Filler filler filler filler I'M VERY SORRY
But at least it's a quick update, yeah? Let's just keep that one in mind ;)
The after party was going off, but I felt out of it.
Everyone else was partying away inside, drinking champagne and soft drink, eating pizza and dancing to loud techno music.
I held a champagne glass full of lemonade in my hand as I sat on the plastic chair on the balcony, staring out over the brightly lit Sydney skyline, the Harbour Bridge awash with golden, twinkling lights.
I ached for home, here in Sydney.
I wished desperately for the time that had passed me by without my knowledge.
“Delilah?”
The voice was familiar, but totally unexpected.
I put down the glass, stood up and folded my arms, backing away from the black-haired guitar player.
“What do you want?” I asked, tightly. “Want to ruin my life some more? Sure, go on ahead. And then you can even blame me for it.”
I knew my words were unfair, and that I was as much to blame as he was.
But bitterness made my words sharp.
Ollie held up his hands in surrender. “I wanted to apologise.”
I scoffed. “But this is all my fault, remember?”
“I know you’re angry…”
“Angry?” I gave a shocked laugh. “Ollie, my friends all hate me. They refuse to speak to me. The boy I’m in love with, and was going to tell tonight, refuses even to acknowledge my existence, and the hurt in his eyes is unbearable. I’m leaving tomorrow with no more contact with these people, and to have ended on such a terrible note after all our promises, to be perfectly honest, makes me feel like crap. So, if you don’t mind, I’d just like a minute to myself, please.”
Ollie wrinkled his forehead in a frown. “I’m so sorry, Delilah.”
And then I deflated, too drained to even hold up the anger.
“I know. I’m sorry too.” I pressed my hands to my face. “I honestly didn’t know I was leading you on. I thought…I thought I was just being a friend. I thought you were a friend. I…I…”
A lone tear tumbled over my mascara-coated lashes and down my cheek.
“I’m so sorry.” Ollie looked upset, but kept his distance. “I’m not a bad guy, I swear, Del. I never meant to ruin anything. I just…I don’t know.”
I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he held up a hand.
“No, I have to say this. I guess I really liked you, and you and Luke were having problems, and I deluded myself into thinking you felt the same way. It was my fault and I really had no right to be so angry with you. I didn’t mean anything I said, either. I’m so sorry, Delilah.”
Genuine remorse darkened his pale features.
I forced a small smile onto my face. “I forgive you, Ol.”
“Thank you.” Ollie sighed in relief and offered me a hand to shake.
I took it and shook it, shaking my head at his antics.
Releasing his hand, I turned back to glance through the doors into the party room.
The others were dancing together in a big group, limbs moving in discordant sync.
Except for Luke. He was standing slightly off to the side, a can of coke in his hand. His knuckles were white and he was deliberately looking away from the balcony.
I swallowed, hard, knowing he’d seen and misinterpreted Ollie’s and my exchange.
Ollie caught my gaze. “Want me to talk to him? I’ll explain everything.”
I pulled my gaze back to his dark eyes with a sad smile. “I’d rather you didn’t. I’m giving Luke a clean break.”
Ollie looked puzzled. “What are you on about?”
I shrugged, making my way over to the glass railing and leaning my forearms against it. “I’ve booked a flight for tomorrow. I’m going home right after my show.”
“Delilah…” Ollie’s voice rang with shock. “You’re running away?”
“I’m making a fresh start. It’s better for everyone.”
“Better for you, you mean!” Ollie snapped. “You can’t do this, Del! They deserve better, you deserve better than this!”
His words were painfully similar to Luke's only a few days ago, begging me not to take any more pills because someone cares about me now.
“The concert tomorrow is closure enough.” I snapped back, turning around to face him, my fists clenched. “I’m telling you this because I thought you’d understand. I need you to understand, Ollie. This is the best for everyone. A fresh start a clean slate. I can’t keep doing this back and forth, twisted relationship thing. Luke has been on my mind for twelve years! I think I need to realise that it’s time to let go!”
I breathed heavily, holding my arms around my middle in an attempt to hold myself together.
But before I could walk through the door, Ollie’s hand wrapped around my wrist. “Wait. Don’t walk away from me, doll. Not like this.”
I bit my lip and opened my eyes, staring straight through the glass doors into the party.
My eyes locked on familiar pools of blue and my heart clenched.
Luke.
He held my gaze and I was frozen, oblivious to Ollie speaking from behind me.
“Delilah!” Ollie tugged on my arm, pulling me back around to face him.
He flinched at the tears in my eyes.
“Talk to Luke tomorrow.” I said, quietly. “After they perform, when I’ve already gone. If you want to explain, explain. If you don’t, then don’t. It’s been a great tour, Ollie. Thanks for being my friend even when I didn’t deserve it.”
And then I was gone, twisting out of his grip and running into Fry’s house.
The music had slowed and the people had dispersed, the Secondhand Serenade whispering through the speakers.
My heart clenched. This song had been Luke and my favourite song when we were eleven, before the whole Alison saga.
My eyes caught his, drawn together by some invisible magnets.
I offered him a soft, sad smile and then I left, thanking Fry for having me and saying goodbye to various crew on my way out.
I’d already hit the hallway when I heard the voice.
“Wait.”
Hope flared painfully in my chest and I turned slowly to see the blonde-haired boy with sad blue eyes looking at me.
“Yeah?” My voice cracked and I swallowed.
“Delilah…I just…” Luke took a deep breath and I stepped a tiny bit closer.
“Luke, man come on, this is our jam!” Calum shouted from just inside the apartment.
Luke winced. “Sorry, I should…”
“Go.” I said, flatly, my shoulders slumping. “Yeah.”
“Can we…can we talk tomorrow?” Luke asked, almost like he was hopeful I’d say no. “After the concert?”
I bit my lip and lied. “Sure.”
He nodded, once and raised his hand in an awkward wave. “Sleep well.”
“You too.”
And then he was gone, vanishing back into the world of glitter, parties, friends and techno music as I walked back to the tour bus to spend my last night in there on my own with my music.