How to Be Cliche (A Novel)

By katrocks247

5.8M 140K 44.9K

Cli·ché: a phrase or opinion that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought. Meet Pepper Ballard. In... More

All Rights Reserved
How to Be Cliché
(1) Out of Sight, Out of Mind
(2) If My Calculations Are Correct
(3) Oh No She Didn't
(4) Did I Just Say That Outloud?
(5) Barking Disease
(6) I Could Tell You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You
(7) Mr. Trinidad
(8) What Part of Human Don't You Understand?
(9) That Escalated Quickly
(10) Blue Slushies 4 Lyfe
(11) Backstreet Wolves
(12) Yah, Horsie!
(13) Blindness
(14) Fruit Loops
(15) Potato, Potato
(16) Smile, Bishes
(17) Bedazzle This, Betch!
(18) Hasta Luego, Estúpido!
(19) Wadda Ya Say?
(20) Chugga Chugga Choo-Choo
(21) Ninety-nine Percent Trinidad
(22) Balloons
(23) Grounded for the Rest of My Peppery Life
(24) I Put the "I" in Stupid
(25) Backstabbing Emo
(26) Help Me Smile
(27) Lovely Neighbors Across the Street
(28) Let's Not and Say We Did
(29) Killer Looks
(31) Silky Briefs and the Evil Twin
(32) Confessions of a Chimpmunkaholic
(33) Nacho Business
(34) Operation
(35) Pretending
(36) Cereal Killers Are Much More Gentle
(37) A Dash of Paprika
(38) How to Rule the World
(39) Hashtag Deep
(40) The Fuzz
(41) No Me Gusta Smiley
(42) You Got Me Right in the Kangaroo

(30) Vamp Hickey

91K 2.6K 811
By katrocks247

              Pain.

                  Endless, never-ending, circulating pain that radiated throughout my entire body, throwing all of my senses left and right into seizures of agony. Nausea rippled in my gut, which overtime escalated to the sensation of claws digging into my flesh and yanking out my entrails. I threw back my head and screamed until my vocal chords felt like they were tearing. I was somewhere dark and slightly cold, but I was sweating profusely and felt like I was being cooked above a pit of fire. Every breath I took felt tight and strained, I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen and started to heavily hyperventilate.

                  I turned my head into my damp arm and whimpered.

                  "You were right, brother. Her body and skin are still too sensitive to be cleaned," a deep, smooth voice said. I licked my lips. My hearing was so delicate that they throbbed agonizingly and pounded with blood at the sound of his voice. Nevertheless, I wanted to hear that voice again..and again...and again.

                  "I can't just leave her all bloody like this..."

                   Him again. My body was thrown into a fit of excited, wild convulsions as the voice got closer. I yanked against straps against my wrists and my ankles, viciously ripping away at my own skin to try and be freed and leaving raw, bloody flesh behind.

                  "Pepper? She's awake."

                  I tried to open my eyes but felt like two giant sumo wrestlers were sitting them, jumping up and down and high fiving each other.

                  "Pepper, it's Sin. Can you hear me?"

                  Sin. The voice belonged to Sin Trinidad, aka my psychotic Creative Writing teacher. Great. I prayed that he hadn't seen those hip thrusts.

                  "I'm not going to hurt you, Pepper. Nobody's going to hurt you. You're safe here."

                  Safe. My body relaxed a little bit. I struggled to pry my heavy eyelids open, and immediately felt like I was hung over, Someone's head was blocking my path, slowly I began to make out masculine features through my blurred vision. Straight nose, full lips, slightly curled brown hair, stubble framing their angular jaw. I watched his lips with a frown as they continued to move, producing strange sounds that appeared to go in and out between words that I could understand and words that I didn't understand at all. Was he even speaking English? I could have sworn that last word he had said was Japanese...

                  My eyes slowly lowered to Sin's tight grey t-shirt, medium washed jeans, and tan work boots, then back up until my eyes rested on his neck. I licked my lips.

                  "I don't think she's listening to me," Sin said. "Has her hearing not developed correctly?"

                  "No, she can hear you," a man replied much further away. My head immediately whipped to the side, following the other voice. This one was rough and deep, it had the same effect on me as Sin Trinidad's voice. It was Hunter, Sin's twin.

