I'm done making excuses. Ito na yung kasunod. Hahaha. Kayo na bahala. Kaunting pasensya pa sa'kin. Hindi madaling magpaalam.
xx Elliedelights xx
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Hindi ko naman sinadyang gawin 'tong horror. Haha.
Katunayan hindi ko isinulat ang nobelang ito para takutin ka. Para sabihin sayong nakakatakot mag-mahal.
Hindi.
Hindi 'yun 'yung dahilan.
Don't get me wrong, my friend. I wrote this story to make you realize that getting hurt is just a part of loving someone.
Mag-mahal ka.
'Wag kang matakot.
Don't waste this lifetime with regret and with fear. Natakot kasi ako noon... I was scared of rejection. I was scared of getting hurt. And most of all... I was scared that I wasn't good enough for him.
If you love someone, tell him – tell her.
If you like that person, let them know.
Ano 'yan habang-buhay mo na lang ibubulong sa hangin? Kagaya ko na kailangan pang umabot sa halos isang-libong kabanata at milyun-milyong salita para lang maparating yung nagi-isang bagay na ni minsan hindi ko nasabi sa kanya.
Mahal kita.
Habang-buhay ka na lang hihiling na sana malaman niya? I'm telling you, my friend, that love is meant to be felt, to be shared. Kahit sa salita, kahit sa gawa. It doesn't matter how. Hindi pala 'yan dapat pinagdadamot para lang protektahan ang sarili mo. If you get hurt, then it must be a good kind of hurt. You should have been proud of yourself for doing something so bold. Nagpapaka-totoo ka lang naman. And there's nothing to be scared about that.
Mahal kita.
Ako? Nakakatawa. Dahil kahit ilang notebook, at kahit ga'no pa karaming tinta ng ballpen ang ubusin ko. Kahit ilang tula, ilang nobela pa, at ilang chapter pa ng Love-Nat ang isulat ko... iisa lang ang gusto kong iparating.
Mahal kita.
Mahal kita.
Mahal kita.
Mahal kita.
At ito na, sa wakas... umabot na rin tayo sa puntong 'to...
"I've finally learned to let go of what's been hurting me for a long... long... time."
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Love-Nat
By: Elliedelights
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Chapter 60-2. Eroplanong Papel
Eleonor Malicsi Dimaculangan
Nandito kaming dalawa ni Enzo sa parking lot sa mismong tapat ng Mercury Drugs. Naka-upo ako sa motorsiklo niya, habang naka-tayo siya sa harap ko na parang isang higante. Pero kahit na may maliit siyang pasa sa mukha eh nakuha pa rin niyang asikasuhin 'yung kamay ko.
"You've never punched a face before, huh?" Enzo Ruiz Monteverde had observed while gently wrapping a bandage on my sprained hand – 'yung mismong pinansuntok ko sa kanya.
Hindi ako nakaimik. Hindi naman sa dinededma ko si Enzo. Hindi rin naman ako galit sa kanya, medyo lang. Medyo lang talaga. Pakiramdam ko nga sinadya niyang galitin ako... he did it on purpose to make me feel better.
Ahhh... ewan ko!
Argh! Pagod lang siguro ako.
Oo. Tama.
Pagod lang ako.
"You look really pale." He continued. I felt him studying me. "Do you want to go eat?"
Eat? Ellie, eat daw! Eat, ibig sabihin pagkain!!! Oo, FOODSSS!!!
Pagkain? Dati sa tuwing may nagsasabi sa'kin ng mga ganyang kataga kung anu-ano ng pagkain ang pumapasok sa isip ko... Katakut-takot na pagkain at putahe na gusto kong kainin... Iniisip ko pa lang 'yung itsura eh parang nalalanghap ko na agad pati amoy. Ganun katindi ang epekto ng PAGKAIN sa'kin.
Pero sa mga sandaling ito... sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan... TUMANGGI ako kay Enzo. Sa unang pagkakataon mga kapatid... AKALAIN niyo... Ako? Si Eleonor Malicsi Dimaculangan eh WALANG ganang kumain!!!
