a/n:
i'm so sorry this is such a late update, i keep apologizing and i know it's pathetic of me, but i'm truly sorry. i had been busy during the last days of ramadan and then the feast, but here i am, though! i was so stunned that there're new readers giving this story attention. your comments are what made me write this chapter, really, so thank you lots for that !
also, i entered this story in camp nano this july. a little late, too, so i think you could expect another update in the next three days, fingers crossed. another thing, if you have any songs relatable to this story, please do comment!
enjoy :)!
4
S O S T E N U T O
[ sustained; a slowing of tempo ]
I'm rendered speechless for a while, not knowing what to do since I've never put in such situations before. I open my mouth once then close it shut, a hesitant smile curving to my lips that I direct it at him with a simple shrug as an apologize for raising my voice earlier.
"It was me," I admit, my tone even. He blinks at me faster than before, raising his eyebrows. I clear my throat. "It was me who was laughing minutes ago. Sorry for that."
The boy purses his lips and shrugs, his face giving the vibe that shouts as if I care. He turns to Hailey and frowns. "What're you doing here?"
Hailey raises one eyebrow and shakes her head in disbelief. She faces me and draws a grim smile on her face, sitting and leaning to whisper in my ear, "That is the Gloomy One: Evan Charleston."
I can't help blinking at her then snorting in exasperation. At least now I know the boy's name. It feels all kinds of weird that I now know his name, and I was the one who thought would never cross roads with him. But knowing that he is all alive and breathing now is filling me with relief more than anything.
"So Evan here's gonna make us breakfast," Hailey flicks her thumb in Evan's direction, wiggling her eyebrows at him. If it weren't Hailey, I would swear she's flirting with him, but the unimpressed expression on Evan's face tells me he's used to her antics. "Oh, this is Ember, by the way – my best friend." Hailey continues, jabbing a finger to the side of my head.
"Hey," I say, standing and extending my hand without further thought. "Nice to meet you."
He steps closer to the other side of the table slowly, looking all kinds of bored and – wrecked. I barely make out that his eyes are a deep shade of blue as they are shadowed by dark circles under them, his hair jet black and falling on his forehead messily. He shakes my hand once, giving me a fleeting look that has never dare tell anyone in flashing red signs. I don't have any intentions of doing so, anyways, but I swallow hard.
When he pulls away, he glances at Hailey. "I'm not making anything, by the way."
Hailey elbows my head again that I throw a glare at her. "He makes the best pancakes on earth, no joke."
A look of disgust naturally makes its way to my face before I can hold it back. I then shift my eyes to Evan who gives me a surprised look.
"Don't mind me – "
But then he's turning away before I can finish my sentence and shaking his head to himself.
"You and your expressions," Hailey scolds. Then she hits my back, saying in a light tone, "I was kidding. He's like that, and he will prepare my pancakes nonetheless."
"How do you know each other?"
Hailey hums thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "We met in school, I think."
"He goes to our school?" I can't hide the astonishment laced in my voice, because I know that even if I have the memory of a freaking gold fish, I do know when I met a person in a certain place, I think. And I am sure I have never seen Evan till the day when I was playing my violin on my balcony.
"He used to, but then he dropped out before you transferred to our school," Hailey explains, tracing circles on the table. "And even if he's still there, you wouldn't even notice him. He's one of those people who like to remain, you know – invisible. His life is hard too, so don't judge him."
I raise my hands up in exasperation. "I didn't even say anything! And I never judge people, you idiot."
Propping her elbow on the table and adjusting her chin on her hand, Hailey gives me a challenging look, one side of her lips rising up in a smug smirk as she stares at me. "You mean you never judged me when you saw Aaron and Ryan." Before I can say anything, she quickly adds, "I mean, yes, they can change the mind of a freaking mountain, but you know."
"You're talking total nonsense – "
"You never judged me because I have red hair and green eyes and look like Merida from Brave, a movie you haven't even watched like the stupid idiot you are – "
" – what are you even – "
" – or when I wore my panda pajamas and you envied me because they didn't fit you because you're taller than I am – "
"Hailey."
I look to see a middle-aged woman strolling toward us. Her light gold hair is tucked into a bun, her eyes glistening like the water of a river it amazes me. The first thought that hits me when I see her is my mom, for they have the same light eyes, the eyes that look watery and crystal all the time.
"Olivia!" Hailey stands and marches up to the woman, throwing her arms around her in a warm hug. "It's been ages – like, whole three days."
Hailey pouts. The woman looks at me, narrowing her eyes the tiniest bit, as if to question me silently who I am.
"Hi! I'm Hailey's friend," I say, feeling a bit awkward as Hailey has never told me about either of the people I'd just met.
"Hello, dear," Olivia says eventually, drawing a bright smile on her equally bright face.
"Ember, this is Olivia, the shiniest woman on earth," Hailey introduces, bringing her hair onto her shoulder and starting to unbraid her hair and redo it again. "She helps Evan in managing the place."
Olivia leans one hand on Hailey's other shoulder as she shakes her head. She steals a glance at the kitchen, seeing Evan's back to us, before rolling her eyes at the ceiling. "He's so unpredictable – like, you can never read what's in that head of his." She looks me dead in the eye, looking like she's been electrified for a second. "Months ago, he was insisting on leaving town and selling the patisserie, but two weeks ago, he said he's not leaving and second-guessing his decisions!"
"Pretty much like someone I know." The words slipped past my lips without any warnings, and Hailey's head shoots up, her eyes narrowing at me.
"How about I send Ryan and Aaron to stay one night at your house? You'll want to go around the universe and back until the world ends," Hailey coos, shrugging her shoulder that her braid falls behind her back.
"You're a bit overdramatic."