                   "Her chains lightly hit the wall with every word that you said. I believe she's just hungry and can't focus well," Hunter continued.

                  A sharp pain shot up my spine. "Grrkk," I moaned.

                  "Shh, kitten. I know it hurts. We'll give you medicine if it gets worse." Hunter knelt on the ground, about the same distance away from me as Sin. Just out of my reach. "Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?" he asked.

                  Hungry. I started to make low growls in my voice then started to whimper. I was hungry. I wanted five double cheese burgers with seven large fries and a diet coke... But all that really came out was, "Feeerrr."

                  "She's starving, has to use the bathroom, and thinks this room smells really musty. Maybe we shouldn't have put her in my basement."

                  "You got all of that from 'Feeerrr'?"

                   "This isn't the first time I've had to take care of a woman in chains who was unable to speak or move." Hunter teasingly winked at his brother and took his cell phone out, plugging in many numbers with his black gloved fingers. "I'm calling my pack and finding her some fast food. There's some biking race going on at Orange Gate County Park, I'm going to tell them to snag a few of the fat ones at the back of the race and bring them to her. Nobody will ever notice they're gone. The fat ones will probably taste the best, too." Hunters fingers grazed my chin and I cooed. "Do you want a chunky human, kitten?"

                  "Pepper is not feeding from a human," Sin snapped.

                  "I'll feed her then," Hunter said, shutting his phone and pulling off his leather jacket. He tossed it to the side, crawling towards me until I could hear the distant thrum of his heart in his chest. I licked my lips. "She'll gain back her energy quicker with my blood, anyways," Hunter said, pulling off his dark t-shirt as well. My eyes glued to the jacket that Hunter had discarded and my heart started to pound. Black leather. Hooded face. Gary.

                  "I told you to stay out of it, Pepper. I did everything I could to keep you away from me. You've left me no choice. I'm sorry that it had to end this way."

                  I started to flail out, sobbing and screaming. What was I now if I had already died?

                  "Get away from her! If you feed her, she'll get attached to you and she won't be able to get back to her normal life."

"Or she'll get back to her normal life faster and get the hell out of my house. She's getting blood all over the damn place--"

Blood? I'm bleeding?!

"Damnit, you're scaring her! She's going to hurt herself." At that, Hunter sat back on his heels, watching me with dark eyes. "Drink, Pepper. It's  food." Sin poked something into my mouth that resembled a straw. I latched onto it, taking heavy, ravenous pulls at the liquid. The pain in my body started to subside. The drink tasted odd and was thick in my mouth. I didn't really like, but at the same time I wanted more of it because it just seemed... right.

                  Kind of like pop music.

                  "That was the last deer pack," Sin said, taking the straw out of my mouth and standing up. "I'm going to get more you-know-what from the woods and fill up some more bags to put in the fridge."

                  "Not saying the B word, I see? I'll call the nearest animal shelter and she'll drink it fresh," Hunter said with dripping sarcasm. "But since you're a p*ssy and take the p*ssy way out of everything, maybe a wild animal shelter would be more appropriate place to go so we can get some chipmunks and fluffy bunnies for her to chew on. Don't let the foam at their mouths and clumped fur scare you, just means they're more nutritious."

                  Sin growled low in his throat. "I'll remind you that Pepper is smart and has already denied your control over her life. I'm the one that found her. She trusts me more than you, and you know that she does. We might have both given her you-know-what, but you do not get the final say in what she feeds from and how she does it, I do. I want what's best for her. If she were to accidently kill a human, she might hate herself."

                  Hunter laughed darkly. "You're right, Pepper is smart, and you were the one who found her first, but you are not the one who decides her fate. When she's in you-know-what lust, desperate for a male's attention, she'll want my neck and my body because she knows that I'll put her needs before mine. She's a vampire, vampires drink human blood. You drink animal blood. Think about that, chipmunk sucker."

                  Sin let out an irritated hiss between his clenched teeth. Hunter returned it, except his was a lot more aggressive, to the point that I thought he was going to get up and knock Sin to the ground. I swear, the room temperature went up three thousand degrees they were so heated.

                  "Hungry," I croaked.

                  As if just remembering I was in the room, the twins relaxed significantly and immediately acted as if they hadn't just prepared to rip each other's throats out.

