I always enjoyed Matt's taste in decor. Minimal, yet homely, he had that classic home space down with white wash walls, splashed with kitsch-style pictures and automatic smart blinds that moved up and down from the navigation of his mobile phone.
It almost instantly put your head in a clearer space, which I needed this morning. I spent the night here sleeping next to Matt, worrying about Joshua. I let Megan know her brother was home alone, and she assured me he was okay.
It was bound to be hard for him to open up about his trauma, which he had done with me, but his quick anger hinted that he still had a lot to process up there.
"What time you due in at work?" asked Matt as he stood bare-chested, rubbing a towel over his head.
I pulled my hoody over my tee and sat back on the bed to slip on a pair of socks. "It's my day off today."
He threw his used towel in the washing basket near the door and turned just enough to show me a hint of his cheeky smile. "Well... I have a dentist appointment at ten o'clock, but then I'm free for the day, so why don't you stay here and wait for me to come back?"
I shook my head. "No can do. My to-do list is a mile long today. And I want to go check on Joshua."
Matt blinked harder. "Are you sure that I can't tempt you to stay?"
I moved forward so I could kiss his cheek softly when he stepped over here, smiling when he stroked the back of my head. "Not today, big guy. I promised Megan to look out for him."
"And he stepped over a line yesterday. You don't owe him a thing," he replied, showing me his frown lines.
I nodded. "I know, but Joshua is going through something that neither one of us will ever be able to understand. We have to cut him some slack."
I was also struggling to realise why I felt so compelled to help him.
Matt didn't look too happy about it, but he kept his mouth shut on the matter.
"Your trust in people scares me sometimes," he replied, sliding his hand from the back of my head to smooth his slender thumb over my cheekbone.
I placed my hand over his to give him a little reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry about me, okay?"
"If you say so." He let his eyes wander my face. "Just a heads-up, we won't be able to have another sleepover for a few days because mum and dad are staying here until Sunday night."
I pushed his hand away so I could move myself to rest against the headboard. "Why didn't you tell me your parents were coming up? They love me."
He snorted. "Always so modest. I didn't tell you because I thought it might be weird for you."
"Why would it be weird for me?" I questioned.
Matt tugged at his tee when it went tight around his waist, throwing himself down on the bed to pull socks over his feet. "You know the story. They were mad that we broke things off, and mum refuses to listen when I try to explain our friends with benefits agreement."
I reached for the cushion at the side of me to launch at him. It caught him in the ribs hard enough to make him wince out of the way. "I would think so. Too much information, Matt!"
He laughed. "Yeah, I should probably apologise to her."
I fell to the side and onto the fluffy pillows, sure that I could sleep for another five hours in this bed. "Or never mention your sex life again to her. Both should work fine."
"Gotcha," he said on a grin, tossing me one of my beanie hats from my small section in his wardrobe when I slid out of bed. "You hungry this morning?"
I picked up my scrunched up trousers that were sitting on the chair in the corner of the room. "I could eat something. You?"
I ended up whisking a quick breakfast of eggs on toast for us before Matt dropped me off at my flat on his way to the dentist. And as I hung my keys up near the door and walked across the living space, I heard Joshua call through to me from his bedroom.
His voice stopped me mid-stride as he repeated himself. "Is that you, Tabitha?"
I cleared my throat. "Yeah, it's me."
In the same clothes as yesterday, he appeared through his bedroom door, giving me a quick smile. "I worried about you last night."
It's a frustrated smile, and it doesn't meet his eyes for long. But that smile seems to be all it takes to trap the small amount of air in my throat.
As casually as possible, I smiled back at him and sat down on the couch to pick up the television remote, still struggling to breathe.
"I stayed at Matt's place, because I thought you could use the space. Megan said that she told you where I was," I replied, dumping my handbag next to me.
"She did." His voice was as tight as his body, and when our eyes matched again, there was something dark and powerful in them. "I still worried, though. After the park."
