It'd taken ten days for Gabry to get through the tests that Milton had set up for her. It wasn't that he had concluded anything about her condition, he had just run out of trials to put her through. She had stood face to face with biters, moved around them, touched them and when it came down to her or a screeching rat, they had gone for the rat. The only thing that attracted them to her was her voice if ever she spoke, and yet they never bit, only grabbed.
Milton had sat down to explain this to her in the best way he could. "Whether it's your white blood cell count, macrophage set-up, helper t-cells or the stability of your dendritic cells..." Milton blubbered over his notes for a moment before putting them aside, realizing they were much too complicated, and saying, "Whatever happened, your body broke the fever that was supposed to kill you, and when your brain didn't die, the virus didn't have a chance to take over. It could have been because you were out in the cold, but that would mean anyone bit when it's below 40 degrees would have a surviving chance, and believe me, that's not the case. You most likely came down with the flu right after, because your immune system was weak from fighting off the virus. This doesn't mean you won't turn when you die, the virus could be sitting and waiting, but this does mean that you're going to outlive most of us." He folded his hands in his lap and waited for her to process this.
Gabry swallowed. "Does this mean I can help people?"
Milton sighed. "I'm not sure. But if you could, you'd be the panacea."
* * *
"Pana-what? The hell s'that mean?"
Gabry rolled her eyes while Merle popped another handful of sunflower seeds into his mouth. "It means that I could cure everyone."
Merle chuckled, and spit a shell onto the floor. "How's that, sweet cheeks?"
She lay on the bed, looking up at her toes against the wall. "I don't know. I wish I did. I wish Milton did."
"Ah, he could be full of crap." Merle spit another wad onto the floor. "What does he know?"
"I could save people, Merle." He clearly wasn't seeing the whole picture, of course it's not like he was trying. "I just...I just don't know how." And then it came to her like a slap in the face that she should have seen coming. She flipped over onto her belly and watched Merle dump another palm of seed into his mouth. "I could go on runs."
Merle spat. "Yeah, right. Governor s'not going to send his most valuable person out into the field. Nice try, though."
"I'm his most valuable asset! I can go where no one else can. I can walk right through those things without being seen." She argued like a stubborn teenager.
"No." Merle said, "It's not biters you have to worry about, it's the people you encounter."
Gabry sat up on her knees. "Then teach me to fight! Give me my knives, teach me to use a gun. C'mon Merle, don't make me sit around here with these people who have no clue what's going on. I want to help," she begged.
Merle chewed on a shell. "Ain't my decision."
She growled, knowing very well who's decision it actually was. "If I convince him to let me go out there, you owe me a pair of sweatpants."
He furrowed his brow at that, but said, "Deal," anyway. She then hopped off the bed and went over to the coat rack and pulled on her hoodie and slipped on her boots. "Where you think you're going?" He asked her.
"I have some convincing to do." She said, and as she laced up her boots she cast a disgusting look to the wad of seeds that had be spit onto the floor. "And clean that up, while I'm gone." She then ducked out the door and closed the door behind her.
Merle looked down at the spittle covered shells, and brushed them under the rug with his boot, only to here Gabry yell from the hallway, "And I mean pick them up, not brush them under the carpet!"
Oh, how she infuriated him.
* * *
Everyone remembers those moments as a child when you eventually have to go through something alone, and at that point in your life it's the most nerve wracking experience you've ever been through. For Gabry, that moment had been the day of her first barrel race, waiting for her chance to enter the arena. The longer she sat there, the more her anxiety grew. She no longer had her father to sit and talk her through the run, and if she messed up, there was a whole stadium of spectators to see it. Throughout her life, nothing had been as intimidating as that night.
Until now.
It was dark, the lights in the streets were being turned out, and she stood in front of the Governor's apartment with a knot growing inside her belly. Two voices were fighting in her head, one telling her to go back and convince Merle to come with her in the morning, the other saying that if she backed down now, she would never get what she wanted. Her heart was pounding in her chest, competing with the noise she was already hearing.