                  "Well? What are you waiting for, Sinny? Go get the chipmunks," Hunter said, voice sharp.

                  "I'm not leaving you with her for a second until I know that we're on the same page."

                  "I don't do reading, I do women," Hunter snickered.

                  "And that's why you're grammar's terrible." Sin crossed his arms over his chest. "She will feed as myself and mother and father do, learn to control her eating habits with animal you-know-what, and start to come around to her old self  much quicker than she would with human you-know-what. It's the best way for her to cope with her new life. Understand?"

                  "And what if your "chipmunk diet" doesn't work?"

                  "Then you can kiss my ass," Sin said. "I don't eat chimpmunks and I never will."

                  "Whatever, squirrel-sucker. Like that one better? If she wants to feed from me when you're gone, I will let her," Hunter said. "She needs to learn how to feed from the neck, whether you like it or not."

                  "I'll kill you if you so much as touch her while I'm gone."

                  Hunter gave him a crooked smile. "I can't make any promises if she touches me first. You know how needy newborns are." Hunter winked suggestively at him again.

                  "Hunter, I swear to God if you so much as touch her..." Sin warned in a dangerous voice. "I'll never forgive you. I know that we have our differences. But promise me you at least won't hurt her, brother. Most importantly, don't you dare ask her anything about--"

                  "I'm not an idiot, of course I won't ask her what happened yet." Hunter growled. "Fine. I promise I won't be doing anything but bathing her and changing her clothes. Give me the tranquilizer."

                  "Here. I'll be back by dusk, make sure she's comfortable. I know you're not completely heartless, brother. We can push our differences aside. Pepper needs us right now or she will die. She needs you."

                  "Alright, Full House, I get it. I have to have a heart of gold. I have to kiss babies. Jesus is our savior. Now leave and go get Pepper food before she gets prissy and starts stabbing at my junk or something with her fangs. There's only so much I'll let a woman do to my junk before I have to draw a line."

                  "I know this is your house, but don't smoke or bring any hookers in here while she's staying," Sin growled. Then he was gone.

                  Now I was alone with the shirtless, evil twin. We sat in silence for a while, him deep in thought, and me watching his long eyelashes There was a prick in my arm that made me flinch. I felt Hunter's fingers caressing my cheek as my eyes drifted closed.

                  * * *

                  There was a man at the end of an endless white hallway with his back to me.  He two black katana blades strapped to his back that were much larger than mine. Somehow, they also looked much sharper. He wore a obsidian colored leather trench coat with a draping hood, black leather pants and black boots that almost went up to his knees. Everything seemed to mold around his body perfectly. Like a killer.

                  "I'm looking for Smiley myself. I've been looking for him for weeks. I'm the one who eliminates the eliminators."

                  Suddenly, he turned around and I was face to face with a stranger that had Gary's eyes, piercings, and perhaps a small amount of eyeliner. I was stunned by his beauty. All of his facial makeup was gone that had dramatically shaped his features differently. A handsome man didn't even come close to who I was up against. Then again, that seemed Without all of the makeup on his face, this distorted version of Gary looked older, around twenty-one.

                  "Goodbye, Pepper," the stranger said.

                  I looked down at the floor and saw my reflection in a lengthening crimson puddle of my own blood.

                  I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs and leapt like a cat onto my feet, balancing a bit wobbly on a cushiony, king-sized bed with black silk comforters. My eyes slid along the foreign, spacious room with dimmed lighting, taking in many shelves of books. Confused, I looked back down at myself. I had thick socks, sweatpants that were folded over many times, and a baggy dark red t-shirt on. None of the clothes belonged to me.

                  I started to panic.

                  "Bad dream?"

                  My eyes shot up from the black silky comforters to the front of the bed. It was Hunter. His short black hair was wet, clouded blue eyes were hooded with privacy, and he was shirtless. My eyes lingered on the scars and burns that were spattered along Hunter's naked, sculpted chest.

                  Hunter whistled loudly, starting me. "I asked you a question, Pepper."

                  I blushed pitifully. "Where are we?" I threw my hands around my throat, my eyes wide with horror. A foreign, sultry female voice had taken over mine. "My voice," I squeaked.

                  Hunter walked around the bed slowly, blind eyes somehow trained on me. His muscles shifted deliciously with every step. "That's just from screaming, kitten."

