I wake up in the morning, alone. Not that I had planned for someone to spend the night, its just that I forgot that Oliver is at Hoseok's house... And I'm just still much too hurt to see him right now. I then get an idea and go to my art studio, to paint my feelings. Besides the beach, painting was my escape.
**
I sit there for a while, staring at the clean canvas as I bite my quivering lip. Then my hand twitches as it reaches for the paint brush.
Colors gliding along the material of the canvas smoothly. Once again I'm crying as I paint, painting is my escape from pain. My paint brush falls to the floor as I realize what I've drawn. Its Nari and Hoseok in the dark, kissing like they had last night. "Why did I paint this!?" I scream as I grab a hold of it and throw it against the wall. I fall to my knees and cry in the palms of my hands. Whimpers leave my quivering lips. I then knock at the door.
I get up and walk over to the bathroom. I have paint all over my face and hands, well.. The paint takes the attention away from my puffy eyes. So I take a chance and walk over to the door. I take a deep breath and open the door.
My heart, breaking against my chest into a million pieces. "H-Hoseok.." I manage to say. He smiles at me widely, but I can't manage to smile back. "I thought I'd bring Oliver over since I have some stuff to do today... And I won't be home most if the day.." He says looking down at Oliver and let's go of the leash, letting him run into the house. "Oh yeah .. No. That's fine." I say. He hands me the food bag and I place it beside me out of site.
He looks into my eyes, the eyes that had seen what he was unaware of. "You okay?" He asks. I bite my lip. "You have paint on your face." He says. I touch my face forgetting that I did. "Oh.. I was painting." I tell him. He nods and looks down as he puts his hands in his front pocket. "So I'm guessing your date went well.." He says in a low voice. My grip tightens on the door knob as I fight the urge to break down I front of him.
"Yeah. Actually. It was quite amazing. I was really wrong about him." I say. He looks up at me slowly. "That's great..." He says. I feel the strong tension between us, like he had been hurt by what I said. We stand there for a while longer, words that wanted to be released never had been said. "Well.. I should go.. Its a busy day today.." He finally says as he takes a step back. "Yeah. Of course." I say. Then he turns and leaves without saying good bye.
I close the door, to only find myself sobbing again.
Why does it hurt so much? I barely met him, and he barely met me. I can't have these feelings for him. These unexplainable feelings that I refuse to let myself feel. He obviously has feelings for Nari. And I have no place for romance in his life, just friendship. And if that's all I am to him. That's okay too, not everything goes your way in life.
I wipe my tears and head to the bathroom to take a shower.
**
"No no." I laugh. "Yes." He says. "If someone tells you that you can't just ..." I'm cut off. "What are we talking about?" I hear my fathers voice as he walks into the small break room. I don't imagine him coming into this break room, ever. I see the look on Shawn's face as he lays eyes on my father. Like he's seen a celebrity.. Or a ghost.. A really amazing ghost. "Shawn?" I wave my hand in font of his face. "You okay?" I call. He looks at me and smiles.
"Yes I'm fine." He says. "Faith why don't you introduce me to your friend here?" My dad asks me. "Dad.. This is Shawn.." Is all I say before Shawn quickly stands up and bows to my father. "Its a pleasure to meet you sir." He says as he stands up straight. My dad smiles and nods. "As to you Shawn..." My dad sets his hand on Shawn's shoulder. "You are a very good looking man Shawn. Do you like my daughter?" I slap my forehead and hang my head low.
"Oh my God dad.." I whisper. "Uhm.. Thank you sir.. I.. Yes.. I like your daughter very much." Shawn says causing me to look up at him with my face heating up. He smiles at me. "Well!" I hear my dad yell as he claps his hands together. "How about you join my daughter and I to dinner today at my house? Being that its my birthday. And Faith always makes my favorite." He says. My eyes widen. Shawn then looks nervous. He clears his throat.
"Sure.. I-I'd be honored." He says. My dad shakes Shawn's hand. "I'll meet you outside the company around 8." My father says. Shawn nods. "Great! I can't wait." He says. My father ruffles my hair and walks out of the room. Shawn sits down with a huge smile on his face.
"I can't believe I met your father. I can check that off my bucks list now." He says. I chuckle. "My dad isn't that amazing." I tell him. He shrugs. "I guess. But I look up to him." He says. A smile slowly peeks on my face, and I don't really know why.
**
"You're dad likes this kind of stuff??" Shawn asks me. I chuckle. "Yes. I know its odd. But, he's all I got. And even though he's sometimes a huge jerk I have to love him." I tell him. I look down at the cake I bought for my dad. His favorite, pecan orange coconut cake with strawberry shortcake bread and cream cheese icing. "Your dad has an interesting taste in sweets." He tells me. I smile. "Yeah. But don't worry.
