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You are worth more than many sparrows. -Matthew 10:31
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Epilogue
"Nana."
I shift in bed, sighing tiredly.
"Naneth?" a tiny voice questions again, and I open my eyes to see my beautiful, curly haired son standing by mine and Legolas's bed.
"Yes, my darling?" I ask him, reaching over the bed to pull his tiny body onto my lap. "Did you have a bad dream again?"
"Yes," he replies in his sweet voice, clinging to me.
Legolas moves beside me, sitting up slowly. "What happened?" he asks, barely awake.
"James had a bad dream again," I whisper, "Go back to sleep, meleth nin (my love)."
Legolas ignores my command, scooting closer and pulling us both into his arms. He runs his fingers through our son's crimson curls, smiling to himself. "Do you wish to speak of it?" he asks him, and James shakes his head quickly.
"Alright then, you can sleep between Naneth and me," Legolas replies, pulling him out of my arms and placing him between us, and he tickles him, causing James to erupt in giggles.
"Alright, alright, both of you need to go to sleep," I say, settling back into the covers, "You will wake your siblings."
"Yes, Nana," James replies, curling up by my side, and Legolas rests his arm over us both, giving me a secret smile over James's head. I smile back at him, knowing that he adores these moments with our children just as much as I do.
The next morning I carry James back to his room to help him dress for the day. Legolas agreed to name him Elred James after my little brother back on earth, but only close friends and family members call him James since it is not an elvish name. To everyone else, he is Elred.
"Nana, what are we going to do today?" he asks me as I tug his white tunic over his head. He gazes at me with his wide blue eyes that remind me so much of Legolas's, and I smile, leaning forward to kiss his head.
"King Aragorn is coming to visit us," I tell him, and my heart becomes sad as I think of him. Aragorn is aging every day, it seems. It has been fifteen years since the defeat of Morgwais, and when he visited last year, his hair had become more gray and his face more aged. It hurts me deeply to know that he will not live out all the years that Legolas and I will, but I feel blessed to have known him for so long. Aragorn is so very dear to my heart.
"I will get to see Estrith?" he asks, grinning widely.
"Yes," I reply excitedly, taking his hand, and we walk to his sisters' room.
When I open the door, Faylen and Elanil are sleeping soundly in their cribs. I gently lift Faylen, bringing her over to the table in her room so that I can change her soiled cloth diaper and change her pajamas for a nice dress. Her little eyes flutter open, drowning me in their green depths. She yawns, cooing softly, and I lean down to kiss her tiny nose.
"There, there, little Faylen," I whisper, sitting her up and tying the back of her silky green dress. She begins to whine as I do so, and when I am finished, I lift her in my arms and bounce her up and down carefully. "Shh, little one. 'Tis okay. Nana is here," I continue to tell her as fat tears roll down her cheeks.
The sound of her distress wakes her twin, and soon Elanil joins in with her crying. I close my eyes tightly, sighing.
"Nana, they are making my ears hurt," James exclaims loudly in his tiny, childish voice whilst covering his ears, and I laugh.
"They are babies, James; therefore, they cry," I reply patiently, smiling as Faylen begins to calm down a bit.
"Will my new baby brother cry, too?" he asks curiously, and I lay my hand on my swollen belly absentmindedly.
I raise my eyebrow at him as Legolas enters the room, lifting Elanil in order to change and dress her. "How do you know it will be a boy?" I question him, and he shrugs.
"Because I prayed for a brother," he replies simply, and I grin.
Legolas chuckles deeply, ruffling his hair. "Are your sisters really so horrible?" he questions, quickly changing Elanil's diaper and placing a green dress on her small body so that she is matching her sister.
James thinks deeply for a moment before shaking his head. "No, but I still want a brother."
"Well," my husband replies, walking over to me with Elanil tucked safely in his arms, and his kisses me once, giving me a loving smile, "Your Naneth will soon be overwhelmed with so many babies to take care of."
I smile amusedly, rolling my eyes. "Sometimes, I believe I already am," I say, touching my stomach once again, "But I cannot wait to look into his beautiful eyes."
Legolas laughs. "You believe it to be a boy, also?" he questions, his eyes shining despite his fatigue.
"I trust James's judgement," I reply, watching as Legolas swoops our son up with his other arm, and he perches on his Ada's hip happily.
James smiles, his cute dimple showing, and I long to run my fingers through his hobbit-like curls and kiss his adorable chubby cheeks. "I love you, Nana," he says, and a wide smile spreads across my lips until my cheeks are aching.
