His face haunted all of my dreams that night.
Marcus' face.
He was a demon that plagued me. I thought maybe that I had escaped my past. Maybe it would stay where it should be, behind me.
But I was wrong.
Because during that whole fight, somehow Liam's face would contort into Marcus'. Every hit took me back to days where my life was punch after punch after punch. When I was nothing more than his punching bag, a weakling.
The sound of my own contorted scream mixed with a sad howl shocked me awake. I was covered in sweat and breathing hard. The dreams were relentless.
"Char?! Are you alright!?" Derek was on my bed checking me for any sign of damage while Elliot checked all the windows.
I nodded while the shaky breaths still poured out of my mouth. I couldn't say anything. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I was still so weak, so much weaker than I thought I was.
My wolf howled sad and low in the back of my mind. She disagreed, but the memories of my past life broke her heart. She couldn't help but be shaken up by them.
"You okay girl?" Levi was standing in my doorway with his arms crossed. His silver eyes were scanning me careful before they met my own eyes.
He knew.
He always seemed to know what was really going on in my brain. There was no hiding anything from Levi.
I nodded to him while Derek slipped into me bed and pulled me tight against him. He started to stroke my hair and wipe the tears away while I tried to calm myself down.
Levi nodded then headed out as Elliot climbed in on the other side of me so I was in a cozy vampire sandwich. My heart started to settle as the tears slowed down.
It was just a dream, just a very bad dream. That's what I had to keep telling myself at least.
"He can't hurt you anymore, you know that right Char?"
I looked up at Derek whose brown eyes were full of brother-like concern. "I know."
"The past can hurt. It may be behind us, but it still hurts," Elliot said gently. He took my hand and gave it a light squeeze.
"You're stronger than that, you know that right Char?" I sighed and wiped a tear away with my spare hand. There were some days I wasn't so sure. My wolf growled at the thought, she was strong. She was so strong. Sometimes I felt like the weaker one in the relationship, like she had to do all the heavy lifting.
"It doesn't always feel like that. Some days I feel so strong, so far away from what I was. Days like today, nights like tonight, I feel so weak. I feel like his memory can still eat me up, like I am still running from him."
"What would you do if you ever saw him again," Elliot asked quietly.
I laid my head on Derek's chest as he stroked my hair and chewed on the question, but there wasn't much to chew on. "I'd kill him."
They slept next to me that night, and the next nights after. I didn't see Liam for a few days, even though we were apparently supposed to start our training. Levi said I needed a break. I think they all knew I needed my space since our spar.
I had won that fight, but I sure as hell did not feel like it. I felt like I had unleashed a sea of worms from a can that wouldn't stop pouring out. Levi said it was because I hadn't come to terms with my past yet, made my peace with myself. I didn't know if I would ever truly know peace.
My wolf was gentle with me. She felt my pain and understood. She understood but she pushed me harder. She knew that we were strong, that I was strong, and she was damn well determined to make sure I knew that.
They let me have my space. Even when I went for runs in the morning, they let me have enough space so it seemed like I was on my own. On my own with watchful eyes around me. I would run to the border of the land, where patrol wolves were stationed, and come back.
The patrols didn't bother me. They were usually mated males or females who Levi said were alerted by Lander to keep their distance. It was nice to see other wolves, though; there was a need inside me to find more of my own, to find a pack. I knew it came from my wolf. I wasn't ready, though, not yet at least; not until I could conquer the demons of my past.
It was crisp out this morning. The summer air was sweet, warm, and gently breaking through the morning chill as I ran. Elliot was somewhere behind me. He had volunteered to go with me today. He kept his distance and left me to my thoughts, but he kept close enough to keep a watchful eye on me.
My wolf loved running and I loved letting her loose. She was so natural in the woods; it was like a domain that she was been familiar with for years. It was in these moments when I felt most at peace; when I could let the troubles of my past disappear with each stride I took deeper and deeper into the forest.
I loved this form. I loved the way the dirt felt on my paws and the way the breeze combed through my fur. It was euphoric. A feeling that I would die to protect; a life that I would die to protect.
We rounded a tree and made our way down a line that Levi had previously marked. It was our usual route, one that I was careful not to drift too far off of on Levi's orders. Then his scent hit me.
Liam.
I knew he wasn't our true mate, our wolf knew that much. Levi said what I felt towards Liam would be multiplied by a thousand when that happened, and that thought in itself scared the hell out of me because Liam smelt damn good. He smelled like a new spring forest and a crackling fire. He smelled like a strong male, a very strong male. It was a scent that seemed to dance around my nose; a tease. It was tempting, to say the least. I didn't want to jump his bones because of it, but it did make my wolf lick her lips.
