I don't leave my room for days.
I don't want to see his face.
I don't want to see his eyes, his hair.
I don't want to watch his muscles flex beneath his shirt as he works on his truck.
But I do. Now I'm the one lying. I do want to see him. I want to see his smile when I make him laugh. I want to think dirty thoughts about him as we spend time together, him none the wiser.
I want to go back to before he knew, before anyone knew and maybe try to hold myself back, maybe say no to Posy when we went to the club.
Now I have to tell him no. Now I have to tell him to leave. Now I have to tell everyone to leave.
And when I finally emerge from the confines of my room, he is nowhere to be found and I am secretly upset that he isn't the first face I see.
My mark has healed, his teeth leaving behind a beautiful carving of his possession. I don't try to hide it now, but I really want to as I walk to the edge of the woods, as I watch the eyes of pack members, their gazes questioning and confused.
I need to take a run, not in human form, but wolf form. I need to let my wild side out for a bit, let it take away my thoughts, my brokenness.
My shift isn't painful, it's a practiced technique that I have mastered over the years. I stretch out, letting my body become accustomed since I haven't shifted in a while and I start out in a slow run, my hind legs bunching as I let my wolf free.
I don't have to think like this, I just have to run and let the dirt and grass terrain pass me by, as I let the trees pass me by until I feel a pain go through me that is so great I almost collapse.
I still, the pain like knifes running into me over and over.
Whimpers leave my lips as I am forced to the ground, lying in a heap, unmoving, unable to.
I can't feel him, but I can tell, I've heard the stories.
My mate is unfaithful to me, even though he is the one that chose this path I am the one that has to suffer through it.
I can't feel his emotions. I can't tell if this is a struggle for him like it is for me, but I assume it is on a certain level.
Eventually the pain becomes too much for me to handle. I let the blackness take me, glad to finally be unable to feel.
---
Licks to my face, waking me.
Whimpers are in my ear and a nose is pushing at my muzzle, wanting me to get up.
I open my eyes to see Graham in wolf form, sitting in humiliation in front of me. I growl out, letting him know to back away.
He doesn't want to, his stomach is to the ground, he's pushing closer to me slowly and I snap at his neck.
As an Alpha, I am much bigger than this wolf. I don't want him near me and he will listen if he wants his life.
He stills at my aggression, whimpering, tail between his legs. He knows what he's done, he knows how much he's hurt me and how much he continues to hurt me.
Growling out I stand, legs strong yet so weak in the way I'm still hurting by his betrayal.
He's slowly breaking me apart, piece by piece I'm falling and he's hiding away the pieces until I feel as though I can never be put back together again.
My wild side feels cocky now, knowing that I have done nothing wrong, but also knowing exactly how to retaliate.
A quick motion, my teeth snapping around his neck, making my own mark on him, sealing our bond in an aggressive attack that surprises even myself.
He tries to pull away, but no matter what the pleasure in this is indescribable, something that not even I could pull away from.
Once I'm done, I can feel his emotions start to consume me as I walk away.
Guilt
Shame
Deceit in himself.
Good. I'm glad he knows he's done wrong. He's going to feel the regret in that action all to soon. He just doesn't know it yet.
I'm done being broken.
It's his turn to break.