"I love you, too, my little hobbit," I say teasingly, leaning forward to kiss his cheek repeatedly.
He shrieks with laughter, pulling away from me at the tickling sensation.
A knock at the doorframe alerts us to the presence of someone else, and I turn to see Itylra, the girls' wet nurse, standing at the door. She smiles, dipping into a curtsey. "My prince, King Thranduil has called for you and Princess Eilonwy. King Aragorn and his family have arrived," she says, her gaze traveling to the babies, "I can take the little ones for you."
"Yes, thank you, Itylra," Legolas replies, placing Elanil in her arms, and I hand over Faylen reluctantly. Itylra is a nice elleth, but for some reason, handing over my children for her to feed them always sends a prickling sensation through my heart. For some reason with all of my children, I did not produce breast milk. With James, I had a little, but with the twins I had none at all. I was so worried both times, but Lord Elrond told me that it does happen to some women occasionally. I guess I just feel jealous of Itylra because she is able to feed her own children, along with mine, and I feel at a loss of what to do when my babies are crying.
I follow Legolas out of the room, watching as James pulls at Legolas's hair to get his attention. Legolas kisses his cheek, and he holds his arm out for me to take. His hand quickly travels down to my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. I glance over at him, attempting a smile, but he looks at me sadly and I know I am not fooling him. I have spoken to Legolas of my heartache over not being able to feed my own children, but he told me not to worry. It still hurts me deeply.
Legolas looks down at our hands for a moment, before noticing something very important. "James, ion nin (my son), where are your shoes?" he questions, and I burst into laughter when I see James wiggling his tiny, bare toes.
James giggles, kicking his leg happily. "Nana forgot to put them on me, and I did not tell her," he says, and I roll my eyes.
"James, you must tell me such things from now on," I tell him, laughing lightly along with Legolas, "Now you really are like a hobbit. Legolas, I think we should drop him off in the Shire where he truly belongs."
Legolas chuckles. "I think you are right, Eilonwy."
He opens the door to the sitting room, and I grin happily when my gaze lands on Aragorn and the others.
"Eilonwy!" Estrith exclaims, floating over to me gracefully. She hugs me, now as tall as I am, and I embrace her tightly in return.
"My dear Estrith, how are you?" I ask her, appraising her closely when she pulls back.
Her light brown hair falls down to her hips in effortless waves, and she wears a pure white dress that floats down to the floor, showing off her innocence and purity. She looks at me through her round, bright blue eyes, reminding me so much of when she was just a little girl, but a little girl she is no longer. Estrith will be twenty years of age this year, if I am thinking correctly, and I wonder if my heart can take such a thing.
"I am well. I am so happy to be here," she replies, gazing around the room in awe, "Greenwood never ceases to amaze me. 'Tis so beautiful here."
"Estrith, Estrith!" James shrieks excitedly, and Estrith's attention is immediately diverted from me as she takes my son from Legolas's arms.
"James, I am so happy to see you again," she says, kissing both of his cheeks, and he clings to her tightly.
"Eilonwy," Arwen says, pulling me into a warm embrace, "'Tis so lovely to see you again, mellon nin (my friend)."
"Same to you, Arwen," I reply, smiling genuinely, "You look just as beautiful as I remember."
She laughs brightly. "As do you, Eilonwy. You have a glow about you, which I am sure is due to your pregnancy. Tell me, how excited are you to take care of not one, but three little babies all at once?" she asks amusedly, glancing over a James as he shrieks with laughter, "And a rambunctious James."
"I am very excited to have another child, but I know I will need all of the help I can get," I say with a laugh, "Each baby is such a blessing, and I have to repeat that in my head many times when one begins to scream in the middle of the night."
A deep chuckle follows Arwen's tinkling laugh, and I look up to see Aragorn approaching me. My heart warms in my chest when I meet his gray eyes that always swim with so much wisdom and knowledge. I practically pounce on him, much to the amusement of Arwen and Legolas, and he pulls me closer, chuckling lowly in my ear.
"I am glad to know you have not forgotten me," he says, and I close my eyes, willing away the tears that try to come to my eyes. Aragorn is like a father to me, and rarely seeing him takes its toll on me.
"I could never forget you, Aragorn," I tell him, pulling back to look at him. Surprisingly, he does not look much different than the last time he visited, and my heart leaps in my chest. The lines on his face are more pronounced and there may be a few more strands of gray in his hair, but overall he does not look any more aged to me.