But she knew he was not ours. She was wary, as was I. Especially after our spar. A spar that left a very bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe it was the way he looked at me with lust in his eyes that unhinged me, or the way the bond called to me that made me feel vulnerable and scared, but I have never felt so viscous before as I did when I had his neck in my mouth.
My wolf skidded to a stop and looked around. There was a female wolf on patrol not too far from here. She usually was there about this time, and my wolf and I had grown accustomed to seeing her and giving her a wolfy smile, which she returned, during our morning runs.
The brush was thick as were the twigs on the ground; there would be no running through here undetected.
A snap. I looked in the direction it came from to see him prowling out from behind a large blackberry bush; he had been watching us.
He was a fine wolf, and I would be lying if I said anything different. He was black, like his father, and full of youthful muscles. His eyes, like Levi and Lander's, were silver; like a knife slicing through me as he let them greedily scan over my form.
My wolf did not like that. While I was not keen at all on this whole 'mate' thing, I agreed with her in the notion that no male but this 'mate' of ours should be looking at us in such a way.
She let out a low warning growl for him as the hair on our back began to raise. She let her fangs peek out of her mouth and hissed out him as he took another step. A rumble came out of his chest; a warning. We may have bested him before, the scars on both of us were evidence of that, but we knew he would not best us again.
He sniffed the air and licked his lips as he stepped forward again. We snapped towards him. Our jaws would find his skin if he stepped further, that we knew for sure.
Something tried to push in my mind but I just put up tall walls to protect myself. Liam let out a long sigh and shook his head much like Levi does when he's annoyed with me.
His skin started to ripple and his bones started to crack into place as fur turned into perfectly tanned skin. He was a fine male, a very fine naked male.
My skin let hot and my wolf and I both couldn't help but let our eyes scan over his form; he looked like he was carved out of one of these tall proud trees. All lean muscle with golden blonde hair and silver eyes.
He gave me a soft smile and held his hands up in surrender as he stepped backward towards a tree. He reached into the hole of the tree and pulled out some clothes; a pair of basketball shorts, which he pulled on quickly, and a large t-shirt, which he tossed at me.
My wolf cocked her head at him before taking the shirt in her mouth and trotting behind a large tree for us to change. I slipped the shirt over my head before looking for Elliot. He wasn't anywhere in my sight, but I could smell him. He wasn't far, but he was most definitely watching this interaction.
I brushed my hair out of my face with my fingers and pulled the long sleeved black shirt down as far as it would go. It almost reached my knees, yet when I walked out into Liam's line of sight I felt almost butt naked.
I flushed and looked down at my toes quickly when the sound of him clearing his throat cleared the air. I snapped my eyes back to his. His cheek had a massive gash that was almost healed from where I had bit the crap out of him, and his ear looked liked it was starting to heal back together. He looked pretty beat up. The sight made my wolf swell with pride, but I quickly bit back at her. We looked pretty awful too, it wasn't like we came out of that fight without a scratch.
"Um, hey," he almost mumbled out.
I couldn't help but chuckle. I made him nervous. Good.
I gave him a small wave and tried not to stare at his perfect torso. "Hi."
We both stood there awkwardly like two kids at their first middle school dance before Liam let out a hot breath. He took a cautious step towards me while scratching his head. "Listen, I think we got started off on the wrong foot."
I breathed out a sharp laugh. "Ya think?"
He gave me a small smile and nodded. "I am sorry. I wasn't at my best. I didn't expect to lose, I hate losing." He scratched at his scruff and shrugged. "I just behaved badly and didn't take losing to a girl well, especially one that has barely had her fur for a month."
"What's wrong with losing to a girl?" I scoffed.
Liam stiffened quickly and opened his mouth a few times before closing it. He sighed again before looking back at me apologetically. "Nothing, there's nothing wrong. It's just, well, my wolf didn't like loosing to you." He bit his lip a bit before letting out a shaky breath laced with a breathy laugh. "It's because of the bond. He doesn't like thinking he couldn't protect his potential future bondmate. That and he was a little embarrassed and didn't take well to that."
Typical male ego. Always trying to impress a girl and then they go and look like a damn asshole doing it.
I shook my head and tried to hide the blush on my cheeks. I shrugged a bit before looking back to him. "Sorry?"
"Don't be. You fought well. You shouldn't feel bad, you should be rubbing it in my face because that's exactly what I would do."
