Attempt
•86•
Athan
I'm so sick of the noise and people are humping on each other. My head is starting to pound at the irritation and I can only blame myself. Thinking that going to a club will get my head away from things. Boy, how wrong I was. It's not even slightly entertaining to me anymore like it used to. After I paid the waitress for my bill, she finally approached me after 30 minutes of giving signals.
"Going home already?" She looked at me intently with her cocky smirk leaning towards the counter, making her breast look even bigger.
I just sighed and shrugged getting off the stool.
"Aw, why? The night is still young honey." She flirted.
I gave her a dumb look. "I know and I decided to stop wasting the rest of it in here." I spoke rudely leaving her alone.
I forced the exit open since there were people leaning on it from the outside. Two of them tripped, glaring at me as I pass. I pushed my hands in my coat pocket since I didn't wear any gloves. Hearing them curse at me, I raised my right hand giving them the bad finger. If they aren't so stupid they wouldn't be leaning against the door.
I was so excited to get away from those humans and drive my way back home I reached my car quicker than I planned. My car door slammed as I got in, resting my head on the steering wheel.
"Stupid fucking idiot." I cussed letting all my irritation transfer into words.
It's not really that the bar was huge bore but I just...I'm so annoyed at every little thing. Not that I mean to but...I just...I miss her. And I know that is not an excuse for being rude but I couldn't cry all the time, right? Or maybe I can. But of course that I won't admit.
Being alive for almost four and a half century I figured what my defense mechanism was. Unlike Thyone who fuck around and be a pain in the ass, I was more the type of shutting people out. I know it's fucking cliche and trust me I want it to sound more interesting but that's just it. Thyone appears as a happy and carefree stud who can have a shitty attitude that pushes people down the canyon for a good prank. And me... I'm boring when I'm hurt. I drink, yes. I liked sleeping with different women, yes. I'm definitely rude as well. But that's it. It takes a lot of effort to make me open up. Because sharing your story is not the same as sharing sand to build a sand castle at the shore. You share your story, your feelings, you give away a part of you that is very important. Also, in times like this I'm mostly negative. I know I'm a vampire but that don't excuse me from a mental break down. But I'm not having a breakdown. God I'm such an emo. Where the fuck is that wine.
I reached behind, feeling the car floor until I got a hold of the black bottle.
"Now this is the fucking real deal." I muttered as I popped the cork free from the bottle and chugged down mouthfuls of it's content.
I know it's me that's ruining my relationship with Autumn but what else am I supposed to do? Tell her I'm choosing her over Anne? I'd say that if I'm sure because the memories of Anne is still fresh. I know every single detail of it like the back of my hand. My feelings for her are still fresh, my feelings for her never went away. I love her the same way the night I promised her my life. It's stupid and I know I'm being a jerk and a 'fuckboy' but I'm just trying to be truthful here. I wish there's a spell that can clone me so I can be with the both of them. I can't let one go. The only shot I think I have to do that is to convince them into a polygamy. Which is another stupid thing.
Dammit!
I punched the steering wheel and accidentally pressing the horn making the other people outside look at my directions. Whatever. My car is tinted anyway.
I revved the engine to life and immediately left the area.
"I'm such a selfish asshole!" I growled at my self while maneuvering the wheel with my left hand and holding the bottle in my right.
I want to have them both because I can't choose so now I have neither of them and what's worse is that I'm hurting Autumn. Why the fuck am I hurting the one girl I love?!
This is going to be a long night.
I said internally, throwing the bottle out the window before speeding up.
•87•
Narrator
Autumn was sitting at the end of her bed practicing witchcraft when Athan arrived the house. She stumbled right after she stepped inside. She is tipsy after all the alcohol intake. It was quiet all over the house. Athan shrugged her coat off her shoulder and kicked her shoes away. She didn't care. The only thing she could think of was Autumn and how much she wanted to be with her. How much she craved Autumn's lips on hers and her touch all over her body. Athan was intoxicated and there's only one more thing left to complete the party; drugs. And to her mere surprise her addiction is Autumn.