"And I could never forget you," he replies, his gaze travelling to my swollen stomach, "I was never able to offer my congratulations in person. I am afraid such words given by letter can never fully express my happiness."
I smile. "Just this morning, James was telling me that he believes it will be a boy. What do you think?"
Aragorn ponders this for a moment before smiling widely. "I think I agree with James," he says, glancing at Estrith playing with him in the corner, "But I want to know what you will name him if we are correct. Will he, too, have a unique name from your world?"
I smile secretly. "I am not sure yet."
If I named him Harry, no one would get the joke.
"Fine, fine, keep your secrets," he says with a laugh, moving to sit down tiredly, "We travelled a great distance to be here, yet you keep secrets from us."
I roll my eyes, leaning into Legolas as he wraps his arm around me. "I am so sorry, mellon nin (my friend)," I say amusedly, "You keep secrets of your own. For example: where are Roshi and Sylmae? I had hoped to meet their husbands since Legolas and I were unable to attend both weddings."
Aragorn and Arwen share a smile. "Roshi gave birth to her first child naught but a few days before we left to travel here, and Sylmae is too close to her due date to travel. It seems that your love of having children has passed to them quickly," Arwen says with an amused smile, and I shake my head.
"I cannot believe they are all grown up. Truly, it makes me feel melancholy," I admit, looking over at Estrith who has grown into such an elegant and beautiful woman.
"How do you think I feel seeing you with three children and a baby on the way?" Aragorn says with a chuckle, "I still remember when you were terrified of your wedding day."
I blush deeply, and Legolas laughs, kissing my head.
"Where is Feyrith?" I ask, and they both glance around.
"Oh, he must have run off," Arwen says, looking distressed. Her dark eyebrows furrow over her dark blue eyes, and her lips purse as she thinks deeply.
I laugh at her expression. "'Tis alright that he is wandering. He is just a young boy," I say.
"He is soon to be sixteen. He should know better," Arwen says exasperatedly, smiling tiredly.
"I will get someone to find him," Legolas offers, walking from the room.
I take a seat on one of the chairs across from Aragorn and Arwen, and I look over to Estrith as she accompanies me, taking the seat beside me.
"Estrith, you must tell me, are there any young boys who have caught your eye?" I ask her, laughing when she blushes.
"Oh, there most certainly is," Arwen replies, "But she will not tell us who he is."
"Aw, please tell me, at least," I tell her excitedly, "I promise not to tell anyone!"
Estrith shakes her head, looking down at James as he tugs at her hair. She looks highly uncomfortable, so I change the subject, taking pity on her.
"Arwen, what have Elladan and Elrohir been up to? They come to visit you often, yes?"
Arwen's eyes light up. "You will be so happy to hear this. Elladan has married," she says, grinning widely, and I freeze in shock.
"Married?" I question, a strange feeling curling around my heart painfully, "Elladan?"
"Yes," she replies, nodding happily, "He has finally found his soulmate after all of the heartbreak he has endured, and we are all so happy for him. Maybe one day they can come and visit you! Oh, she is such a lovely elleth. Her name is Kilyn, and she has some of the prettiest brown eyes I have ever seen, which as you know is rare for elves to possess. She is very gentle in nature; I have never seen her become angry at anyone. I think you would like her very much, Eilonwy."
As she speaks, I feel my chest become tighter and tighter until I am positive I might cry. "That is lovely to hear," I reply weakly, but Arwen does not seem to sense that I am upset because she smiles. "I-uh- I will go and get the babies so that you can finally meet them. They should be fed by now," I say, standing and excusing myself quickly.
When I am out of the room, tears begin to slide down my cheeks against my will. I swipe at them angrily. Why does it hurt so much? Why does my chest hurt so badly to know that he is married? All I have ever wanted for so long was for Elladan to be happy, and now that he is, I am being selfish.
"Eilonwy," Aragorn calls softly from behind me, and I stop in my tracks. He places his hand on my arm, turning me around to face him, and I meet his gaze with shame.
"I am sorry," I sniffle, wiping at my eyes again, "The pregnancy... it makes me so emotional over little things."
Aragorn shakes his head, wiping away my tears, and he searches my eyes. "'Tis alright to cry," he tells me carefully.
"I do not know why it hurts so much to hear that he is married," I admit, "I do not understand."