She didn't like the Governor. She didn't like the way he looked at her, like the man Negan had, as a target. But surely, if the Governor was something to be scared of, Merle would be here stopping her. At least she hoped he would be.
With a deep breath of courage, she entered the lion's den.
He opened the door, and grinned from ear to ear when he saw who it was. "Gabrielle, hi. It's getting a bit late, s'there something you need?"
Mustering up all the confidence she could, she said, "I'd like to talk to you."
He smiled, and opened the door wider, but only just, so that Gabry still had to squeeze by him. He closed the door behind him, gestured for her to enter the living room.
"Please, sit down, make yourself comfortable."
That would be hard to accomplish. Gabry had never been more uncomfortable in her life, trumping the time she'd first worn a wire-lined bra. She sat on the edge of the couch, ready to make a dash for the door if needed, but the Governor sat back in his arm chair and folded his leg over his knee.
"Would you like-"
"I'd like to start going on runs." She suddenly blurted, stopping him mid sentence.
He studied her for a moment, making her mouth go dry. Why was she so nervous around him? Because he had appointed himself the man in charge? He was no different from her; just another survivor, that was all.
"If you've talked to Milton-"
"I have talked to Milton," He interrupted her, eyeing her down as if to put her back into her place, "and he gave me his conclusion: You're immune, and that's that."
"Yes," She said weakly. "I can go on supply runs. I can get in places that are full of creepers without-"
"Merle says you've been eager to get out there and find his brother. Is that what this is about? How do I know you won't run off?" He tilted his head to the side, like he was talking to a five year old that could not comprehend basic English.
She clenched her jaw as he interrupted her again. "You were the one who said I could leave when the tests were over. You don't own me, and you can't keep me here against my will." A very Dixon-like rage was rising in her. "I told you until Spring. 'Til then I'm here to offer my help in what little way I can. After that I'm moving on, with or without Merle, however you like."
The Governor nodded as he ran this over in his mind. "Sounds fair. But you don't know anything about what we do on runs, how things are handled."
"There's a first for everything." Gabry stated.
"And your weapon experience?"
"Ah," Gabry had got him there, "I believe you've been keeping my knives from me."
"Can't let just anyone walk around armed. Makes people uneasy."
She wanted to tell him that it wasn't any sort of weapon making her uneasy at the moment, but rather the way he was staring at her, almost asking her to challenge him.
"They're not really yours, and they're not really mine actually. A friend gave them to me, and I promised to keep them safe." A little more gruffly she said, "And I know how to use them."
The Governor chuckled, and then stood up and sauntered over to a book shelf in the corner. He picked up the three black throwing knives, and looked them over. "Nice weapons. Must mean a lot coming from a friend...'specially during a time like this." His tone was very leading, and she waited to hear what he had to say next. "What would you do to get them back?"
Gut you like a fish, is what she wanted to say, but she knew where this was going. She wish she had listened to instinct and gone back to Merle, but she was already caught in the spider's web. If she left without those knives, she would never get them back and she'd be stuck inside these walls. Worst of all, if she left because of him, she was giving him power that he wanted.
She ground her teeth together, but in her sweetest tone said, "Can't exactly tell you from over there, now can I?"
Surprised by her sudden change in demeanor, the Governor wheeled around, one eyebrow cocked and his mouth slightly ajar. A devilish grin spread across his face. "These knives must really mean somethin' to you."
Gabry mimicked his smile. "I need them," she fluttered her eyes just a bit, "but I suppose you need a little...convincing." She winked, and then beckoned him over, and he came like a summoned hound.
Several things can happen within seconds, inside the human body and out: On the inside, Gabry thought she might cry. The knot in her stomach was ready to spill out of her throat as vomit, but she didn't let that happen. She played the part of the desperate slut, throwing every moral she had out the window. She closed her eyes on the impact of his lips, trying to pretend this wasn't happening. Her hands ran through his hair, and she could feel the pressure of his fingers on her hips. As much as she wanted to slap them away, shove him off and run crying, she played the part. And according to his reaction, she was playing it very well.
The knives, she thought as her body worked automatically, where are the knives?
