"Why are you grinning like an idiot? Does this seem like fun to you, getting stranded in the middle of nowhere"
She glanced at him for a while and continued grinning. They both were dripping from head to toe. Their uniforms and limbs were all muddied.
"Are you nuts? You are still smiling. Mazaak lag raha hai yeh sab? Do you realize ki we can actually die here. This old building that we are on, could crumble or get washed away, and if not that, then either of us could die from pneumonia."
Yes, it was a disaster. As far as she could see, there was only water and more water. The sky was still grisly dark, there was no way that the rain was going to stop anytime soon. They were stranded on top of a very old building in the old town and not a single soul was to be found. The only sound that permeated the air was of the hissing rain and the crashing waves. Death wasn't a fantasy anymore, it was staring them right in their eyes. Manik was right, this building could crumble or they could die out of pneumonia. Only God knew when this mayhem would stop, when the water levels would subside, when they would walk back to civilization, get some food and go back to the life they had always known. "I am smiling Manik, first time in two months I am smiling...and you know why, because if I were to die, I 'd rather die like this, with you here with me"
"Listen Tapri, mera marne ka koi irada nahi hai. I don't know why you girls fantasize so much about death, is it those stupid romantic novels you read?"
"Listen Manik, I was not attempting suicide yesterday ok?"
"Oh really, then what were you doing? Catwalk on the edge of the hill?"
"Whatever, and you please stop acting. I know you can't leave me to die alone, I saw yesterday, how frantically you were searching for me and it was the same today. I am nuts, so I can walk out of home when the whole town is flooded but you are sane. No one can make you step out unless you want to. I have eyes and I have a brain..who are you kidding here."
She had caught him red-handed.
"Why are you so secretive Manik, would you take all your secrets to your grave? Imagine if we were to die today, would you not regret dying next to a stranger? Would you not regret not having shared your feelings, your thoughts, yourself?"
She wasn't a stranger to him, he knew her in and out. But he would perhaps always be a stranger to her and that's how he preferred it. Silence was comforting.
"You know Manik, the last few words I spoke to my parents were full of anger. I was shouting at them for being late and see they never reached. If only I could have them back just once, I would tell them just how much I love them, how much they mean to me. The regret of not being able to say 'I love you' that one last time will perhaps haunt me for the rest of my life. We shouldn't bottle up our feelings inside....we should just let them go.."
He still remembered those words as if it was just yesterday. His heart sank at the very mention of the accident. He knew, he had experienced it firsthand. He had seen her cry for days, he had seen her turn into a stone, he had seen it all from a distance but he was so helpless that he couldn't wipe her tears... he couldn't hold her tight and promise her that it was going to be all right. Every time he had returned home after visiting her, he felt hollow, like there was no reason for him to carry on.
Should he just put his arm around her, what if he never got to do it again. He finally settled next to her and slipped his hand over her shoulder. "Its going to be ok Nandini, wherever your parents are, they can hear you, they know you love them."
Nandini turned to face him, tears welling up in her eyes. "Let's not keep any secrets Manik. Life is too short for secrets. Will you play this game of Truth? You will have to answer my questions and I will answer yours, no lies, only truth."
"Game, are you serious, here we are dying n u wanna play a game? "
Her face fell but she wouldnt back out. "Do you have anything meaningful to do? You dont hv a helicopter to airlift us. Right? You have to wait here and hope for the rain to cease. "
"I can't Nandini. Cant play this game. "
"Even if this were my last wish?"
"Nandini!!"
"Answer me."
He sighed. "Ok ask."
"Do you know I love you?"
He kept quiet for a long time before finally nodding his head "Yes"
"Why then did you always push me away? Why did you throw away my note? I won't ask you if you love me or not.. I know you do. I just want to know why? Is it because of Dhruv?"
Did she know about Dhruv? How did it matter now, he had promised to tell her the truth and truth it shall be "Not exactly. If I have to answer this question, I would perhaps have to tell you about my whole life" Manik was no more his usual teasing self. He had mellowed down. His voice was soft, his mood pensive. It was tough for him, she could make out.
"My dad loved girls, when I was 3 or so, Nyonika - my mother, was pregnant with a baby girl. Dad was very excited. One day when dad was in office, she was playing with me and she fell down. Next thing I know is I was taken to the hospital and I was told that my unborn sister had died.
She told dad that it was because of me, because I made her run after me, that she fell and lost the baby. But I wasn't running Nandini. I was sitting in the garden and playing while she went inside to bring something. That incident changed dad, he could never love me like before and I grew up knowing that I had killed my sister until much later, when I understood it was perhaps all her plan to do away with the child. She had done the mistake once by giving birth to me, there was no way she would do it again.
But by then, I had turned into this angry child and my dad had drifted far away. That was the starting point and from then on, our family just crumbled to piece. With dad moving away, she got the freedom to do what she wanted. I would see people at my house, men whom she dated for a while before jumping on to the next. All the anger, this pain that I couldn't share with anyone just kept piling inside and I took to music because it was the only place I found solace in. I always liked you, you were everything that a woman like my mother wasn't. You were genuine, you were simple, you had a good heart and the more I liked you , the more I felt I didn't deserve you.
On annual day, I gathered a lot of courage to write that song for you" He paused for a while "It wasn't Dhruv, it was me who wrote it. I was happy and I knew you felt it too but then I heard my friends discuss about how different we are and I realized I wasn't the right guy for you. Dhruv is more like you, he can make you happy. How could I, coming from where I came from? I could only bring people bad luck. I had killed my sister and hurt my dad and I didn't want to put you in pain. I pushed you away. But see how unlucky I am, I ended up giving you the biggest pain of your life. I snatched away your parents."
Nandini swallowed the knot in her throat.
"You didn't ok? You didn't kill your sister and you didn't kill my parents. If anyone, I am to be blamed. I shouted at them and asked them to hurry. But even if God comes and tell me that I killed my parents, I would not accept. I would have easily chosen to die to save them if I had the choice, but I didn't." She looked him into his eyes.
She had no idea what this meant to him...as if she had lifted a massive weight off his chest. Only a person who has lived his entire life under the burden of guilt could feel the liberation that Nandini had just granted him.
"It is strange, but its good that mom and dad left together. At least I know they are there for each other. That gives me solace." Manik pulled her closer. He wanted to believe in her words.
"Can I ask you something?" Manik was beginning to like this game. "Why didn't you hate me?"
"I did, and I do, every time you are mean, I hate you a little. But then you know what, hate is just another form of love. I don't hate people I don't care about. But I know this is not what you want to hear. I always saw two faces in you, one that you showed and one that you hid. Your words never matched your actions, and I don't know why my heart always told me that you do have something for me, though my mind would refuse to buy that. You were so charismatic and I the plain jane."
Manik smiled. The game was unravelling so many secrets, that they would have never known about each other.
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And because all good things have to come to an end, it will end with the next post :(