Althea: I'm sorry love. di ko sinasadya. last na yun.
Jade: You said that the last time.
Althea: I heart you, love.
Jade: Jesus, Althea! I'm afraid I'm getting used to this.
Althea: What do you mean, love?
Jade: I'm getting used to being sick and tired of you and your womanizing and I'm being sick and tired of getting used to this. I don't know anymore!
My voice getting louder.
Althea: Ano daw, love?
Wow talaga! nagawa nya pang matawa. ang kapal talaga ng mukha! I couldn't stop my tears from falling.
Althea stood up and slowly walked towards me. She held my face with both hands and tucked my loose hair to the back of my ears. With her black beautiful orbs, she looked at me like I'm the only woman in the world for her. I felt my knees starting to weaken. Those eyes. Her scent. The smell of her breath. coffee and cigarettes. It makes my heart beats twice as fast. She moved her head closer to mine. I can't allow this to happen again.
Jade: shit naman, Althea!
I left her there and ran inside our bedroom. I sat on the edge of our bed, crying. I feel my heart being stabbed and broken into a million pieces. I can't take this anymore.
Kaya ko na ba? Am I ready to lose her? To not see her again? Thousand thoughts ran inside my head.
Papano bukas? San sya titira pag naghiwalay kami? Or should I be the one to leave? We bought this unit together. Our cars, bank accounts and properties. We have most of them on both of our names.
What if I see her with someone else? kaya ko ba? everyone knows I'm the "legal". What will happen next?
Do I really have to end this? Yes. The first several times that it happened, umasa ako na magbabago pa.
last na to.
last na talaga to.
It has always been like that. When she said sorry earlier, wala ng dating. It hurts me so much na niloloko nya ko. again. walang bago don.
but it hurts even more knowing na wala ng patutunguhan pa to. I have come to a realization.
This is the end.
Althea, my love, is not mine anymore. I think she never has been for a long time now.
I'm just too weak to face that.
After what seems like forever, she slowly opened the door to our bedroom.
I was sitting on a chair across the bed facing the mirror. She walked and stood behind me and placed her hand on my right shoulder.
With my head down, I gripped her hand. I fought myself from looking at her. This is it. No turning back now.
Please Lord, help me bear this.
My tears are continuously flowing.
Jade: Please remember...
na mahal na mahal kita.
wala akong ibang minahal at wala na siguro akong ibang mamahalin pa katulad ng pagmamahal ko sayo.
Althea was startled. Confusion and fear on her face.
Althea: Love?
*****************************
6 years ago.
Night before our graduation.
I was in my room practicing for my valedictory speech. I am so excited for tomorrow.
I was offered a lot of scholarships and I have decided to go to UP, ofcourse. My friends will be attending different universities so its going to be a bitter sweet goodbye. but thats fine, I have my goals set, as always. I have my life all planned out and so far, things are going smoothly on my time table.
Althea, on the other hand, hasn't filled up a single application yet. Despite my constant pestering.
Althea...
We became closer as friends during our third year. She didn't really become part of my circle of friends and I of hers but we constantly communicate with each other. Sometimes we go to lunch together. She always come and visit me at home during weekends when she doesn't have band practice. My friends think her group is loud and aggressive while her friends think mine is a bunch of snob nerds. Sally, my best friend is casual with Althea. Batchi is nice to me. We're fine with that. We didn't really give an effort to have both groups like each other. We didn't really care about it that much. We were happy and that's all that matters.
It was our last day of the school year when Althea asked me to be his girlfriend. I am already head over heels about her but I did not agree right away. I was already in love with her but I had to make her wait for some time. We saw each other everyday during that summer. except when synthesis had a gig, Althea comes over to my place everyday with gifts, food and sometimes souvenirs from where her band was performing. She courted me for a couple of months and I agreed to be her girlfriend when school started for our fourth and final year in high school.
I was reading my speech when our helper knocked on my bedroom door.
"Jade, si Althea nandyan sa baba."
"Sige ate, pakisabi susunod na ko"
I went down to our living room and saw Althea sitting on the couch.
She stood up when she saw me.
Jade: hi love.
Althea: Hi love.
She kissed me in my mouth.
Jade: Althea, baka makita tayo. tsaka wait lang, uminom ka?
She smelled like alcohol.
Althea: konti lang. may celebration kila batchi.
Jade: bukas pa graduation.
Althea: Advance.
Jade: Diyos ko ka!
we sat down and I continued reading my speech for the graduation tomorrow. Althea was silently sitting next to me. She would hold my hand and kiss it.
I love you
I love you, too
Promise mo?
Yes, I promise.
No, yung promise mo sakin na after graduation?
Oh my God! I almost forgot. Although ALthea and I have been together for almost a year. We haven't really done it. We've shared an intimate kiss a few times but nothing more. She attempts to feel my breast when we kiss but I always remove her hands off me. Don't get me wrong, I also feel the heat when we kiss but I have to control myself. Althea is always agressive and stubborn. Her argument is that She can't impregnate me anyway. Valid, yes, but I still think we're too young to be having sex. So she made me promise her a timeline. I asked for after college graduation. Althea, outraged, protested. She wanted to do it on our first monthsary, I said no. We bargained and agreed on this. After our graduation.
Jade: Love, yung application mo? mag april na.
Althea: sige love, change topic pa more. We agreed on this.
Jade: love, pano pag di pa ko ready?
Althea: ba't mag lilive-in na ba tayo? Jade naman. sabi ko na nga ba eh.
