How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming though we know we are
So close, so close...
And still so far
-So Close (from Disney's Enchanted), Jon McLaughlin
Killian sighed against the railing of the ship. He had spent the day preparing the Jewel to leave Seabrooke. Truthfully, he was thankful for something to keep him occupied. However, as soon as he took a break – like he was now – the only thing filling his head was the princess. He thought about how it felt to have her in his arms, and the way her lips felt on his. He tried to convince himself that the kiss – the one he had initiated – didn't mean anything. He had just been caught up in the moment, and that was all. Maybe if he kept telling himself that, he would eventually believe it.
Killian was pulled out of his thoughts when Liam came over to him and told him, "Killian, I need you to go inform Princess Emma that we will be setting sail the day after tomorrow so that she'll be sure to be ready."
Killian knew that was a bad idea – whatever he had been trying to convince himself about that kiss would surely fail as soon as he laid eyes on Emma. However, he hadn't told his overprotective brother what had happened, and he didn't want to have that conversation now, so he simply nodded.
When Killian arrived at the castle, he couldn't help but feel slightly relieved when he was greeted by Ariel.
"Hello, Lieutenant Jones. What can I do for you?"
"Well, Your Majesty, I was hoping you could deliver a message to the princess," Killian replied.
"She's upstairs in her room. You could tell her yourself," Ariel said with a smile.
"The crew is busy preparing the ship to leave, and I'm needed back. We're leaving the day after tomorrow, and I was wondering if you could relay that to Princess Emma," Killian said.
"Of course I will, Lieutenant," Ariel answered. Killian nodded before he bowed and made his exit.
When Ariel made her way upstairs and walked through Emma's open door, she asked, "Did something happen between you and Lieutenant Jones last night?" – completely forgoing Killian's message.
Emma, who thought the question was a little out of the blue, questioned, "Why would you ask?"
"Well, he was just here, and he acted like he really didn't want to see you. Not to mention he was referring to you as 'Princess'," Ariel replied.
Emma sighed from her seat on the bed as she considered Ariel's words. Emma had been unsuccessful when she had gone to the ship earlier to talk to Killian. Part of her thought he had simply been busy, but now her suspicions had been confirmed. Killian was avoiding her because of that kiss. Despite what he had told her about it being a "one-time thing," he felt something. He knew he had real feelings for her, and it scared him.
Emma was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard Ariel: "Earth to Emma."
"Oh, I'm sorry. What was your question?" Emma answered.
"So, something did happen between you two," Ariel said with a knowing look.
"Well, he kissed me," Emma answered shyly. The princess could practically see Ariel's excitement, so she continued, "And that's why he's avoiding me."
Ariel's face turned into an expression of confusion as she asked, "Emma, I saw how he was when you two were together last night – he feels the same way you do about him. Wouldn't the kiss only confirm that? And wouldn't it be a good thing?"
Emma once again sighed – Ariel was right, but there was no way the part mermaid would understand without knowing what Killian had been through.
But it wasn't Emma's place to tell her, so she simply replied, "It's complicated."
Ariel hugged her goddaughter as a response before she stood back up and said, "Well, I should go – I have things to do, and you have to pack. The navy's leaving the day after tomorrow."
Emma nodded before Ariel left the room. Emma knew she should pack, but she kept thinking about Killian. While her head was telling her they both needed space to figure this out, her heart wanted to reach out to him and reassure him. She knew he hadn't gotten this close to anyone since his first love, and it was the same for her with Neal. She didn't know how the rest of his wall would come down.
What she did know is that she would drive herself crazy if she stayed cooped up in the castle, so she decided to go horseback riding. Perhaps it would help her gain some clarity. With that thought in mind, she made her way downstairs.
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Killian had his back up against a tree as he stared up at the blue sky. He had decided to delay going back to the ship – at least for a little while. He still didn't know what to do about Emma. As much as he tried to convince himself the kiss didn't mean anything, it was pointless. He now knew he had feelings for her, but he was trying to figure out exactly where his head and heart were. He didn't even know how to act on his feelings – or even if he should. He had gotten so used to being let down by everyone that he simply stopped letting anyone in – especially after Milah. He hadn't felt this way about anyone since her, and he had told himself that he would never fall for anyone again. But the princess that was every bit as beautiful as she was headstrong and stubborn had somehow snuck her way into his heart. As much as he believed that he could trust Emma, the thought of bringing down his wall for her – more than he already had – terrified him. Killian took off his hat and ran one of his hands through his hair as he sighed.
