Violet
"I'm pretty sure this thing goes here. Or maybe it doesn't. Oh, I don't know. Wait ... are you even listening? Violet? Viooolleett?"
Across the ground are Zayn and Niall, and they're holding my attention unintentionally. They keep fighting; Niall saying something and Zayn completely ignoring him. I watch as Zayn pegs down one side of the tent. He took off his jacket sometime during the process and now all he wears is a shirt. His biceps bulge as he keeps hammering and my eyes start to burn.
I'm still not really sure what I think about him being here. It makes me feel really nervous, like I'm walking on treacherous ground. Niall says something in his ear that makes him shake his head, pushing him away. The two then begin another argument over, what looks like, what side they're sleeping on.
"Violet!"
I jump about a mile and turn back to Avery, trying to control the imperceptible flushes that are arising on my neck. She stands with her hands on her hips, and the hammer in my hands slowly comes back to being felt.
"Hm?"
Avery sighs. "I don't think we can do this." She looks at where I was just minutes ago. "Baby! Babe!"
Niall immediately comes running over and Avery places her hand on his chest, pouting. "Babe, we need your help." She points to our still very flat tent.
"Oh, sure," Niall says. He waves Zayn over and, it's silly, but my heart jumps a little.
Zayn walks over, his shirt stuck to him due to sweat and the forms of his muscles easily seen. He gives me a half smile. "Can't do it, huh?"
I clutch the hammer to my chest. "I can so."
He just raises his eyebrow.
"Just watch me." I bend down, grab a peg, and start hammering it into the ground. On the second try, I miss. And the hammer hits me straight on my thumb. "OUCH!" I scream.
Zayn leans over me and takes my hand, inspecting the damage. It's not bleeding, and I'm totally overreacting, but either Zayn doesn't know, or just doesn't care. Because he doesn't let my hand go. I look up at him, trying to see his brown eyes, and he's about to say something, something good and interesting - I just know, when Liam rushes to me.
"Violet, are you okay?" He fusses.
Zayn lets go of my hand and stands up, backing away a little shyly as Liam fills his place. There's a tiny bit of disappointment in my gut, but I quickly dismiss it. Liam is my boyfriend, he should be the one to look after me.
"I'm fine," I tell him, getting to my feet.
"You're not fine. I think you need to lie down," he says, holding me as if I'm about to break. "I'll go get you some water."
"Liam, I'm fine!" I snap. Why is he making such a big deal out of this? "I hit my thumb, not my head. Would you stop treating me like I'm a child?"
He nods, backing away from me slowly. "Right, yeah. I'm sorry. I'll just, uh, yeah."
No, I shouldn't have said that. Liam's such a good person, such a good boyfriend. I need to keep reminding myself that he doesn't deserve me at the best of times. "Liam, wait."
"No, no. You're right. It's fine." His eyes flutter over towards Zayn, who's rummaging through his bag for something, hopefully a jacket so he can cover himself up and stop making me feel as though I'm on fire. And I then realise that Liam thinks he's not wanted, that I let Zayn comfort me instead of him. Which, by the way, is totally ridiculous. Because I'd pick Liam over Zayn in a heartbeat, wouldn't I?
Liam walks back to his tent he shares with Harry and Louis and I mentally kick myself. I'm such a horrible girlfriend. Avery calls me over and I help her and Niall pitch up our tent for the rest of the afternoon. And I'm kind of hurt, because Liam doesn't come to talk to me.
----
It's clear there's an awkward aura in the air, we're not as close as we should, or like to, be. It's like we're here on a school trip, bunking with classmates we don't even like. We talk because we have to, not because we want to.
These are going to be the longest two weeks ever.
"So, does anyone want to go exploring?" Niall asks as we sit around on our chairs. It's about 5:00, and the sun's still out.
Niall really did think of everything. He brought plenty of food and drinks, chairs for everyone as well as rolling in a log, blankets, flashlights, lanterns, everything. And anything else we're missing, Louis could always go and get.
"Nah," we all chorus timidly.
