Requested by _WriteLife_ Hope you enjoy! ♡
Trigger warning: death of a family member, mentions of depression
"(Y/N)?"
You hear your name being called, but they sound so distant. Everything does. Everything seems to be going in slow motion.
You press your phone tighter to your ear, not believing for a second what you just heard.
"What?" You whisper.
Your mum's voice on the other end replies. "She's...gone. It was a car acci-"
You hang up your phone and throw it onto the couch next to you. You don't care if your mum is mad at you for hanging up on her. You don't care about anything anymore.
Everything seems terrible and evil now. Like you're seeing everything in a whole new light. Like you were squinting your eyes, and you just now opened them fully.
Even the brightness of the colorful lounge seems to mock you. How can anything dare to be so bold and happy at a time like this?
"(Y/N)?" You hear again.
You don't reply. You just stare straight ahead. Tears don't seem to come yet, which surprises you. You thought that if a relative died you would be bawling your eyes out.
Maybe that's just it, you think. Maybe I'm not crying because she's not dead. Yeah. Mum doesn't know what she's talking about. She's alive. She's-
"(Y/N)!"
The voice is in front of you now, so you tilt your head up ever so slightly to look at them. It's Dan.
"Are you alright?" He asks, worry and concern etched across his face and voice. "What's wrong?"
"Oh, um," you say, monotone. You look down in your lap.
Time seems to slow down again. The world is in slow motion. You don't like this feeling, but you can't bring yourself to be happy. Not at all.
"My cousin died." You say it simply, almost as if you don't believe it yourself. Because you don't.
Dan's lips part a little, like he wants to say something. The look on his face and in his eyes tells you he's just too shocked to speak. Instead he just sits down next you.
"A-Are you okay?" He asks for the shear reason of not knowing what else to say.
Obviously not.
"I'm fine," you say, trying to keep your tone light. "She's not really dead, Dan. My mum said it was a car accident, but-"
"(Y/N)," Dan says gently, holding your hand in his.
He knows you're in denial. But you don't know it yourself.
"She's not dead, Dan," you say matter-of-factly. "She lives way up north, around where Phil used to, sort of. I'm going to meet her at the family reunion next week. Mum told me all about her. She has a fiancé—no—just a boyfriend, I think. I've never met her before, but I talk to her on Tumblr and stuff. And Twitter. She's kind of like an internet friend, except she's my cousin. But like I said, I'm going to see her at the family reunion. I'm going to see her. I'm going to-"
The panic started to rise in your voice, until finally you just cracked. With each and every word you said, you knew that it wasn't true. It was false. Your cousin was dead, and you're not going to see her.
"(Y/N)," Dan says again. His voice is barely a whisper.
Now you're crying.
The tears come steadily, flowing out of both of your eyes like a waterfall. You lean into Dan and just sob.
Dan immediately wraps his arms around you.
"She's dead!" You cry into his shirt. "She's dead and I didn't even get to see her!"
Dan takes a shaky breath and rubs your back soothingly. He lets you cry for a good, long while until he speaks up.
"(Y/N)," he says. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it's okay, because it's not. It's not okay at all. But I'm not lying when I say that it's going to be okay. It's gonna be hard now, and probably for a long time, but eventually it's going to get easier, just..." He sighs. "Trust me. And hold on. It might feel like the end of the world, but it's going to be better. Eventually. She's okay now. She's happy. And she wants you to be happy too. I'm not saying you have to be happy right now, because that's nearly impossible, but don't be sad forever. She wouldn't have wanted that. I know everyone says that, but it's true. It's going to be okay, (Y/N). Trust me, yeah?"
"Yeah," you sniff. Your throat is scratchy from crying, and your eyes are all red and puffy. But you don't care. You don't care about anything.
Stop it, you think to yourself. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.
You keep repeating what Dan said in your mind. He just sits there and holds you as you cry, lightly tracing circles with his finger on your back. It calms you down, but it doesn't make you any happier. It doesn't make things any more okay.
"Do you want me to talk to your mum?" Dan asks after a while. "I could get all the information for you. You don't have to hear it all again."
You nod slowly. "Thank you, Dan," you murmur.
You're beyond grateful for that. And for him. Obviously you want to visit your cousin's body—wherever it is—but you don't think your heart (or your mind, for that matter) could stand hearing the words 'Your cousin is dead' again.
Dan kisses the top of your head softly before reaching for your phone.
He holds your hand tightly as he taps Emergency Call and dials your mum's number.
As he puts the phone up to his ear, he wraps his free arm around your shoulder and pulls you into him.
"Hello?" He asks solemnly. "Mrs. (Y/L/N)?"
His voice grows distant again, and you can tell you're zoning out in sadness once more. You've already had your bout with depression a few years ago; you don't need to be depressed and suicidal yet again.
No, (Y/N), you think. You've left that part of your life behind you. You can't be depressed again. You just can't. It's going to be okay.
After a few moments (two minutes, ten minutes, you can't really tell how long), Dan hangs up the phone and sighs.
"Everything's settled, (Y/N)," Dan says quietly, respectfully. "They took her to hospital after the accident. She's still there. You can't see her yet, though."
You don't say anything.
"Your Mum said to call when you're feeling a bit better," he continues.
You slowly nod. You're staring off into space again. You're mind is wandering again. But you've got to hold on to it. You must.
You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to fight the pain, and wrap your arms around Dan.
He hugs you back tightly, and for the first time today you feel safe.
"It's going to be okay, (Y/N)," Dan says. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear and kisses your forehead. "It's going to be okay."
♡fin♡
Again, requested by _WriteLife_ . Hope you liked it! Stay strong love ♡