Chapter Thirteen
CLARE GASPS. EMERSON gasps.
The two stare at each other for a moment. The adults glance at each other in evident anxiety.
"C-clare," Emerson stutters. "Wow. I didn't realize it would be somebody that I knew..." She glances at Julian in confusion, and Clare wants to disappear, right there. Emerson must think she's an absolute freak after what happened last week. She can't even look Clare in the eye now.
"So you two do know each other!" Julian says. He's trying to sound upbeat.
Clare's mom gives him a weak smile. "You're... you're friends, right, Clare?" She's trying to get Clare to say yes so she can go drink cocktails with Miranda and not have to worry about her daughter. Clare clenches her fist. She has to say no. She has to leave. She can't let Serena expose her secret. It would ruin her.
She nods. "Yeah."
Emerson nods too. "This is so great," she says, probably for Julian's benefit. "Clare, you want to go upstairs?"
Clare follows her. They slink up the stairs, the adults already forgetting them as they begin to talk downstairs.
For a townhouse, Julian's place pretty nice. There are three bedrooms—the master and two offices—and two bathrooms. Emerson leads Clare to a small living room and holds up a hand so that Clare won't speak.
"I didn't know it was going to be you, Clare," she says. "I promise. And I'm not going to tell Serena that we hung out. I'm not really interested in being her friend anymore. You don't have to worry."
Clare doesn't know what to say. Emerson and Serena, not friends? It doesn't add up.
"Look, she has some great blackmail," Clare says. "I can't afford it if she finds out." It's weird talking to Emerson about this, but then again, she has nothing to lose anymore.
Emerson shakes her head so vigorously that Clare giggles at the sight. "I am not going to tell Serena," Emerson says. "I don't want something to happen to you, and don't say I don't get it because I have seen what that girl can do to people. I just—I'd really like to hang out with you." Clare starts to interrupt, but Emerson puts her hand back up, shoving it in Clare's face. It makes Clare laugh how pushy Emerson is being. "Honestly, I'm really glad you're here," Emerson continues. "I can't tell you how sick I am of my friends right now."
"But... they're your best friends," Clare says. This doesn't feel real. It's too much like her daydreams.
And, anyways, the last time she thought Emerson had accepted her, she ended up worse than before.
Emerson nods. "Yeah. And they're all good people. I just can't put up with all their drama." She sighs. "Please, Clare? I swear, I'm not going to tell."
It surprises Clare that Emerson is so against the drama. Her old friends in Ohio were a lot like Emerson's group, and even if there was a lot of annoying drama between them, she never abandoned her friends for it. It never made her so sad she couldn't talk to them anymore.
Of course, this is a chance to make a friend here in Altenview, which is something she really needs. So she nods.
"Okay," she says, and then, "Okay!"
"Actually, I have something I need to talk to you about," Emerson says, and Clare smiles.. "Annie Levin is dropping out of swim, and Coach Williams let varsity decide who the new JV captain should be."
Clare nods. Hopefully it's one of her nicer teammates, like Taylor Nathanson, who always congratulates her on her times.
Emerson has a smile on her face, a kind of smile that Clare recognizes. It's the kind of smile that Clare's parents get on their faces when she opens a present they think she's going to really like.
"It's me?" she asks, barely able to believe it. She swears she's one of the worst swimmers on the team—after all, she'd never competed before this year.
But Em's smile fades. "You?" she says as if the idea is ridiculous. "No. I'm sorry, Clare. It's Lily. Lily Cross?"
Clare swallows in disappointment. Lily's okay. She's pretty quiet, but an amazing swimmer. Much better than Clare.
"We were going to make you captain," Emerson says, tapping her fingers on the chair. "I mean, that's what we originally wanted."
Clare's face goes red. "So Coach Williams rejected me?" This is so embarrassing. God, why did Emerson have to have that smile on her face?
"She didn't reject you, Clare," Emerson says, as if Clare's the one making this all dramatic.
"But she was the one who said I shouldn't be captain?" Clare says. Why is Emerson drawing this out so much?
Emerson nods. "Yeah. It was her. She thought you should be moved up to varsity instead."