ANAKSHUTANG BUHAY 'TO!!! NAKAKAINIS!!! NAKAKAINIS!!! NAKAKAINIS SI SEF!!!
Walang ibang nasa isip ko kung hindi... "Asan si Sef?" I didn't even realize that I asked it out loud. Siya lang gusto ko makita. Siya lang gusto ko kausapin. Siya lang gusto ko magyaya sa'king kumain. Kahit kanila Aling Pacita pa 'yan, talagang papatusin ko! Basta ba siya kasama ko.
"I'm not his babysitter, am I?" Sarkastikong sagot ni Enzo.
Wala akong ganang makipag-away sa kanya... In fact, I was wondering why he'd waste time treating the sprain of my hand.
Asan ba kasi si Sef?
Magkasama kaya sila ni...? Pepita?
Akala ko kasi talaga kanina... siya na 'yung nagaabang sa'kin sa labas ng talyer. Animales!!! Ang hirap pala ng ganito... ang hirap tanggapin na sa isang iglap wala ka ng halaga sa kanya. Parang kahapon lang ayaw niyang bitawan 'yung kamay mo... tapos ngayon, isang bahing mo lang... ibang kamay na 'yung hawak-hawak niya.
Asan ka na Sef?
Sef...
Gustong-gusto ko siya makita. Magkasama kami kaninang umaga pero pakiramdam ko... halos anim na taon ko siyang hindi nakita at nakausap.
Animales Ellie!!! Ikaw ba 'yan? Dapat ikaw 'tong sinusuntok eh!!! Nababaliw ka na bang talaga??? 'Wag kang umarte jan pwede? 'Wag kang ganyan... utang na loob...
Anakshuta! Eleonor Malicsi Dimaculangan... taympers... Utang na loob din... tama na pagpapanggap mo... 'Wag ka na magkunwaring matapang ka, na okay ka, na KAYA mo... kasi alam natin pareho... alam mo sa sarili mong – NASASAKTAN KA!!!
Pinikit ko agad 'yung mga mata ko... I shut it sooo tight and fought the fucking tears that I knew were ready to explode. HINDI AKO IIYAK!!! HINDI!!! HINDI AKO PAPAYAG!!! ANIMALES, KAYA MO YAN ELEONOR!!! MALIIT NA BAGAY LANG YANG PINAGDADAANAN MO!!! WALA YAN!!! WALA YAN!!! WALA!!! PAKER!!! IKAW SI ELLIE!!! IKAW 'YUNG BABAENG WALANG KINAKATAKUTAN!!! IKAW YUN!!!
I swallowed hard. I swallowed that gaddamn painful lump in my throat. I felt my lips shaking as I forced a fake smile. NGITI ELEONOR!!! Punyemas NGITI!!! GANYAN NGA!!! NGITI!!! HAHAHAHA.
MALOLOKO MO BUONG MUNDO PERO 'DI SARILI MO!!!
I heard Enzo sighed, as if he was just too tired. To my surprise, he gently rested his hand over my head and willed me to look down. It was as if he doesn't want to see my face at all. "Why didn't you tell them that you already know the truth? No one is going to praise you for being such a gaddamn martyr."
Natawa ko. It was a bitter laugh. "Kasi gusto ko sa kanila manggaling. Gusto ko sila pagkatiwalaan." I smiled. "Kahit na..." Napatigil ako. Alam ko na pag tinuloy ko mawawala 'tong ngiti sa mukha ko. Oh hell no, this fake smile is going to stay on this face. No more single drop of tear today, my friends. HELL NO!!! Ayan, ganyan nga Ellie. Ganyan nga!!! Pagpatuloy mo yan!!! Ganyan ang mga galawan ng isang dakilang Hokage, Ellie!!! Hahaha. APIR!!!
"Shit! I hate people like you." Enzo muttered softly that he doesn't sound convincing at all.
Parang 'yung ngiti ko lang.
Hindi kapani-paniwala.
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They look like the perfect couple standing against the wall of the vast, empty reception hall. Pano ba naman sila hindi magmumukhang perfect eh halos magkapareho pa nga 'yung kulay ng damit nila. At lahat pa ng nakapalibot sa kanila eh busy sa pagse-setup nung kuwarto. 'Yung iba may dala-dalang mga lobo, silya, lamesa at kung anu-ano pa. Samantalang, naka-tayo lang sila dun sa gilid. Parang nagkakahiyaan pang mag-usap.
