Spotify: Dddovato - Ch 36 playlist is up!!
Annie
In one moment my heart was in my stomach then suddenly it was in my throat. I felt my insides fighting to throw up every content that it held, because of me lip locking with my fucking brother.
"It's negative beside Wilmer's name," Demi spoke, "You're not his father."
"Good," he sighed in relief, "and good thing you're not with him anymore, Annie. Not only would kissing your brother be weird but thanksgiving with Lisa would be a little more awkward."
I glared at him, holding one hand over my mouth. Demi shoved him in the shoulder, hard. "That's not even funny right now, Wilmer. Not at all."
"Sorry," he bowed his head, "I'm just trying to make light of the situation."
"Well don't." She snapped.
"Momma, I'm going to be sick." I said, holding onto my stomach.
The papers slipped from her fingers, "Okay, okay, come here."
I felt the food in my stomach rising up in my throat as I raced to the bathroom with mom right beside me. I fell to my knees and let it all out into the toilet bowl as Demi held my hair and rubbed my back.
The thought of his hands pushing me, punching me, kissing me, saying he loves me, made me heave again into the bowl. I feel so dirty and gross, I've never wanted to crawl out of my own skin so badly before.
"Wait-" Wilmer said, walking into the bathroom. Wait? For what?
"What is it, Wilmer?" Demi annoyingly asked. I felt her put my hair in a pony tail and then heard the rinse of water. She must be getting me a cold wash cloth.
"This is so messed up-"
"Yeah, we got that, Wilmer. Please, just leave." Demi held the cloth against my neck as I rested my head on the seat. It's totally unsanitary, but at the moment, I don't care. It's not like anyone uses the bathroom downstairs, anyway.
"No, not that. I meant up here it's negative for being Lisa's son, then you go down the list and it says positive, then Jacobs last name changes." Wilmer leaned against the doorframe, "Something isn't right."
With the strength I have left, I retrieved my phone from my pocket, and did what I promised myself I would never do again. I dialed Jacobs number that I know by heart.
"What are you doing?" Demi asked.
"Don't say a word," I told both of them, putting it on speaker.
"Hello? Annie?" I heard Jacobs voice making me want to vomit all over again.
"Your mom knew who I was didn't she? She told you to go out with me didn't she?" I asked, feeling tears build up in my eyes. From the beginning it was all a lie. She probably told him to push me around. She probably made him wait until I was falling for him to brake my heart.
"At first it wasn't like that. I truly didn't know anything going on. I'm so sorry, Annie, I-"
"Is she your mother?" I asked, anger flowing through my veins.
"You cannot tell anyone-"
"Is she your mother?" I asked again.
"No," he mumbled, "She adopted me because my dad was abusive and went to jail. She was his girlfriend at the time."
"Ironic," I laughed bitterly, "Hitting girls ran in the family."
"Annie, I'm so, so, sorry-"
"That's all I needed to know."
I hit the end button and dropped it on the tile floor. I heard it clatter, but for the first time, I didn't care if it shattered.
"Thank god." Demi sighed, running her hands through her hair, "That would've been awful."
I feel relieved that I didn't make out with my brother, but I'm still pissed off by the situation I'm in. How disgusting? I still feel like literal trash right now. That would've been incest. I probably would have jumped out my two story bedroom window if it were true.
"Now block him," Wilmer stated, "I don't want you in contact with him in anyway."
I nodded. I knew I wouldn't talk to him if he were blocked or not. I'm pretty damn sure he still has me blocked on social media. What for? Don't know.
"I'm going to bed," I mumbled, pushing myself up off the ground.
"I'll walk you up there," Demi said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
"Goodnight, kid." Wilmer said, giving me a little side hug.
"Night." I said, giving him a slight hug in return. "I.. I'll get to see you before we leave tomorrow, right?"
"I hope so.." He said, guilt registering on his face. That means no. I'm used to feeling disappointed, it's fine.
"Yeah." I mumbled, turning away from him. Can't they just make up already? My whole life would be complete if they would just come back to each other.
"You'll be back down soon, right?" Wilmer asked mom, "I, uh, wanted to, talk.."
