Tasha
"Hey Mommy," I said twisting the cord on my desk phone.
"What's wrong?"
"How do you always know when something is wrong?"
"I get a feeling when my daughters call me with a hey mommy!"
I couldn't help but smile. "It's been a rough day and I need to see you. I could use a Mommy hug."
Samantha Worthington was the epitome of the perfect wife, mother and country club patron. She had taken Sasha and I in when we were children. Although she was white and people in her circles talked about her especially taking in two black children, she never wavered in her love for us. Being adopted by her and Jackson was the best thing that could have ever happened to us.
The day Rosa hit me with the belt and kicked me, basically leaving me unconscious, Sasha took me to the emergency room and we never went back. The social worker named Ms. Potts from child services came and took us after I was discharged. Ms. Evelyn Potts vowed not to break us up and she kept her promise.
"Oh, I would love to give my baby one. You do know those hugs are available to you free of charge at anytime."
"I get off in a couple hours and I thought we could have lunch. Just you and me."
"Yeah, I would love that sweetie. I will fix something for us since your dad is in Chicago for the week."
"Okay I will see you then. I love you mom."
"I love you too baby. See you soon."
I hung up the phone and put my head on my desk. I took a deep breath as I looked at the papers before me. The team director for Sudan was Dr. Knox Grayson. He was from Sweden and I had heard he was an awesome researcher in the field of infectious diseases.
If I did decide to take this opportunity I would have to leave in two days and I would have to take a leave of absence. I picked up my phone and called my Department Chair. I explained to him what I wanted to do and it was great to have his support. Dr. Reddington Jacobs, who had introduced me to the CDC Physician Exchange said he would monitor my department while I was gone and not to worry about anything.
The hardest part would be telling my parents. I know Sasha would probably be a little taken back but I think she would be on my side. So I called Sasha.
"Hey TT."
"Hey boo. How you feeling?"
"Much better. I will be glad when I am off these horse pills. You know I never liked to take vitamins."
"I know but I promise you will be back to your old self in no time. They are full of everything you need. I know you hate taking any kind of medicine but you have to admit they have helped tremendously."
"I guess you're right. What's wrong TT? I can hear your mind going in a thousand directions. What do you want to tell me?"
"What are you talking about Sasha?"
"My Twinny Powers are going off and it is screaming that you have something to tell me and I can't wait."
I told her about my the incident and then broke the news about Sudan.
She listened and there was a big pause.
"Sasha?"
"TT I don't want you to go. Have you thought this through?"
"Of course I have Sasha. You know me I don't like to sit still. I want to help the people in Sudan. We don't have the same medical problems here as they do. Who knows I could come up with a cure and be rich and famous."
Sasha laughed. "You were always the adventurous twin, TT."
"Yeah but I need you to be on my side when I tell Mom and Dad. Mom is still shaken up about you and you know dad will go along with her. We need to be a united front."
"Okay, I am behind you one hundred percent. At least let me tell Chase. He may have some contacts just in case you need something."
"Okay if you think so, but I think I will be fine. The government has opened up for us to come in and help."
"I understand but for my peace of mind just let me talk to him."
"Alright but I don't need a bodyguard. I will and let me quote I will be back with bells on. Who knows I might find my Shaka Zulu with tribal tattoos and piercings. He could be straight from the bush, with a thang so long that he could turn day into night with one swing."
"Girl you are so crazy!" Sasha said killing herself laughing.
"I'm serious. I could put him in some nice clothes and parade him around. Women would take one look at his feet and between his legs and would fall to their knees wanting a piece of all that pure goodness. I could start a new religion. Women would be saying "Alllabababa, oh hail to the Shaka!"
"Stop it TT!" Sasha said laughing. I could hear her gasping for air.
"Just wait. Could you see mom and dad faces, if I brought home a Bush Warrior with tattoos, piercing and spears? Then I tell them we were getting married could you imagine the reactions?"