We both laughed, a little nervously, before the quietness settled in. Liam looked at me then back to the forest behind him. He was kind of adorable. He reminded me of how careless I used to be, free.
"Do you have anywhere to be?"
"Uh, well, not really, no. Why?"
"Do you want to go for a run?"
"I was technically already running."
Liam let out a huff and nodded. "Right."
"But," I stepped forward a bit and gave him a soft smile. "I would be up to run a little further."
His eyes lit up instantly like fireworks. "Great. I figured you haven't seen much of the territory."
I shook my head. "Only the routes that Levi has marked."
He nodded and stared out into the distance for a bit. I felt a pressure inside my head. My wolf grumbled. She was content just watching this interaction without something trying to intrude.
"Girl, Liam says he asked to take you running?"
"Yes, is that ok?"
"Is that ok with you?"
I sighed and nodded, then I laughed. To anyone besides Liam, this little conversation I was having with Levi probably looked like I had forgotten to take my crazy pills that morning.
"Ya, I think he knows better than to try and cross me twice."
"That's my girl. Stay close to him. Elliot's coming back so tell him if anything happens to you that I am going to skin his balls."
"Yes sir."
I looked back at Liam who was staring at me inquisitively. "Levi said it's fine. He also said if you let anything happen to me that he is going to skin your balls."
Liam laughed nervously and nodded with wide eyes. "Yes, he has told me similar things as well. I am almost tempted to wrap you in a bubble of some sort out of fear for my own hide."
I shook my head and walked towards him. "His bark is much bigger than his bite."
Liam turned and walked next to me, leading us through the brush where he had come from. "Ya, I think Uncle Levi's bite is actually pretty bad. He just has a soft spot for you."
Liam pulled back a low hanging branch so I could walk past it. I gave him a curious glance as he slipped past it himself and walked next to me. "Why is that do you thin?"
Liam shrugged a bit. "Dunno. Dad thinks that it's a mix of the bond he feels towards you and maybe that his wolf sees you as a surrogate pup of some sort. Either way, you're lucky. No one talks to Levi the way you do without getting their ass handed to them."
"I have a feeling I have that coming eventually," I muttered.
Liam laughed hard and nodded. "Well, then I do not envy you."
We walked a little bit through the brush before Liam stopped and pointed to a thick bush. "If you want to change behind there, you can. Just bring me your shirt so I can hide it in one of the supply burrows."
I nodded and tried to force away a blush. The flame of the bond, although as tiny as it was, was enticing.
I quickly walked around the bush before my raging blush would embarrass me more and shifted into my fur. My wolf shook a little and took a long stretch. She was happy to be back in this form where she could defend us more easily.
We picked up the shirt in our mouth and walked around to where Liam was waiting in his wolf form patiently. We set the shirt at his feet as he watched us with curious playful eyes. Eyes full of youth and opportunity.
He smelled amazing. The feeling of his eyes as he reached down and gathered our shirt along with his shorts in his mouth almost unnerved me. It sent a sliver of fear down my spine. I wasn't ready for that, not yet at least.
Liam seemed to sense this and carefully backed up before trotting away with our clothes. He stuck them deep in some hole then quickly covered it up with thick leaves and branches.
My wolf eyed him cautiously. She liked this male, but she knew he was not our male. I rolled my eyes. She needed to cool it before she got us both in trouble.
Liam walked slowly towards us. I receded a bit and let my wolf have this moment. She slightly bared her teeth. She still wasn't sure about this male. Liam just huffed and showed her his neck. He meant no harm and wanted no fight with us today.
My wolf walked slowly towards him and sniffed at his neck, inhaling the scent of this male that made the tiny bond seem like it was on fire. It was then she did something that mortified me; she rubbed her entire length against his side.
I pulled her back a bit and scolded her. The last thing I needed was a man in my life and she damn well knew that. I knew the bond was enticing but she needed to have some damned self-control.
Liam seemed to let out a wolfy laugh before standing and stretching out himself. I felt something push into my mind. Liam was staring intensely at me as if I was supposed to have an answer for some kind of question.
The thing pushed harder and I pushed back harder. Liam gave me a low warning growl, a sign that he was more annoyed than anything. I cocked my head as he sat back when the pushing came back.
I reached out with my mind and felt it. It was like baby flames of fire and energy on a line of its own.
"Christ, I thought you were going to fight me for hours with this."
"Liam?!"
His wolf groaned and gave me a long look. "Right here."
I rolled my eyes and let out a huff. He just chuckled and stood back up. "Don't be so upset. It's safer this way."
