Author's Note:
LOOK LOOK LOOK I UPLOADED please don't hate me.
Seriously, don't kill me. I'm doing the best I can. :(
Life hasn't been so great and I know I've got some impatient fans out there (Candace :p) and some very patient ones, and if you're still with me and actually love this story..
thank you so very much. <3
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Rosalina twisted her hair around her hands, guiding the thick curls into an extremely messy side-ponytail. She hadn’t showered in two days. In fact, she hadn’t left the hospital. Ann and her made a pact that they weren’t leaving and Carlie bought Ro a toothbrush in the gift shop, the only thing she’d really needed badly.
She was taking a break from the waiting room with Ann, wandering the halls. Well, she wasn’t really wandering: she knew where she was going and wanted to end up. In the cancer treatment wing of the hospital Ro walked slowly towards Jesse’s room. She hadn’t seen him since Mico had brought her to visit. It hadn’t been that long in reality, but it felt like it.
She knocked on his door softly and entered, hoping she wasn’t interrupting. He laid in the bed, eyes closed. He looked much worse than he had the last time she’d seen him. He was as white as the sheets he was laying in, though his skin had a purple undertone. He barely had any skin left covering the bones of his face and arms and his lips were chapped and losing color. He eyes had dark rings around them.
His eyes fluttered open as she approached his bed and as he recognized her, his lips twitched into a weak smile.
“You look like shit,” he told her. She laughed because she knew he was right.
“So do you,” she retorted, grabbing his frail and veiny hand. He nodded in agreement and breathed out shakily as she traced the veins popping out of his skin.
“I stayed overnight and tonight I thought I’d come visit you. Mico drank himself into an alcohol induced coma, and I think it was my fault.” She added, her eyes pricking with tears. Jesse looked up at her, his expression sad.
“He’s alright though?” He asked. She nodded slowly, biting her lip. “That’s all that matters.” He whispered. Though Ro agreed to some extent, she also couldn’t get past the fault that she was probably the reason he drank so much.
“Jesse, how much longer…do you…have?” She asked quietly, afraid of his answer. He stared at her hands holding his. He couldn’t give her a definite answer, but he had never felt as bad before as he had the past week.
“Not long,” he admitted, afraid that she would cry harder. At the same time he reasoned with himself, why would she cry? It’s not like they were best friends. He wasn’t anyone special to her.
Ro closed her eyes as another tear fell. She had spent a while getting to know Jesse, but she still liked him. It wasn’t a great attraction, but she thought it was an awesome friendship. Rosalina didn’t want to lose another person in her life.
“It’s hard for me to talk to anyone anymore,” she told him, “I don’t even talk to my friends anymore. Ann and Mico are the only ones who know anything. Except for the fact that doesn’t help when they don’t really understand it. I’ve done so many bad things lately I can’t imagine life getting better. What am I going to do when you’re gone and I have no one else?”
He squeezed her hand the best he could and stated, “I’ll be here as long as I can. Ro, life gets better at the end. When it all comes down to it, you find out who really matters. To me, my brother, my dad, you care about me. To you, Mico, Ann, and I care about you. I’m sure there’s more that you just can’t relate to. When you go through what we go through you can’t expect to come out of it the same.
You fought for your life. There aren’t many people that understand that. You don’t have Ben anymore, but you still have life itself. There are plenty of things to live for; you just have to find them.”
Rosalina kissed him softly on the cheek and said, “I’m going to go see if I can get Carlie to let me talk to Mico. I’ll be back to see you soon.” He smiled at her and made a noise of understanding before he fell asleep.
Ro sighed to herself and headed back to Mico’s room. She ducked into a bathroom around the corner from his room to straighten herself out and laughed out loud.
Her hair was matted and greasy, her face was splotchy and shiny, and her eyes were red rimmed and bright blue.
As Ro rounded the corner back to Mico, Carlie closed the door to his room. She nodded at Ro, allowing her to go spend some time with him for the first time since he’d woken up.
Mico had been yelled at constantly by his father and mother since the moment he’d woken up.
They’d taken turns going back and forth, expressing their worry, disappointment, and plan for discipline. Mico had basically tried to kill himself because of a girl and had just used alcohol and marijuana as a tool to do so.
He felt horrible because of the pain and panic he’d caused. He didn’t know it was going to be that bad. He couldn’t fix anything he’d done, but he just hoped everything would eventually go back to normal.
He was utterly exhausted as his mom finally left to go join his dad for dinner in the hospital cafeteria. His projected release was going to be the next day. He really wanted to go home and sleep.
Jay hadn’t come to see him, but had texted and called a few times to say that he was sorry. Mico wasn’t mad knowing that Jay didn’t want to face Mico’s parents, knowing they would probably give him more hell than Mico.
As he was about to drift off to sleep, the door opened again. He almost groaned out loud, until he saw that the body was smaller than his mother’s. He smiled at her, and she walked to his bedside.
“Did you go see Jesse?” Mico asked Ro, a little afraid of the jealousy that bristled inside him.
She nodded and said, “He’s almost gone.” His jealousy was replaced by sympathy almost immediately and he felt bad for thinking ill of Jesse just because Rosalina was friends with him.
“Are you going to go see him again when I leave in the morning?” He asked. Again, she nodded her head. Mico had figured she’d want to see him again.
“Are you going to stay until he…” He couldn’t even finish his sentence. She couldn’t respond either through her thick tears.
Mico put a finger to his lips and motioned her forward. He took her hand and held it tightly.
“Listen,” he began, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.”
Ro smiled crookedly and admitted, “I didn’t know that. I was waiting for it to happen. I knew you didn’t want me.” She looked down and he jerked her hand.