"TT, mom would probably faint and dad would just stare and hold his heart. You would put them in a his and her catatonic coma, please don't do it!" We both fell out laughing.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah TT."
"Do you ever miss Rosa Lee?"
There was a long pause. I could imagine Sasha's face distorted and her eyes glossy staring into nothingness.
"Hell to the NO! I think knowing what she did to us kept me strong doing the kidnapping. My mind was on my family and Chase but my inner strength came from the awful things she did to us and especially you. She wasn't a mother to us, she was an abuser, tyrant and a dictator. I'm glad she is out of our lives."
"Do you think you would ever want to see her again?"
"Hell no! I say good writtens. Jackson and Samantha Worthington are our parents TT. They took us in when we had nothing but the clothes on our backs. They helped us fulfilled our dreams to be the best. Do you think you would be a doctor in your current position and me an attorney today if Rosa would have kept us?"
"No. I don't know."
"Yes you do. Either she would have killed us or had us strung out on something. She left you unconscious in your own blood," I heard her sniffling. "Let her go Tasha. She hated us. The best thing she ever did for us was to relinquish custody of us and you know that was like watching pure drama unfold."
"I didn't want to open up painful memories but I keep having those dreams again."
"I'm so sorry Sissy. I wish I could take them away, but you lived them. They didn't kill you so they make you so much stronger. You are the sweetest, kindest, mist caring person I know. You help those that can't help themselves. God gave you a gift Tasha. You might have been born of abusive hands, but he gave you healing hands."
"The last part of that statement should be on a t-shirt."
"Not funny Tasha. It doesn't matter what I think because you have the lasting scars and it's so many time I wish I could take them away because she was an evil bitch."
"I know," I said looking at the old cigarette burns on my arm.
"Forget about her. You have to move on. Thinking about her is like holding dead weight, she will be the one to hold you back."
"Okay. Well I better go, I'm having lunch with mom to tell her about Sudan."
"Good luck and call me if you need me."
"I will. I love you Sasha."
"I love you too Tasha."
I got up from my desk and wiped away the tears. Sasha was right, Rosa was mean and hateful. For some reason she hated me more than Sasha and had done way more evil things to me. I never could wear shorts or swimsuits. The "love marks" as Rosa called them never went away as they still remained all over my body.
I read over the papers and signed them. I photocopied them and fax them to the agency, to my boss and human resources. I grabbed the papers and put them in an envelope next to my purse and walked out my office.
People greeted me as I checked in on Mrs. Peters and a couple of other patients that were going to be transferred. I got on the elevator and headed to the sixth floor. I closed my eyes trying to calm myself. It had only been three days but my yoga breathing was coming in handy.
I got off the elevator as the nurse smiled and buzzed me in. The long, thick heavy doors slowly opened. The walls were covered with painted murals painted by patients to release their pain. The small rooms each had a bed and a bathroom. There was also a television, refrigerator and drawers in each room. I turned the corner to face room 696. I knocked on the door but no one answered.
I put my sweaty hands inside my white physician coat. My hands formed a fist which caused my nails to dig in my flesh. I took my stethoscope and put it in my left pocket. I pushed down the nonexistent wrinkles on my scrubs and made sure my tennis shoe strings were tied. I looked in the makeshift mirror looking at my reflection. My hair was in a long ponytail and I smoothed my edges back.
Why did I feel like an eight year old again? Why did it feel like I needed to please her even if it was just my appearance? I shook the thoughts away. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
I walked in to see Rosa sitting in front of the television. She didn't make a sound. I walked over to the sofa and sat down and stared at her.
Rosa Lee Rae looked different. It looked like she had aged overnight, although it had been over twenty years since Sasha had last seen her. Her skin was wrinkled, her lips were dark and her eyes were sad. For a forty-seven year old woman she looked doubled that age. She had lived a hard life and had made our lives even harder.
