A/N- Hi guys, so here is where the journey ends for this book. Well I would like to tell u that i have not been able to write about Shiven's pov over what his thought were and just wrote about his agony after they parted their ways.
Thanks to all the voter who voted because of them i kept going and Shiven and Ashi will miss u all.
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HE
I was living
but
I let her walk away.
And with her I lost
My happiness
My heart
My hope
My reason to live.
My EVERYTHING
People said pain faded with time. They could be never more wrong....pain doesn't fade its just that we learn to live with that pain all the pain and after a while you just become numb to it. But the pain is always there.
She left. I was still here
Because I was here. My soul left me everyday ripping apart in pieces
She was in every moment of my life. My eyes felt barren looking for just those one pair f life which could bring back light and life in them but
I was living.
To put the loneliness and the pain in words was not possible but if I try and define the loneliness then I would that it feels life a body without soul. There are things you see in front of you that brings her memory and that could be anything, a simple flower, a smiling face, a song or a couple holding hands while walking and those memory draw a new scar on your heart every time they hit you. Memories that bought smile in the darkest of the time of life now became the constant reminder of the nightmare I was living. The more you try to avoid romance the more close it stood mocking at your face but
I was living.
Everyday I stood under shower for hours so that no one saw those tears which my eyes shed after putting a façade of being OK all day long,. The only person who saw through it was my mom and ii could see guilt in them though I didn't held anything against her, she had her own reasons for what she did but seeing me in pain was causing her pain too. I tried my best to keep it from her but she still saw it, after all she was a mother. Every passing day was becoming even more difficult to live through. I knew she was suffering like I was but her promise was holding me back. I was angry at her although I knew she was right but I was angry because her right felt so wrong. At times I felt like I was a drug addict who was waiting for his next hit. I felt suffocated. My soul felt chocked but
I was living but lost all the reasons to.
She
I was living
If breathing classifies as living then I was living. But no more did I felt alive.
I died the day I walked away from him and have died many more deaths since then
Nights turned into nightmares
Days were spent pretending
And life has turned into a never ending bad dream but
I was living
The only thing that felt constant was sudden tears and an unending pain which ripped my soul apart every day. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second was becoming harder to live through but
I was living
I knew this was hard not only for me but for him too. He was suffering as much as I was but I also knew that this was the right thing to do. The pain was choking me but
I was living
People asked me if I was still in love with him.
I said yes because when I fell in love with him I did that unconditionally. I didn't put a condition to love him only till he was with me. I love him, I still love him and will always love him because true love can only be done unconditionally and if done with conditions it not love it's a deal you sign up for and love is no deal you sign with conditions.
People said he was gone and won't come back so why not move on with someone else
I said for moving on means going on with life and not going on with someone else. I didn't need anyone to tell me that they love me because he already proved to me that he loves me and distances and time can only dull love it can never remove love from your heart. It always stays there. His memories were enough to keep me going all my life.
People said you will fall in love again
I explained that I was already in love. My love didn't die with us apart. Instead I was luck to have someone in my life who loved me with all of him. I didn't need love again because I already had my love and distances and situations don't define love for me. It was there and will always be there.
People said it was stupid to keep loving someone who will never be yours
I told them love was never logical. Love does not understand logics of brain. It can never be selfish. Its doesn't weep for itself it always has tear for the pain of your loved ones. Love only understands kindness and selflessness. It can never take, it believes in giving only. Life can be lived logically but lovecan never be done logically because when it happens it prevails over all logics.
He was not there but
I was living, knowing he will be happy someday.
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