"Well, what do you wanna do?"
A few of us shrug, a few don't say anything.
"Come on, guys! Where's the spirit? It's like a fucking funeral up in here," Niall cries.
"What is there to do?" Louis asks, picking at the label of his bottle of Sprite. Much to everyone else's dismay, Niall couldn't bring alcohol. "We're in the middle of nowhere with ..." his eyes fall on Zayn and we all know what he's thinking, but he doesn't say it. "Whatever."
I never actually thought about what it must have been like for Zayn himself to come here. He hardly knows anyone, and hardly anyone knows him. And what's worse is that he knows he's not wanted. He knows he's the one stopping us all from doing what we want.
"How about we play Truth Or Dare?" Avery beams.
"Pass," Louis and Harry mumble.
"It'll be great! I'll start. Niall, truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"I ... hmm. I dare you to climb that tree." Avery points to the medium sized oak tree beside us all.
We all grow a bit more interested.
"There's no way," Harry says.
Niall turns to him. "Oh yeah? Watch." He leaps off the log and runs to the tree, rubbing his hands together as he stands in front of it, eyeing it up.
"Go, Niall!" I cry, getting excited.
"Be safe!" Liam says.
He gives us a thumbs up before jumping up to the lowest branch and gripping it tight. Using his feet he walks up the trunk and then safely lands on the branch. We all cheer and he turns. "How far?"
"Fifth branch," Avery says.
We all look at the fifth branch, which is quite high up. We gulp.
Niall wastes no time in hurrying up the tree and he makes it to the fourth branch before his feet slip, and he loses his balance.
"NIALL!" Avery screams as we all rush to him. He regains his balance and steadies himself before touching the fifth branch and scrambling down. He grins in victory.
"Okay, no more tree climbing dares," Harry says.
"So you'll play?" Avery smiles as she wraps herself back up in Niall.
"Yeah, yeah," Harry says, smiling a little. "But it's my turn next." He looks around. "Liam, truth or dare?"
Liam sits beside me, our bodies as close as they can be sitting in two separate chairs. Whatever we had between us before has now resolved, and we're back to normal. Which is where I want to be. He hesitates, but we all know what he's going to answer. "Truth."
"Are you in love with Violet?"
The question takes me by surprise and I start to get a little nervous awaiting his answer. Love? Love's a big thing. I mean, of course I love Liam. I've loved him since forever. But does he love me? Can he love me?
I notice that nobody's stressing out over the question as much as I am. Nobody but Zayn, who is looking directly at me.
"I do," Liam says, making my heart hammer in my chest. He looks at me and it's all I need to calm myself down. "I love you, Violet."
Ignoring everyone's smiles, and Zayn's head looking down, I fall out of my chair and onto Liam, showering him with a million kisses. "I love you," I tell him. "I love you so much."
He laughs and holds me tightly, his lips brushing mine with perfect strokes. And for about five or so minutes, I forget where I am. I pull away from Liam and blush, biting my lip to stifle a smile. I then crawl off him and potter pack to my chair, sinking myself into it and pulling up my knees.
"Sorry," I giggle to everyone who smiles back.
Zayn just swigs at his bottle of water.
Wait, why am I focusing so much on Zayn and his actions? What do I care that he's not even looking at me, or that his feet are brushing the ground in awkward movements, or that his eyes look a little darker? I don't. I don't care that he doesn't care.
"Naaawww," Harry teases. "What cuties."
"Okay, okay. I want to go," I say, pointing at Harry. "Truth or dare, mister?"
He laughs, loving the spotlight being on him. "Dare," he says cheekily.
I think, trying to come up with a good one. "Um, I dare you to strip down to your undies," I grin.
Harry rolls his eyes. "That's so childish."
"Do it, Harry," Louis says.
"No. I want a better dare."
"I think someone's scared," Niall laughs.
"I am not! I'll prove it right now." He stands up and pulls off his shirt, zips off his pants and kicks them all to the side, leaving him in just his underwear and sneakers. We all try not to laugh, but we can't.