I nodded.
An uneasy expression took over his face. "Is Matt the guy you left with yesterday?"
I nodded once more.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
Was it any of his business?
"No, he's not my boyfriend," I replied, picking up on the relief in his eyes.
He reached up to scratch his head, showing off the huge scar that runs from the top of his bicep to his wrist knuckle. "I see."
It was awkward then, with us both standing around and staring at random objects in the room. The magazines that sat near the couch needed moving, so I got up and used tidying them as an excuse to get away from the restless energy.
Joshua choosing that moment to help by walking over to the armchair to re-fluff the cushions and tidy the knitted throw that was already in the perfect position.
"Do you enjoy working at the library?" he asked in small talk.
I turned towards him. "I've worked there since I was seventeen, so it feels like I could never leave."
"Seven years in the same job? That's some good going," he replied and held his hand out for me to pass the empty biscuit packet I found stuffed down the back of the settee.
That was Megan's favourite trick.
"The owners are more like family to me, and working with Markus is so much fun. I know that it probably sounds lame, but I wouldn't change a thing about my job," I replied.
"It's not lame." He shook his head at me, eyes growing soft. "It's nice to do something you love. It's rare these days. It's heartbreaking when I think of the number of recruits who regret their decision to join when they realise how hard it is to let go of your freedom."
I nodded. "I can only imagine. You said yourself that you struggled to be there."
"Yeah." He motioned at me with his gigantic hands, then dropped them to his sides with urgent action. "It's why I find your love for your job completely refreshing."
He couldn't possibly be comparing the two? "Our situations are completely different. It's ridiculous to compare them."
"Not really. Every job counts. I mean, look at Meg's, she quite literally saves lives, and you? Well, hear me out here, but I served the nation, right? Well, effectively, so do you," he added.
I frowned, completely puzzled. "How do you work that out?"
A smug little grin appeared on his face. "I googled Librarian's the other day, and found this quote that stuck with me: Libraries force people to research, and strong researchers build an even stronger nation. It's your job to encourage people to push out of their comfort zones and ask more questions. I would be proud of that if I were you."
I bypassed the google search for now and tried to think of the words to back up my dumbfounded expression. "I guess I never thought of it that way before now."
He moved closer, leaving just enough room to escape should he need to do. "I'm glad that you do now."
I bent down to pull at a silver packet sticking out of the other side of the couch. "We need an intervention. Your sister is a litterbug!"
He chuckled. "Or a bin beside the couch. Once you're comfy, the last thing you want to do is to get off the couch and walk all the way back to the kitchen."
"Nope, that's just called laziness," I replied, laughing along with him when he scrunched his nose up.
Staring at me a little too long to seem polite, he stepped back to cross his arms defensively over his chest, almost as if he was mad at himself for laughing. He spoke up, "Some of my buddies from school contacted me. They want to meet up tonight. Don't suppose you fancy it?"
Way to change the subject. "Sure, I've nothing planned. Where do they want to meet?"
"Paddy wanted to have a little get together at his place, because he knows I'll feel safest there," he said.
It eased me to know that he had friends who cared about him enough to base their plans around his needs.
I nodded, screwing the wrapper up in my hands. "Sounds like fun. I won't be able to stay for too long, though, I'm afraid."
I couldn't be sleeping through my early morning alarm and miss opening the library.
I had never been late a day in my life and would not start now.
Joshua rested his foot on the bottom lip of the coffee table. "That's fine by me. I don't stay long at these things."
I frowned. "Why don't you stay a bit longer to catch up with them?"
He shook his head. "No, I won't be staying long."
Something about the tone of his voice told me not to push him, so I nodded my head instead. "Well, okay then. Whatever you want."
...
The small detached house Paddy shared with his girlfriend had to be the most stylish place on earth. They painted the outside in an off white and the windowsills an olive green colour, with potted trees plotted either side of the cream-coloured door. The inside as beautiful with neutral walls and flowered couches.