Miguel Josef Uy Monteverde kept running a hand on his now-more-disheveled hair with his other hand in his pocket. He was scratching the back of his head like something has been bothering him for a while now. Siguro kinakain siya ng konsensya niya sa tuwing naalala niya itsura ni Eleonor kanina. Halatang nagtampo ang girlfriend niya. At damang-dama niya 'yun. But he has no choice ... Not that he wanted to leave... he just... had to. And every minute he was with her, he felt like he was drowning. The guilt of keeping a secret from her just makes it more and more suffocating. He hated himself for it. He truly does.
Lianne Rose Curtis, however, rested her back comfortably against the wall. She was swinging her handbag in front of her that it dangled against the front of her legs. Sef... yes, Sef... he was just an arm away from her. And it's funny how she still feels so conscious around him. She kept glancing at him, observing him. Her long, light brown hair was braided on one side and her elegant, simple white dress made her look like an angel watching over him.
She noticed every single detail about him – from Sef's sparkly, clean rubber shoes, to his slightly loose pair of jeans, to that huge, dirty-white sweater. Naramdaman ni Lianne na mukhang maraming iniisip ang binata. Ganyan kasi pumorma 'yan kapag hindi makapag-concentrate. He prefers wearing loose clothes when he is having a really bad day.
Lianne chewed on her lower lip. He still looked the same. And she felt an indescribable longing run down her chest. Yes, longing... Namimiss niya si Sef... namimiss niya 'yung dating sila.
And it's making it more difficult for her especially when Sef still looked just as perfect. Impeccable. Handsome. Beautiful. And how she wanted to grab him and make all his worries go away. She wanted to run her hand on that beautiful, messy hair of his just like what she used to do.
What the hell happened to them anyways?
Why did their once happy love story ended up like this?
She swallowed. She wanted to ask him so many things. But she had to stop herself every single time. She had to stop herself from feeling anything. She had to pretend she doesn't know him. Just for her best friend – just for Eleonor Malicsi Dimaculangan.
And she knew... it's all worth it.
Everything for Ellie... is... worth it...
Is it?
Really?
Who the hell was she kidding?
Siguro nga sinabi niya kay Sef na ilihim kay Ellie 'yung totoo... nung una... she wanted that to protect their relationship, to protect Ellie's happiness. Alam kasi niya... kung gugustuhin lang niya... kung sasabihin lang niya kay Eleonor na ibalik niya sa kanya si Sef... Lianne was sure... hindi magdadalawang isip si Ellie. Ganun naman yun. Laging mahalaga sa kanya ang mga kaibigan niya kesa sa sarili niya.
Maraming pagkakataon na pwede na niyang sabihin kay Ellie. Ilang beses na niyang dapat ginawa... ang daming oportunidad para sabihin sa kanya. Pero hindi niya ginawa kasi... kasi gusto niyang isipin pa rin siya ni Sef. She wanted Sef to ponder about her. She wanted Sef to worry whenever he's with Ellie. She wanted Sef to be bothered by her.
Kung 'yun lang 'yung paraan para makuha niya ulit atensyon ni Sef... she'd rather NOT tell Ellie anything.
She tried so hard to be the good friend. She did. For Ellie. She did her best to ignore these feelings. To ignore everything. To turn her head away.
But it's never easy to forget someone like Miguel Josef Uy Monteverde.
Today... today... maybe... she would reach out to Sef... maybe there's still a chance... maybe... she just needs to find out what he feels...
Maybe...
Just maybe...
"Nasira na ba 'yun relos na binigay ko sa'yo?" Lianne finally broke the silence. "I've never seen you wear it." Nung unang binigay 'yun sa kanya ni Lianne lagi na 'yun suot-suot ni Sef. He would NEVER take it off.
Never.