"You love him," Aragorn states, "I knew it long ago. Legolas knew that, too. That is why he was always so jealous of Elladan when he was around."
"No," I reply, shaking my head in denial, "I have only ever thought of Elladan as a brother."
Aragorn smiles sadly. "You do not feel the same about Elrohir or Gwilithon as you do about Elladan, yes? Elladan seems to be wedged a bit deeper into your heart; am I correct in saying such things?" he questions knowingly.
I look down, my heart aching at the realization. "But I cannot love him. I love Legolas with all of my heart," I state determinedly, "Legolas is my husband, my soulmate."
"But you care for Elladan, too. He was kind to you-good to you when you needed it most. I am sure your feelings for him were out of pity and sadness at first because of what happened to your mother, but those feelings grew. It was obvious to me all those years ago," he says, "It is okay to feel that way, Eilonwy. Yes, you love Legolas more than anything. He is truly your soulmate, but if you never found Legolas, I believe you would have ended up marrying Elladan."
"I feel like a horrible person," I say, sighing shakily, "Legolas cares not for anyone else but me. I feel like caring for Elladan is being unfaithful."
"But you said it yourself. You love Legolas with all of your heart. That is all that matters. You never pursued Elladan. Eilonwy, you did not even know you loved him until now. Plus, the love you feel for him is not romantic, which means it is not wrong."
I nod slowly. "You are right," I whisper, "I must be happy for him. That is what I truly want for him."
"If it makes you feel any better," he says, smiling slightly, "He was very reluctant to fall in love with her. I think a part of him still loves you deeply, but now that he has fallen for Kilyn, it is no longer a romantic love he has for you."
I nod, the tightness in my chest easing away. "I would feel guilty if he still loved me. This Kilyn sounds like such a sweet elleth; I would never wish for her to marry an ellon who could never fully love her. She is lucky to have him, and he is lucky to have her. I... I believe he truly deserves happiness more than anyone in Middle Earth."
Aragorn smiles tenderly, embracing me for a moment before pulling back. "Shall we get the twins?"
I smile back, feeling better after speaking to him. "We shall."
When we are back in the sitting room with Faylen tucked in Estrith's arms and Elanil tucked in Arwen's, Legolas enters with Feyrith trailing behind him.
"Feyrith, where were you?" Aragorn asks sternly, crossing his arms over his chest.
He smiles, the mischievousness shining in his silver eyes reminding me so much of Elrohir. "I got lost," he replies.
"Lost?" Legolas repeats with a boyish laugh, "I think the word you are looking for is 'distracted'. I found him following an elleth around."
I laugh lightly, covering my lips with my hand, and Feyrith turns to look at me.
"Eilonwy," he breathes, smiling broadly, and he crosses the room to embrace me.
I hug him tightly, wishing I could see him more often. I rarely get to see Estrith and Feyrith, and I wish it could be different. They are growing up too fast, and I can barely keep up.
Feyrith and I have a special bond that links us together. He quickly became fond of me as he grew, and I spend as much time as possible with him when his family visits. He used to follow me around the palace like a lost puppy, always ready to assist me with something or ask a thousand questions. I miss his round silver eyes and mop of raven curls, and I miss the sound of his tiny barefeet padding along beside me through the palace hallways. He is as much of my son as James is.
"Now, Feyrith, please tell me you are not going to be chasing girls around. I will not tolerate that sort of behavior," I tell him with a teasing smile as I release him.
He smiles bashfully. "I do not chase girls. She spoke to me first," he replies.
I pat his cheeks once in a loving manner, and his smile grows wider. "But was she pretty?" I ask teasingly, taking pleasure in the fact that he blushes. He is still the cute little baby he used to be in my eyes, and I want to kiss his cheeks the way I used to when he was a toddler.
"All elves are pretty, are they not?" he mumbles, and I kiss his forehead.
"Just like his father to go after a beautiful elleth," Legolas teases, and Aragorn laughs loudly. Arwen shakes her head, narrowing her eyes at the two.
"Where is Thranduil?" I question Legolas, "I figured he would be in here by now."
"Ada is in a meeting, but he will be here so-"
The door opens, and in walks King Thranduil and Queen Nithroel. I almost laugh at the irony.
"Sorry for arriving late," Nithroel apologizes with a smile directed at her husband, "Thranduil would not allow me to come without him."
