I change out of my pajamas and put on a new pair of jeans that I haven't worn yet. They are a little tighter than my usual pants but I need to do laundry so I don't have a choice but to wear them. My shirt is a simple black polo shirt with three buttons at the top.
"Wow, I actually like your outfit a lot" Tristan tells me. I assume it is a compliment despite the surprise in his voice that he would actually like something I am wearing. I smile and he tries to offer me eyeliner again,
"Not this time" I tell him, remembering how it smeared from my tears last time. Why did I agree to go back there again?
"Molly is picking us up instead of Niall, she just text so she will be here any minute"
"I don't think she likes me" I know she doesn't.
"She does, she is just too honest sometimes and I think she is intimidated by you"
"By me? Why on earth would she be intimidated by me?" I laugh. I am the one intimidated by her.
"I think just because you're so different from us" he says and smiles. I know I am different from them but to me they are the "different" ones. "Don't worry about her she will be occupied tonight" he laughs.
"By Harry?" I ask before I can stop myself. I can't help but notice the way he is looking at me with her eyebrow raised.
"No, by Zayn probably. She changes guys every week." That's a harsh thing to say about her friend but he just smiles.
"She isn't dating Harry?" The image of them making out on the bed comes into my mind.
"No way, Harry doesn't date. He just messes around with a lot of guys and girls but he doesn't date anyone. Ever"
"Oh" is all I manage to say. He gives me a strange smile and grabs his wallet
"Lets go" hegrabs my arm and pulls me outside.
The party tonight is the same as last week, tons of people, drunk people everywhere. Why didn't I just stay in and stare at my ceiling? Molly disappears as soon as we arrive and I end up getting a spot on the couch and staying there for at least an hour before Harry walks by.
"You look.. different" he says as I stand up. His eyes rake down my body and back up. He doesn't even try to be subtle about it. I stay silent and his eyes meet mine. "Your clothes actually fit you tonight" he laughs. I roll my eyes and adjust my shirt, suddenly wishing I was wearing my normal loose clothing. "I am surprised to see you here"
"Yea.. I am surprised that I ended up here again." I say and walk away from him. He doesn't follow, but for some reason I find myself wishing we would have.
A few hours later, Tristan is drunk again, well everyone is drunk again. "Lets play truth or dare" Zayn slurs and their small group of tattooed friends gather around the couch. Molly passes a bottle of clear alcohol to Niall and he takes a swig. Harry's hand covers his entire red cup as he takes a sip.
They all agree to play a drunken game of truth or dare which couldn't possibly end well. Another punk looking girl joins the game, making it Harry, Zayn, Niall, Niall's roommate, Steph, Molly, Tristan, and the new girl. "You should play Louis" Molly says with a wicked smile.
"No, I'd rather not" I tell her and look away.
"Like he would actually play, he would have to stop being a prude for five minutes" Harry tells them and they all laugh except Tristan. His words anger me, I am not a prude. Yea, I will admit I am not by any means wild, but I am no prude. I glare at Harry and sit down cross legged in their little circle, in between Niall and the new girl. Harry laughs and whispers something to Zayn before they start.
The first few truths and dares include Zayn being dared to chug an entire beer can, Molly being dared to flash their group her bra, (which she did) and finding out that Tristan has his nipples pierced.
"Truth or dare Louis?" Niall asks and I gulp.
"Truth?" I squeak. Harry laughs and mutters "of course" I ignore him and Niall rubs his hands together.
"Are you a virgin?" Niall asks and I choke on my own breath. No one seems fazed by the intrusive question besides me. I feel the heat in my cheeks and the humor in everyone's faces.
"Well?" Zayn says. Despite how much I want to run away and hide, I just nod. Of course I am a virgin, the furthest Natalie and I have gone sexually is making out and him touching my bottom, through my jeans of course.
No one seems surprised by my answer, just intrigued. "So you have been dating Natalie for two years and you haven't had sex?" Tristan asks and I shift uncomfortably. I just shake my head.
"Harry's turn" I say, hoping to take the attention off myself.
"Dare" Harry answers before I even ask him.
What should I dare him to do? I know he will do whatever it is just because that is how is he. "I.. hmm. I dare you to .."
"To what?" He says impatiently. I almost dare him to say something nice about each person in the group but I decide against it, however amusing it would have been.
"Take your shirt off and keep it off the entire game" Molly says for me and I am glad. Not because Harry will be taking his shirt off of course, but because I couldn't think of anything to have him do.
"How juvenile" He says but lifts his shirt over his head. My eyes go directly to his long torso. The way black ink of the tattoos is painted across his surprisingly tan skin is somehow appealing. Under his swallows he has a butterfly tattoo on his stomach, it looks much better than a butterfly should on a guy. His arms have many more tattoos than I expected, small seemingly random tattoos are scattered along his shoulders and hips. Tristan nudges me and I tear my eyes away from him praying that no one saw me staring. The game continues and Molly kisses Tristan and Zayn, Steph tells us about her first time having sex and Niall and the new girl kiss. How did I find myself in the middle of this group of hormonal college students?
"Louis, truth or dare?" Steph asks.
"Why even ask? We know he will say truth" Harry interrupts.
"Dare" I say, surprising them and myself.
"Hmm..Louis, I dare you to.. take a shot of vodka" Steph smiles.
