As soon as I saw her face I regretted my decision. When I decided to invite her mother for a visit, I thought it would be a nice way to confront her frustrations and maybe have a nice time. She was in front of her house, backlit by the sun (always my favorite) and beautiful as ever. Problem was, she wasn't warm and welcoming; she looked pissed and tense, her arms crossed and her brows furrowed.
"My Jennifer--" her mother gasped and picked up the pace, getting to her before I could.
At least Mom's happy she's here.
I regret everything about this.
I smiled at her and saw only a faint tugging at the corners of her mouth. Her mother threw her arms around Jennifer's waist and squeezed her tight, telling her she missed her and she loved her and all of those nice things. It didn't seem to affect Jen, she simply returned the embrace and narrowed her gaze at me.
"Oh Jennifer. I've missed you," her mother's Vietnamese accent was thick but she spoke very clearly.
"Did you have a nice trip, mother?"
"Oh yes, Robert sent an airplane just for me. Can you believe it?"
"Oh I can," she replied, shooting me a look that meant certain death for me.
Her mom seemed nice enough, I'd caught some wrath from her on the phone in the past but generally she seemed like a nice woman. Jennifer broke away from her mother and took her inside, asking if she was thirsty or hungry and said she'd start making dinner.
Her mother nosed around Jen's small house, looking through drawers and swiping her finger across all of the shelves and surfaces, checking for dust. I was wishing she'd just sit down and relax. Jen kept to herself in the kitchen, as far away from us as she could be. I approached cautiously and placed my hand in the small of her back, making her jump slightly.
"Can I help you with anything?"
No response.
"Marge?"
She pointed the tip of her knife at the pot on the stove and simply said, "stir."
Shit. I've made a terrible mistake.
She'd gotten so frosty, I was worried if I made a wrong move, I'd be the next thing on her cutting board. I did as I was told and stirred while she added the chopped ingredients to the pot.
"Phở?" I asked cautiously.
"Yes, Robert. It's Phở...mother's favorite," she spit back. I was ready for her to stop being mad at me.
"Look, Jen...I'm sorry. I should have asked you first--"
She cut me off by slamming the knife down on the cutting board and giving me a look that could only be described as a woman possessed. I was waiting for her to spit fire and promptly chop my head off.
"I don't want to talk about this right now or I'll say things that I will definitely regret," she said and that was it. End of story. No more talkie, Bobby.
What should I do now?
Light myself on fire?
Go sleep in the barn with Steve and the rest of the alpacas?
Go back to my house and never visit again?
"Bowls. Chopsticks. Napkins. Glasses," she said as she pointed to the location of each thing. Again, I did as I was told, worried about what might happen if I disobeyed. She finished cooking, ladled the traditional soup into each bowl and garnished them before serving myself and her mother and sitting down between the two of us. We sat in painful silence for much of our meal, until Jen finally spoke up.
"Mother, how long will you be staying?"
"Anxious for me to leave already, Jennifer?"
"That's not what I said. I'd like to know how long you're staying, so we can make plans. I'll take you wherever you want to go."
"Oh I don't know. I'm just happy to be here with my daughter--" she said kindly and reached across to take Jen's hand.
She's not so bad at all. I don't know what Marge's problem is.
"It would be nice if my daughter wanted to spend time with me too," she added and I watched the last glint of happiness fade from Jennifer's face and my heart broke for her.
Terrible mistake, Bobby.
"You don't need to talk like I'm not sitting right here, mom. All I asked was what you'd like to do while you're here."
"I'd like you to show me what you're up to down here in Los Angeles."
"If I can have the day off tomorrow--" she shot me eye-daggers once again.
I just nodded and kept my mouth shut.
"I'll give you a tour of the city. How's that sound?"
"I would love to," her mother said and a certain kindness lit up her eyes so I can imagine that Kim Phan isn't all bad. "This is good Phở, Jennifer. Not the same as I make, but it's good."
Another zing. Wrong again.
"Oh mother, let's not do that, okay?"
"Do what? I was just saying--"
"I know what you're saying and you don't need to continue," she said as she pushed back from the table, having finished quickly. "Now, if you're all done I'll take your dishes and then show you around the property."
"I'll do that," I said, jumping in to gather the dishes and set to cleaning up. Jen put on her sunglasses and took her mother out the front door and across the yard to where the alpacas live.
