agree,” he snapped, “and her opinion is the only one that I care about.”
Snape drew his wand quickly and pointed it at James, who mirrored his action but managed it faster. “She hates you!” he shouted desperately, flinging a hex at James. He deflected it easily with a lazy flick of his wand then incapacitated Snape with a number of spells which he fired off one after another; years of playing Quidditch, duelling both against and with Sirius and his pressing desire to return to Lily made his reactions faster than Snape’s and within moments the boy was on the floor; his eyes bulged as his mouth worked furiously and he struggled against the various hexes which James was still firing at him. As Snape managed to cast the counter-curse to one he was hit by two more sent from where James was standing over him, an impassive expression on his face. When he judged his victim to be helpless enough to prevent him from returning to Lily James headed to the door and, with one final look back at the boy, calmly said, “People change Snape. She’s proof of that.” The cool brass handle was in his hand and he was on the verge of leaving when he added some final words. “Besides, it didn’t seem like that when she was kissing me about ten minutes ago.”
Lily was still waiting for him when he slid back into his seat and she settled easily against him.
“Sorry it took me so long,” James said, “there was a slight incident in the bathroom.”
“An incident that’s suitable for polite company or not?” she teased and James chuckled. “It depends. It wasn’t anything serious, just a run-in with an old friend of yours who doesn’t seem very happy that we’re here together,” he answered as Lily visibly deflated and sagged against him. “Yes he didn’t seem too happy when he spoke to me,” she replied.
“He talked to you too?” James exclaimed, his body tautening with barely reined in fury. “What did he say?”
“Nothing interesting really,” she shrugged. “Don’t listen to him James, he’s always been bitter, especially when it comes to you. He always thought that… Well I don’t know but he always used to tell me about what you’d done recently… I think he was trying to put me off you, I don’t know, he’s never liked you. If there was anyone in Hogwarts that he couldn’t stand me liking it would be you.”
“Do you like me?”
She rolled her emerald eyes in exasperation. “Of course I like you, you idiot,” Lily sighed. “I’m here with you aren’t I?”
“That’s true, you would have rejected me cruelly if you didn’t want to come,” he agreed. Lily’s wan face paled more and she looked away from James, as if she could look away from the truth which was staring her in the face. “Was I really cruel?”
“Sometimes. But so was I,” he admitted with a frown.
“I’m sorry. Back then I meant to be but… I never realised I’d actually care about how horrible I was. Well I never really meant to be cruel I suppose,” she amended, tripping over words and fluttering between thoughts like a butterfly, “I just wanted to give as good as I got. I don’t know I wasn’t always…”
“Honestly Lily I thought I’d said this before,” James replied, “I don’t care. Neither of us has behaved our best in the past and I put it all behind me long ago, you should too.”
Lily, of course, had been overwhelmed by the guilt that everyone feels when they learn that, unconscious of the changes which would happen in the future, they have caused pain to someone who they now care about and she settled back down into James’ arms with an expression of dissatisfaction fixed on her beautiful face while the pangs of remorse unsettled her stomach. She belonged to the group of people for whom it is rarely as easy to forgive oneself as it is to forgive others, as did James, and they were both prepared to take all the blame; Lily was distracted from her self reproach by James’ offer to fetch another drink for both of him and, while he was up at the bar, Cassie and Sirius burst into the tavern, still shaking off the cold of the wintry day as they laughed and grabbed seats. Cassie had only just sat down when she saw Lily across the room and bounded over to her, leaving Sirius free to talk to James and Rosmerta as they waited for their drinks. “How’s it going?” she asked as she fell into the seat next to Lily.
“Pretty good. Are you having a good afternoon?”
“Yeah it’s been alright. Nice. Relaxed.” Cassie grinned and ruffled Lily’s hair. “How’s your afternoon been?”
“It’s been nice,” Lily replied noncommittally as Cassie pouted. “Tell me more,” she moaned with a surreptitious glance towards their dates, both of whom were still leaning against the bar and chatting; Sirius had one arm wrapped around James’ shoulders and they were pulling faces and laughing as Rosmerta feigned anger at their antics.
“There’s not much to tell Cassie,” she shrugged. “The most dramatic thing which has happened this afternoon was Snape telling me off for being here with James.”
“When will that child ever learn?” she muttered with a shake of her head as she glanced at Lily. “Was it… he wasn’t-?”
“He wasn’t any ruder than usual, if that’s what you mean,” Lily said. “It’s fine Cass, don’t worry about it; he’s just being an interfering pain in the arse as per usual. I was serious back in fifth year when I said I didn’t want to be friends with him any more and all he does now is talk at me while I tell him to go away.” A pause and then she continued. “It’s annoying, that’s all.”
“Well if you need anything…” Cassie grabbed her hand and smiled at her.
“I know that you’re always here for me, yeah,” she said as she returned her smile. James and Sirius, finally bored of horsing around with Rosmerta, put four Butterbeers down on the table and sat down again. “I see we’ve picked up two stragglers,” James said. His body pressed into Lily’s left side, sending tendrils of warmth creeping along her legs and up her arms while tickling frissons of tingling pleasure spread out across her skin from wherever he touched her; his arm lay over her shoulders perfectly naturally and Lily could smell his woody cologne with every breath she took. It was so distracting that all she really wanted to do was lie in his lap and inhale it forever and she almost found herself wishing that Cassie and Sirius hadn’t appeared; ignorant of Lily’s lethargy James had let her settle against him while he joined in with their friends’ conversation. “Nah that can’t be right,” he was saying, “there’s no way that Sirius would ever make it as a professional Quidditch player! If anything Sirius’d end up in Azkaban for doing something so stupid they thought they should lock him up for his own good.”
“Or for killing my mother,” Sirius sighed. They fell silent for a moment before Cassie gave in to the urge to giggle and, in moments, both James and Sirius were guffawing too.
“I think Sirius would be a kept man,” Cassie said when they could all breathe again.
“Kept by who? Who’d be stupid enough to want Sirius?” James exclaimed.
“I would.”
“Are you rich enough to support him for the rest of his life though?”
Cassie thought about it for a second before she replied, “Well if he manages to be as irritating as he’s been recently he won’t be around for long… So probably, yeah,” she chuckled.
“Hey!” he protested. “I’ve been great recently! You couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend!”
“That’s just not true. You could ask for me,” James commented.
“No offence mate but no one would ever be mad enough to put up with you for longer than ten minutes; you love yourself more than you could ever love anyone else and girls just can’t deal with that.”
“Play nicely Sirius,” Lily finally said. “He’s not too bad, just a bit of a prat sometimes.”
“Well thank you for those ringing words of praise,” he muttered as he ruffled her hair, “at least one person sees fit to defend me against these horrible accusations.”
“I wasn’t really defending you,” she pointed out slowly, “I was just slipping in my own insult. I can get more graphic if you want though.”
“No thanks, I think I’m good with being bullied by just our respective best friends. Well our supposed best friends.”
“I’d remember who’s buying the Firewhiskey if I were you,” Sirius said.
“You are because it’s going to be you that drinks it,” he replied simply.
“Yeah and on that note I should probably go and get it,” he sighed as he left.