I usually buy a cheese cake on the side so I don't have to eat it." I tell him. He laughs out loud. "You don't eat your dads cake?" I shake my head. "Heck no. Just cause I bought it, doesn't mean I have to eat it." I laugh. I pick up the box,"Thank you Lee!" I yell out. He smiles and waves. "Tell your appa I said 'happy birthday' and to lay off the cake and wine." I chuckle. "Will do."
We walk out of the bakery. I turn to Shawn whose holding the cheese cake. "Where to next?" He asks. "Parlor. They got my dads ice cream." I say. His eyebrows go up as he follows me down the sidewalk. "You get your father ice cream too? What an amazing daughter." He says. I chuckle. "An amazing daughter giving her father diabetes." He laughs. "I don't see it that way more like, giving love." He says.
And in a way he's right.. On my dads birthday is the only day really that he's in a good mood. And that we get along. "With a hint of diabetes." He whispers that causes me to laugh.
**
"So tell me. Did you apply the same day my Faith did?" My father asks. Shawn smiles and nods. "Yes sir." He says. "Awe. Don't call me Sir. Call me Heon." My dad says. "Will do." Shawn says. I sit back in the car and look out the window as Shawn and my father talk about business. And at this moment, as we head over to my childhood house.. In a car with my dad and Shawn.. I begin to think of Hoseok.
Maybe I'm stupid, or completely wrong for thinking of him.. But I am. If it weren't for Shawn I'd be a hot mess.
When we finally make it to the house, all my memories come flooding in. The memories of when I was a little girl.. Of my mother leaving.. I get out of the car and stare at the house for a little bit before joining my dad and Shawn inside. "I'm going to start on dinner.. Okay?" I call out to my dad in the den as he talks to Shawn. "Oh yeah.. Uh huh." My dad responds before continuing with his conversation.
I walk my way over to my dads kitchen and start making his favorite, Gimbap and Dolsot bibimbap. He's already gotten me all the ingredients knowing very well that I make it every year for him.
**
After a while the aroma of the food filled the house. "Faith." I hear a man call my name. I turn to this person, and its Shawn. I smile. "Shawn." I say. He walks up to me. "It smells great." He says. I chuckle. "Thank you." I say. He walks up closer to me, I walk backwards to only find myself against the counter. A smirk plays on his lips. "You know... I've been thinking about yesterday.." He whispers. My heart pounds. "Oh yeah?" I ask curiously.
That smile appears on his lips and he nods slowly as he inches closer to me. "I've been rethinking my kiss.." He says as he's right in front of me, looking down at me. "Oh?" I ask. I notice his gaze going from my lips to my eyes. His hand touches my cheek. He inches closer, and for some reason I want him to. He inches closer, I can feel his hot breath on my lips. I tippy toe so that our lips touch, and automatically he kisses me back.
I can taste the wine on his lips, the bitter sweet taste.
**
"No. When Faith was little she used to dance on the right table here in her underwear." My dad says. "Oh my God dad." I say blushing really hard as I look away from Shawn. He chuckles. "That's cute." He says. I look up "haha. No its not." I say. He smiles and nods. "Faith. Why don't you go get me my cake. I've been craving it all year." I laugh. "How come you don't just go and buy a cake from Lee?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"I only eat it on my birthday." He says. I laugh. "You're so weird dad." I say getting up and making my way to the kitchen to get everything.
**
"You know... Your.. Your mother used to make the best cheese cake before she left us.." My dad says as he downs his wine. I frown. It never changes, this is how the night always ends. And sadly I had forgotten about it, if I would have remembered I wouldn't have allowed Shawn to come over. "Dad. Maybe you should lay off the wine." I tell him getting up from my seat and start to reach for the bottle.
"No!" My dad screams as he grabs a hold of it, taking it out of my reach. I frown. Shawn looks at me startled. "I apologize on the behalf of my father... Maybe you should leave.." I suggest. He frowns and nods as he gets up. "Thank you for having me Heon. I hope you have a great night.." He says. And I walk him out.
He stands there for a while. "Your father couldn't stop talking about her.." He says. I frown. "I'm so sorry you have to see this.. He's normally not like this.." I tell him. He nods. "Its fine." He says. "Where to ma'am?" I look at Jeong. "Take Shawn home. He'll give you the address.. Thank you Jeong." I say. He nods and heads over to the escort car.
I look back at Shawn. "Have a great night Shawn." I say inching closer to him. He smiles. "Good night." He says pecking my lips. I smile at him and he walks towards the car. I watch him leave then walk back inside the house.
"Dad?" I call when I close and lock the door. I hear glass shatter. I run to the dinning room. "Dad!?" I scream as I see him throw the wine bottle against the wall, making pieces of glass scatter everywhere. I walk over to him. "Dad sit down." I tell him as I help him settle in the chair. He sits down.
"Oh Min.. How I've missed you.." He whispers my mothers name and my heart shatters.