As he got up to head back to the ship, he thought he heard a galloping horse. When he turned around, he saw Emma riding through one of the fields. Clearly, she didn't see him because she never slowed down. Killian surmised that the princess was determined about something, and he couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with him. He knew he had caught her off guard by kissing her so suddenly and so passionately, and he supposed she needed to clear her head as well. Killian stared after her until she disappeared into another section of woods before he began walking back toward the ship.
When Killian returned to the ship and stepped into his quarters, he was a bit startled by his brother sitting at the desk.
"I didn't mean to frighten you, brother, but I'm worried about you," Liam said.
"There's nothing to concern yourself with, Liam. I'm fine," Killian replied.
Unfortunately, his older brother was one of the few people who could read him really well, and he said, "No, you're not, Killian. I know it didn't take you over an hour to deliver that message to the princess, and I couldn't help but notice how you've seemed distracted all day."
"It's nothing," Killian answered.
"Nothing with you usually means something, little brother. I hope you know you can tell me anything," Liam told him.
Killian sighed as he sank down on the bed. While he knew that was true, Killian was still a bit hesitant. Though Liam hadn't mentioned it since the day Killian saved Emma from drowning, Killian knew his older brother wasn't exactly keen on Killian spending a lot of the time with the princess – Liam didn't want his little brother getting hurt again. That was precisely the reason Killian hadn't told Liam what happened, but that was proving to be rather difficult, especially when Killian heard Liam's intuitive observation:
"It has something to do with the princess, doesn't it? I couldn't help but notice how your attention was only on her last night."
Killian narrowed his eyes at Liam as he thought, "Bloody hell."
His older brother had figured out that much, and Killian supposed he owed him an answer.
"Well, I...uh...um...kissed her," Killian stammered out.
Liam could tell his little brother was wrestling with this, so he chose to delay being the overprotective brother and simply asked, "Why did you kiss her?"
Killian buried his face in his hands – of course Liam would ask the one question that Killian didn't have a straight answer for. As he raised his head back up, he sighed as he replied, "I...don't know. I suppose I was just wrapped up in the ball and the night."
Liam narrowed his eyes at Killian as he said, "If that was all it was, it wouldn't be driving you crazy, little brother."
Killian wasn't exactly sure what came over him – his best guess was hearing a confirmation of his feelings for Emma out loud – that made him reply, "Well, that's all it can be," before he got up and stormed back above deck.
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When a breathless Emma returned to the castle after her ride, Ariel happened to be walking through the foyer.
The queen questioned, "Have you been riding? I thought you were packing."
"I just needed some air," Emma replied – hoping Ariel would leave it at that.
Unfortunately, Ariel could see right through her, and she said, "Emma, I can tell that something is on your mind. I understand if you'd rather not talk about it, but you have seemed a bit out of sorts today."
Emma took a few minutes to catch her breath before she moved to sit in one of the chairs by the staircase. She was out of sorts – she could just feel the goosebumps erupting on her skin and her heartbeat quicken every time she thought of that kiss. What's more was the revelation that came along with it – she never thought she could fall this hard and feel this deeply about anyone after Neal.
As Emma pulled herself from her thoughts and looked up at Ariel, the blonde answered, "That tends to be the case when someone is falling in love," a smile lighting up her features.
Ariel's face lit up with excitement the same way it had this morning as she gave her goddaughter her hug. "I'm so happy for you, Emma," Ariel said.
"Don't get too excited. I haven't even told him yet," Emma told her – her smile fading.
"Why?" Ariel questioned.
"It's like I told you this morning – it's complicated," Emma answered.
"More complicated than being from two different worlds – literally?" Ariel pointed out. When Emma didn't reply, Ariel continued, "Look, Emma, I may not know what exactly makes this complicated, but I do understand what it's like. I'm a mermaid, and I fell in love with a human – that's not exactly supposed to happen. You know everything I went through to try to be with Eric – making a deal with Ursula, losing my voice, Eric almost marrying someone else. The only thing that saved me was Poseidon."
Emma couldn't deny Ariel's point. The mermaid had to track down the god of the sea to tell him the whereabouts of his long-lost daughter, and Ariel hoped that Ursula would forgive her father for taking her singing voice.
The princess then said, "Who knew that you and Ursula would have something in common in the form of strict fathers and would actually understand one another?" This made both women laugh before Emma said, "I know you're right. I've been thinking about this all day, and I do need to talk to him."
"Good," Ariel replied.
Just as Emma got up to head toward the docks – hopefully, Emma could actually talk to him this time – she didn't miss Ariel's slightly mischievous smirk.
