Chapter 13 –
It was good, to finally spend a day with her fiancé and her new friends...
Her... fiancé...
And even... friends.
It was not "good". No, it was perfect. Perfect, just like she had never been, but at least, life could be, sometimes.
Penny, Leonard, Raj and Howard, everyone in the same room, having dinner and conversation with her, treating her like a normal person, acknowledging even to her small-talk.
And Sheldon, in all his weirdness, supporting her awkwardness and fears.
Maybe now she would belong? Maybe now she could be Rebecca Carlson or Becky... Whoever they wanted her to be... But she would still be herself and be loved.
Some wishful thinking.
Penny smiled at her, as if she could probe into her thoughts and Rebecca flushed. Did she say or do something out of place just now?
"Becky, what is it?" asked Sheldon. "You seem tense and worried."
"No—" her voice sounded strange, alien, so she cleared her throat and repeated "No, dear. I am fine, don't worry. Just fine."
She smiled at him, warmly. But Sheldon knew better.
"Sure. By the way, I bought a new comic book that might be of your interest. Care to see? Follow me, please."
He rose from his spot on the sofa and so did she, as if on cue. They left, while four pairs of curious eyes followed them, full of conjectures.
"Oooh, what a lucky bastard!" muttered Howard, jokingly, at which Raj threw him a most disappointed glance. Howard regretted the remark and shut up at once.
Penny thought all that was surreal, but super cute!, whereas Leonard could only but find it... surreal. Not only now Penny shamelessly loved him, but Sheldon also had a... human, living, breathing girlfriend.
Dalí would be so jealous.
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"Becky, what is wrong?" Sheldon asked, shutting the door of his room. "You have not been yourself."
"Um, Shel... Look, I know better than lying to you. I'm kinda desperate right now and trying to fit. Please, be patient."
"Does this have anything to do with the proposal? Was it premature? Are you having second thoughts?"
"No!" she gave such a loud yell that nearly gave him a heart-attack. "No, please. It has nothing to do with that! Please, don't leave me!"
"My, oh, my. I'm not gonna leave you! What in Heaven's name has come over you today, Becky? You sure are acting stranger than usual."
"You're one to talk." She said, darkly.
"At least I'm not so full of surprises. You're most unpredictable."
"Glad I amuse you. So, as I was saying... I tend to blurt and talk too much. You must have noticed that. I don't want to monopolize your friends' conversations, nor tread on dangerous ground. I may say something that annoys them."
"Well... I don't know what to say to that. That's very noble of you, Becky. I don't see why one should care about what one says, lest one should get badly injured. I assure you, you run no such risk here."
She wanted to laugh, real bad, but just smiled and touched his face, gently.
"You know, you are so right, Shel. You always have the best insights. It's no wonder you are a genius. You are the sweetest person I've ever known. I wish they had Nobels for that."
He scoffed and averted his eyes, but she touched his face again, so he could look at her.
And his eyes were filling. He was desperately trying to hide, but the more he tried, the worse it got.
"You know you don't have to pretend with me." She said, kissing him, to give him some privacy.
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But when they got to the living room, hand in hand, there were no welcoming smiles to salute them.
Something... funereal seemed to have taken over the room.
And it must have been her... That woman, a brunette lady, in her fifties or so, was sitting on the sofa, while everyone formed a semi-circle around her, expecting.
"Rebecca... Do you have any idea of what I've been through to track you? Do you have any idea of the pain you have caused me?"
Sheldon stared at Becky, puzzled. Becky, from astonishment, sheer horror and fear, hardened her expression and replied:
"Pain. Your pain. That's all you've ever talked about. However, you never had any qualms about inflicting pain in others."
The woman sighed and smiled, replying:
"That is so like you, Rebecca. But I didn't come here to engage in another fruitless combat with you. I heard of your prospects. People talk."
"And you took all this trouble just to tell me that?"
"Rebecca, I want to help you! Don't you understand? We should live together, like always!"
"Do you think I would ever come back? Only all the godesses of the Universe know the horror I experienced in your hands! With your harsh words lashing out at me, the monstrous words that left your tongue branding me as if I was little more than cattle."
"My God, girl! You are a monster!" the woman said, rising from the sofa.
"So you have said, many, too many times to count. As well as so many other things. But I'm not in the mood to take a journey down to the memory lane, at least, not with you! I ask you to leave, at once!"
Leonard whispered to Penny and the others "You know, guys, I think we should give them some privacy—"
"No, you stay the hell where you are!" begged Becky. "Please, do see her out, Leonard. You should have never let her in."
Leonard and everyone (including Sheldon, that was still by Becky's side) were at a loss.
"I'm not going anywhere, Rebecca." Said the woman, suddenly becoming larger by the minute. And Rebecca could hear the unsaid:
"I'm not going anywhere, Rebecca.
I'll stay with you when you sleep.
I'll always be under your bed, inside your closet.
Underneath your clothes.
I'll rape your soul.
I'll rape your mind.
I'll make you cry every single tear, till you're bleeding dry.
I'll wreck your heart.
You are nothing."
"I'm not going anywhere, Rebecca."
"Yes, you've already said that. So, do you intend to live here now?" she answered, trying to hold herself together.
"No, my dear! No!" and suddenly, the woman burst into tears. "Don't you understand?! You are my daughter! My baby, my precious child! Oh, how I've missed you! Please, Becky, will you not even hug me?"