"Hey mama, it's me Tasha. I came to check in on you."
She turned to face me. She didn't say anything but just stared at me. Her eyes were cold and harsh. Did she even remember me? The last time I saw her, she was in my ICU strung out on cocaine. I had managed to save her and when I read the chart I found out it was her, that was a week ago.
"I stopped by to tell you I am going away for two weeks and that I will be back to see you when I return. Dr. Thompson and Dr. Willis are going to take real good care of you. They are the best."
She continued to stare. It had been three days since she had been on this long-term care floor. My real mother was suffering with dementia, diabetes and breast cancer. The doctors said she was a fighter and the medicines and chemo have been working but they weren't sure how long she would have. There was a possibility that she could overcome the cancer, manage the diabetes but the dementia would be her downfall, but I knew Rosa wasn't going down without a fight.
Rosa had us when she was seventeen years old. Even twenty years later we still didn't know our daddy. We did find out he was white, married and had an affair on his wife. His wife found out and turned in our father only known as Alvin, for his crimes out of jealousy.
Rosa had met Alvin at a party. They fell in love and two months later she was pregnant. She said Alvin had begged her not to abort us and that he was leaving his wife. Unfortunately his wife turned him in when the money ran out, and six months into the pregnancy he was sent to prison. Evidentially he had killed two men in a drug raid along with blackmail and attempted murder of a federal prosecutor and she had no idea that he was a criminal until it was too late.
I stared back at her as it hurt my heart to know that she never really loved me. If your own mother can't love you why would you think someone could? That's why I never wanted to have children or get married because I was scared I would be a monster like her.
"Since I work here and friends with the adminstrator, I was able to pull some strings. I am working on getting you on Medicaid so you can continue to have your treatments here so you can continue to get better. Also I passed by the house a few days ago and it's in dyer need of repairs. I talked to a buddy of mine and he is willing to fix it up. Don't worry about the money, I can cover it. You just focus on getting better."
She continued to stare at me.
"Dr. Thompson said you were getting better with the chemo for the cancer and that you could beat it. You're still young and they have been able to control your diabetes so you could possibly make a full recovery. You have to let the drinking and drugs go. It counteracts with medicine. You could have a stroke or heart-attack and die so you need to be careful."
"Why are you really here gurl?" She said to me in a deep raspy voice. She had missing teeth and the ones she had were yellow. She had all the classic symptoms of a drug addict. Even she had black splotches on her very little brown skin. The woman in front of me was a horrible nightmare, but she was still the woman who brought me into this world.
"I wanted to check up on you," I said trying to be strong. "You were brought here a week ago and I took care of you in my ICU. I'm a doctor now mama."
"Get out! You the reason I'm in this place, you and that no good sista ain't nothing but trouble. You two are still the pain in my ass. Get me a cigarette before I beat the shit out of ya. I know you little botches took my cigarettes."
I could see her getting riled up. Her mind was going back to those days that I feared the most. Her whole demeanor changed as I watched her stare back at me yelling obscenities and threatening me.
"You're right mama I hid them from you. I will go and get them. I will be right back. Sasha had nothing to do with me taking the cigarettes. I just want you to get better." Although I knew I wouldn't let her touch me, in the back of my mind the fear was real. I wiped the tears threading to spill.
"Whatcha waitin on gurl. Get yo yellow ass up and get them before I take my shoe off and knock yo ass upside yo head."
I quickly got up and wiped the tears from my eyes. Why did I do this to myself? I was glutton for punishment when it came to her. I got up and walked out the room. I stopped at the nurses station and told her it was probably time for Rosa to get her medicine as the dementia was starting in.
I walked back to elevator and headed back to my office to grab my purse. As I walked up Allen was waiting with a beautiful bouquet.
"You said you were having a bad day, so I thought these would cheer you up."
"Thank you, their beautiful," I said getting choked up.
He put the flowers down and held out his arms, on instinct I walked right in them and cried.