My life has become a living nightmare.
Alatar controls me like a puppet, Pallando is oblivious to my suffering, and I'm losing the battle the wage whithin myself.
The battle where my only enemy is me. I'm growing weaker every day, and I no longer have the strength to try and break Alatar's hold over me.
I have lost all concept of time. I no longer know how many days or years it has been since I walked in Alatar's lair.
I have not seen my own reflection and if I were to see myself now I would not recognize me.
Alatar knows that I am almost done for. My very spirit is crumbling as is my desire to live. I wish that I could just die, so that I wouldn't have to suffer this torture any more.
When Alatar sends me to battle against Amarth, I'm ready to let him win.
////
At first I didn't understand why my old village is the place where I fought Amarth but now I know.
It was where he was first created, where he began to take form. I had never seen him before. I never knew that he was there. Alatar has created a way for me to see him, to interact with the monster that lives inside of me.
Everyone has their monster, some can overcome them and defeat them. They can kill them and banish them from their minds and hearts forever.
But I am not strong enough to overcome mine.
I no longer have the will to keep fighting.
I have lost.
////
I lay on the hard earth surrounded by flames and smoke. Ash falls onto my worn and pale body. I am nothing but a shadow of what I used to be.
Amarth stands over me with a malicious glint in his eyes. He grasps both of his swords in his hands and is ready to kill.
"I knew that you would not last long."
He places a black boot on my chest, pinning me.
"You never had a chance, you are far too weak."
He is right.
I am too tired to keep fighting.
I have lost everything.
Amarth raises his sword, he's going to drive it into my heart.
I wonder if it will hurt as much as I think it will.
Amarth brings his sword down.
I close my eyes.
And then I fall....
////
I gasp as I shoot awake. Panic overwhelms me as I try to make sense of what is happening. I was pulled out, someone awoke me.
I fear that it was Alatar and I nearly fall off the stone table I'm laying on. I feel two hands press against my chest and I panic even more.
"Peace Caran! It is alright, you do not have to be afraid."
That voice, it's not Alatar.
I try to calm myself but heart is still racing.
I try to figure out what is causing me so much fear but then I realize what it is.
I am in control of my own body.
For the longest time I had only been an observer to my surroundings. Never hearing anything but the cruel, mocking voices of Alatar and Amarth.
Never being able to speak, never being able to go where I wanted, now I have that control again but it's almost like I've forgotten how to use it.
I feel strong, but gentle hands undoing the straps that hold me to the stone table. Those same hands help me sit up and steady me when I almost fall when I try to stand.
"Oh Caran I am so sorry, this is all my fault."
I recognize the voice and turn to face my rescuer.
"Pallando?"
My voice is so weak it comes out as a hoarse whisper. I had almost forgotten what it sounded like.
Pallando contiues to shake his head as he leads me away from the table. I stumble as if in a daze as he leads me forward.
Wait, how did he get in here in the first place? How are we going to get out?
Pallando leads me out of the room and down an unfamiliar tunnel. It goes on deeper and deeper into the earth. I can no longer see in the darkness.
I feel as if the entire weight of the mountain we are walking under is about to crush us. Everything seems to be growing smaller.
I have to get out of here.
If I don't leave now I will die.
I start to panic. I try pushing Pallando away from me and running but he tightens his grip. The walls are still closing in, why isn't he running?!
"Caran you must calm yourself!"
I'm hearing voices in the dark. I can see shapes moving. The tunnel is still getting smaller.
"It's not real Caran! You must fight this!"
How can it not be real?! I can see it all in front of me! Then I hear a familiar voice, Elwin. But she's screaming, calling desperately for me.
I have to find her, I have to save her! But then I hear more voices. The voices of Rilien, Anna, Landion, my parents.
All of them are screaming.
I can do nothing to help them.
So I start screaming too.
The more I try to block everything out the louder it becomes. I can feel the walls pressing against me.
They are going to crush me. The screams echo in my head. I am going to die.
Suddenly a bright light flashes. Illuminating the entire cave. All the darkness flees and all at once the screaming stops. The walls are no longer around me, and briefly I see Pallando.
Standing poised with light all around him and a glowing staff in his hand. He staggers for a moment, leaning on his staff for support.
He then turns his gaze to me as the light around him dims into a faint glowing. Who is he? Or what is he?
Pallando stoops down in front of me and takes my hand, pulling me to my feet.
"Come Caran, we do not have much time."
Without another word he leads me through the tunnel.
////
We find ourselves in a large cavern that seems to expand for miles. Pallando leads me behind a large boulder and down a narrow tunnel.
Solid rock greets us at the end and I'm ready to collapse and give up. But Pallando has others plans. He raises his staff and whispers something in a strange tongue. Suddenly the rock moves- no it disappears.
Pallando takes my hand and leads me through the opening. Light blinds me and a roaring sound pounds the inside of my ears.
When my eyes adjust to the light a I see a massive river rushing in front of me and a solid rock wall behind it. I look up and in front of me and behind me are two very high cliffs.
That's when it hits me, we are in the ravine. The one that Alatar goes over to get to his lair. I can see the bridge in the distance and notice that it doesn't look as high up as I thought it was.
"Alatar uses tricks and illusions to confuse you."
Pallando's voice makes me jump. I had almost forgotten that he was there.
"This ravine is not deep. A fall from atop of the cliffs would not kill you, as long as you avoided the rocks."
For a moment I stand beside him in silence. We're standing on a stone ledge beside the mountain. I look over to the old man and my eyes trail over his strange wooden staff.
"How did you-"
"I know that you have questions Canar but they will have to wait. Alatar knows that you are missing and it is only a matter of time before he comes after you."
A shiver runs down my spine at the thought of being captured by Alatar again.
Pallando suddenly seems to be completely lost in thought. I feel him grasp my hand and my body begins to fill with a strange energy.
Then everything vanishes.
I feel myself flying through the air before crashing back onto the earth again. I gasp and fall to my knees. I feel coarse grass under my hands and realize that we are no longer in the ravine.
I turn to Pallando fearfully.
"What are you?"
I ask my voice trembling.
Pallando doesn't seem to be aware of my presence any more. He looks tired, almost ready to fall over.
I stand shakily to my feet and do what I can to support him.
"You- you must run."
His breath comes out in ragged gasps as he slowly falls onto his knees.
"Why? Pallando what's wrong with you?"
"You- do not- have- much time."
A shiver courses through my body. I look up and see a cloud of darkness approaching.
Alatar.
Pallando grips my arm and despite the weakness in his body, is eyes are still filled with fire.
"I have- given you- enough strength- to run."
Pallando sighs and releases my arm.
"Now go."
He pushes me away and I stagger backwards.
"Run! Now!"
I still hesitate.
I cannot leave him.
Not after he just saved my life.
But the fear of Alatar's presence causes me to turn away from him and flee. I run as fast as my feet can carry me and I don't look back.
Until a blinding light flashes and a tremendous gust of wind sends me crashing onto the ground. I turn around and see Alatar, hunched over and clearly in pain, but there is no sight of Pallando.
No...
Oh please no.
Not him too.
Alatar looks up and his eyes lock onto mine. His body seems to be vanishing from sight. In one last desperate attempt to end my life he throws a dagger.
It lands inches from my foot and I stare at it in shock. Alatar screams and vanishes.
All that is left is me, and the black dagger.