As the door shut, I braced myself against the counter to hold myself up. All I wanted was for Jen to have a good visit with her mother and, in turn temper some of the bad feelings towards her. Now I see that I've made better choices in my life thus far.
I paced the floor in Jen's house while they were gone, contemplating what I'd say when she and I were alone but fell short. I'd fucked up, badly and decided just to wing it. I've dealt with the wrath of Marge and survived, it's just that it's never been aimed at me before. I hate to say it but I was more than a little scared.
Later that evening, she got her mother settled in the second guest house and returned home. I was waiting on her front porch with a glass of wine at the ready and her current reading material, in hopes she'd be able to relax. Instead of sitting down, she took her book and glass and went inside.
Shit.
The tension in her bedroom hit me like a punch in the face. She was laser focused on her book and didn't give me one glance as I came to sit next to her on the bed. I opened my mouth to speak, but when she looked at me and her expression was so pained, I thought better than to say anything. Instead, I waited.
"Why would you do that to me?" she asked as she snapped her book shut and glared at me. "After everything I told you." Her eyes went glassy with tears and I wished I could take it all back.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could rewind and never have surprised you like that."
"I wish you could too. Please don't ever do that to me again."
You're damn skippy I won't.
"Do you want me to leave?"
"You know I don't want you to leave," she replied, as she got out of bed. She'd mellowed out; her voice was softer and more relaxed than it had been just moments before.
I'd hoped by that point that her vexation toward me had worked its way out of her system. She left the room for a moment, then returned in my t-shirt and some sleep shorts, and climbed into bed next to me. I pulled off my jeans and t-shirt and climbed under the covers as well. In a surprising move, she snuggled in close and let me put my arm around her and just before she fell asleep she muttered:
"I forgive you. No more surprises like that, though. Okay?"
"Promise," I whispered as I kissed her forehead and slowly drifted off to sleep, wishing I could take away all the pain I'd caused.
The next morning I awoke to an empty bed. The sun had barely risen so the air was still cool, calm and peaceful; it's my favorite time to meditate out in the pasture. Color me surprised to find Jen sitting out there, where I usually would be, with Steve laying in the grass just next to her. He lifted his head as I walked outside and regarded me with his blank stare until he laid back down, resting his head close to where she was sitting. She reached for him and gently scratched his shaggy head and I felt a pang of remorse for all the trouble I'd caused her the night before.
I'll never hurt you again, Marge.
I went back inside and started breakfast and coffee for her in hopes that we'd have a fresh start. I heard the door open and spun around to find Kim there instead of Jen.
"Good morning, Kim. Care for some breakfast?"
"Yes please," she said as she sat at the table and stared out the window. Jen was still out there and I wished she'd get her ass back inside to help a brother out; I didn't know what to say or more importantly, what not to say to her mother.
"What is she doing out there anyhow?" she asked, turning her nose up in the direction of the pasture.
"Calming her thoughts before she starts her day, probably. She likes to meditate...practice yoga--"
She huffed and rolled her eyes, "Must be something you taught her."
"Uhhhhh, no, actually. She's been doing that the entire time I've known her." I paused and pondered a thought for a moment. "Can I ask you a question Kim?"
She spun in her chair and folded her arms across her chest, maybe she was trying to show me how tough she was. Who knows?
"Why are you so hard on her?"
"I'd have to actually see her and talk to her to be hard on her, Robert."
"Maybe that's the reason she keeps her distance from you--"
"The reason she keeps her distance is because you took her from me."
Her words tore through me like a knife to my gut. I had never even comprehended that possibility. Why would I have? Jennifer struck a chord with me the second we met. I offered her the job on the spot and she took it. Good-bye Seattle. End of story...or so I thought.
A welcome distraction came in the way of Jen's cell phone ringing. I could see that it was Emma, so I answered the call, thankful to be out of Kim's line of fire.
"Jen's phone--"
"Robert. Where is she?"
"Chillin outside with the Alpacas, why?"
"Go get her," her voice was tense, frenzied even.
"She's going to get mad--"
Just then, Jen came through the door looking relaxed and also a little confused when she saw her mother at the table. I thrust the phone into her hand and waited to hear more.
"Hey, Em--"
"What's wrong..."
"A link to what?"
There was a long pause.
"A link to what, Emma?" her voice went up and octave and her eyes darted to mine. She looked horrified.
Shit. This must be bad.