What if?
What if I need to make the most of these few days? What if I need to make Sophie's last Christmas with us unforgettable, her best Christmas we can give her? What if I need to use this time with her to fill her memory book with her final memories so no matter where she goes, or who she's with she will always go on to remember her time with us?
What if? What if? What if...
---
When I awake the next morning the storm has calmed and the sky is clear. I hear the wind blow aggressively against the glass of the window. I sit up and rub my eyes before looking beside me to find an empty space, the sheets pushed back on his side of the bed. I look over at Sophie's cot. She's standing there, her hands clutching the side and her bright green eyes looking at me. I climb out of the bed and slip my feet into my slippers before making my way over to lift her into my arms. She points to my bed so I sit her down and kneel in front of her. Seconds later her arms are wrapped tightly around my neck. After that I get her dressed, brush her hair of knots and put on her favourite dress,from her mother. It's been worn so much that the colour is beginning to fade. It symbolises something to her deep down, it means something to her but at the same time she doesn't know why.
As I finish off her hair she asks me
"Where Daddy?"
All of a sudden Peeta comes into my mind again. I'm not worried, he can't be gone anywhere far. Nether of us know our way around district 4. I tell her
"I don't know"
I'm not lying, simply telling her the truth. It's not like she should understand, or needs to but simply so she knows the truth. I would have preferred the truth in my lifetime rather than it being kept away for the sake of not understanding. Because that's not what matters, especially when somethings could never possibly be understood.
As we eat breakfast I ask Annie
"Do you know where Peeta went?"
She finishes chewing and swallowing before she replies
"He said he was going shopping, picking up stuff for dinner tomorrow"
I nod, it makes sense. I continue to eat, between spoons checking that Sophie hasn't spilt any cereal. After breakfast I shower before helping Sophie into her coat. Despite the windy weather they both decide to go out onto the beach to collect seashells. Whilst they are outside Annie and I pull out wrapping paper and bows and begin to finish the last of our presents. I only have one present left to wrap. She asks me, gesturing to the closed bag
"Is that Peeta's present?"
I nod and say placing scissors on the table
"Its the last one I have to wrap"
She asks
"Can I see?"
I nod and pull it out slowly from its hidden spot in the tissue and place it on the table. She gasps and rubs he fingers across the wooden box. She says
"It's beautiful"
She hands it back to me and I begin to wrap it. I feel excitement bubbling up inside me as I imagine his reaction. I put so much time and effort into all that's in this box. Hours when I couldn't sleep I would work on it. It may not be perfect, but it's the best I could do to show him just how much he means to me.
We're placing the last of the gifts under the tree when Peeta walks in. He carries two grocery bags which he places on the counter whilst greeting us with a smile
"Hello"
I tell him
"You were long"
"It was VERY busy"
I make a small sound of realisation, a mumbled "Oh yes" whilst I plant a kiss on his cheek. He asks Annie
"Have you all eaten?"
She shakes her head and in reply says
"The kids are outside, dinner should be ready in about 15 minutes or so"
He nods, thinking for a moment before speaking
"Alright then, because I have a good idea"
Confused I ask him
"What?"
Holding up a big bag of marshmallows and skewers he replies
"Just an old something me and my family would do"
So at around 8pm we are sitting outside, stars twinkling above us as the fire put crackles. We all roast our marshmallows over the flames as they dance in the dark. We all have large blankets warned around us, the kids wearing hats and mittens also. As we roast the marshmallows I lean my head on Peeta's shoulder, soon to feel his head lean on top of mine. I feel his cheek lightly nuzzled into my hair. Once our marshmallows are perfectly roasted we eat them, the kids enjoy it the most though. They continue to get marshmallows and hold them over the fire so long that they melt into white gooey mess and slip on to the deck. As we laugh and talk to one another the kids get tired and within the hour are whining that they are tired. When Annie says she's going to put Finn to bed I tell Sophie she should go to bed soon. That's when Annie insists on putting Sophie to bed. I open my mouth to argue but she once again insists. I thank her as she walks up the deck, Sophie and Finn on each side of her. I look up at Peeta who I now notice has been watching me the whole time. A small smile creeps across his face, his blue eyes dancing in the light of the fire as he says softly
"You're so beautiful"
I shake my head, my eyes still locked with his as I reply
"Don't say that, I'm not..."
He shakes his head and says
"Stop, just stop..."
His hand touches my cheek
"Just stop talking for a moment. Stop worrying, stop saying your not beautiful. Your beautiful in every way, inside and out. So just stop saying your not and just kiss me"
And that's when our lips touch. He pulls me onto his lap, the blanket that was since wrapped around me falls to the ground, my arms secure around his neck as the kiss continues, His hands sit on my waist. I don't feel cold despite me only wearing my clothes and a light jacket, his body and touch supplies me with warmth. Soon enough I feel my hands slipping under his shirt as his slip under my shirt his fingers cool against my skin send butterflies whirling in my stomach. I then stop, my hands letting go of his shirt and moving my hands to his shoulders. His fingers leave my waist and fall on my arms. We lean our foreheads together, his bright blue eyes looking into my eyes. It stays like this for a moment, as if the world stopped around us and the only thing that remained with time was me, him and the ocean. But within a matter of seconds time moves again and I hear my breathing. I say what we are both thinking in a small whisper
"Not yet"
He repeats
"Not yet"
He understands. He understands I'm not ready to reveal my scars to a person. Even he hasn't seen many of my scars. He hasn't seen my bruised ribs, my scars that cover all my body but remain hidden under my clothes. But he knows this, he knows that and he understands. That's what I love about Peeta, he will always understand me. That's why we are perfect together.