"You're not tricking me?" Clare asks, but she can tell from Emerson's face that this is real. Clare is going to be on varsity. Clare is going to be on varsity!
Emerson laughs. "Yes. That was fun. Sorry to make you worry there."
"This is great," Clare breathes. "Oh my God."
This isn't great, though—it's crazy.
---
Looking at her friends, Adelia feels her sadness grow stronger. Tanner is slumped on Layla's bed, scrolling through Instagram. Serena slouches against the wall.
They're nothing without Emerson.
"Guys," Adelia says. "We need to make Em come."
Serena snorts, shaking her head. "She's not going to, Adi. She hates me. She hates all of us."
Her voice is still strained in a way that sounds nothing like her usual confident self. Serena never gives up on anything, no matter what. This is what always annoyed Adelia about her friend.
Something has to change.
So Adelia reaches over and snatches Tanner's phone from her hands. Tanner shrieks and stands up, trying to grab it, but Adelia slips it into her back pocket first.
Tanner sighs. "I'm—I'm sorry. I'll stop. I was being rude, I know. I won't ignore you guys if you give it back." She holds out her hand, begging for the phone.
Adelia holds her own, shaking her head at Tanner. "No. You need to get off your phone."
"What are you, you freak, a teacher?" Tanner yells, lurching off the bed at Adelia. Adelia shrinks back, shaking, but she refuses to give in.
"Give me my phone back!" Tanner shouts. "It's actually fun, unlike this stupid party!"
Hearing this, Serena jumps up, glaring at Tanner. "Tanner, we're your friends," she says coldly, "but we don't have to be. Maybe you and Emerson could go hang out with that loser across the street."
Tanner shakes her head. "Shut up, Ser. Adelia, give it the fuck back."
Serena steps forward, getting up in Tanner's face, but Tanner doesn't back up—she looks Serena right in the eye, challenging her to keep going
Adelia makes a face, but she doesn't say anything. Tanner and Serena are two people she would never want to get in the way of. They're more forceful than anyone she's ever met.
It's times like these when Adelia misses Eleanor.
The thing is, Eleanor was popular, but not in the same way as Tanner and Serena. She was incredibly kind—even if you had no friends, you could count on Eleanor to listen. She had ears for everyone and was always befriending people like Tessa Henshaw and Emma van Dyk—people who were branded as the losers and the freaks of the school. She and Tanner had been friends since before they could remember, though ,and that gave Eleanor a place in the group whenever she wanted to join them.
On the day Eleanor disappeared, the six of them were planning to go to the indoor pool at Serena's country club. They were all excited when Eleanor said she could go—her lacrosse schedule and multitude of other friends kept her busy most of the time.
Adelia can still feel the heat of that day. It was in the high eighties, quite a rarity for May. The rest of it is there in the depths of her mind. The brilliant blue of the pool water. The scratchy towel against her skin. Tanner's smile, fading as she spoke into her phone, until it collapsed and she hung up in tears.
Losing Eleanor was almost worse than losing another of her friends would have been, because it was like Adelia had lost a piece of herself. After all, Eleanor never talked about herself. You didn't notice it when you were with her, but once Eleanor went missing, Adelia realized she knew nothing about her. She doesn't even know if Eleanor has siblings, or what her interests are. Eleanor liked to talk about other people. She would ask questions, nod along, make you laugh. Let you know that somebody was listening, that in a dark world, somebody cared.
If people weren't talking, Eleanor would have done something about it. She would have complimented her friends and asked about their lives. She would have made them happy again.
Eleanor would never still here and think about there past, not when there was something to look forward to.
Adelia jumps up off the bed. "Layla, found anything good?" she calls to the bathroom, where Layla is trying on clothes.
"Yeah!" Layla calls back. "This one that you brought is really cute." She steps out, dressed in a short white tank top. Below the hem, you can see a small part of Layla's stomach. She's skinnier than Adelia had realized. It makes her pause for a moment, staring, before she pulls her eyes away.
