Author: unboundwings
Genre: Fantasy (again...)
No. chapters read: 4
First impression: Okay, I'm seeing a lot of these stories lately.
Cover: Wow, some guy scratching his head and some Golden Wings (badum tss). Since your MC's a guy, it's not bad. Not overly creative either, but not the worst cover to come my way. And the guy's not too shabby and kinda fits the feel I get for your MC. I hate the pattern behind him and I hate the filter on the image. Yes, I'm small and petty and hateful.
Cover rating: hate half of it.
Blurb: I think Lyndon and I have something in common. We're both going crazy. Him because he hallucinates, me because I just read your blurb. You know, it gives the right info but it just feels...cluttered. And that horrible use of minuses (yes, I'm calling this - a minus) just has me shuddering.
The content is good, but the wording feels like you're trying to scratch your right ear with your left toe – all jumbled up. So maybe reword some of it.
Blurb rating: Left toe!
Let's get it on!
Second impression: Holy crap, talking about unfocused characters
Actual review *drum roll please*:
Language/Writing: I kinda like it, but then I'm like, holy hell, reading this is exhausting. Because you over describe simple actions, try to sound smart (and admittedly succeeding most of the time) by using random words and... holly crap, I think you and @Cross-Warrior are blood brothers/sisters/cats or something, because you write almost the same.
From time to time, try to keep it simple. Stop over embellishing the phrases because it gets really old, really fast.
And then you use parenthesis! Holy shit, I'm not even kidding. I'm not going to hound you on – instead of em dashes, because I take that lazy way out too...
Your grammar and punctuation is mostly fine, though.
Language rating: almost really good
Plot: Okay, what the hell is wrong with that mysterious guy in the prologue? Let me show you what it's like: Oh, I'm a mysterious man with a very important warning to deliver and I must not be thwarted even if other people are slaughtered around me. My news will save many lives. You know what, fuck it, I'm entering this random fight unprepared and dying right here and now.
Chapter 1 – cue in angtsy, bratty teen lead. Hey there Lyndon. You poor thing with people calling you Lyn like a girl. Right, he gets into trouble and it's fun that the book starts with him being bailed out of jail. He apparently has hallucinations of people and moving tattoos, but is a snarky brat to his stepsister which is apparently also his provider.
Later in the story, he finds out that there are killer creatures out to get him, and that he hears weird voices in his head that give advice. We also find out that his hallucinations are not hallucinations after all (duh, it's fantasy).
Yes, the story is pretty interesting. The plot hasn't fully revealed itself, we don't know who those people are and what's going on, but in a good way.
But there's one thing I want to point out here (you'd better listen, too, Bre). I feel like you're forcing it with his denial of the supernatural. Yes, weird shit is happening, but he just dismisses it instead of trying to figure out if there's a pattern or study it further. And you make him deny it for so long for the sake of realism that it's not realistic, but annoying and it clashes with his basic human survival instincts.
Who cares if you're imagining creatures or not. It's trying to kill you. Get the fuck out of there and examine the implications and probability that this is a hallucination later. Don't let your denial make you TSTL (Too stupid to live).
Plot rating: Pretty good
Characters:
Man in prologue: Fucking idiot. Sort your priorities *spits on his grave*
Lyndon: I'm on the fence about him. I kinda like his snark, but he's a bit of a bitch. Yes, your life is probably tough and shit, but your sister is trying and you'd better show her that you're grateful, you little shit. Also, I'm not sure if he's brooding or just emo. He may have killed a lot of stuff off screen, so I'm still on board with him.
Janie: Lyndon's sister. She seems nice and to really care about him. Has terrible taste in men.
Wright: Is wrong. See what I just did there? He he he. Let me laugh at my own cleverness. Right, yeah, he's apparently a monster. Literally.
John: is an annoying kid who sees moving tattoos too. I'm intrigued. Of course, he doesn't think he's crazy and goes all denial on everyone.
Red: Is awesomely killing monsters and being sarcastic all over the place. Like.
Wyatt: seems like the most incompetent leader ever for now
Character rating: interesting enough to work.
Why I stopped reading: Because I only had 4 chapters to do for the bookclub.
Grade: Pass. I like the plot, it's interesting and Lyn (he he) didn't piss me off sufficiently yet to drop him. I might actually get back to this soon.
Song: Was all I could think of (He he, you're welcome).