Without a plan, she just started dropping her things to the ground. Her keys, wallet, some coins, her watch and her jacket left a trail of mess to Autumn's room downstairs. She was only in her tight jeans, loose white v-neck and penguin socks.Her head was too consumed in her own thoughts to even feel what was Autumn doing inside her room. She knocked gently three times, her half lidded eyes fighting to be awake.
Just in time when Autumn answered from the inside "It's open." Athan already pushed the door open.
Like a wake up call, most of the alcohol in her body lost its purpose, the second she saw Autumn sitting at the end of her bed with a book on her lap. Athan became sober just like it never happened before. Autumn was sitting cross legged in her tiny cotton short and baggy sweater with her knee high grey and brown socks to keep her warm. Athan stared.
Autumn did the same, a little confused.
Damn, she's so beautiful... Athan thought.
Autumn raised her brow slowly, waiting for Athan to talk but she remained silent. Autumn asked, closing the Grimoire on her lap. "Yes?"
Athan blinked a few times before shaking her head to bring her senses back. She stepped further inside, closing and locking the door. Autumn's eyes widened, she wouldn't feel cautious if Athan didn't lock it. But when she did, sexual tension became present in the room. Autumn watched the vampire walk towards her, making her swallow and back away a little. She didn't want to make any assumptions of Athan's actions, specially Athan would never force her to do something she doesn't like.
Athan sat beside her, never letting her eyes wander anywhere else but her girlfriend's face. Yes, she's that desperate. To her, Autumn is still her girlfriend. Autumn returned her gaze, trying to read what's in Athan's mind or what are her intentions for coming in her room in the middle of the night. She was already about to sleep because another week starts tomorrow but she guess she have no choice but to postpone her sleep due to Athan's sudden arrival.
The vampire, hesitantly, leaned in closer to Autumn but the girl move back. At that, Athan was determined. Just. One. Kiss. She thought.
Autumn became more alarmed, moving further away from Athan but the vampire didn't stop. She crawled closer and soon settled one of her leg between Autumn's thighs. Autumn's breath hitched when her back finally touched the headboard, her lips just inches away from Athan's. Staring at her 'girlfriends' inviting mouth, she attempted to reunite their lips once again. To the vampire's disappointment, Autumn placed a hand on her shoulder, prompting her to stop.
They studied each other again and Autumn noticed the subtle smell of alcohol coming from Athan's breath. "Stop. You're drunk." Autumn stated.
Athan lightly shook her head, "I'm not." She tried to kiss her girlfriend again but got denied. Would she get a kiss if she hadn't smelt like alcohol?
"Athan, don't make this harder..." Autumn's voice was softer, soothing.
The vampire quizzically looked at her, "Why can't I kiss you?" She asked like it's the most complicated riddle.
Autumn turned to sit up and completely moved away from Athan, "Because that's not what ex's do."
Athan froze at the words. Right. Ex. She remained in her position, eyes focused on nothing as she processed the words. Lowering her eyes to the pillow, Autumn spoke again politely. "I need to sleep..."
Athan sat up as well, eyes still looking downwards, not meeting Autumn's this time. Her face looked so tired and lifeless. Her hair was messy and dried streak of tears marked her cheeks. "Please let me stay with you."
Autumn for a second considered the suggestion but still somehow unsure. She was afraid Athan will do something that isn't supposed to happen.
"I won't try anything. I promise." Athan said like she could read Autumn's mind.
Autumn stayed in her position for a few seconds, studying the girl in front before settling herself to bed without speaking. She puffed her pillow before resting her head on it. She tucked her self under the duvet and hugged another pillow close to her chest. She stared at the ceiling.
Athan looked at her, her heart swelling at the beautiful sigh of the girl comfortably lying in bed with her. After gathering her thoughts, she followed Autumn's position except she settled on top of the duvet.
After long silence with Athan's heart speeding, she tried to ask casually. "How are you?"