"Okay, okay. Fun's over." Harry starts dressing himself again.
"My turn!" Louis sits up straighter. "Zayn, truth or dare."
Zayn suddenly looks up from reading the back of his bottle. "Huh? Oh, no. I'm not playing."
"Yes you are!" Avery cries. "Everyone is!"
"Yeah, come on," Harry says. "You don't get a choice, mate."
Zayn looks at him a little harshly and then sighs. "Whatever. Truth. I don't know."
"Truth? Okay." Louis pretends to stroke his fake beard. "Tell us about you lost your virginity."
Zayn almost chokes on his water. "What?"
"How do you know he's done it?" Harry asks.
Louis shrugs. "I don't know. I just guessed. Have you, Zayn?"
"I'm not playing this stupid game." Zayn stands on his feet.
"Ha! He has!" Louis cries.
"You have to answer the question, Zayn," Avery nods.
"You can all fuck right off. I'm not telling you about how I lost it."
"Oh, come on!" Louis cries. "Not the details, just the basics."
Zayn looks at us all, and I thank god it's starting to get darker because I'm as red as a tomato. This topic has got me all jittery. "If I tell mine, someone else has to tell theirs," he reasons.
Avery and Niall raise their hand and I'm a little shocked, because I had no idea they'd slept together. I wish this ground would just swallow me up whole because I feel so damn uncomfortable right now.
Zayn raises his eyebrow at them. "Alright, that should be interesting." He sits down. "I'll tell."
I swear Louis squeals.
I don't look at him. I don't want to hear it. I want to make an excuse to use the bathroom, but I can't bring myself to. So I stay where I am, completely frozen.
"It's really not the most romantic," Zayn claims. "It's actually a pretty bad story to tell."
"Who cares!" Harry cries. "We're virgins, we don't know any better. Well, apart from the horny couple down there."
"I was, er, fifteen," Zayn begins.
No, stop. I don't want to hear it.
"Jesus. You don't waste time," Louis says.
Zayn grows more anxious. "Look, do I really have to tell this?" And he looks at me. At me. And I nod. I NOD. Why did I nod? I don't want to hear how he lost it! I ... I actually really do.
"Right." He nods stiffly. "Well, I was out at some party with my friends ... and ... I'm just going to cut to the chase. I lost it to some girl in the back of her car."
I stiffen. That's it? That's it? That's how he lost his virginity? I can't believe it! I was expecting so much more, so much more meaning. But he lost it to 'some girl' in the back of her car like he lost a paper clip.
"Why?" I find myself saying out loud.
He looks at me, a little confused. "Why?"
"Why did you not even care?" God, call me old fashioned, but losing something that sacred deserves a thousand rose petals and the words 'I love you' and a bed, at the very least.
The others all wait in anticipation and Zayn shrugs. "I just didn't."
"So," Louis says, trying to ease the tension. "That was that."
"Look, I told you it wasn't romantic," Zayn says.
"No shit," I snap.
He turns to me, eyes angry. "What the hell do you care? You didn't lose it to me."
My eyes falter, because there's no way I can look him in the eyes right now. Liam says something to him but I can't process it. For some reason, Zayn's words really get to me.
"Well," Avery speaks up. "Niall and I lost it last Christmas in his bedroom back home in Ireland."
But nobody cares. Everyone's still thinking about Zayn, and trying to figure him out. But we don't get much chance because he stands up and rushes into the forest.
"You shouldn't have asked the question, Louis," Liam says quietly.
Louis sighs, bending his fingers. "I know."
"Maybe it's time to get some sleep. We'll wake up early and do something tomorrow." Niall stands up, bringing Avery with him.
"Yeah, I agree," Liam says. "Should we go find Zayn?"
"He'll come back," Harry says, piling into his tent.
I sigh, wishing I had a time machine. It seems that whenever all of us have something going between us, it's always ruined by an awkward steer of conversation. Liam stands in front of me as the others get ready for bed.
"Are you okay?" He asks, lifting up my chin.
I look to the side. "I just can't stop thinking about it," I tell him.