Nithroel makes her way to Arwen, embracing her warmly. Seeing the two beside each other is strange because their appearances are so vastly different, yet so strikingly beautiful. The Queen's ruby red dress swims around her as she moves, and her snowy white hair falls down her back in a waterfall of waves. Arwen is clothed in a baby blue dress made of the softest of silks, and her hair is so thick and dark, bleeding down the back of her dress like ink spilled across parchment.
Thranduil stands to the side, speaking with his son and Aragorn with a happy smile on his lips. I watch as his icy blue eyes shift anxiously to his grandchildren every few moments when James squeals or the babies cry out, and I smother a smile. He is like a new mother, fearing for his children at all times, and the sight makes me feel warm with contentment. His eyes meet mine, as if sensing my amusement (Thranduil despises being laughed at), and I fail at trying to hide my smile.
The corner of his lips turns up into a smile, his eyes shining with pride and love. Thranduil adores each and every one of his grandchildren, but he tries to hide it. I know him too well, though, and he is very aware that I do. He motions me over, seeing that I have been excluded. When I reach his side, he places his hand on my shoulder in a fatherly gesture.
"How are you feeling this morning?" he questions, glancing down at my stomach where the material of my dress stretches over it.
I smile, thinking for a moment. "I am well," I reply, glancing over at my children and my family.
I watch as Estrith and James laugh loudly at Elanil who scrunches up her nose as they tickle it, and I think to myself that I will soon find out the name of the boy Estrith is fond of. My gaze travels to Nithroel and Arwen as they speak of Elladan's recent marriage, and I feel a sudden longing to see him again, to give my congratulations as a silent apology for being selfish. I guess I somehow thought he would always only care for me, which is awful, but now I find myself smiling as I picture him with his own loving and sweet wife and beautiful, silver eyed children that I am sure we will hear wind of being born soon.
Feyrith sits on the floor beside Estrith and James, holding Faylen in his arms and looking down at her in wonder. His wise, silver eyes that are so much like his father's stare at her with so much love and tenderness, that I forget he is just a boy. Feyrith has always seemed older than he actually is. My heart grows sad, knowing that I will lose him, too, someday. He will grow up and stop coming to see me. I will no longer have him trailing after me and smiling up at me with his mischievous eyes. He will grow up, and that scares me. I despise to see little ones grow and learn for themselves the horrors of this world. I wish things did not have to change.
But things do change, I have learned, and while it may be sad, it is always for the best. I meet Legolas's gaze, having felt him watching me, and I remember the first time we met. I think I knew then that I would grow to love him. He was so dashing and princely, but I soon learned that under that perfect facade, he had an adorable awkwardness about him, at times, that I loved so dearly. Our relationship has gone through so many changes, each one being as lovely as the last. I hate fighting with him, but it happens. Sometimes he pushes me to the very edge and I find myself screaming at him and crying, but later on, after we have had our time of not speaking and ignoring each other, we always make up. Usually, we go to bed angry at each other, our backs facing one another and our hearts aching with sadness, but at some point during the night when neither of us can sleep due to our hurricane of emotions, Legolas's feet touch mine. 'Tis as simple as that one touch. His feet touch mine, and I do not pull away. That is how we both know that it is over, that we are still as in love as we were all those years ago and that we are over our silly anger. That is true love.
People change. That is a fact of life that is hard for me to cope with. My little Estrith is all grown up now. My Feyrith is, too. Aragorn, my kind-hearted and brilliant Aragorn, ages with each passing day. I cannot believe that someone sogood and loving can ever deserve to pass on from this world, but I know that I will remember him always, even when I am walking the shores of Valinor.
It is hard to move on and forget the past when it so desperately tries to cling to you. I still have horrible nightmares about Morgwais. I still see Legolas's lifeless body. I wake up sobbing, but Legolas is always there to hold me. There will always be darkness, I remember telling Legolas one time. And we will always beat it, he had replied easily. To this day, I believe that with all of my heart.
I turn back to Thranduil as he speaks.
"Forgive me, I am a bit tired. What did you say?" I ask him.
He smiles, knowing that I was lost in thought. "Are you sure you are alright?" he questions, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.
I let my gaze wander the room once more until I am gazing into Legolas's bright blue eyes once again. My heart swells in my chest, happiness bursting through my veins like water breaking through a dam. I turn to Thranduil, hoping my eyes are not misty with emotion.
"Perfectly," I reply, my words never having been so true in all of my life, "Everything is perfect."
The End.