Autumn looked sideways and could clearly see the broken look on Athan's face. She never saw her like this. Vulnerable, tired, hurt and lost...just like she is herself. Autumn was afraid she won't be able to keep herself together and throw herself to Athan again the longer they stayed in the same place.
"I'm," She paused. Thinking of the best answer not wanting Athan to think she doesn't care nor show how she's in too deep in sorrow. "...Ok." she breathed in deep then heard Athan confessed, "I'm not." Athan's voice was hoarse, almost cracking. Tears were visible, almost falling down her eyelids to double the dried trail of tears on her face. "I'm glad you're ok though..." Athan added, "'Cos being not, sucks." her voice finally cracked. Her brows collided as the tears managed to free itself.
Autumn's eyes started doing the same and she blinked it away while Athan prayed for her tears to stop as she stared at the ceiling. "I wish you know I just said that I am." Autumn spoke lowly and was surprised when Athan chuckled humorlessly.
"I like to think I understand how you feel, but not the other way around." Athan simply said.
Autumn thought carefully before responding. "Maybe...You can make me understand you? I'll try, I promise." She hugged her pillow tighter wishing it was the girl beside her. "Maybe it will make us feel better..." Maybe it can fix us.
Athan nodded thinking through the suggestion. "You don't know how to lose the only person you love though." She stated with no emotion as she managed to gather her self again. "I know it's hard to lose a family member but the person you truly love, is a different story. It will break you in all the way there is, to destroy the person you are."
"I want to know. Tell me. Please. I want to know all the things you've been to. Together and apart from her. I want to know you better, how you feel, how you see things let me see inside your beautiful mind. I wanna try to feel your shoes because you're absolutely right... I don't know how you feel because I never had a special someone die nor have to choose between two people. So please, enlighten me. And if you want, I'll do the same. Let's help each other, okay?"
Athan frowned, unsure of the girl's request. She wants to hear about how her and Anne before she died? She wants to know how horrible of a person she was after that? Athan was scarred for life because of those incidents, she's worried how it will affect Autumn... "Think about what your asking of me, Autumn..."
Autumn thought it through again, doing what she's asked. "I think it's a good idea." She propped herself on one elbow to look at Athan. They keep their gaze attentive on each other. "I'm sorry, I know this is difficult but I think it will help? Because basically we can't do anything but talk. Just talk. There's only words for us. Now I'm prepared to talk... Let's lay out all the hurts. What we're really thinking, what we want. Let's be honest with each other. Let's ask the questions that's been keeping us awake all night. Let's talk, a heartfelt conversation. Let's spill our souls our emotions. Let's talk about how we are really feeling... I'm willing to listen. And maybe after that we can work out where we go from here." Autumn said determined but gentle with every word.
Athan looked at her with fearful eyes. Autumn wasn't sure that moment if she's really an immortal vampire. She looked like a deer in the headlights. Athan was visibly breaking apart in front of her eyes. Even though the green eyed girl refrained from crying, she could see how terrified she is to speak up and relieve her memories. Autumn knew that moment, she better be prepared because what ever Athan is about to share, it will shatter her as well.
"I don't want you to think less of yourself or how much you mean to me Autumn. I'm scared you will question me and everything I've said and done. Autumn, I love you so much. Today. Right now. This exact moment that we're here, I love you and never would I want you to doubt that because saying I love you to you," Athan tried her best to mark the words in all Autumn's senses. "is one of the truest thing there is in this world."
Still locked in each other's eyes, Autumn nodded slowly. She knows that everything Athan said was true and she was glad Athan was vocal about her feelings again, specially in times like this is one of those where she needs to be reassured. "I won't," Autumn said, a weak smile forming on her lips to encourage the girl in front of her. "I will not question you. Of all the things we've been through, you've proven your love to me and I will be forever grateful for that Athan." She gave the vampire's hand a light stroke.
"Okay." Athan muttered lowly, obliging to Autumn's request.
She studied Autumn first and she saw the determination of the girl get to know her in a deeper level.
"Well...Anne..." Athan started, slowly drifting to a haze as her memories flooded her sight.
