For the next few days, everything fell into a routine.
In the morning Levi and I would go on a run. Sometimes Derek would join us and hunt down some deer to drink from. The first time I watched him do it, I almost threw up, which was apparently was quite laughable for the two men.
In the evenings I would chop wood. I hated that damn woodpile. Every evening I would chop and Levi would pull up a chair with his cooler to watch. Mostly to pick at me, which I found became increasingly more difficult to remain neutral to. The beast was not just scratching anymore, it was clawing.
Sometimes at night I would wake up from a dream. A nightmare that would pull the beast so far forward that Derek had to sit with me in a cold shower to suppress it. It was becoming more intertwined with my own being, weaving itself into my own DNA and making it its own.
But I couldn't let it out, let her out.
I wasn't ready and I knew that it would kill me.
This morning Levi took me to a creek, wide and deep. We pulled out a small wooden boat, two oars, and started to glide down the glassy water. Levi opened up his small red cooler, his sidekick, and pulled out a can of beer. He took a long sip and set it down in front of him then looked back at me with a smirk.
"You swim girl?"
I nodded. My father had taught me on a family vacation to the lake one year. I remember being so scared. I couldn't touch the bottom and my father was just a fingertip out of reach.
He was patient with me, though. 'All you have to do is paddle Char, it's that easy baby girl.'
Soon I was practically swimming laps around him like I was a fish, like I had a tail of my own to paddle me to somewhere far far away.
I smiled and nodded. "Ya, I can swim."
Levi smirked and I immediately knew that I had answered wrong. His hands were around my waist, and in a flash, he was flinging me into the still water. The water was cold and felt like a hundred electric fingers crawling all over my skin.
I swam back to the surface and spat out water that somehow found its way into my mouth. "The hell was that for?"
Levi reached back and tossed me a thick brown twisted rope. "Time to start pulling Charlie girl."
"Are you kidding me?" I groaned out.
"Nope," he answered leisurely while leaning back in the boat and taking a long drink of his beer.
I let out a low growl of annoyance, low enough that I was sure he wouldn't hear me, before swimming over to the rope. I had no idea why I kept letting myself be subject to Levi's ridiculous 'training' methods. Maybe it was because I believed him and believed that he could truly help me. Maybe it was because I had no other choice, I mean, my only other choice was to run away and then I would surely die on the full moon. But there was something else. Something else nagging in the back of my mind, telling me to follow and trust. I couldn't pin point it or figure out what it was, but it kept me going even when Levi was being more of an asshole than usual, like today.
The only silver lining was that I had wore shorts and a tank that day, courtesy of Derek. According to him, my body temperature would start to rise, apparently, weres ran a body temperature higher than humans, so the elements would start to have less of an affect on me the closer I got to my shift.
Damn asshole! When I turn I am going to tear into to his old wrinkly rear!
Pulling the boat was no easy task. It took me a few strides to figure out how to hold the rope so I could both swim and pull at the same time. I settled on tying it around my waist so I could use all my limbs which earned me a pleased nod from Levi.
At first, it wasn't too bad swimming the boat. But after an hour my limbs started to burn; legs aching and arms tiring from slicing through the water. I tried to swim back to the boat to take a break, but Levi just used his boot to push me back in.
"You can rest when we get to where we're going," his gruff voice said with a hint of annoyance.
I sighed and tried to let myself float for a few minute, but Levi just tossed a half-eaten apple at me. I started to swim; my legs burned, my arms felt almost like jello, and my skin was burning as the rope continued to rub against it.
"So where are we going them?" I called from over my shoulder.
"To Never-Neverland Charlie girl," Levi answered playfully.
I felt a rumble in my throat from a low growl. He had been refusing to answer my questions this whole trip, letting me swim blindly to some sort of destination, if there was one...
I gritted my teeth and continued on. Continued going even though my limbs begged me to quit. I tried two more times to rest, but Levi would only curse or throw things at me to keep me going.
"You can't quit girl, even when you want to, you gotta rely on that beast in you to get you through things," he said while popping open another beer.
"I thought you said I had to fear it? Control it?" I bit back. His riddles at the moment were not anything that I really wanted to hear.
"You do and you should. You have to make your beast submit to you, know who is in control. Otherwise, it will eat you up girl, and right now, you still ain't much to eat."