"I don't drink"
"That's the point"
"Look, if you don't want to do it.." Niall starts to say and I look over at Harry and Molly sharing a laugh at my expense.
"Fine, one shot" I say and Harry's eyes meet mine. He gives me a strange look.
Seconds later I am handed the clear bottle of vodka. I mistakenly put my nose against the top, smelling the foul liquid. It burns my nostrils and I scrunch my nose, trying to ignore the chuckles behind me. I try not to think of all the mouths that have been on the top of the bottle before I tilt it back and take a drink. The vodka feels hot and burns my tongue all the way down to my stomach but I manage to swallow it. It tastes horrible. The group claps and laughs a little, except Harry. If I didn't know him any better I would think he was mad or disappointed? He is so strange. I can feel the heat in my cheeks and the small amount of alcohol in my veins that grows with each round that I am dared to take another. I oblige, I have to admit I am pretty relaxed for once, I feel good.
"Same dare" Zayn laughs and takes a drink of the vodka before handing me the bottle for the fifth time. I don't even remember the dares and truths that have been happening around me for the last few rounds. This time I take two big drinks of the vodka before it is ripped from my grasp.
"I think you've had enough" Harry says and hands the bottle to Niall, who takes a drink. Who the hell is Harry to tell me when I have had enough? Everyone else is still drinking so I can too. I grab the bottle back from Niall and take a drink again, making sure to give Harry a smirk as the bottle touches my lips.
"I can't believe you have never been drunk before, its fun right?" Zayn asks and I giggle. Thoughts of irresponsibility flood my mind but I push them back. It's only one night.
"Harry, truth or dare?" Molly asks. He answers "dare" of course.
"I dare you to kiss Louis" she says and gives a fake smile. Harry's eyes go wide and I want to run away.
"No, I have a girlfriend" I tell them, making them laugh at me for the hundredth time tonight. Why am I even hanging around these people who keep laughing at me?
"So.. it is just a dare. Just do it" Molly pressures me.
"No, I am not kissing anyone" I snap and stand up. Harry just takes a drink from his cup. I hope he is offended, actually I don't care if he is. He hates me and is rude anyway. As I get to my feet, the full effect of the vodka hits me. I wobble but pull myself together and walk away from them. Through the crowd, I manage to find the front door. As soon as it opens, the fall breeze hits me. I close my eyes and breath in the fresh air before going to sit on the familiar stone wall. Before I realize what I am doing, my phone is in my hands, dialing Natalie.
"Hello?" She says, the familiarity of her voice makes me miss her more.
"Hey.. babe" I say and laugh. We do not call each other ridiculous pet names.
"Louis, are you drunk?" Her voice is full of judgment. I shouldn't have called her.
"No.. of course not" I lie and hang up the phone. I press my finger down on the power button, I don't want her to call back. She is ruining the good feeling from the vodka.
I stumble back inside, ignoring whistles and crude comments from drunk frat guys. I grab a bottle of brown liquor off the counter in the kitchen and take a drink, too big of a drink. It tastes worse than the vodka and burns even worse. My hands fumble for a cup of anything to get the taste out of my mouth. I end up opening the cabinet and using a real glass to pour some water from the sink, making sure to put the glass in the sink afterwards.
"Excuse me," a blonde with an attitude pushes past me and tosses an empty cup into the sink.
The water helps the burn a little, but not much. The group of my "friends" are still sitting in a circle playing their stupid game. Are they my friends? I don't think they are. They only want me around so they can laugh at my inexperience. How dare Molly tell Harry to kiss me, she knows that I have a girlfriend. Unlike her, I don't go around kissing everyone. I have only kissed two girls in my life, Natalie and Jane, a freckle faced kid in third grade who kicked me in the shin afterwards. Would Harry have went along with it? I doubt it. His lips are so pink and full, my head plays an image of Harry leaning over to kiss me and my pulse begins to race.
What the hell? Why am I thinking about kissing him? I'm never drinking again. Minutes later, the room begins to spin and I feel dizzy. My feet lead me upstairs to the bathroom and I sit in front of the toilet, expecting to throw up. Nothing happens. I groan and pull myself up. I'm ready to go back to the dorms but I know Tristan won't be ready for hours.
Before I can stop myself, my hand is turning the knob on Harry's bedroom door. It looks the same as before only this time the room is moving around beneath my feet. The copy of Wuthering Heights is missing from the shelf where it was but I find it on the bedside table, next to Pride and Prejudice. Harry's comments about the novel replay through my mind. He has obviously read it before, and understood it which is rare for our age group. Maybe he had to read it for class before, that's why. But why is this copy of Wuthering Heights out? I grab it and sit on the bed, opening the book halfway through. My eyes scan the pages and the room stops spinning.
I am so lost in the world of Catherine and Heathcliff, that when the door opens, I don't hear it.
"What part of no one can come in my room did you not understand last time?" Harry booms. His angry expression surprises but humors me at the same time.
"S..sorry. I ."
"Get out" he spits and I glare at him. The vodka is still fresh in my system, too fresh to let Harry yell at me.
"You don't have to be such a jerk!' My voice coming out much louder than I had intended.
"You're in my room, again after I told you not to be. So get out!" He yells, stepping closer to me.
"Why don't you like me?" I'm not sure what possessed me to ask him this. I don't think my already wounded ego can take the answer.