“I meant everything I said about marrying you and having a baby with you Rosalina. I just didn’t want to take away your life.” He said fervently, trying to convince her.
“So you decided you’d take away yours?” She challenged.
She was met with silence.
Her tears of anger slowed as she rested her head on the bed, exhausted. He reached with his other hand to smooth her hair, earning him the sight of her smile.
He should have acted differently. He shouldn’t have frozen her out immaturely. He should have treated her as the adult that she’d become. Over the last six months Rosalina had gone through so many experiences that forced her to grow up. They forced her to become an adult faster than Mico. He’d had no right to try and shield her as if she were a child.
As he confessed to her his thoughts, she stopped crying and lifted her head from the bed.
“So be with me.” She stated.
He nodded, and that was good enough for both of them. She climbed out the bed, careful of his wires, and they fell asleep holding hands.
In the morning, the nurse that came to check on Mico scolded them both. Ro decided to get out of their as fast as she could to visit Jesse, only stopping in the bathroom to pee and brush her teeth.
She hadn’t eaten since she’d thrown up her dinner from Ann’s, but decided against buying food from a vending machine. The halls were fairly quiet, because it was around seven AM. Upon entering Jesse’s room, she found his brother.
“I’m sorry,” she said, preparing to back out of the room. His brother turned and she was face to face with a handsomer and healthier version of Jesse.
“It’s okay…you must be Ro, right?” He asked, and she blushed.
Yes,” she admitted, taking a few steps closer.
“Jesse never shuts up about you. He says you really helped him a lot in the last few weeks he’s been in here. I think he’s got a crush on you,” he chuckled, “I can see why. I’m Tony.” Ro shook his hand tentatively and took to the opposite side of the bed.
“Shut up, Tony.” Jesse smiled, a hint of blood rushing to his cheeks. The three laughed and Ro took his hand.
“You helped me too, Jess,” she said as his gaze met hers.
“How is he?” Jesse asked her, referring to Mico. Tony gave them both a confused look and Ro started to explain.
“My boyfriend got alcohol poisoning after we got in a fight,” she said. As Tony took in the news with a few expressions of first shock then sad amusement he responded.
“It’s too bad that you’re taken. Jesse here would have liked his shot.” He joked.
Again Jesse told him to shut up before he asked, “So it’s official now?” Rosalina smiled and confirmed his question.
“Damn…” he whispered, trailing off. Tony smiled and Ro let out a short laugh.
“How’re ya feeling, little bro?” Tony asked, turning the conversation to a more serious topic. Jesse winced and decided to answer honestly.
“Bad.”
They exchanged looks with each other. Ro sat down in a chair and Tony mirrored her. They weren’t going anywhere. They were going to stay until the very end.
Jesse’s father arrived twenty minutes later, and Ro was again introduced as the girl Jesse would try to date if he wasn’t going to die and was already taken.
Time seemed to take forever, and yet it wasn’t enough time for her. Ro kept finding more things to say, and Jesse would murmur his replies. He could feel himself getting weaker. He imagined all of his cells dying inside of him, rapidly in quick succession.
He didn’t have very much time left at all.
As the sun set around eight at night, Ro and Tony had been talking about Tony’s business as a barber. Their father was on a coffee run and had promised to be back in five minutes.
“It’s nice for him, what you’ve been doing.” Ro said honestly, gesturing to his hair and the room in general. Tony ran his hands over his brother’s forehead and smiled.
“He’s my little brother. I’d do anything for him,” he admitted as a small teared leaked from his eye. He quickly wiped it away and forced himself to smile, but Ro didn’t care. She’d done her fair share of crying.
“He’s a great guy,” Ro said quietly as Jesse stirred again.
“I heard that,” Jesse slurred, as if it had been an insult. Ro laughed weakly as Tony questioned him about his pain. “Two hundred,” Jesse said, “on a scale of one to ten.” He winced as he took a slow and shallow breath.
Tony and Ro shared worried glances as they looked out the open door, knowing this was it.
“Ro, thanks for everything.” Jesse told her, and tears leaked from Ro’s eyes as she traced patterns into the smooth skin of his forehead. She bent down and kissed his cheek, tears falling from her skin to his.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“Tony…” Jesse trailed off, unsure of where to begin.
“It’s okay, Jess, I know. I love you,” his voice cracked as tears slid from the side of his eyes.
Jesse’s dad entered the room balancing three cups of coffee, but stopped short upon the sight of his son. He set the cups down quickly, spilling one, and closed the distance between them.
Tony stepped back as his father placed a hand atop his head.
“I love you daddy,” Jesse whispered, before adding, “Why is everyone touching my head?” The beeping of his monitor flat-lined.
Mico was lying on his bed, dozing in and out of consciousness. He’d been home all day, and Ro still had not come home. Jesse must have been fighting all day for his life. As Mico considered the fact that he should have died, he knew there had to be a reason he’d survived.
It really was truly a miracle that he lived, with a BAC of 2.0. He should have died. But he didn’t because he was meant to be with Ro.
Around nine, Ro’s mom left the house in a hurry. By nine thirty, someone was knocking on the door to the house. Sam and Danielle let out excited screeches, and Ro did her best to placate them, but they could tell she was upset.
Quieting down, they followed her as she entered his room. He met her gaze and she broke down in tears. He knew Jesse had died as she sat down on his bed. He pulled her close so that they were lying sideways, and he grabbed hold of her hand.
She kissed their intertwined fingers and Sam and Danielle sat down on the bed, patting Ro’s back.
“We’re still here,” Mico told her. He whispered in her ear, “We have a reason to be,” as he rubbed his fingers on her stomach.