In his haste to get to her, he had thrown them on the coffee table behind her. A stupid decision, really. She wrapped her fingers under the collar of his jacket, breaking the kiss so that his lips would follow her down. She sat on the edge of the coffee table, and the Governor braced his arms so that he could position himself above her. Gabry leaned back on one elbow, and reached behind her with the other hand until she felt the cool metal slip under her fingers.
The Governor stopped upon feeling a sharp edge along the skin of his throat.
He opened his eyes, and never had he seen so much rage on one woman's face as he did now. "Get off me," she growled, the heat of her breath hitting his lips. Her's trembled, and her hands trembled, and the blade of that knife was razor sharp. Slowly, he sat back on his knees, giving her room to sit up.
He grinned holding his hands up in surrender, "That was good. Very clever."
It was then Gabry decided that this Governor man was not a wolf, or a lion or even a spider, but rather a snake; Conniving, potent with his venomous words that fooled everyone around him, and disgusting.
"I'd do whatever it takes." And she wasn't just talking about the knives, now. She stood up, her eyes never leaving his once. He remained on his knees, giving her that sly grin, but she held her knife out towards him and back towards the door. She fumbled for the doorknob, not turning her back on him until it was open, and then under the cover of darkness she slipped out and ran down the street.
"Gabrielle!" She heard him calling after her, which only spurred her onward, but no matter how fast she ran she could still feel his eyes on her back.
* * *
She told nothing of this to Merle. He was already asleep on the couch, anyway, giving her the full size bed all to herself. She couldn't fully enjoy it, though, knowing that just down the street was a monster far scarier than the ones that wanted to rip her to shreds. She put her knives under the mattress, and then climbed under the covers, thinking she might feel better, but didn't. Her mind buzzed with the adrenaline, and those voices were now screaming at her.
What had she become? What would Merle think of her? What would her parents, her sister, or even God think of her? What would Daryl think of her? What would he say if he ever found out?
She thought to herself about how she would explain it to him. She'd start with telling him how messed-up this man was, how she could tell that there was evil in his heart from the moment she laid eyes on him. She'd tell him about the knives and how he had stolen them from her, and she had done what she had to to get them back. She would tell him that there was no other way, because without those knives she couldn't make it out on the road. She couldn't make it back to him. She would say she had done it for him, and how could he argue with her then?
But even though she tried to justify it in her mind, it still felt wrong. She could feel the tears streaming down her face as she cried silently. She had instigated it, and so it was undoubtedly her fault. She could still feel his lips on her, no matter how hard she tried to brush it away. He had kissed her roughly, dominantly like she was his and he had been waiting to claim her for so long. She could still feel his hands along her body, and her gut twisted. She felt sick.
She sat up, unable to bear it. She thought about waking Merle up, wanting the comfort of someone else, but what was he going to do? Coddle her like a child who had had a nightmare? She watched him, wishing he was awake, but the longer she watched, she realized that maybe it was better this way. She counted his breaths, watching his chest rise and fall under his blanket. He'd let out the occasional snore, which filled the silence for a moment and scared away the voices in Gabry's head. She was amused at how one of his legs had to hang off the couch, because he was much to long for it. Just his presence was comforting.
She laid awake for several hours, trying her best to doze off but images of the Governor kept crawling back into her mind. She bet that he was sound asleep over in his apartment, not thinking twice about her. Finally she just gave up, and got out of bed and tip-toed over to the couch and sat down on the floor beside him.
It was light outside before she mustered up the courage to say anything. "Merle?" His breathing changed, and he sucked in a deep breath. "Merle?" She poked his arm, jumping back as he suddenly jumped up.
"Whatisit? Wus happenin'?" He looked around frantically, and his eyes landed on Gabry. "Wus' wrong?"
She had stopped crying awhile ago, but she was worried that he might see that she had been. "Nothin'," she said hurriedly as she tried to hide her eyes. "Thought you had said something in your sleep."
He turned over his wrist to look at his watch. "It's four fucking am, why ain't you in bed?"
"I just...couldn't sleep. I was just..." Come on, Gabry, lie! She willed herself to say, "thinking about that motorcycle you had."