So, she questioned, "What?"
"Well, I was thinking that must have been some kiss – the day before the ball, you weren't even entirely sure what your feelings were," Ariel answered – the smirk changing into a smile.
There was quite a bit more to the story than just that, but Emma simply answered, "Let's just say that I was the one whose breath got taken away." And with that, Emma headed out the door.
By the time Emma arrived at the docks, her nerves had caught up with her. What's worse was that she didn't see Killian when she stepped onto the Jewel of the Realm. She did, however, see his brother – and she hoped and prayed that Liam would tell her where Killian was.
When she approached the captain, he said, "Good afternoon, Your Highness. What can I do for you?"
"I was actually hoping you could tell me where Killian is?" Emma answered sheepishly.
Liam debated her request. After his outburst earlier, Killian had apologized, and Liam suggested he take a walk along the beach to clear his head. At first, Killian wasn't sure how much good it would do, but after he thought about it, he took his older brother's advice.
Liam's decision was made for him when Emma pleaded, "Please, Liam? I really care about him, and I know he's wrestling with something. And I need to talk to him about it."
Liam sighed as he told her Killian had gone down to the beach. Emma thanked him before she rushed off.
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Killian got up from his place on the end of the dock and began walking down the wooden pier when he spied blonde curls. Killian only sighed – he supposed that he had known he wouldn't be able to avoid her forever.
As she made her way over to him, he said, "Hello, Princess."
"Hey, Killian. I was hoping we could talk?" Emma suggested – not wanting to beat around the bush.
"About what, Your Highness?" Killian asked.
Emma took a breath and considered her words before she said, "Look, Killian, I know that this...whatever this is between us... scares you, but you can trust me."
Killian only searched her eyes before he gathered up every bit of the courage he had to answer, "I do trust you, Emma."
"Then what is it?" Emma questioned.
Killian only ran his hand through his hair – he didn't know how to answer her. When she reached out to squeeze his hand in reassurance, he had the urge to do what he had gotten good at – running. If he kept running from his feelings, he wouldn't have to deal with them.
And when Emma mentioned the kiss, he did exactly that: "It was just a kiss, Emma," as he let go of her hand.
"Killian, you and I both know it was more than that," Emma told him.
Killian knew she was right, but he was still so afraid, so he said, "Emma, I don't know if I can take that chance."
Before Emma could reply, he was walking away from her – again. Emma's heart sank. Her hope was fading with each step Killian took. Emma's mind wandered to the night before – it had been absolutely amazing. Being with him felt so good and so right – they had laughed and talked for hours. And yet today, everything was different. It was as if her and Killian were on two different planets.
Just when she thought she couldn't feel any worse, she saw Liam making his way over to her. If the look on his face was any indication, he wasn't going to be quite as helpful as before.
"Can we talk, Your Highness?" he questioned.
"Of course," Emma replied with a smile – though she had a feeling she was about to receive the overprotective older brother talk.
Liam took a breath before he began, "You may have to excuse me, Princess, but I have to protect my brother. I... can see that you have feelings for him – I've seen the way you look at him. I know that he kissed you, and now he's scared because he knows he has feelings for you as well. I won't have him getting hurt again."
"I understand where he's coming from – I would never hurt him," Emma said – praying that Liam would listen.
"I'm sure that Milah promised him the same thing before she left him in jail to take sole responsibility for their crimes," Liam pointed out.
Emma stilled a moment – it all made sense now. Milah was his first love, and that's how he was hurt – Killian had been betrayed, and he didn't want to take the chance that it would happen again.
Emma took a breath before she refuted, "He didn't deserve that – he didn't deserve anything that has happened to him. I told you I understand what it's like to feel hurt – to be abandoned, and I do. That's why I would do everything in my power to make sure that I would never hurt him. I care about him way too much to do that to him."
"That may be, Your Highness, but the fact is that Killian isn't sure he can open himself up to you completely – perhaps you should think about what it is that will be best for him, as opposed to only thinking about what you want," Liam replied before he made his way back to the ship.
As Emma turned to make her way back to the lake in order to beat the setting sun, she pondered her conversation with both Killian and Liam. Emma believed she was doing what was best for Killian – giving him a chance to be loved without the fear of being hurt or abandoned and opening himself up to feel the love that he deserved – to feel like he belonged. Was she wrong? Emma shook her head – she was trying with everything she had in her to hold onto the hope that her parents had instilled in her, but she wasn't sure it would be enough this time.