She looked over at me, as if she didn't know what to do. I'm sure she's in no mood to talk to him about anything and I also know she doesn't like leaving my side when I'm sick. I don't know, it's a mom thing, I guess. But, I'm not actually sick, so it's kind of pointless.
"Yeah," she nodded, "I'll be down."
We walked up the stairs, while my stomach growled. It's hallow, but I definitely do not have an appetite right now. I can't even think about what happened moments before because it makes my stomach churn.
I flipped the switch to my light on, and saw my room for the first time in a while. It's going to feel so good to sleep in my bed for once. It may be for only one night, but that's better than nothing.
"I'm going to brush my teeth," I announced, walking into the bathroom. I fished around the drawer for a toothbrush I left behind, then began to clean them. I looked into the mirror, but the girl before me isn't recognizable. I looked away.
"I put another cold wash cloth by your bed," Demi said, peering into the bathroom. "I'll come up here before I go to sleep and see if you're awake. How are you feeling?"
I spit the toothpaste into the sink, "Icky."
She pouted, came over, and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm sorry.. I love you, and if you're asleep before I come up, goodnight."
"Goodnight, love you." I said as she gave a faint smile.
How am I supposed to fall asleep with everything running through my mind? So many things are going on at once and I have no idea how to keep them in line. The whole Jacob and Lisa thing is confusing. Being in a city every night is confusing. Wilmer and Demi are confusing. I feel like I have to choose between them. I feel so... Empty right now. My life is confusing and I just need someone to make sense of this.
"Mom?" I asked right as she left the bathroom.
Moments later, she appeared back in again. "Yeah?"
"I don't want to sleep alone," I mumbled, "I'll wait up for you in your room."
I know I was looking forward to my bed, but her bed sounds more safer and more comfortable.
She smiled. "I'll be up in no time."
She disappeared once again and I was left alone. Again, I caught glimpse of me in the mirror. What has happened to me these past few weeks? I fucking cut myself, the PTSD shit, Wilmer and Lisa, now Wilmer and Demi stuff. Why do I feel burdened by this? I feel like I'm carrying the weight of their problems. They don't act worried and they have no idea how much everything is effecting me. I wish I knew how to not excessively worry.
I exited the bathroom and grabbed my phone along with the charger. I'm seriously still sick to my stomach thinking that Jacob could've been my brother. How messed up? Why does everything have to lead back to Lisa? I'm so, so, so, exhausted.
As I walked down the hall to Demis room, I can hear my parents having a, what sounds like, calm conversation. Is this real life? I stopped by the staircase and tried so very hard to eavesdrop on them. All I can hear is, 'parenting', 'easier', 'together', 'visit', 'tour', 'us', and... 'love you'.
Immediately, today's events left my mind completely. My mood lifted, and it was as if the clouds floated away and the sun started to shine again.
Demi and Wilmer are getting back together!
Demi
Wilmer and I decided we're not getting back together.
We've came to an agreement that since we've been apart, the arguing has come to a stop for now. We also agreed to do our own thing until my tour is over, then we'll try to start over.. Maybe. Who knows. We might even try to see other people. We just both know that trying to work things out while I'm on the road will not work. Plus, my mind shouldn't be consumed on that.
Also, we're trying to meet in the middle on co-parenting. I, for one, do not want to share Annie at all. But, considering there's not much I can do about it, I'll leave it up to them to work out what they want to do. When Annie wants to see him, I let her. When he wants to see her, I'll let him. Just maybe not for a long period of time. (2 days max).
"Annie, you awake?" I asked, walking into my bedroom. The lights were off for the exception of the TV.
"Yes!" Annie happily said, "One Tree Hill, would you like to join?"
I stopped in my tracks for a moment after hearing Annie's voice. Don't get me wrong- I'm glad she's happy, but why is she happy? I totally expected an opposite reaction.
"Yeah," I said, throwing my hair in a ponytail, "Id just love to."
"Alright, but you're not going to like what is about to happen.." Annie said, as I climbed in beside her.