Merle grunted, and dropped his head back down on the couch. "That right?"
"Yeah. How nice it'd be to have it, and then we could just...leave." She whispered, with a half-hearted chuckle.
"Still on that?"
Her smile faded and her lip trembled. She couldn't convince Merle to go with her unless she told him what had happened, and he would be furious, but at whom was the question. She felt his hand run across her shoulder.
"Someday."
Someday they'd get that bike back. Someday they'd find Daryl, and it would be the three of them again. Someday she would get out of this town and away from the Governor, but until then she was stuck here. She leaned her head back against his ribs, and with his hand on her shoulder she was finally able to fall asleep.
* * *
After three months of making things "official" with Daryl, Gabry had finally convinced him to introduce her to Merle. Of course, the two had met on their own terms, but Daryl didn't know this and Gabry was tired of keeping it a secret. Daryl, of course, was more than nervous and had tried countless times to dissuade her from wanting to meet him, telling her that he had the clap, or would be too drunk to remember her or would try and get her to smoke weed with him. Gabry insisted anyways. So Daryl had agreed to bring her over and had talked Merle into skipping out on getting high that day just to meet Gabry. He'd gone over what to say to him, what not to say to him, what he would probably say and how she should respond to it. Daryl, in the best way he could, had threatened Merle by saying he would flush down his stash of cocaine if one crude slur came left his mouth.
"If he says somethin' stupid, just ignore 'im, alright? If...if you don't feel comfortable just look at me, and we'll go, okay?"
"Daryl, come on, he's your brother. How bad could he be?" She knew how bad he could be, as she had seen it first hand in that bar.
When they pulled up, Merle was waiting outside with a cigarette between his fingers. He flicked it into the dirt and grinned as Gabry stepped out.
"Well, ain't she a purdy thing, Daryl. This the girl from the bar?" He looked her over like he had never seen her before. "Damn brother, you do mighty fine." He held his hand out for her, "Name's Merle."
The shared a grin, both of them wanting to burst out laughing at the nervous expression on Daryl's face.
"Gabry. Nice to finally meet you. Daryl tells me a lot about you." Gabry said.
"Does he?" Merle raised his brow at his baby brother.
"All good things."
"Well, he's a little hush hush 'bout you. If I's him, I'd never shut up 'bout you." Merle winked. Everything that had happened at the bar was behind them now.
"That your bike?" She looked over at the Triumph chopper. She'd been reminiscing the feeling since the last time she was on it.
"You wanna go for a spin?" Merle asked, also missing the feeling of her arms around him.
"No!" Daryl suddenly interjected. "She ain't going on your bike. Not with the way you drive."
"Oh, c'mon baby bro, don't be such a sour puss."
Daryl gritted his teeth. "I said-"
"How about just up the road and back? C'mon, I've never been on a bike." Which was a lie.
Daryl didn't understand why they were hitting it off so well, that was evident in his glare. Merle was never this "polite" to anyone. "Down the road and back. Nothin' stupid, Merle."
"Would I do anything like that?" Merle started up his bike, and Gabry climbed on behind him like she had that day at the grocery store, except this time she was more willing. Daryl still wore a scowl as they took off down the road, and Merle revved it into high speed. Just for her.
He didn't know her that well then, but he could see that she made his brother happy. And she wasn't a terrible thing to look at either.
The two of them flew down the back road, Gabry's arms stretched in the air, hair blowing in the wind. She missed this.
He came to a stop at the end of the road. "Nice acting back there." He said to her.
"Well played pretending you didn't remember me." She complimented him back. "You give all the ladies a ride on your bike, or am I just that special?"
"Let's not get cocky, now. I's doin' this to see that priceless look on my brother's face." Merle chuckled.
"Ah, you'll find that girl someday you're just as crazy about."
He snorted, "Yeah, someday." And then he revved it and tore off back down the road, loving every second that she was loving it.
He didn't tell her, not then and certainly not now, that he had already found that someday girl.
(Chapter Title inspired by Hunter Hayes' song "Someday Girl": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4sYc7-LbWc )