Erin's POV
I looked both ways before turning into the busy street before me. The music is up and playing some happy, upbeat pop song. But happy and upbeat are the last things I'm feeling right now. I just found out that my husband, Jay Halstead is being deployed overseas for nine months. Nine months. How am I going to do this without him. He's not just my husband, he's my partner in Intelligence, he's my best friend. And now, he's leaving me. I know that he didn't have a choice, and that he has to go, but that doesn't make it hurt any less or any easier to let him.
Right now Jay and I are driving back to the district after raiding a warehouse. We got the guy, and after a stack of paper work a mile high the case will officially be closed. Jay's in the passenger seat, like usual. even after almost a year of marriage I still insist on driving, at least when we're at work. At home I tend to be a little more lenient.
Jay looked over at me. I know he knows what I'm thinking about right now. He just has always known what's going on in my head with one look. I don't know how or why, he just always has.
"Stop," he said. I decided to play dumb.
"What?" I ask him, with what I hope is an innocent look on my face.
"I know what you're thinking about, and I don't wanna leave you any more than you don't want me to leave. But I don't have a choice. I've tried anything and everything to at least be able to serve within the states, but that is not an option for me. I'll be back in 9 months, and I'm coming home to see you every chance I get. I love you, Erin, and it's going to hurt like hell to be away from you for these 9 months. But after this, I'm done, and I'll never have to go anywhere again." Damn, how did he always know what I was thinking, it's kinda inconvenient for when I'm trying to have pity party or something.
I pull my scattered thoughts together enough to pull into an empty parking lot off to the right. Jay looks around, confused as to why we are here. I am too. I don't even know where the hell I'm going any more, because there has only been one blaring thought in my head since Jay got the letter last week, and it's, "JAY IS LEAVING TO GO FIGHT A WAR THAT HAS CAUSED THE DEATH OF THOUSANDS AND THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE I WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN." I know, I know, worst case scenario, but it's my biggest fear.
I look around and realize that we are still in a random, empty parking lot with happy pop music playing on the radio and Jay is looking at me with a quizzical expression on his face. I sigh and unbuckle my seat belt.
"Erin! Where are you going?" Jay calls after me. By now I've walked around the front of the car and have his door open. He gets out and looks at me. "Congratulations," I say. "It's your lucky day. You're driving, Halstead."
He looks at me for a minute, not believing a word I'm saying, then runs around the front of the car and gets in the drivers seat so fast I'm sure he thinks I'll change my mind any minute now. I get in the car and Jay leans over the counsel to drop a soft kiss on my lips. I lean back and smile, and then Jay drives us back to the district.
3 Days Later, at the Airport when Jay is Leaving
I walk into the airport with Jay. His arm is wrapped around my waist and mine is around his. Today is the day Jay has to leave, and it's just me and him. My husband already said his good byes to everyone else, even his brother, so it will be just us today. Jay's wearing the army cargo pants and shirt, along with the heavy beige boots and matching army cap that he has to wear, so it's obvious to everyone with eyes that Jay is army, and that he is on his way to fly out and serve our country. On the way in here several people stopped us to thank Jay for his service, and they just seem to keep coming. All I really want is for everyone to leave us alone so I can get my chance to say a goodbye to Jay. These next 9 months are going to be living hell for me. And now that we're here, in our last few minutes everyone keeps interrupting us.
Somehow, we've managed to get through the line to get Jay's boarding pass. Our time is running out, I can feel it, but I just don't know what to say. Saying something makes it real, it makes the fact that Jay is leaving and I won't be able to run my hands through his hair or feel his hand in mine for the next 9 months real. It makes the fact that I'm going to be going to bed and waking up alone for these 9 months of hell real, and I don't want it to be real. I don't want any of this. I want Jay to come with me to the district, bitching about not driving the entire way, and to walk up the stairs to the bullpen with me and then go into the break room for coffee with me, then I want us to go out to our desks where we'll get a debriefing on out next case, then I want us to go solve it. I just want Jay to not go.
But with each step we take, it becomes clearer and clearer in my head that it is real, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Jay stops walking, and swings me around so I'm facing him. His arms are holding me by my elbows, and my hands are death gripping his forearms. Jay looks right into my eyes and says, "I know you hate goodbyes, so I just wanna be clear and say, again, that this is not goodbye, it's a see you later, because I will be back for you. But Erin, I need you to promise me some things. Please, I need you too." He says this with such an intense look on his face and with an urgency in his voice. Even without those things, there's no way I could ever tell him no.
"Anything Jay, anything at all for you," I promise, while trying to fight the tears that I can feel trying to work their way out of my eyes.
"First, I need you to promise me that you'll always take care of yourself, no matter what. I need to know that this is not going to make you shut down on me. I'm coming back for you, I promise, and I'm gonna NEED you to be here for me. I'm telling you right now I'm going to be a complete ass and a living hell to deal with, but when I get back I need to know that you're still gonna be here for me." I looked into Jay's eyes and promise him I'd be here, there's no way I could ever not be. Then he continues, "Second, I need you to promise to never go in without back up. EVER." I promised him in a heartbeat. "And lastly, I need you to promise to never forget I love you. I love you so much, and leaving today is going to be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do, but I promise that you are the best thing I've ever had in my life, and I love you more than words will ever let me tell you." Of course I promised him this too.
Jay pulled me in for a hug after he was satisfied with my answers, and I decided that I want to stay in his arms forever. They are my safe haven, and not having them for the next 9 months is going to be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. Jay put a small kiss on my forehead, then another on the top of my head before resting his chin on top of my head. My arms are wrapped around Jay and I'm holding on for dear life, I never want to let him go. I never want to leave Jay, I never want anything except to go back in time and keep that stupid letter from ever becoming a thing.
But I can't do that.
My head is buried in Jay's chest in the way that makes me so safe and I and I am doing my best to savor the feeling. "Hey, Jay," I mumble against him.
"Hey Erin," Jay whispers back.
"I don't want you to go..." I start. Jay starts to say something, but I know my time is almost out before Jay has to go and I have to get this out before he does. "But I know you have to. I just need you to promise me that you'll come back to me, I never thought in a million years that I would ever be the person who says she can not possibly live without her better half, but that's what you are to me, Jay. I love you. I NEED you." My voice cracked on the last word, and a tear escaped my eye.
"I love you too, babe. And I need you more than you'll ever know" Jay reassured me. Then he pulled back just enough to wipe away my lone tear with his thumb.
Jay pulled me in close one more time, then kissed me on the lips for the first time since we got out of the car.
"I hate to do this, but I gotta go, Er. Never forget that I love you and I AM coming back to hold you close, Erin Halstead. This is NOT a goodbye, it's just a see you later." Jay said all of this with such confidence that it's impossible to not smile and agree with him.
"I love you too, Jay Halstead. You're right, this will not be goodbye, this is just a see you later..." I said with not nearly as much confidence in that last part. Jay nodded, then kissed me again.
"I'll see ya later, beautiful," Jay said as he stepped back.
"See ya later, I love you," I said as I stepped in a little closer to Jay.
"I love you," Jay said. He leaned in and enveloped me in one of those hugs that he knows I always feel so safe in, whispered I love you in my ear, kissed my lips, went back to hugging me, and whispered 'I love you' again, and then took a breath.
"I love you too," I whispered, then he was gone.
Hey all! I hope you like what you've read so far. If you did, please vote and comment, the more votes and comments I get the more I update! I LOVE feedback, so anything you have for me I would love to hear. And also for some more Linstead, go check out my other book,'It's My Life~Linstead"
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