I stood and started to follow him. My wolf was not impressed but she couldn't disagree. Having a link with Liam would be safer if any danger were to arise. We still didn't like it though. It made him more dangerous to us, especially with the bond.
He looked around a bit then back to me playful with what looked like a smirk. "Alright try to keep up."
My wolf growled playfully at the challenge. He may not be our mate, but she wanted to prove to him that she was a female worth having. I wanted to argue with her and yank her back so she would behave, but she needed this time; time to be let loose. I couldn't keep her caged, it wasn't fair. I knew she had our bests interests in mind, she cared for me greatly, so I receded and let her chase after the male in front of us.
It was different, running with Liam versus Levi. While Levi was constantly challenging us to a point where we thought we may break, Liam was playful. Every now and then he would nip at our feet and my wolf would playfully snap at him. Lander was right, it was nice having someone around my age to spend time with.
We ran through a part of the forest I had never seen before. The trees seemed to stand prouder in this area. It was less dense, less wild. It was as if the forest was in constant submission to the wolves around it.
Soon the trees started to thin out until we broke the tree line and started to run in a golden field. Liam hopped through the tall grass like a rabbit and I couldn't help but shake my head at him. For a young alpha wolf, he had a goofy side that was incredibly adorable.
We chased after him and hid under the grass. My wolf wanted to play and test this wolf, test this small potential bond between us.
Liam was jumping around and chasing after a mouse, unaware that we were creeping up on him. Right as he hopped again my wolf lunged at him and knocked him on his ass. He shook his head then quickly crouched down and gave me a playful low growl.
My wolf yipped at him and trotted away, showing him her back, a sign that she was not threatened by this male. Apparently, that didn't sit well with him. We were on the ground tumbling hard as he landed on top of us. We squirmed a bit, but it was useless. Liam was much bigger than we were and only had to use his weight to keep up down.
Unfortunately, my wolf liked it.
His proximity to us made her whisper out a purr of pleasure. I mentally slapped my forehead and scolded her. The thought of a man having that hold on us, like one did before, made me want to puke.
Liam's wolf seemed to sense my displeasure. He whimpered a bit as he moved off of us and crouched down low before us. He scooted forward a bit on his belly so his nose could touch our paws.
My wolf was stiff but she was still curious. She liked that this male was considerate of us, that he was trying. She scooted a little forward for him and let him smell out paws before he gave them a timid lick with his pink tongue.
She gave him a small disapproving growl, to which he just rolled his eyes before standing again. He started walking and we followed through the thick grass that seemed like a jungle.
The wind was like music as it combed through the grass; it carried smells of summer, flowers, and other wolves to my nose. I assumed they were part of the pack, none of the scents smelled like sick rogues.
Liam was sitting on the edge of a cliff. The wind was combing through his black fur and carrying his scent to our nose. I had no idea how this mate or bond thing worked, but I knew the minute the wind hit my wolf's nose with his scent that it was going to be quite the troublesome thing for us.
The bonded seemed to flare. My wolf liked this male. In her eyes, he was a fine male that she was fine cozying up to. I scolded her and reminded her that not only was Liam not our true mate, but I was not about to let some man walk into my life. Not yet. Not for a while.
She rolled her eyes and continued walking towards Liam, towards the scent that stirred feelings in me that I had not felt in what seemed like lifetimes ago. It excited and scare the shit out of me.
I pulled her back and decided to push forward. I didn't trust her not to do anything stupid, not around Liam at least.
The sight was beautiful. The land was rolling with hills and green grass that seemed to stretch out like a hand; at the palm of the hand was a large log cabin with wolves running around it. The land was surrounded by forest and beyond the forest was mountains with snow still on their caps.
"It's beautiful isn't it?"
I looked over to see Liam's silver eyes watching me from between the blades of the tall grass. He had shifted into his skin, but the grass concealed his nakedness. Thank God. The thought of him naked in front of me sent shivers up my spine.
I shifted back and quickly brought my knees up into my chest. I didn't think he could see anything through the grass, but I wasn't taking my chances. I pulled my hair down around my neck and tried to conceal it, conceal the scent that I knew poured off of my skin.
I looked up as the breeze grazed my skin like the fingers of a gentle lover. I felt free. For the first time in a long time, I felt free. I smiled to myself and nodded.
"Is that the pack house? Do you live there?"
"Yes, and no. We have a cabin close to it. Dad wanted some 'damn peace and quite,'" he said with air quotations.
I laughed and shook my head. "He sounds like Levi."