I scoffed and tried to block out the pain that was coursing through my limbs. I was paddling the best I could yet I felt like I was going nowhere. "Why do you care anyways?"
"Well I don't," Levi chuckled out, "but my beast does. Pain in my damn ass. I guess I would be somewhat sad if you died, wouldn't have anyone to chop all my wood for me anymore."
I looked back and shot him a glare and he only shrugged. I turned back and felt my toes hit something. I picked them up like it was wildfire that they touched, then carefully lowered them down. It was the bottom. The water was shallow here, and after a few more feet I was able to comfortable stand flatly on the ground. I let out a long tired breath and inwardly thanked whoever gave me such good fortune. Walking wouldn't be easy, but right now it would be better than swimming.
After a few steps, I was starting to feel slightly better. I pulled at the rope and started to pull it over my shoulder so I could take some of the weight off my waist for a while. I looked back at Levi to see him pop open another beer. I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him.
Asshole.
"So why does he care then?"
Levi let out a frustrating growl. "Who knows, probably to piss me off."
"Never pegged you for a liar Levi," I shot back.
"Never pegged you for a shitty swimmer girl," he answered.
"Ass," I hissed.
"Little shit," he fired back.
I slipped on something and hissed when my foot met something sharp. Biting my lips I walked on and tried to ignore the slippery mud or my now throbbing foot. I took another strained step, the boat's resistance was starting to become just as much of a challenge as swimming with it was.
"There, you see that? Pull us over to that bank," Levi gruffed out.
It was a small bank with mossy rocks surrounding it. I had to be careful when I stepped so as not to slip and fall on my ass, mostly because I couldn't stand to hear Levi laughing at my expense again.
We pulled the boat up onto the land then walked until we found a big oak tree. Initials were carved into the base. Hundreds and hundreds of initials.
"What is this place?" My fingers trailed the deep grooves carved into the proud tree.
Levi set down the cooler then took a seat in the soft grass. "This tree is an important part of the Tikanni Pack's traditions. Every Alpha wolf of the tribe has carved their initials into that tree."
"We're on pack lands?"
"Mhmm," Levi answered casually while opening up the cooler. He started pulling out tubs of food, bags of chips, drinks, and other things that tempted my nose to no end.
My fingers were currently tracing the letters, 'L. A. T.' Carved into the tree when Levi whistled at me. "Come on girl, this isn't going to eat itself."
I didn't need to be told twice. I happily sat and unwrapped a sandwich; turkey with bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, and mustard. Before I could think twice my teeth had sunk into it and my belly beckoned me for more.
I finished the sandwich then tore into another while Levi ate chicken salad out of one of the tubs. Wiping my mouth, I picked up a bag of chips and started popping in my mouth. Salt and vinegar, my favorite.
"So, are we allowed to be on pack lands?" I asked with a mouth full of chips.
"First off, don't talk with your mouth full. We may be wolves but that doesn't mean we need to have the manners of dogs."
I rolled my eyes and ate another chip while Levi chuckled. "Secondly, yes, and very good question. When you travel between pack lands, you have to ask for permission to be on the lands from the respected alpha. Otherwise, they'll take you for a rogue and most likely kill you."
"Shit, that's serious."
"Rogues are serious, they've destroyed a lot of packs and hurt a lot of good wolves."
I nodded and opened a tub of grapes. The sweet and mildly sour taste burst in my mouth with each bite.
"So what did you learn today girl?"
"That swimming while pulling a boat behind you is a real bitch?"
He shot me a scowl before he took another bite of his chicken salad. "True, it is a bitch."
Opening a bag of chips for himself, he ate a few–BBQ flavored, before leaning back on his elbows. Musing at me like I was some kind of Rubix cube. "Your shift is going to be long, and strenuous. If you make it, I am sure that your road won't be an easy one. Pretty sure you're doomed to be a pain in my ass forever." He looked back at me and sighed. "You have to learn to endure and push on even when you want to quit. Let that beast help you girl, it's strong for a reason."
I nodded and toyed with the ends of the bag. "I just, I don't know. I guess I just get scared. Everything hard in my life I've just run from. Leaving Marcus was the first thing I've ever done that wasn't running. Well, it was, but in a way it wasn't."