Sef momentarily froze and glanced at her direction. "Uh..." Napatingin si Sef sa relos na suot-suot niya ngayon. 'Yung mismong relos na binigay sa kanya ni Ellie nung dinala niya ang dalaga sa Antipolo para ipakilala kay Yolanda bilang girlfriend niya. (Refer to Chapter 56-2. Love-Nat Musketeers) "I'm sorry. I... I still have it... but... it's broken." Sef slightly chuckled when he remembered what had happened the night Ellie broke the watch Lianne gave him. "I had to jump in the lake to save Ellie. Hindi kasi siya marunong lumangoy."
"Ah," Lianne nodded, looking sadly out the huge glass windows of the hotel room. Dun lang niya napansin na umuulan na pala sa labas.
"Ellie gave me this watch." Sef then softly explained.
Lianne felt cold as she watched the raindrops splattered against the glass windows. They look like long, endless tears.
Binuksan ni Lianne 'yung bag niya at may kinuha sa loob nito. "Do you..." She fished out her hand. Kung ano man 'yung hawak-hawak niya eh parang wala siyang balak bitawan. "You still have mine? Don't you?" She reached out her closed fist towards Sef. And slowly, she opened it... and there it was... the very ring she gave him on their first anniversary. She kept it for years after he left LA. She kept it, hoping to give it back to him. She kept it, wishing he'd give back her ring, the one he gave her when he proposed to her.
"I..." Sef seemed to be at a loss of words. He finally turned to face Lianne, who was staring hard at the plain, silver ring on her palm. "I'm sorry." He said and he meant it. He drew his breath as if thinking as to how to explain it to her. "Kumain kami nun ni Ellie kanila aling Pacita," Sef recalled. (Refer to Chapter 7-8. Frating Gutom- Paparazzi!) "I kept it in my wallet at that time... gusto ko kasi 'yun laging dala-dala... kaya lang... someone... stole my wallet and... I... lost the ring. I'm... really sorry."
Lianne closed her fist again and withdrew her hand. She leaned back against the wall and suddenly, she felt so tired for standing up too long. Siguro dahil sa heels na suot-suot niya.
Bumabagyo na sa labas.
Patuloy 'yung pag-buhos nung malakas na ulan. Everything she had with Sef was gone... all those little things that used to mean something... were gone because of Eleonor.
Si Ellie... Para siya 'yung bagyo... like the rain, she was washing everything away...
"Hindi mo ba itatanong sa'kin... why I didn't say yes when you proposed to me back then?" Lianne continued to stare out the window, sadly watching the continues downpour. She couldn't bear to look at Sef. Not when she's about to cry. She knew her tears would come rushing down exactly like the heavy pouring rain outside.
"Lianne, I..."
"Sef... I... wanted to say yes so badly." Malayang tumulo ang mga luha ng dalaga. But she didn't budge. She just stood still against the wall, her eyes fixed on the window. "I do want to spend the rest of my life with you." Umiiyak na siya but her words didn't even falter. "But I... I don't want you to marry me for the wrong reasons. I knew you weren't thinking straight when you proposed to me. I knew you were just scared to be alone. You proposed because you were afraid, you just wanted me to stay... and not because you..."
"I did--" Sef tried, his eyes a little glossy.
"Sir," Biglang lumapit 'yung isang waiter kay Sef. Lianne instinctively turned her back and wiped her cheeks clean. "Mag-lunch break lang ho muna kami. 30-minutes more tapos na namin pagse-setup dito."
Sef nodded. "Okay." He just looked so tired. Para bang siya 'yung nag-buhat ng lahat ng lamesa at upuan papasok dun sa kuwarto. Parang siya lang mag-isa yung gumawa ng trabaho nung mga waiter.
The waiter left while silence fell between Sef & Lianne. Unti-unting nagsilabasan nung kwarto 'yung ibang waiters.
Patuloy pa rin ang malakas na ulan sa labas.
Sef stood there in silence. He felt helpless as Lianne continued to cry. But Sef knew that there was no easy way to do this.
Is there anything else to say, at this point? Lianne felt relieved for this was everything she needed.
Answers.
Closure.
And there aren't words to say especially when Miguel Josef Uy Monteverde just handed back her heart.
"I asked you to come here because I wanted to talk to you about something else..." Sef explained, looking directly at her. He stood like a man before her.