"About what?"
"Zayn. And how he lost it. He doesn't even care."
"Vi, it was two years ago. It's done. And that doesn't mean ours has to be like that."
My eyes immediately shoot towards his. "Ours?"
He kisses me gently and smiles, pushing my hair away from my face. "Yeah. We'll do it when the time is right. I promise."
My stomach flips a little. There's no way I'm ready yet. Who knows when I will be? But of course I'd do it with Liam. There's no doubt about that.
"Just forget the whole subject," he laughs. "It's kind of awkward, huh?"
I smile a little and he kisses me again. "Night, Princess."
I freeze. "What did you just call me?"
"Violet?" He says, his eyebrows creasing. "I said Violet?"
I could have sworn he said Princess. I shake my head. I really need to stop thinking about Zayn.
-------
When I wake up there's light pouring in through our tent. Avery's sound asleep next to me, her hair covering her face like a mad curtain. I sit up and push away my sleeping bag and blankets, stretching. Last night wasn't that bad. There weren't any bear attacks or kidnappings. Plus, I wasn't even that cold. I crawl over to my bag and start to fish around for a jacket. I find my cardigan and slip it around me, pulling on my flats and escaping into the wilderness.
I'm the only one that's up as it seems. I don't really think it's fair to wake up Liam, so I walk over to the tent that holds the food and drinks and open up the bin, looking for something to eat. Chocolate biscuits and potato chips don't really seem that much of an option, and so, assuming we're going to cook something when everyone's up, I grab a water bottle from the cooler bin and head back out.
Only when I do, I'm not the only one.
"You scared me," I say to Zayn as he emerges from the trees, his clothes over his arm. He looks fresh in a new pair of jeans and shirt, his hair a little damp and his face clean. The complete opposite of me in my daisy print pyjama pants and baggy white shirt, my hair back.
He looks at me and shrugs. "You're up early."
I sit down on the log. "You are too."
He dumps his things back in his tent and sits on one of the chairs opposite me. "Couldn't sleep well."
I sip at my water bottle because I don't know what else to say. Eventually, I do. "Zayn, about last night ..."
He sighs. "Look, spare me the lecture. I already know."
"No, I wasn't going to lecture you. I just wanted to apologise. I was totally out of line. I mean, you're right. It wasn't, um, me."
He just looks at me, his eyes a little quizzical, as if he thinks I'm kidding. "I'm not proud of it," he says. "I'm sorry you had to hear it."
"Why's that?"
He shrugs, picking up a stick by his feet and picking at it. "I don't know, because you're not like that. You'd never lose it in the back of a car. You're the kind of girl that deserves to be waited for," he says softly. "I mean, like, you deserve something special. You deserve a whole orchestra and a tropical island and a million stars outside whispering that they love you, over and over again. Just so you know how beautiful you are. And you deserve fireworks and a stadium playing your favourite song and the entire world stopping for that moment, because nothing else should matter."
I stare at him, my stomach tight and my throat thick. His eyes slowly move up to meet mine and I feel like crying. I feel like breaking into tears because my heart is ready to leap out of my chest. That is the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me, and it came from Zayn. Does he really mean that? Oh, my god. I feel like collapsing to the floor and dying.
"You deserve someone to give that to you," he says awkwardly, his eyes never leaving mine.
I want to say something; I need to say something. But my body is frozen to the core. His smiling eyes hit me right in my soul, the light radiant. "I, uh, I-I, you really mean that?"
He looks down again, the stick in his hands holding most of his interest. "Yeah. I do."
"Morning!" A voice startles us both. Avery sits down beside me on the log in hot pink shorts, a grey singlet and a sleep mask on top of her head.
"Morning," I mumble, not really the happiest that my time with Zayn is ruined.
"Hey," Zayn says, his tone matching mine.
"What's happening? Did I interrupt something?"
Zayn and I glance at each other and then look back at Avery. "Nope," I smile, holding that moment in me like a precious secret.
Zayn gives the tiniest smirk as he throws away his stick. "Nothing at all," he replies.