(this is by Real beauty of Islam- Marriage/Nikah, and i thought i should share. Ive learned somethings from these, and i can only hope that these help you guys too)
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Everyday we make choices. We choose to do this over that or that over this. But the key word is CHOOSE. It might not feel like it, because we can get so used to life "as is" that we float through it without much thought.
Even so in the mindless moments there are a million tiny choices that we make everyday.
It starts with a CHOICE.
Call it romance, call it love, call it wooing or even call it respect.
No matter what you call it, it starts with a choice.
Here's the tricky part though, you have already made a choice, you made the choice to love your wife, thats why you asked her to marry you or you said yes to marrying her. However, this aint the problem, the problem is in the mindlessness of live. When we go through everyday, without much thought, we are NOT prepared to make the choices that matter.
Which do YOU CHOOSE?
When your wife is running late, do you CHOOSE to wait lovingly and patiently or pace the floor with a huge frown on your face?
When you are taking a break at work, do you CHOOSE to send your wife a text or check the sports scores?
When you come home, do you CHOOSE to plop on the couch and check out or jump in and take part in the evening with your family?
Oh and girls, dont think am letting you go so easy, nope.
When your husband works those extra hours at his job, do you CHOOSE to complain that he is never around or thank him for working hard for the family? ( i dont think any guy would prefer working extra hours if not for his family, his wife).
When your husband gives one of those kisses, do you welcome the advances, even though there is tons to do or do you push him away until the last list is finished?( by the way, it is not lawful for a believing woman who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day to refuse the intercourse advances of her husband, however the husband needs to satify her completely. like always in Islam in never always only about the guy, when his wife says yes to his advances, then he HAS to completely satisfy her too)
One more Choice.
When you've had a disagreemen, there is a choice that each of you makes that is very critical.
You might not be seeing eye to eye, you might not feel like your spouse even gets you, but you have a choice to act in love and grace or not.
Every disagreement has a moment and a choice. The problem is that these choices are crowded by emotions. There is hurt, frustration, anger... all cheering you on to continue the fight. All your emotions come toghter to push you towards the wrong choice.
They scream " he is trying to hurt me" or "she just doesnt care at all".
It is easy to follow those emotions right down the road and keep the conflict growing.
If you can make the choice, the small shift to recognize your spouse as someone who loves you and wants the best for you, only then you could choose to see the disagreement as merely a misunderstanding between two loving people rather than an attack.
Today you will have dozens of choices, choices that will move you closer or further apart from your spouse.
Which will you choose?
Dont think negatively, negativety ruins a marraige.
A husband wants to make his wife happy. ( i know hard to accept lol)
Why do you think a man works so hard to make money?
Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business?
Why do you think men like buying women gifts?
Because deep down, they really want to make us happy.
They do screw it up though at times. Like forgetting anniversaries, but believe me they would remember if they could, because they know it would make us happy. ( and i also wanna think that they dont want to witness another episode of "The Wives Wrath" lol)
So.. When your husband buys you a gift accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely and use it as often as possible.
If he buys you some jewelry, wear it.
If he buys you a smart phone, use it.
If he buys you a car, drive it.
And dont be quick to nag him about the things he doesnt do right. Because then he will start feeling that you dont respect the things he does for you.
And remember nudging your husbands to be a better Muslim wont do.
Nobody's perfect.
Your husband may not be a muslim scholar or not the best muslim in the world.
Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.
Offer to wake him up for Fajar prayers.
Encourage him to make Salaah at the masjid. (mosque)
Tell him how much nicer he would look if he grew his beard.
It takes deliberate words, a soft touch and careful action. No one likes to be preached to.
But if you do this right, ul get a double reward. Reward that comes with living with a righteous husband and the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth.
Men are also not good at showing their emotions (unless they are talking sports or politics).
They dont tell 'i love you' that often. And comparing them to the Holy Prophet pbuh constantly wont help either.
Of course trying to do the things he did, to emulate him, is important and most men try. They want to do their best, but no ones perfect.
We cant expect them to treat us the way our Prophet pbuh treated his wives.
Same way our husbands cant expect us to behave like Bibi Ayesha and Bibi Khadija or the other wives of the Prophet pbuh.
Just because your husband doesnt treat you the way you think Prophet Mohammed pbuh treated his wives, doesnt mean that your husband doesnt love you.
It means he is human. Just like you.