"Don't touch me!" the monster was trying to seize her, it was like those nightmares, all over again. "Stay away from me, and don't call me that! Don't you know why I left?! Won't you ever leave me alone?!"
"Oh, Rebecca, you are pure evil! Just like your Father, and see what his insanity has done to him! You, my darling, are going to end just like him! And I am so sorry, because I'll have to witness your downfall and as your mother, the person who loves you most in this world, oh, how I suffer! My dear child, how can you be so blind?!"
"My God, stop that! I am so sick of you, it's always the same talk!"
"But you never change, Rebecca! I do that because I am worried, you ungrateful thing!"
Rebecca sighed and tried to handle the situation, the best she could.
"Look... Mother..." the word sounded so foreign coming out of her mouth, "I am sorry things didn't work out between us. But it's over, you owe me nothing. I only ask you to drop that. I have a life now, let me move on with it. Good-bye, please. Live long and prosper."
"Yes, Rebecca, of course... You have a 'life' now, you say. And how did you end up, by the way? Oh yes. You are a cashier, aren't you? After all I've done for you, all my investments, you couldn't even dothat right. Not even a decent job you are able to keep, Rebecca. You are so pathetic. I just can't believe you are my daughter. Of course, it's expected, you're just like your father. He is insane, just like you, and you'll end just like him. I don't know what I've done wrong, but I sure can't blame myself. I know I was the best mother any child could have. You are just a bad seed. You've been nothing to me but a burden. And that's the payoff."
"Look, lady, I may not know the correct way parents should treat their children in this Planet, but I don't like the way you are talking to my girlfriend.", said Sheldon, holding Becky, protectively.
"Well, Rebecca, it seems you found your soul mate, after all." Said the woman full of spite, and Sheldon didn't even realize the snide, the poor thing.
"Indeed." Intervened Leonard, evidently disgusted. "And since this is my house, I must ask you to leave, please. I guess we've all had enough of this little show."
Howard opened the door, shaking with rage. Somehow, he could relate.
The woman spared Becky a last merciless glance and, before leaving, said, cruelly, arrogantly, filling her words with poison:
"Be careful, Rebecca. Life teaches us precious lessons. You still have so much to learn, my dear."
Howard shut the door noisily, but it was not enough to muffle the echoes of that last ominous threat.
Sheldon led Becky to his very own spot, childishly trying to make up for any of those tragic events.
"I'll make you a hot beverage. It's not optional." He said, concerned.
"I'm sorry, sweetie!" Penny ran and hugged her, very tight. It was enough to Becky lose all the control she had mustered those minutes, or hours, that had dragged just like an eternity.
"Please, Becky." Said Leonard, "We're here to help you. I myself have a terrible, beyond terrible, relationship with my mother. I sympathize and I only wish you, and everyone, had the same ability I have to cope."
"My father also abandoned me, Becky. It hurt. And it still hurts. Bad." said Howard.
"I tried to contact my father, before he died..." she said, between sobs "And he said he had no money to spare, at least not for me. He said I ought to think of more important things and since I am a girl, I should find a man and get married, to leave him the hell alone, because he owed me absolutely nothing just because I am his daughter."
Sheldon handed her the tea and put a blanket around her, awkwardly. She was sobbing a little more violently and the sudden caring gesture moved her and made her change her mind between crying and laughing.
"Thank you." She smiled at him.
"Okay, then, I also have a confession to make!" said Raj, rising from where he was sitting. And he was not even drinking! Fascinating.
"Raj! You... We're under a lot of stress." Said Howard, sounding desperate and now Becky could predict where this was going...
"No, Howie, they're our friends, they should know!"
"Should know what?!" Leonard seemed apprehensive.
"Should know that Howie and I are...I love you, Howard. It's no secret. Could you have the guts to say you don't feel the same way?"
"I can't believe that!" Howard was hysterical. "You never speak, and when you do, that's the result?! I thought we agreed not to involve anyone else into this mess!"
"Mess?! What you mean, 'mess'?! You are my boyfriend now! Either you commit me, or you can forget me!"
Now everyone was too shocked for words and Penny couldn't help but spitting violently whatever it was that she had been drinking through her mouth and nose.
"I'm sorry, Becky..." Leonard whispered to her "But not even you could outmatch this."
"'Boyfr'—?! Would you listen to yourself?! You have finally gone mad, that must be it! All those years of physics and fast-food didn't do you any good!"
"You sound a lot different when we are alone."
"You... You twisted bastard! I have no idea how you put me in this situation, but oh, this is so over!"
He was going to leave and Raj was desperate.
"Howard, guys, wait!" cried Becky. "Look, let's not act harshly—I mean, more harshly than what we've already acted. Howard, you are being mean. Unfair. Cruel. Raj is your best friend, for all I know about you. He could never speak and when he finally does, you are not there to stand up for him. If you're really going to turn your back on him now for some distorted motivation I don't understand, so be it. But that makes you a lousy friend. To say the least."
'A lousy friend.' Raj had already accused him of being so, but in other words... 'A sucky friend'...
He sighed and turned to look at everyone. They were still shocked. Then, he looked at Raj.
"I'm sorry." He said, reaching out to him. "My God, this is crazy." And Raj welcomed him, with desperate relief.
"Tell me about it..." said Leonard, getting up from the sofa. "Who's up for a game? I feel very imaginative and carefree today."
"You can say that again." Said Penny, taking another sip from the bottle of whatever was laying near her, whishing for dear life it was alcoholic.