                  My arms fell to my sides. "Screaming?"

                  "Yes. Do you remember anything before I..." His eyes seemed to brighten and his mouth quirked upwards. "Well, you've noticed your change of clothes, of course? Give it a moment, you'll remember."

                  I picked at my red t-shirt. I had the vague memory of warm, rough hands peeling my clothes off. Water that was the perfect temperature. Fresh smelling soap. Deep, affectionate murmurs in my ear as pinkish water escaped into the drain of a bathtub. Cologne smelling clothes and a bed that wrapped me in a soothing cocoon, allowing me to drift off into a deep sleep....

                  Goodbye, Pepper.

                  "This is your home. It smells like you." My eyes burst open and Hunter was at the side of the bed, waiting. What was he waiting for?

                  I turned to him, still standing on the bed, thinking of all the possible things that Hunter could admit to me right then and there and having no idea how terrible it was going to be.

                  "You're a hybrid, Pepper," Hunter finally said.

                  The breath was knocked out of me. I looked down at my hands and watched them start to tremble significantly. "I died," I whispered, clutching at my neck and then my pounding heart. I was alive. I was alive and there were no slashes in my neck, but something was terribly wrong with me. I could feel a darkness inside of me that hadn't been there before.

                   Hunter lunged forward right as I lost my balance on the bed and fell towards him. He caught me easily in his arms and held me close as I helplessly sobbed into his shoulder. Hunter carefully lay down on the bed with me in his arms.

                  "I'm a hybrid now? I'm like you?"

                  Hunter pressed me closer, rubbing his hand soothingly down my back. "No, kitten. You're never going to be like me."

                   I started to cry even harder. "How long have I been here? What am going to tell my parents? What am I going to do? They're hunters, they'll try and kill me--"

                  "Your parents would never kill you," he said. "Believe me, if my parents haven't killed me by after what I've done to my family, you'll be fine. Your parents love you very much, I know for a fact that they'll love you no matter who or what you are."

                  "I was murdered," I blurted. "I have to explain to them that I was murdered and--"

                  "That you were spared," Hunter intercepted, his jaw clenching hard. "Whoever hurt you, they knew you wouldn't die unless your neck was snapped and that there was a chance that someone would find you and heal you. My brother was the one who smelled your blood and healed you."

                  I frowned. "If he healed me...then why am I...?"

                  "Some humans react differently to vampire blood. It's very rare, but some have an allergic reaction. Sin said that you appeared normal and walked a few steps with him, even said a few words, but then you collapsed into a fit of seizures. You were basically brain dead from his blood. Because hunter's don't die unless their heads are snapped..."

                  "He had to kill me or I would have been brain dead for the rest of my life."

                  "Yes. But he couldn't bring himself to do it, so he brought you to me." I could hear Hunter grind his teeth together as he turned his face away from me. "It wasn't Sin's fault, Pepper--"

                  "He brought me to you because he didn't know what to do next," I concluded softly.

                  Hunter tilted his head down at me, blinking once. "He clearly did know what he wanted to do if he came to me. I took you to the basement and snapped your little neck like a twig. I didn't even think twice. When I tried your pulse, your heart was still beating so I knew that something was going on. I decided to put some of my blood in your mouth, and here we are. You should be dead right now, but you aren't. Now you have to drink blood and bark at the moon once a month. It's as simple as that."

                  I sat up in his arms, staring at him right in his blind eyes. "So that's it? I died, Sin gave me his blood, you killed me again then gave me your blood, I came back to life, and now this is my new life? Being a hybrid?"

                  "Yes," Hunter grit out. "Why are you asking me that as if I'm not telling you the truth? Do you not trust me?"

                  My eyes dropped to his neck. There were two parallel puncture marks in his neck that were heavily bruised. It looked like a really bad, really vampy hickey. "It just seems like you're leaving something out," I said slowly, starting to move my finger towards the bruises. "Is that from my teeth--?"

                  Hunter slapped my hand away. "I never said you could touch me," Hunter hissed, pushing me away from him and gettng off the bed. He rubbed his hand against his neck and then clenched his hand in a fist. "I know, I'm a dick. The good twin will be back in an hour or so with animal blood. Do me a favor and don't overstay your welcome."


                  He left the room.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Thanks for reading this far, lovlies! Please vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter!

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