"Past is the past Charlie girl. Learn from it, don't let it define you."
I met his silver gaze and nodded. He was right. I had to come to terms with my past and let it go. Move on. Remember but not dwell.
"So then, why does your beast like me so much?" I tossed a grape playfully at him. "Or is that your way of saying that I've actually grown on you?"
"Pft." He sipped his beer and sat a little more upright. "I guess we're going to have the talk."
"The talk?" I felt dread start to build in my belly. "Like, the talk talk?"
"Do I look like your damn father girl?"
"Uh, no, he was much better looking."
Levi growled and I just laughed. Point for me.
"I don't know why I am telling you this, chances are you're going to die anyways," he muttered out before taking another drink of beer.
My heart dropped a hair. "You don't really believe that."
He gave me a questioning look and rolled his eyes before tossing the can into his cooler and pulling out a fresh one. "Let's say I believe it less than I did."
I sighed. I could work with that. It was better than a flat no, at least there was that.
"Anyways, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was going to give you 'the talk.'"
I sat back and tried not to roll my eyes again. "Sorry."
"Wolves share bonds with many things. Pack bonds, bonds with your family, friends, and mate."
He eyes me to make sure I was following. It seemed pretty straightforward so far. I nodded and he took another drink of beer and wiped the loose drops off his scruff.
"Wolves need their pack. Binds them together and keeps them in order. Packs provide for each other and protect each other, everyone contributing for the greater good. In a pack, you feel a bond to your pack mates that increases up the hierarchy. It's like a draw, a pull of loyalty if you will."
I bit into another chip and chewed on it and his words. "So like, you feel this automatic kinsmanship towards these people? But you feel it more towards like, the beta then you would the omega?"
"Yup, that's about right."
"Pretty straightforward."
He chuckled and nodded. "Next, you have the bonds with your family and friends. Very similar to what you feel your family and friends now. But with wolves, the bonds are always stronger, driven by an animalistic need that humans do not have."
"Are vampires that way too?"
Levi wiggled the beer can again before looking back at me amusingly. "Somewhat. Their structure is different but mildly similar. They work in covens instead of packs, but the bonds they feel to their coven, family, and mates are strong like ours."
"Ours? You say that like I am already one of you," I said with a small smile.
"Don't get ahead of yourself girl, you have to make sure your tiny ass doesn't die first."
I rolled my eyes and he growled. A routine we seemed to easily fall into. "So what about mates? You've mentioned them before, what's that about?"
It caught me off guard. Levi's eyes softened a bit. Glassy and looking over to the water, it looked more like he was looking far far away from here. A ghost smile was painted on his lips.
"Levi?"
He snapped out of his daydream and sighed. "Mates are like your soulmate, your other half. You can't live without one, literally. They help to tame each other's beasts and are forever bound to love only each other as so deemed by 'fate,'" he finished with dramatic air quotations.
"You can't live without one another?" I scoffed. The thought of being so dependent on a male again made me want to vomit up my lunch.
Levi chewed at his cheek, musing at the way the question seemed to pull me out of my comfort zone. "Some animals mate for life, you know this, ya?"
I nodded. That was Discovery Channel one-oh-one.
"It's more than a cute little pair of wolves girly. Take sea horses for example–"
"Sea horses?"
Levi chunked a grape at me with a scowl. "Yes, sea horses. They also mate for life, but did ya know that when they become separated or if one of them dies, then the other dies too?"
I scrunched my brows. That was almost as dramatic as a Lifetime movie. "Why?"
"No one really knows, but in most cases like this in the animal world, wolves included, they die because their heart is so broken over the loss. When a wolf loses its mate, it's very rare that they take another. Sometimes they do. I have heard of it before, but like I said it's rare. Usually, they die or go crazy, rogue."
"Shit, that's serious."
"Yup," he answered quietly. He chewed at his cheek again and sighed. "They are your other half. Without them, your mind will go mad and your body will start to quit, it's incredibley rare that a wolf makes it without their mate."
I chewed on a grape and tried to comprehend all this. It sounded like a damn fairy tale, but I would be foolish to think otherwise. Everything up until now was so surreal and frightening. I shivered inwardly at thinking that another man would have such a pull on me, control over me.
I would not have that.
But still, I couldn't help but be curious. "So, how do you find these 'mythical mates'?"