And Lianne could tell there were no MAYBES left between her and Sef.
No more what ifs.
No more question marks.
Just one big period.
"After this," Sef spread his arms referring to the big hotel room. "I'll tell Ellie everything. I knew I should have done it a long time ago. I don't... I can't keep this anymore Lianne." He looked at her, and his eyes didn't even blink. "I am... truly... in love with your best friend. And I'm... really... sorry I..."
Lianne wiped her eyelids, cleaning her tears away. "No need to apologize, stupid!" She smiled and laughed. And she meant it. She was happy to hear him say that. She's happy for Ellie. She truly is. "I'd tell her, too. And I'll make sure she understands. Then I'm... I'll take the earliest flight in LA tomorrow." She laughed again. "I think nagawa ko na 'yung dapat kong gawin dito."
Sef nodded as if he understood.
"You're a stupid, jerk Miguel Josef Uy Monteverde!" Lianne was both crying and laughing by now.
Sef smiled. Para bang nabunutan siya ng tinik sa dibdib. "Alam ko." Slowly, he walked towards her and hugged her. "I would miss your cookies." He whispered as he rested his chin on top of her head. "Thank you Lianne. For everything."
Lianne bit her lower lip as more tears cascaded down her cheeks. "Sef?" She whispered back against his chest. "Will you... kiss me... for one last time?"
Sef looked down to gaze at her eyes. He studied her for what seemed to be forever then gave her a sad smile. He wiped her tears and slowly leaned down to kiss her good bye.
"Good bye, Josef."
It wasn't the kind of kiss that'll make your heart flutter and make butterflies dance around. No, it was the kind that'll make your chained heart free, the kind where you no longer need to hold on to something...
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" It happened so fast. Enzo Ruiz Monteverde stormed inside the room and landed a good, solid punch on Sef, who got off balance and tumbled on the ground.
"OH MY GOD!" Napasigaw na lang si Lianne. "ENZO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
"ENOUGH WITH THIS BULLSHIT!" Enzo fumed. Basang-basa ng ulan ang binata. "YOU BOTH LIED, TREATED HER LIKE SHE'S STUPID AND NOW... THIS? KISSING? REALLY? HOW FUCKING LOW CAN YOU BOTH GO?"
"Damn it! You have no fucking idea what you're talking about." Sef calmly replied as he sat down and wiped the blood off his lips. He stayed seated on the ground and Lianne rushed down his side.
"Don't I?" Enzo mocked. "I'm pretty sure I know what I was talking about when I told your girlfriend everything."
Sef's eyes flashed in fury in an instant. Nakatayo na agad ang binata at agad hinablot sa may leeg ng leather jacket 'yung pinsan niya. "What the hell are you talking about?" Sef hissed, slamming his cousin against the huge windowpane. "Anong sinabi mo kay Ellie?"
"She knew everything since that day at the bar." Galit na galit na sinabi ni Enzo. "I didn't get the memo about the lying game the two of you got going so I told her."
"Alam niya?" Lianne gasped as if something hard just hit her on the face. "Ang tagal na nun ah? Oh, Ellie..." She cried helplessly.
"You're lying." Sef said through gritted teeth. Gaganti sana ng suntok si Sef sa pinsan niya but something caught his eye just right outside the window...
Sef froze and his eyes went wide when he saw Eleonor Malicsi Dimaculangan sitting on a parked motorcycle just right outside the hotel. She was sitting calmly under the storm, under the rain.
Basang-basa si Ellie. Halatang giniginaw ang dalaga pero parang wala lang sa kanya. Meron pang nakapalibot na benda sa kanang kamay nito.
And the worst part is... Ellie was looking straight at him. Her face was expressionless, hard as a rock. And seeing her like that was more painful than the punch Enzo just gave him.
Tumakbo agad papalabas si Sef. He didn't care about the rain; he didn't care about the storm, or the cold wind endlessly blowing that moment.
He was, in fact, more worried that she might disappear by the time he got in the parking lot.
For the longest time he has known Ellie, he knew the one thing she was good at – RUNNING AWAY.
To be continued.