Annie already watched One Tree Hill, but she's re-watching it while I'm watching it for the first time. She knows what's going to happen, so she stares at me and waits for my reaction on big moments. She's a creep.
"Oh no," I mumbled, "Why?" *spoiler about to happen*
"Just watch," she said, intensively staring at the screen.
I turned my gaze towards the television and saw Quin moving towards the bedroom. Once she entered, it shows crazy Katie shoot her, then she falls to the ground.
"WHAT?!" I screeched, lurching up into a sitting position, "NO!" Soon, Clay also gets shot. "THEY'RE MY FAVORITE COUPLE! WHY?"
"It's okay," Annie said, rubbing my back, "I'll help you get through this time of difficulty."
"What the fuck..." I mumbled, "Change this to something happy before we go to bed or I'll have nightmares."
"Are you sure?" Annie cooed, "Not even just one more episode to see what happens?"
I'm torn between sleep and the rest of that damn season. I should sleep because I have a huge show tomorrow, but I have to see if they live.
"No, because one more turns into five more," I said, taking the remote from her hands. It's taking so much willpower to not let fifteen seconds run down and play the next episode.
"Okay, whatever you say..." Annie said, sinking down under the covers.
"Oh look," I laughed, seeing Camp Rock under our recommendations, "What a coincidence."
"If anything is gonna give you nightmares, it's that." Annie giggled and I playfully shoved her.
"Whatever, that's a good movie."
"Mhm," she gave a muffled sound, snuggling up to me under the covers, "Goodnight, I love you."
"Goodnight, baby girl, I love you." I smiled, watching her eyes flutter shut.
It's so good to be able sleep without having the confusion about Wilmer, plus the papers, hovering in my mind. I love Wilmer, and I always will, but time apart is for the best.
If you love something, set it free. If it's meant to be, it'll come back.
•••
Before I open my eyes, I can already smell the aroma of breakfast food filling my nostrils. My stomach growls, and I blink a few times before everything becomes clear.
"Annie?" I mumbled, rolling over to face an empty bed.
Wait a second.
I woke up before my alarm clock, which was set for ten, and Annie's out of bed. Annie doesn't get out of bed before 10 unless I grab her by the ankles and drag her out. What the hell is she doing?
Hell must have froze over.
My feet started to move faster than what my brain can process. Before I knew it, I was running on top of the hardware floor, sliding into walls. Down the steps, I had to multitask taking my socks off and skipping two stairs at a time.
I scurried into the kitchen to see Annie with her back to me at the stove... Flipping a pancake.
"Annie?" I asked.
She jumped a little, then spun around, "Hey."
"What.." I rubbed my eyes with the palm of my hands, "What're you doing?"
"Well.. I was going to surprise you with breakfast but I forgot you don't eat people food so I guess I'll feed it to batman or something." She shrugged.
I laughed, "I eat people food, dumbass. I just eat healthy! You should try it sometime, young lady."
"Not today," she said, giving me a plate with a single grape on it. "That's all I could find that you would eat."
"A single grape? One grape? Where did you find this?" I asked. We haven't had grapes in our fridge since last year.
"I found it between the couch cushions last night," she handed me over a fork, "but healthy stuff lasts, like, a while, right?"
"Um, ew," I fake gagged, throwing the grape at her, "Get me some food!"
She giggled, retrieving my plate and sliding egg whites, wheat toast, and some spinach dip on it. "I was just kidding."
"Thank you, baby girl." Smiling, I was about to take a snapchat picture of it, but I left my phone upstairs in my time of distress.
"You're welcome," she began to make a plate of her own, "I just thought- what makes me happy? Food. So I got up to make some because I just want to be happy, and I want you to be happy, so from now on we're going to be happy."
"That sounds wonderful."
But I can't help but wonder if she was sad beforehand, and just didn't tell me? Was something bothering her deep down that I didn't know about?
"I'm not sure if you still enjoy the blessings of bacon," Annie pointed to a stack of bacon on a plate next to the stove, "but if you want some, there's plenty."
"Why'd you make so-"
I heard the door open, then close. Please don't be Wilmer. I don't want to make goodbye harder on Annie than it already is, especially when she finds out we're sticking to our break.
