Why would anyone dirty their pure hands with such filth as me? I still can't bear to think you once wasted the precious moments of your life with me.
The burdens and angst you have placed upon my heart will not be forgotten. Your actions will have not been in vain.
These years that were once filled with joy and laughter are now replaced with emptiness and sorrow. The longing for you to be back with me has damaged my heart far beyond repairing.
Can you not see how much I have longed for your angelic presence? Can you not see how much I wished for you to dirty your pure hands once more?
Heal my broken heart. Repair my damaged soul. Set me free from this anxiety. I can't do this much longer. I need you by my side, angelic one.
Who am I without your guiding hand? The one who was able to lead me along through these hardships, where are you now? Why have you left me again? It's not over you know. It's never over.
Why have you remained so silent? Have you died? Are you listening? Or was your love for me never real in the first place?
Can't you see, that without you, I am a filthy demon. The scum of the earth. Filth that is frowned upon daily by this society.
Save me. Hear my cries for help. Your comforting, pure presence is what I wish for the most at this point in my life.
But no, you never reply anymore. Are you a friend? An enemy? I don't know you anymore. I don't know anything.
If you really are still here, make your presence be known to me. Is it I who has gone blind to your kindness? Unveil my eyes which have stayed clouded with fear and regret since the day you left me.
Stop this nonsense. You being silent is pointless. What joy do you find in my suffering?
Or have you gone blind from my suffering? Are the scars on my damaged heart no longer visible to you? Please tell me. I can't take this silence.
From the crack of dawn to when the moon shines its very brightest, you still refuse to be known. How could I lose the angelic one who found me?
~ Petunia Paisley
For some reason, I just started to write in the notes on my iPod. At first, I was really directing it to someone I know, but I slowly started to change my mind.
So, uh, I know it's crap. Pretty much venting about how much some people like I myself, long for that "angelic" one in their life again.
That one person who made every single day of your life for years, so much better.
Pffft I need to stop watching Osomatsu san Japanese depressing songs on YouTube today.
That last line though, is kinda something I took from my journal. I was reading it earlier today, and it actually made me cry. Look ;0; I'm not that much of a sadist after all! My own words make me cry.
"I love you too much to lose the person who found me."
That's what my journal said. I'm sure if I posted my journal on here xD everyone would...read weird things. Things that aren't exactly pleasant. If I'm ever venting on here, that usually means I just forgot to write in my journal, and I'm letting it all out elsewhere.
ENOUGH OF THIS BULL CRAP. I MUST GO WRITE UNTIL I PASS OUT.
GOOD NIGHT.