Jade: wag ka namang magalit, love.
Althea: basta usapan na natin yon.
The next day.
Graduation day.
After my speech, I went down the stage and hugged my mom and my brothers. My mom had happy tears in her eyes. She said she was proud of me and she just wished that my dad was still with us on this day. My brother Gab consoled my mom and told her that wherever my dad was, we know that he's watching over us. I was fighting my tears from falling. My dad would have been very proud of me. It was an emotional moment for all of us.
My other brother, Paul decided to break the ice.
Paul: "di ba tayo kakain? nakakagutom ha"
We all laughed with still fresh tears and my mom was shaking her head.
Amanda: hay nako, anak. emote na emote pa ko dito eh. hahaha. Jade, anak, si althea ba hindi sasama satin mag lunch?
My mom knows about our relationship and she's fine with it. I promised her that whatever we have, it will not ruin my focus on my studies and instead will serve as an inspiration. I looked around and saw Althea with his dad. I asked permission from my mom and approached them.
Jade: Hello po Good Afternoon. Hi althea.
Felix: good afternoon din, iha. congratulations. very impressive, valedictorian. and I heard UP ka din. excellent work.
Jade: thank you po.
Felix: Althea, invite mo si jade sa bahay.
Althea was silent. She looked at me.
Althea: oo nga jade, tara sa bahay.
Jade: naku po, we were going out din po kasi with my family. next time na lang po.
Felix: I see. ok. congratulations again, iha. Althea, lets go?
Althea: ok, dad. later na lang jade. see you.
Jade: ok, see you. ingat po kayo.
I went back to where my mom and brothers were. We had lunch at my dad's favorite chinese restaurant before going home.
I was reading a new novel and listening to my playlist in my room when I received a text from Althea
Hi love. I'm here sa inyo. baba ka.
I replied: wait lang, pababa na ko. ba't di ka pumasok?
I went out and saw Althea with a brand new car.
Jade: wow! you got this for your graduation?
Althea: yup. nice noh? tara joyride. batangas tayo.
I went inside the house to ask permission from my mom, packed some clothes and off we went.
Althea: congratulations, love. I am so proud of you.
Jade: thanks, love. congratulations din. yung college application mo love, ayusin mo na pag balik natin ha.
Althea: tapos na, dati pa.
Jade: Ha? saan? ba't di ko alam? ba't di mo sinabi sakin?
Althea handed me an envelope and it made my heart leap for joy when I read where its from.
UP CONSERVATORY FOR MUSIC.
Oh my God! love!!!
After 3 hours of driving, we reached a resort in batangas. It was already midnight. I can hear the sound of waves pound the shore and fades away. It was a cold summer evening. We went to the front desk and got the keys to our room.
Once inside the room, Althea went straight to the veranda. There were several guest walking on the beach shore.
Althea: ganda dito, love. bukas swimming tayo ha.
I hugged her from behind.
Jade: love, ang saya saya ko. thank you. na surprise talaga ko. grabe ka, ilang months mo ko pinag worry. I was beginning to think na ayaw mo na mag-aral.
Althea turned around to face me. She held my face and kiss my lips.
Althea: pwede ba naman yun love? baka makipag break ka sakin.
She was smiling ear to ear.
Jade: grabe ka!
I punched her arms lightly.
She hugged me by my waist and kissed my mouth. longer and deeper this time. I took a step back away from her.
Althea then turned around and closed the glass door of the veranda. I sat on the edge of the bed. She turned off the lights and stood before me. My eyes adjusted to the dark with calm lights coming from the glass door.
Althea held my hands and slowly moved her head closer to mine. our foreheads touched.
Althea: mahal na mahal kita, love.
Jade: love...
Althea began kissing me.
she bit my lower lip first and she then stuck her tounge out. I opened my mouth to give her access. We kissed deeply and passionately.
She stopped and stood up.
she was looking at me intently as she slowly takes off her pants and then her shirt.
with only her underwear and supporter, she crawled her way on top of me.
not breaking our eye contact, her hands went to the hem of my shirt.
she was taking my top off.
for the first time, i allowed her to touch my breast.
she unhooked my bra and when she was able to undress me from the waist up, she stopped and looked at my naked upper body.
i can see the hunger in althea's eyes.
I lowered my head, I wasn't very confident and i tried to hide my rack with my arms
.she then took my hands and put them on her shoulder.
my heart was pounding really hard its like its gonna come out of my chest.
Althea started kissing my chin down to my neck.
her hands cupping my breast so hard it hurts.
Jade: love, slowly please.
Althea: sorry.
wet kisses from my neck downwards.
she reached my breast and stared at them.
she opened her mouth and breathed on my bossom.
i felt my nipples hardened.
the warmth of her breath gave me a foreign feeling.
as she sucks on them, i felt my core starting to get wet.
while her other hand cups my breast, the other was getting busy with my skirt.
i don't know how she did it, but she managed to remove my skirt in an instance.
she then proceeded to strip off my panties when a sad thought came to my mind.
shes good at this.
no, shes too good at this.
i stopped and pushed her away. i hurriedly covered myself with a blanket.
Althea: love naman. what is it?
Jade: nothing
she's starting to get furious.
"love please"
she tried to strip the blanket off me slowly and i allowed her to do so.
i did not want to ruin her mood and stir her anger.
i love her too much, to a fault.
that evening i gave myself to Althea.
end of flashback
***********************
I looked up and eyes met through the reflection.
Althea: ba't mo sinasabi yan, love?
Jade: hindi ko na kaya.
tbc