Autumn noticed the hesitation in her voice so she decided to help as she settled on her back again. "You don't have to hide anything. You can tall me how much you love her and how beautiful she is, I'll take it. I won't hold it against you, I promise." Autumn said tenderly.
There was another pause of pure silence. Athan was composing and arranging her memory, mentally preparing as she was about to be an open book. She huffed, "Anne and I... We made a connection a bond, that we seemly can't have with any other." Athan started, still trying to be comfortable telling her ex about her soon to be brought to life fiancee. "She was a total sunshine after the rain. She maybe is a very powerful woman that never in a billion years I would want to mess with, but she have the kindest of heart. She was caring and would literally throw herself in front of a train for the people that mattered to her. Anne is that perfect. Her voice is more lovely that all kinds of symphony created by gods. Her words can make you weak just by hearing it. The Anne I know was the most considerate, thoughtful, forgiving and determined person I know."
Although it was her request, a pang of pain shot through her chest as the person she loves speak the beauty of another. She won't back away though. Not now. Not now when Athan was finally talking about the memories and the people she cherished the most. She remained silent as Athan continued.
"When we were 13, we went on friendly dates, outing rather." Athan let out with a soft chuckle, lost in her own reverie. "Anne liked the idea of picnic and I didn't that time. For me it was boring and terribly hot; it was summer season though. But she pleaded for days til I can no longer deny her adorableness, so I said yes to her 'date' invitation." Athan quoted the word with her hands, smile plastered on her face. "We went to a nearby lake and since I was carrying the basket all the way there, she made the effort to be the one to lay it all out on the grass. I still helped her though because what kind of a good friend lets her best friend do all the work?" Athan smirked, her fingers twirling absentmindedly the hem of her shirt. "I expected it will be a boring and sticky hot summer day and it was north pole to south pole far from that. Although all we did was eat, and talk and from time to time she will make a little magic trick for me just to show how much her progress is, it was the best day. We jumped in the lake from the broken bridge. Well she pushed me because I was being a baby then followed me in the water shortly." This time Athan laughed as another memory resurfaced. "Then she remembered she doesn't know how to swim yet so she just clung to me all the time. I don't even know how we managed to play in the take when she wouldn't want me to leg go of her. Her face!" She almost squealed in excitement. "Her face was so terrified of drowning... And then I told her that I'll be glad to teach her how to swim but she didn't want to. She said she was contented and happy being that close to me, helping her afloat. When it started getting dark, we laid down on the grass, letting the air dry us down. She then wanted to see my eyes when I revamp..." Athan faced Autumn, studying her reactions but Autumn was quick to hide the envy that was seconds ago painted on her face. "You probably know about that. When Thyone, Jareth and I had a little sparring contest?"
Autumn simply nodded, images of Athan that night, bruised and bloody, still fresh as if it just happened moments ago, she managed a smile. "Yeah, the little transformation you special vampires do." She said proving her knowledge.
Satisfied, Athan proceeded. "Yes, that. Anne wanted to see how my eyes looked like when I revamp for the first time. Although I was still to young to fully transform, my eyes did change. When I showed her, my heart fluttered at her reaction. She was mesmerised by it. For her it was beautiful which completely caught me off guard because honestly my own eyes scared me. It's like the sun rising with a blood coated center in an endless void that sucks all light." She said. Autumn was a little confused for she never saw Athan's eye that way but somehow she could see or at least try to imagine them. The white of Athan's eyes turn black, iris turn yellow and pupil as red as blood. For a second she questioned internally what was amazing with Anne's reaction? The sound of it doesn't frighten her, it really seems mesmerizing.
Athan extended her description of awe. "When she saw it she wouldn't let go of my face. She kept stating at my eyes and as I was staring at her and then I kind of somehow knew that I love her. That it was non platonic anymore. And I was happy that I love her because she was the perfect girl I know."
••©••
Part two coming right up! This already exceeded my 2500-3000 words per chapter so... XD see ya in the next!