"Because I knew she was coming," Annie said, leaning me dumbfounded, "3..2..1..."
"Hello, family." Marissa said, making her presence known, and stretching her arms out.
"Morning!" I didn't think I'd be seeing her until my concert tonight. I hope she comes back with us on tour. It feels a little more like home when Marissa and Annie are with me. Plus, she keeps me grounded.
"I made something for you..." Annie glanced over towards the plate full of..
"Bacon!" Marissa squealed. I giggled, watching her eyes light up, almost as if she was in a trance walking towards the meat.
"Marissa, you're coming back with us, right?" I asked her, chewing a mouth full of egg whites
"UhG, fuck me up," she groaned, chomping down on bacon.
"Marissa? You're coming with us?" I asked over her awkward down to earth moment with the piece of bacon.
"This is so good, I love breakfast." Marissa reached for more to pile on her plate.
"Hello?" I asked, once again, "Earth to Marissa?"
"Yeah?" She's like the dog on Up.. When she sees bacon, she gets distracted.
"You're going back on the road with us, right?"
"Duh?" She said as if it were the most obvious answer.
Annie sighed, pushing her plate away. "These pancakes just taste so plain."
"I know what would make it better," I tried a little too hard not to cheese at my hilarious joke I'm about to crack.
"What?" Annie asked.
"Throw some bacon on it.." I laughed, clapping my hands. Get it? Nicks song 'Bacon'?
As my giggles died down, I realized I was the only one laughing. Marissa has half a piece of bacon shoved in her mouth as her and Annie slowly looked over at each other.
"What?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest, pouting.
"That was so bad.." Annie and Marissa busted out laughing. I knew they would laugh, I just thought they'd be laughing with me not at me.
"Bitches." I flipped them off, setting my empty plate into the sink. "That was such a clever joke, alright?"
"Whatever you say," Marissa said, moving to the fridge.
"Okay, you're done," I took the plate of bacon away from her with one swift movement.
"Demi!" She shrieked, hands thrashing around behind me to try and take it away.
"Marissa, if you eat another price you're going to have heart failure!" I laughed, kicking backwards to get her away from me.
"But.."
"Wrap it in foil, mom," Annie said, "Then you can have some later, okay?"
"Fine." Marissa huffed, looking over at the counter. "I'll just eat this grape." Before either of us could protest, she popped the year old couch cushion grape into her mouth.
Annie and I stared at each other, jaws on the floor. Oh fuck. I cringed, watching Marissa swallow it without a problem.
"I'm.. I'm gonna go get dressed.." I squeezed my mouth shut tight to prevent laughing, pointing towards the staircase.
"Yeah, me too." Annie hopped down from the island as we both flee up the steps, trying our hardest not to laugh. That was so disgusting! I don't have the heart to tell her it has been hidden away for months and months.
I was doing an okay job at keeping it together before Annie's contagious belly laugh escaped from her mouth and she tripped up the stairs, falling to her knees.
"Guys!" Marissa called after us, "Wait!"
But the thing was, I couldn't wait. If I were to wait one second for Marissa, I would piss down my leg from laughing so hard. My lungs are tightening from running up the steps and trying to control my laughter, and it's this moment, I realize I'm not going to make it in time.
They say you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory, but, this time, I treasure it the most.
Annie
Before I enter the stadium part of the arena, I can feel the good vibes running through my bones. I can hear everyone moving, laughing, screaming, and singing. The excitement they gives off feeds your soul. There's so much commotion, and you can feel the drums beat to the pace of your own heart.
I walk out beside the stage, and I realize Nick has already sang two songs. I move past photographers to find my family; yes. My most favorite concerts are in LA because that's when everyone can be here together. Except, one person is missing.
I felt my ass vibrate, meaning I just received a text message. I pulled my phone out and saw it was Wilmer, "I'm so sorry I couldn't make it to say bye, I really really tried to get off set. I love you, kid. Have fun and FaceTime me as much as you can!"