Adelia checks her watch. It's almost one. "All right. We're going to find outfits for all of us. Then Layla will find some makeup and Tanner will do it because she's good at that stuff. Serena will be in charge of hair. You hair always looks great. Mine's so gross." In reality, Adi loves her hair, especially the blue tips. But her friends needs to hear this, so she's going to say it.
"Well, maybe if you brushed it," Serena mutters, but she stands up up and starts looking like herself again as she takes a navy blue skirt from her bag and passes it to Tanner.
"Thanks," Tanner says, slipping the skirt on and removing her pink Nike shorts from underneath. Stepping over to the full-length mirror hanging on her door, Tanner beams at her reflection. "I like this. Can I wear it to the party?"
It's almost like she, too, is channeling Eleanor.
---
"Emma?" Liam calls from the living room. Emma walks to the top of the stairs and peers down, but she can't see him from where she is.
"Liam? Something wrong?" she asks. They've been pacing around the house all morning in anticipation, and she finally went upstairs to look for something to do.
Liam steps out of the living room and comes partway up the stairs. There's a picture frame in his hands, and he cradles it in his arms, absorbed by the picture it hold. "You were friends with Eleanor?" he asks, turning it so she can see.
Hearing the name makes Emma pull her arms around herself. She hates thinking about what happened to Eleanor.
The picture is of Emma and Eleanor when they were little, arms around each other, grins stretching across their entire faces. Emma remembers that day: Eleanor was at Tanner's and Eleanor got bored and wandered outside, where she found Emma playing alone in the street. When Emma's mom came upon her loner daughter with another little girl, she was so excited that she insisted on photographing the moment.
It's kind of a depressing story, so she doesn't tell Liam.
"You were friends?" Liam asks again, this time more forcefully.
"No, not really," Emma mumbles. "I mean, we hung out sometimes. We were more like acquaintances."
Liam nods, looking down at his feet. "Oh. Well, we were fairly close. Not best friends or anything. I mean, her best friends were Tanner and, you know... Finn." He says Finn's name under his breath, as if it hurts him to say it. It probably does. It hurts her to even think about him. "And," Liam continues, "I, um, I saw her. The day she died."
Emma has to hold onto the banister to stay standing. "Oh my God," she whispers. "You're joking."
Liam bows his head. "I saw her that morning."
"Why didn't people know about it? Didn't they question you?" Emma's head is spinning. Eleanor disappeared in the morning, after all, so if he saw her that day, it had to have been close to the time of her disappearance.
"I didn't tell the police, Emma. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want to be accused of killing her." He looks miserable. His eyes are shut, head down, mouth twisted with pain. "I regret it every day. She was one of the best people I ever met. I should have done whatever I could for her."
"Well, if you tell them now, you'll sound suspicious! I can't believe you didn't just say something when it happened." Emma doesn't care if he's upset by this. No, she doesn't think Liam could kill someone—he's been nervous enough about this little prank—but what if he gets in trouble for this? There are pretty big charges for withholding information, aren't there? Especially regarding a possible murder.
"Don't worry about me, Emma," Liam says. "No one will ever know." His eyes tell a different story. They're saying, "You'll never tell."
"Where did you see her?" Emma asks, her voice trembling.
"I was at the coffee house," Liam says. "Finn came in, and I saw Eleanor waiting for him outside." Emma feels her hands go cold at she recognizes this from the story Finn gave the police. He said he went into the coffee house, and when he came out, Eleanor was gone.
"I passed her as I was leaving," Liam continues. "I said hi, and she said hi back, and that was all. I keep thinking that if I'd just stayed with her instead of walking away, she would have been okay."
"It's not your fault," Emma says sharply. "Finn didn't used to seem like a creep. You couldn't have known he was going to hurt her."
Liam frowns. "Emma, I wasn't saying it was my fault. I know he killed her. Everyone knows that. It was his fault." He sighs. "I just mean that I wish I could have stopped it. I want her back."
Emma nods. "I know. So do I. Just don't feel bad, okay? There's no way you could have known." She can't imagine what Liam must be going through, what he's been going through this whole time. "You didn't do anything, Liam," she adds. "You can't beat yourself up over it."
"Yeah. Emma. I get it," Liam snaps. "I didn't do anything. That's why she's gone."