"I would move in here if you'd let me," I said when Paddy showed Joshua and me through to the lounge area. "It's like something you see in a home magazine."
He laughed. "Lara's an interior designer. This home has been her project for three years."
"Well, she sure has a talent for it," I replied, smiling at the couple who sat on the couch near us. "Hello."
The woman smiled first and moved her blonde hair to the side. "Hey, I'm Claire."
The man next to her stood up and held his hand out towards me, "I'm Zach, nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you, too," I replied, cringing as I watched him pull Joshua into a tight embrace.
"Ah, man! Mind my back," Joshua suddenly shouted, his face twisted in pain.
Paddy wrenched back with his hands up in the air. "Fuck, dude. I'm sorry. I didn't think."
In an instant, I was stepping forward and close to Joshua to rub his shoulder. "Take a deep breath."
The corner of his eyes caught on mine as he relaxed into my touch. "I'm okay."
I nodded and moved away from him.
"Josh, sweetheart," an unfamiliar voice entered the room. "I can't believe you are here."
I turned around and saw a petite redhead who was holding a tray of crisps and dips. The polka dot dress she wore swished at the bottom as she rushed over to put the plate on the table and grab onto his hand.
Joshua's eyes warmed like nothing I had ever seen. It felt like a reunion of best friends... or lovers. "Hey, Lara. How are you doing?"
Oh, she was Lara, Paddy's girlfriend.
Lara covered her mouth, and a sob escaped. "I'm getting there day by day, you know?"
"Yeah. I got you."
Everything went quiet as we watched the pair stare at one another like they were talking without words. Paddy entered the room with two bottles of wine, but fell silent at the sight.
It felt to me as if we were imposing on a significant moment.
"It wasn't your fault," she whispered loud enough for us to hear.
But Joshua didn't take lightly to this as his panicked eyes moved from her to me, to the ground. "Don't... please, not now."
Lara reached forward to cup his cheek, forcing his eyes on her. "Stop blaming yourself. Ross-"
He moved away as if she'd burnt him. "I said that I didn't want to talk about it."
Paddy chose that moment to close in on them and tug Lara away. The compassion on her face said a thousand words as Joshua glanced at me with misty eyes. Ross was a hard subject for him and by the way, his friends had diverted the conversation told me they knew that too.
I half-smiled in pain for his torture. "You okay?"
He closed his eyes tightly and turned away to stumble his way to the armchair. I sighed and pulled at the hem of my top to make sure it hadn't ridden up to show off my belly. Lara used that time to make herself known to me.
"You must be Tabitha?" she smiled. "Such a wonderful name. I'm Lara, and it's lovely to meet you."
I instantly felt put at ease by her caring tone. "I am indeed. Thank you so much. It's very kind of you to say so. Likewise, I adore your house."
"Oh, this place?" she replied, lifting her hand. "It's nearly been the death of me. I'll tell you that much."
"Paddy mentioned you are an interior designer. You have a real knack for it," I replied.
Lara glanced over at Joshua, who was staring at us with intent. "This girl is a keeper, Josh."
"Oh," I blushed so hard that I almost heard the pulse of the blood. "We aren't together."
Lara frowned. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed."
"Lara's a romantic at heart," Claire said, bending to get a few crisps from the fancy marble bowl. "If you're single, she makes it her mission to find you someone."
Joshua shuffled around in the chair and cleared his dry-sounding throat. "Tabitha is my sister's roommate. I've been staying with her while Megan is away."
"Lucky shit," Zach shouted out of nowhere, causing a few of us to turn in his direction. "I wish my roommate looked like Tabitha."
I giggled, not sure what else to do.
Claire nudged his side so hard that he almost fell off the couch. "Stop being a jerk."
Lara eyed Joshua and me before winking in my direction. "You could both do a lot worse."
Yeah. We totally could.
...
Thank you for reading! <3