(Listen to the song: Ikaw lamang ang mamahalin by Martin Nievera. )
"Tumigil saan, magpahinga saan?!"
"Eddan.."
He called me by my old name.
"Eddan..." I hold her hands. "Yes? I am here."
"I- " she cough blood again. "I love you."
"I love you more than anything else!" I burst into tears now.
"Eddan, listen to me."
"I am listening." I am so worried. I don't what to say. Natatakot ako sa mawala sya.
She's cries gasping for breath.
"You-you were tortured, tried to be killed hundred of times."
"It doesn't matter. Anything for you, Yv!"
"You waited for such a very very very long time. All was because of me. I'm the one who made you suffer."
"No, you did not. Don't think like that, please!" I hold her hands.
"When everything of this will be over, will you still love me in our next life?"
"Anong our next life pinagsasabi mo? I will revive you, okay? I will!"
"Eddan, I want to know. Will you still love me?"
"Do not lost hope, I will revive you!"
"No, please. Let us end it here."
"Wag kang mawalan nang pag-asa, Yva! Please! Don't leave me!"
"Eddan, please? Tell me now so I can rest in peace."
"What are you talking about?!!!!"
"Pagod nako, Eddan. Napakasakit na ng mga pangyayari."
"I'm here! Come on. Hold on!"
"I will be waiting for you in the main gate. Will cross heaven together. Let's leave our past together."
"No , Yva, you can't do that to me, Yv!" I hold her face to face me straight.
"Let's leave our past together. Especially you, Eddan, a century is more than enough yet you waited more than a century. Let go. Let us move on. Let us leave it all behind. Forgive yourself. It's okay to make mistakes. We are not perfect."
" I can't! I can't forgive myself! I dunno how!" I said crying while holding Yva tight
"Yes you can. You can." She let out a small smile.
"Yva please. Bubuhayin kitang muli! Pangako! Wag kang sumuko! Ngayon pa na wala na ang mga Archangel!"
She hold my hands. "Hindi ka pa ba napapagod?"
"Kailan man hindi ako mapapagod alang alang sayo!"
"Hindi tayo magiging tunay na masaya sa ganito, Eddan."
Bakit kung mag salita sya parang nawawalan na sya nang pag-asa? Grabe ang hirap na dinanas ko para lang makita sya. Bakit ganito?
"Hindi sa nawawalan na ako nang pag-asa. In fact, I am hoping that we will be given a fresh start. A chance to change. Alam ko, sinabi mo kung ano ang hirap na naranasan mo sa impyerno, pero Eddan, magiging masaya nga ba tayo kung ipagpapatuloy natin ito?"
"Oo! Magiging masaya! Wag kang magsalita nang ganyan, Yv... Pagkatapos nito magsisimula tayo ulit nang panibago." I plead.
She smile and touch my cheek with her palm then shake her head slowly.
"Masakit man, mahirap man, kailangan natin tong tapusin para mapalaya na natin ang ating sarili."
"Matagal na akong nakalaya!"
She shake her head again.
"For a better future, we must forget our bitter past." She added. "Para sa magandang kinabukasan, kailangan na nating tapusin ang pangit na kasalukuyan."
"N-no, Yva..."
She smile.
"Perhaps it's about time to learn to surrender everything to him. "
"No! Yva, stop. Please.."
"Listen, Eddan, Have faith."
Sa sinabi nyang iyon, I realize, sa mga nangyari sa buhay ko, I didn't ask for His support. To help me with my problems. I never called Him in the times of hardship.
"Surrender yourself and everything to Him. Surrender your throne in hell as the Duke. Ask for forgiveness. He'll forgive you. He will. I am sure."
"I won't! Yva!" I oppose. "I want to be with you. Forever. Yva please.." I cried.
"So do I. But this is forever you've started is so painful. Not for me. But for you." She said caressing my cheeks. "Listen, I love you. Very much." She cries.
I feel her hands on my cheek. Tears won't stop falling from my eyes.
"The deepest part of hell know how much I love you, so please Yva, hold on. Please."