"It's hard," Levi said quietly while toying with the top of his beer can. "Some were's go over half their lifetime before finding them, some find them early on. It all starts with a scent."
"A scent?" I practically laughed out.
Levi growled lowly. He wasn't in the mood apparently for any more of my teasing. I felt a pang of guilt tug at me. I don't know what it was, but something told me that this was a touchy subject was. I wanted to ask him about his mate, but something inside me threw up a red flag at the thought.
"Sorry," I muttered out.
Levi let out a hot breath and took a sip of his beer. He looked back at the tree, longingly, like he was looking at a ghost he knew. "It will be the most beautiful thing you will ever smell, so enticing your whole being will practically lose itself in the euphoria of it. You chase it, because that's what we do, we hunt what we want."
"And when you find them?"
Levi gave me a long look that said that the current conversation was over.
"So what about me then? I'm not any of the things you listed?"
"No," he mused before looking back at me. Gnawing at something that he wasn't quite sure of. "You're not."
"But?"
He sighed and rubbed his eyes before crossing his burly arms over his chest. Even at his age, he was still all muscle. Thick. The man looked better than many younger men I had seen.
"Who knows Charlie girl," he replied in one of those riddles that was starting to drive me crazy.
I was so perplexed, though. I was curious to know more, about him. There was more to him than he wanted to let on. I didn't know much about any of it, but I couldn't imagine that any pack since they are so damn strict, would be happy with some lone wolf and a vampire hanging out on their land.
I helped Levi pack up our things quickly. Apparently, I was going swim back again and he was eager to get back so he could 'take a damn nap,' because 'it's been a long day.'
Bastard...
He was infuriating, but I needed him. In the same weird way, I felt like he needed me to.
Levi looked back at me while he was picking the little cooler up, almost like he was defeated by my nagging. "I feel a pull towards you. It's not a mate pull or a pack pull. I don't know what it is Charlie girl. I guess we'll find out or we won't."
Always so full of answers...
I walked back to the tree and gave it one last parting gaze before I turned to follow Levi. "Hey Levi?"
"Yap?"
"What are you then? Pack wise? I mean, I assume you're not a rouge, right?"
Levi sighed and looked at the sky while muttering a string of curses. He tossed the cooler in the boat and started to pull it back out into the creek with me almost tripping over the slippery rocks to follow.
"An alpha."
"Bu–"
Levi growled low and deep from his chest. "Enough."
I sighed and stepped back into the cold water and tied the rope back around my waist that was reluctant to feel its tug. It was going to be a long damn swim.
——————————————————————————
"Derek?"
"Hmm?" Derek was busy cutting my hair because according to him I looked 'ratchet.'
My locks had grown since I'd left Marcus, and since I had been bitten it was like I took a horse pill of magic hair vitamins. My wet locks untangled easily thanks to the conditioner that Derek rubbed through my scalp, ridding me of the cold creek water that begged to linger.
"I have a question for you." I bit my lip and prayed that he would sate my curiosity.
"You just asked one little one," he said with a cheeky smile painted on his lips as he combed a long piece out and clipped at the dead ends. "Ask away dear, I won't bite."
I laughed nervously. I knew that he wouldn't bite, but the mischievous twinkle in his eye dared me to think otherwise. "Today Levi told me about him, that he was an alpha."
"And?" Derek asked suspiciously.
I bit my lip and met his calculating brown eyes in the mirror of his bathroom. "I guess I'm just curious. He doesn't seem to be too keen to talk about it. I don't know, I'm just–"
"Curious?" he finished my question for me.
I nodded and gave him a half smile. Derek set the scissors and comb down then leaned against the counter opposite of me. "He's right, he is an alpha."
"Then shouldn't he be in charge of a pack? Isn't that how that works? And is this house on pack land? Where we went today was..."
Derek sighed and looked out the door then back at me cautiously. He walked over to the door and closed it then stuffed a towel down to cover the tiny space between the door and floor. I raised my brows at his bizarre behavior, it was almost like he was frightened.
He walked back to the counter and leaned back against it. "Werewolf hearing, well most supernaturals, is much more enhanced than a human's ears."
"Ah..."
