I woke up at my bed in my room inside my real home with my mom making pancakes in the kitchen
I smiled thinking of how far everything else has gone ever since Alpha Xavier's birthday
"Morning mom" I said with a smile "Good morning sweetie" she said kissing my forehead
She put a plate of pancakes infront of me "Thanks mom" I said before digging in
"Honey," my mom called making me look at her with a smile "Yeah?" I asked "I want to talk to you about something" she said
"About Xavier" I froze with the sound of his name "What about him?" I nonchalantly asked
"I just want you to understand that having a mate is the most beautiful thing in the world and I want you to be happy" she said
"You're dad, he died early and I never regret ever loving him because if I didn't then I wouldn't have you" she cupped my cheek "I won't be around forever honey and I want someone to always be there for you when I'm not" she said
"I want you to have that same bond that your father and I shared that bond strong enough to reach the other side of the is life beyond death sickeness and grief because I still love your father and I will always will
"So whatever happens know that love is what stands strong in the end when everything else fails" my mom said gig me a small smile
"Not this time.." I whispered softly when she turned her back at me
Our wireless phone rang and I frowned slightly remembering the fact that I still don't have my cell phone with me
"Hello" I said answering the phone "Ash? this is Jenna can we talk?"
I've made some great decisions in my life and I'm quite proud of myself for the decisions that I've made so far this however, ain't one of them
Which is why thirty minutes after answering the phone call here I am in the cafe down the street near the school clasping a now cold coffee in my hands while I wait for Jenna
"Ash? I'm sorry I'm late" Jenna said dropping on the seat next to me her hair in a loose braid on the side of her face her green eyes popping out with the green cropped off shoulder top and white high waisted shorts that showed off her long beautiful legs and with the black strapped heels she looked like a goddess
I just nodded my head "Look I wanted to talk to you about... things" I resisted the urge to roll my eyes
"I'm sorry about the..lie that I fed you" she apologized I looked away from her "Tell that to raven" I mumbled
She swallowed hard before giving me a tight lipped smile "I'm sorry I know you hate me I would hate me too damn I think I do hate myself but I love Xavier okay? I love him so much" she rambled her eyes filling with tears
A stab to the heart "You have him I don't know what else you want from me" I said
"I just want you to know that we may not be mates but what we have is real, far more genuine than everything else I've ever had" she said
Another stab to my heart "Why are you telling me this?" I asked my hands curled into fists
"Because I know that you love him too," she said making me close my eyes "and I don't want you to get hurt" she continued
"Bit too late for that" I said I bit my lip "But what if he loves me? Maybe he just doesn't realize it. Maybe somewhere deep down he know that we belong together.What if with just tiniest piece of his heart he loves me back?" I said half hopelessly half of me so hopeful
"What if he doesn't?" Jenna asked another stap to my heart
My heart is not a pin cushion but maybe she doesn't know that because she spoke again "What if he just feels sorry for you?" A hundred stabs to the heart
"I'm not a bad person" she said "But dammit love does bring the worst of us if we're inlove with the best person" she said
"Don't you think I tried not to love him anymore?" She asked "I tried more than a thousand times to love Raven because its simpler becaust it's what's right but I fucking can't cause I can't fucking stop cause maybe I don't fucking want to because I fucking love him too much" she said tears slipping to her cheeks
Hearing her day how much she love him make me want to lie down in a railing somewhere and wait for a train to grind my everything just so I'll stop feeling the waves of pain that crushes my soul
Throughout this whole such fest I made myself believe him that no one will love him more than me that nothing will ever compare to the love I have for him
But here she is the goddess infront of me saying how much she love Alpha Xavier and what's worst is that he actually loves her back
Why wouldn't he? She's perfect, beautiful, smart and she's right she is not a bad person she's just inlove and I hate her so much but I also admire her for some reason because as perfect as she is this is the first time that I saw her in a different light how she's just a girl inlove with a boy it's just unfortunate that I love the same boy too
But that's not her fault it's nobody's
It might have been mine the universe said and I knocked my forehead on the table just what I needed
The universe giving side comments to my deepest of thoughts
To hold on or to let go. A choice that love makes us make.I don't know what to pick but both sure as hell hurts.