Ayokong mawala na naman sya uli sa akin. Ayoko. Sya ang dahilan kong bakit ako naging ganito. Sya lang. Ayokong mahiwalay na naman sa kanya.
Oh God!
Para akong nakuryente sa sinabi ko na yun sa isip ko. Napansin nya siguro ang biglaang panginginig nang katawan ko.
"Eddan." She called my name smiling. "Forgive me." Napakalungkot nang kanyang mata.
"I didn't hate you. Don't ask for forgiveness."
"I need to. Hindi magiging ganito kung hindi dahil sa akin."
"It's all my fault." Napaisip ako, Oo. Kasalanan ko ito. I chose my faith. Ako ang pumili nang ganito. I chose hell. Hindi ako maka move forward dahil doon. I did not surrender my memories. Ako ang dahilan nang lahat nang ito.
"No, it's not. Ginawa mo lang kung ano sa tingin mo ay tama." She added.
Pero kasalanan ko. Nadamay pa sya na imbes mamuhay na sya nang panibago. Pero ang makita sya na patay muli, hindi ko na mapigilan na makasama syang muli kaya kahit na hindi tama, binuhay ko syang muli. Hindi ko sya pinagpahinga.
"Hindi. It's all my fault. Sana hindi ko nalang pinakialaman ang ikot nang mundo. Kung sana hinayaan nalang kitang ma reincarnate muli. Kung sana ganun lang kadali na ignorahin ang iyong presensya sa mga panahon na iyon. Kung sana..."
"Sshhh.." she tried to stop me while gasping for breath. "It's all in the past now. Wala kang kasalanan. Biktima lang tayo pareho."
I sob. "Oh , Yv." Can't stop crying.
Tiningnan ko sya. Nahihirapan na syang huminga. I hug her tight.
"E-Eddan..?"
"Hmmm?" I hum still hugging her.
"C-Can I-I ask y-you a favor?"
"Go on."
"P-pray with me. Let's ask for forgiveness to-together."
"No..Yva.."
"P-please?"
I pause for a minute. "Yva, praying will hurt you. Para kang makukuryente."
"I don't mind. Sige na, Eddan." She plead.
I didn't answer. Maya-maya pa, she's starting to pray.
"Sabayan mo ako, Eddan." She said.
I hug her to at least ease the pain she'll feel in praying.
"S-sumabay ka.."
After a while, sumabay na rin ako sa kanya.
"O-our father who art ih heaven holy be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bred and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us. Do not bring us to the test but deliver us from evil, Amen."
Nanghapdi ang katawan ko dahil para akong kinukryente. Ang sakit sa katawan. Allergy ako sa dasal. Parang milyon milyong boltahe ang tumutusok tusok sa akin pero kaya ko itong tiisin.
Pinakiramdaman ko si Yva, nagsisimula nang lumamig ang kanyang mga kamay kaya mas hinigpitan ko pa ang yakap ko sa kanya and whisper.
"I love you so so much, Yv."
Gumanti lang sya nang yakap sa akin. Parang pinipiga na ang puso ko sa sakit. Nakakatakot na. Ayoko nang ganito. Gusto kong humingi nang tulong pero hindi ko alam kong kanino.
Akala ko tapos na sya at d na ipagpapatuloy ang pagdadasal. Ngunit mahina man ay pinagpatuloy niya ito.
"Hail mary full of grace the lord is with you. Blessed are you among woman and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus."
Pahina na nang pahina ang boses nya na halos wala nang lakas. Ang sakit nang puso ko.
"Holy m-mary mother of... mother of God, P-pray for us sinners"
Unti-unting lumuwang ang pagkakayakap nya sa akin sabay bigkas sa mga huling kataga na,
"n-now and at the hour of our death..."
Dahan-dahang nalaglag ang kanyang mga kamay mula sa pagkakayakap sa akin and prolong her exhale. Sa nangyari alam ko na kung bakit.
Halos hindi ako makahinga. Ang sakit-sakit.
Nahihirapan mang huminga sa sakit, tinapos ko ang pagdarasal nya.
"A-amen." Then I burst into an unstoppable cry.