He let out a long sigh and nodded. "I won't tell you everything because that is his story to tell. But I will fill in some gaps. You're about to be apart of this world, it's best you start to understand it."
He reached over to his glass of wine and took a long sip of the deep red cabernet. At least, I think it was a cabernet. Wiping his mouth, he looked back at me and nodded again. "You're right. This house is on pack lands, the Tikanni pack's land, and we are allowed to be here because technically Levi is their alpha."
"What?" I gasped.
Derek sighed again and took another drink then offered me some. I looked at the glass questioningly, unsure of what the red liquid really was.
"It's just wine this time Char, although, you may find that the taste of blood isn't that bad."
I shot him a scowl before taking a sip and handing the glass back to him. "I think I'll just stick to grape blood, thanks."
He chuckled and set the glass next to him; his long white fingers were playing with the stem. "Technically Levi is their alpha, just not currently."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that he has temporarily given the position over to his beta, or his younger brother, while he's away."
"But why is he away? I mean, was he challenged? That's what it's called, right?"
Derek chuckled again and shook his head. "No he wasn't challenged, and if he was I am pretty confident that Levi could still beat the shit out of any opponent."
"He is in pretty good shape for an asshole," I added.
"True," Derek agreed. "No, he um, well, something happened Charlotte. Something happened that he will have to speak to you about, it's not my place to tell. But I will say that because of it, he had to get away and get his mind right. That's why I'm here with him. He couldn't be left alone. I know he thinks I am a pain in the ass sometimes, but someone has to make sure the bastard doesn't loose it."
"It must have been terrible," I breathed out.
Derek nodded in agreement. "It wasn't just terrible, it caused an imbalance. An imbalance that has rippled out and caused more harm in the balance of things."
"Balance?" I cocked my head a bit. "You sound like one of the yoga instructors that I used to see."
"You did yoga?" he asked disbelievingly.
"Key word 'did.' I hated it and that stupid Stepford wife that taught it."
Derek's deep laugh quickly filled the small bathroom and I shortly joined him. I did hate that damn class and all the damn people in it. They were all fake. Fake hair, fake tits, fake nails, fake yoga mats, but not fake Lululemon because God forbid we buy a knock off.
Marcus thought it would be a great way for me to make friends, when I was allowed to have them. It wasn't. I was never able to really focus or let my mind settle enough to enjoy it. That and I really couldn't connect with some blonde bimbo whose sole concern in the world was when she would get her next pedicure.
"You do have quite the mouth, no wonder you drive Levi crazy."
"It's good for him," I added and Derek nodded into his glass as he took another sip.
"He did tell me a bit about this pull he has towards me, I still don't understand that?"
"Me either to be honest." Derek took up the scissors and comb before walking back around me.
I sighed as he gently tilted my head down and combed out a long piece. "Any thoughts or theories?"
"Well," he said quietly as he concentrated on cutting away my ends. "Wolves are very family and pack oriented creatures. The bonds are strong. Even in-laws feel it towards each other. Kinda like loyalty if you will."
He tilted my head in another direction and moved to my side. Combing the wet hair in different directions he took another long piece and trimmed away the dead ends. "It's not a mate bond. You would have felt that. But I do think it could be something else."
"Like?" I looked up at him through strands of wet hair.
He caught my eyes in the mirror and before snipping away at another piece. "Family."
"Family?" I scoffed. "That's impossible."
"Maybe, maybe not. If you live through all this little one, we'll certainly find out."
"If I live," I mumbled to myself.
Derek's cool fingers lifted my chin towards him. His brown eyes were firm and commanding; there was no joking behind them tonight. "You will live Charlotte, you just have to let yourself."
It was an interesting notion.
Letting myself live.
I hadn't really thought of it until Derek said the words. Up until this point, I had been living in so much fear. Fear of Marcus, fear of this new life, and fear of myself. What I am capable of and what I'm not capable of.
The monster inside me rumbled. It clawed at my brain, it always clawed at my brain, and reminded me that it was there. It was like it hated this line of thinking, this notion of being associated with the word 'fear' or 'incapable.'
I let it push forward some more. It was strong, I could feel that much. And it wanted to live, not just for itself, but for me as well.
Levi was right, I had to trust it. We had to trust each other.
And right now, that thing was telling to live. To fight.
So dammit, that is exactly what I was going to do.