"As he get's older he sounds more like him."
We laughed together and let the sound of the wind leave us in a mildly tense silence. I was never good at having friends. Maybe because I wasn't allowed to have them, or maybe because I was always so caught up in myself to ever try to be a good one.
"I'm sorry about what happened to you, my dad told me," he mumbled off. He looked over to me and opened his mouth but closed it quickly.
I felt my heart twist a bit. I pulled my knees closer to me and tried to shield the scars from his view. "Thank you."
"If I would have known, I wo–"
"Liam," I sighed out. "Don't. It's in the past. You did nothing wrong. I still have a lot to learn, it's just hard."
"I can't imagine. Being born this way is hard enough."
I looked over and gave him a small smile. "Seems like you're not doing too bad."
He chuckled and leaned back a bit on his arms. His torso was on full display through the grass and I couldn't help but stare. "According to who? You or my uncle?"
I quickly snapped my sight away from the abs my wolf wanted to lick and tried to hide my blush. I had to get a better hold on this damn bond.
"Levi loves you. You're next in line to be alpha according to him. I think he's actually looking forward to training us together."
I looked over at Liam to see his brows furrowed together. "It's not my position, not technically."
"If Levi says it is then it is. There's no arguing with him once he's made his mind up."
Liam sighed and nodded. "That's true. He is a stubborn ass."
"Yes well, he means well," I added. Silence encompassed us again. I felt a humming. It was like this tiny bond was singing to us. I loved and hated it all in the same. I let out a long sigh and tried to shake it off. I couldn't let it influence me. He wasn't my true mate, not like I cared about that asshole anyways, but either way, I wasn't going to ruin Liam's chance at happiness.
"I'm sorry, I just," I sighed out. "I'm not good at this, at being friends. I haven't had really any until I came here and met Derek and your uncle."
Liam gave me a sympathetic smile while I toyed with the ends of my hair. I didn't understand it, any of it. Why I felt the way I did about him. Why I was scared in some moments and fearless in others.
"That and," I said while pointing between the two of us. "This bond thing is really unnerving if we're being honest."
Liam chuckled a bit before leaning his elbows against his knees. "Ya, it gave me quite the trip the other day. I mean, I've seen mated couples in our pack that were not true mates, potential bonds. I always wondered what it was like. When you're young, you're told so many stories, fairy tales almost, about your true mate that it makes potential bonds seem so measly." He looked over at me and gave me a small smile. "But they are not apparently if we're being honest."
I blushed slightly and looked back over towards the pack house. "It just all baffles me. I mean somedays I am fine and feel like I can handle everything, then other days I remember that the life I am now living is supposed to exist in only a story book and I feel like I am about to lose it."
"I can't even imagine," Liam said while shaking his head. "But you're doing a lot better than the one human I saw shift. Poor guy turned out to be an omega."
"Levi says that it's more of a pain in his ass that I'm an alpha female than anything else."
Liam laughed loudly and nodded. "It probably is and believe me when I say that my dad and I love watching him fret over you like a worked up mother hen."
I smiled to myself and bit my lip to suppress a laugh. Apparently, my big bad wolf was a big softy.
"Charlotte I just want you to know that I won't hurt you, I won't push the bond on you, it's not right. The wolves who decided to were much older and had no pups, it made sense for them. That and I won't be that dick wolf who tries to force a bond on you just because it's there."
"I doubt you could if you wanted. If I didn't have your ass then Levi would."
"Well, I probably wouldn't mind if you had my ass," Liam said with a wicked smirk that made me blush madly. He laughed and tossed a twig at me. I huffed and tried to shake off my embarrassment but it seemed to be in vain. "Kidding Char, you should know that I tease about as badly as my father does."
Liam turned towards me and peeked at me through the blades of grass. "Besides, Levi has already threatened me if I so much as look at you wrong. I would prefer to keep my balls in tact."
I bit back a smile and nodded. "So friends then?"
Liam nodded with a smile. "Friends."
He stood tall in all his naked glory and I immediately lowered my eyes. My wolf was tempted to get a peak, but I quickly pushed her back. Now was certainly not the time for that.
"Come on Char, if I don't get you back soon then I am pretty sure Levi is going to skin me alive."
I sighed and gave the pack house one more look before quickly shifting and chasing after Liam.
Liam.
My friend.
The thought made me smile. I had made a friend.
To some, it may be a tiny accomplishment but to me it meant so much more. Although, I was sure that this bond my friend and I had was going to prove to be troublesome in the future.
The bond.
I would have to figure out a better way to suppress that shit.