I locked my phone back. I'm not angry at all, I know he's been shooting for NCIS, so I'm disregarding it and letting it slide this time. Besides, we'll be seeing a lot of him from now on.
"Annie!" Dianna yelled over the music, latching on to my arm.
I smiled, moving along with her until we found Madison, Dallas, Eddie, and Marissa. Instantly, I adapted to the routine and we all began singing on the top of our lungs and dancing crazy together.
I was so caught up in the moment, I didn't notice the blonde boy with security guards around him moving towards us. I was too busy moving my body all around to see girls fighting to get their picture with him. I didn't notice him at all. That was until Dallas pointed him out, and I wish she wouldn't have. Maybe if Dallas would've stayed in the moment, I wouldn't have known he was here at all. I wish she would have enjoyed the moment too, because now it's ruined.
"Hey!" She yelled, making me remember there's a world outside mine, "I haven't seen you in years!"
I followed her gaze to see the one and only, Niall Horan.
Before the blood could drain from my face, I reassured myself its just a coincidence. He's here for Nick. He's here for a good time. He's here for a concert. He's here to let loose. He's here for any reason other than Demi.
In 2012, Niall and Demi dated. He was the first boyfriend Demi had since Wilmer, and I loved him so much. Demi was in love with him. Head over heels, school girl crush. Then, things got rocky and he left without a excuse or a goodbye to me. Wilmer picked up the pieces. Wilmer was there. I just got Wilmer and Demi back together, and Niall is not here to ruin it once again.
"Hey, guys!" He smiled ear to ear, giving each family member a hug, "I haven't seen you in so long! Mind if I join the dance party?"
Before he could make his way to me, I turned away and pretended to be hella' interested in whatever song they were performing on stage. I just know that Niall doesn't come around to just say 'hey'. I also know that Niall doesn't stop until he gets what he wants.
"Say hi," Marissa said into my ear, so close her warm breath sent shivers down my spine.
"No," I snapped, throwing my hands in the air, trying my hardest to act like I'm really into the song.
"Annie.. It was four years ago." Dianna added, standing on the other side of me. "He's changed, it's over with. They've moved on."
But once you're reminded of your past, it sends you back. It makes you crave that feeling the person once gave you in your chest. I know Demi and she'll want to feel that once again.
I swallowed my pride, and turned to say hey to Niall, but I stopped once I saw him. He was holding his phone up, taking a picture of Demi singing. You've got to be kidding me.
He must sense me staring, because he turns. Our eyes meet and for a moment we both stand still until he smiles, waving, "Annie! Hey!"
I gave a faint wave, then turned away. Awkward. So awkward. Oh, how I wish Wilmer was here. I can imagine him spotting Niall, then his shoulders tense. He would stand a little taller, his face a little meaner. His muscles would flex so hard, you would probably see the seams of his shirt begin to rip. Then, he'd kill him. Just kidding on the last part, not kidding on the rest.
The set felt like hours, maybe years, with Niall so close. I could no longer throw myself into the song and get lost because I was so focused on getting backstage to Demi. I have to tell her he's here. I have to warn her so we can get the fuck out.
Eventually, the closing song came to and end, and the arena was full of scrambling people. The seats started to slowly become vacant.
"Let's go," Madison said, as we all left and began to walk backstage.
I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough, Niall was a few steps behind everyone else. Of-fucking-course.
"Madison, look at this picture of you!" Marissa laughed as Maddie fell back to walk with her. I took this opportunity to speed up, leaving everyone else behind.
I fastened my walk and the people roaming past me were just blurry blobs. The sound was drowned out by my thoughts and I only had my mind set on one thing- Demi.
"Hey, baby girl!" I heard from the left.
I stopped abruptly and saw my mom walked towards me with her team. My heart rate picked up, "Mom-"
She pulled me into a bone crushing hug, "Where's everyone else?"
"Mom," I said, wiggling out of her death grip, "Niall is here. Niall Horan!"
Instead of her frowning and confusion written all over her face, it was the opposite. Slowly, a smile spread across, "He came?"
Now, I let my face fall. My heart feels like it's carrying the weight of ten bricks. Was she expecting him?!
"Why is he here?" I asked.
"We were talking," she blushed, "and... I didn't think he was going to make it!"
She pushed me aside and I watched helplessly as she walked up to him, and they wrapped each other in their arms. No. No. This is so wrong in so many ways. Demi is with Wilmer and we're going to be a family. Why is she hugging him?
"Let's go get the left over ice cream.." Marissa mumbled, pulling me away from the scene. Oh god, is he flirting with her?
I agreed. Being anywhere but here will be fine.
•••
I'm confused and, frankly, kind of hurt. Why would Demi hide that from me? That Niall was coming, that she wanted him to come.. What about Wilmer? I heard them.. They love each other.
Marissa and I walked side by side, through the dry-humid night air. As we open the bus doors, the aching confusion only grows stronger. I have a gut feeling the answers to my questions aren't the ones I want.
I passed the bunks in a hurry, opening the door to Demis little room. There she sits, a goofy grin plastered to her face as she watches something on her phone.
"What's going on?" I ask her, sliding the door closed behind me.
"Whattya' mean?" She looked up, still smiling.
"What do you mean you and Niall talked? Why was he here tonight and why didn't you act surprised?
She sighed, "We just texted and snap chatted for a few days, so he came." There it is again, that blush.
"What about Wilmer?" I ask, "Does he know?"
Her eyebrows furrowed, "What do you mean what about Wilmer? Why would he know?"
"Be-because," I stuttered, getting pissed, "you're together, you're in love, and you're flirting with someone else?"
Demi chuckled a little under her breath, her mood changing instantly. "We're not together, Annie. I love him, but I'm not in love with him, anymore. I'm free to do what I please."
My whole heart broke piece by piece. 'I'm not in love with him, anymore.' How could she say that? How could she lie straight through her teeth like that?
"You're a liar!" I shook my head, refusing to believe her, "What? So you like Niall now?"
"I dunno," she shrugged, "Maybe."
Oh, for fucks sake, you've got to be kidding me! Tears burned my eyeballs as my fingers ball into fists. Two hours ago, I forgot he even existed and now Demi likes likes him?
"How could you do that?! To me?! To Wilmer?! To us!" I swallowed back my tears, but it's becoming harder and harder to do.
"There isn't an us, Annie! There hasn't been for a while and you know that!" She rolled her eyes, but I see it. She feels guilty, I know she does.
"We're supposed to be a family! Why would you throw that away?!"
"I'm allowed to hangout with guys, Annie! Believe it or not, I do what I want. So what if I have a crush on Niall? If I enjoy hanging out? Who the fuck cares?!"
"I do!" I yelled back, "You're the reason we can't keep the damn family together! Do you ever think about us, ever?!"
"Me?! One minute you hate Wilmer, the next you love him! Whatever I do, it's never enough to make you happy, Annie. I'm tired of it! I want to be happy for once, alright?!"
Okay, I haven't disliked Wilmer since he came around two years ago. I found out Wilmer is my real father, so of course I want us to be a family. I just started to get used to what a normal family feels like.
"Wilmer deserves better than that!" I said, "What happened to family, mom? How could you let that fall apart so easily?!"
"Easily?! You think this was easy for me?!" Demi shouted, making me tense, "You're so selfish, Annie! You want me to be with Wilmer, so you'll be happy! Don't you ever think that maybe I want to be happy, too?! If you love Wilmer so much, why don't you just go stay with him?"
I froze up, as hot tears raced down my cheeks and dropped from my chin. If only Demi knew how much I put her happiness before my own.
Thinking she would change her mind I said, "Fine. Maybe I will go stay with him."
"Please do," Demi sighed, "be my guest!"
"What?" I asked, shocked she's going through with this.
"You want to be happy and obviously I can't give that to you." Demi shrugged, "Call him. If he can't pick you up, we'll drop you off before we hit the road."
I've never felt so sad in my whole life. I looked at Demi, her face so cold. She has no emotion, no trace of sadness. How could she do that to me?
"But- you know-"
"Go." Demi's voice turned to a tone she's never used before. "Just, leave."
I never knew how much one heart could hurt until now.