"A bit?" Olivia gaps at me. "She can't stop complaining. She just has it in her veins."
Out of a sudden, Evan appears from behind Olivia and Hailey, placing two plates of what seems like pancakes in front of me without sparing me a look. He then crosses his arms over his chest as Hailey rushes to the table and sits on the edge of it, digging right in. I raise both eyebrows at her, pursing my lips, contemplating on whether to pretend not being hungry or to force myself to eat...
I would never go with the second.
"Why aren't you eating?" Olivia says, taking a seat next to me.
I swallow, looking over at Hailey to see her absorbed in munching her pancake and having a light conversation with Evan, who is still standing. But really, who goes to a patisserie when she doesn't even eat sweet stuff? I should've seen it coming when Hailey told me it's a place I'd definitely hate, but I never thought she knows the people working here and that I'll be put in such an embarrassing situation.
So I lean into Olivia, whispering in my quietest tone meant for only her to hear, to lessen the humiliation, "I'm actually anti-sugar..."
But it seems that Olivia isn't the only one who hears me, because Evan snaps his head in my direction, his eyes as wide as the moon as he blinks at me, matching Olivia's bewildered look. I shift awkwardly at the sudden attention I'm given and clear my throat, pointing at Hailey. "She's the one who brought me here..."
Hailey raises a finger. "She only eats the brownies Ryan and Aaron make because they put the whole red chili jar in them."
"Your brothers put red chili in her brownies?" Olivia asks, still in shock.
"Typical Ryan and Aaron, Oli, what did you think?" Hailey returns, pulling my plate to her side and flashing me a sweet smile, and says, "If you don't mind," before busying herself with my supposed pancakes.
"They took things to a whole other level," Evan muses, a small smile rising on the side of his lips.
Hailey shrugs a shoulder as if her brother's doing is a natural doing. But Olivia doesn't seem to buy it. She sighs. "They're insufferable but cute, to be honest. But that doesn't remove the focus off you, Ember. It's unhealthy, not eating anything involving sugars, you know that?"
"I eat fruits, though," I say in defense.
Olivia gives me a challenging look. "When was the last time you ate fruits?"
That is when I lower my head down, looking away. My parents and Bryan were the only ones who persuaded – more like forced me to eat them. With them gone, the enforcement is all in the air, and so there's no need for me to eat them. Not that I don't like them, they just don't appeal to me.
What's appealing to me right now, however, is a shot of espresso.
"You're eating the pancakes, whether you like it or not," Olivia says in a firm tone, one that doesn't match her personality at all, reminding me of my mother when she got mad because of the same issue. I can't help my biological system I'm born with, though.
"I've never even tasted them before!"
"Try them," Hailey says, as if to persuade me. She's already finished my plate and looking extra satisfied, sinking into her chair with her shoulders relaxed. "Evan's pancakes are irresistible."
Evan raises both hands up in the air.
I give Olivia a pleading look. Her facials don't change. "Can I have an espresso, then? I'll try them with it." It's the only thing I can come up with as of right now. The bitter taste of the coffee can overshadow the sickening taste of the pancakes. Olivia stands up but still looks unconvinced. "Please," I almost plead.
"Okay then." She makes a beeline to the kitchen before tilting her head at me, her eyebrow raised. I squirm under her gaze, but then she turns around and goes around the counter. Soon after, she emerges and makes her way out the patisserie, yelling, "Evan, I'll go buy the espresso!"
I open my mouth to object, realizing how it's stupid of me to order an espresso in a patisserie, but the door is already swinging back and forth with Olivia walking away. I turn to see Hailey telling Evan, "We're going to be using the piano and probably the guitar, too."
I question her use of "We" internally and watch as Evan walk away with her following him suit. I trail behind them till we reach the back of the patisserie, a piano sat there in the far corner with a layer of thick dust covering it. I have a vague picture of the same setting back in the music room, a reminder that I need to stomp on my fears and clean Mom's piano.
"Are you okay?" I look up to see Hailey staring at me with concern written all over her face. She doesn't know anything about Mom's apartment or that I live there these days. "You're backing off helping me in the music project?"
I blink at her then, shaking my head and any heaviness in my chest away. "I just never thought we'd be doing it...here." I know I played in front of Evan before, but that was a spur of a moment. And the fact that he is skillful and talented makes me uneasy now. The whole thing kind of reminds me of that recital...
Hailey waves me off, relief washing over her face. "Don't mind Evan, no need to worry." Then, in a serious tone, her hands on my shoulders, she adds, "Seriously, if you feel uncomfortable, we can go back to my place and I'll annoy Evan to hell and beyond about it."
I can't help but chuckle at that, appreciating Hailey's response that a smile pulls at my lips. She nods at me enthusiastically and turns me around, pushing me away from the piano and to where the kitchen is. "Give me a minute till I fix things here," she says before disappearing.
I'm left alone with Evan in the kitchen. It seems like a great opportunity to talk to him now that Hailey's not around, and I don't know if I'll come here again since this is, after all, a patisserie. If Bryan knew about this, he'd definitely think I'd sprung three heads.
Walking hesitantly to the kitchen, Evan's back faces me as he washes the dishes, probably the two plates Hailey devoured some time ago. I just watch him with curiosity as he dries the plates, wondering if he really has a passion for what he's doing – managing a patisserie – as the one he has for playing.
But that doesn't matter now that he's alive and fine. Swallowing, I summon up all the courage in me to choose and say my next few words carefully. "I'm happy for you." His eyes flicker to me just fractionally, and I take that as a sign to continue. "That you didn't, you know, ended your life there."
His shoulders visibly tense, and I wonder if I said anything wrong. He sets the plates aside and leans against the sink, looking me in the eye. I'm uncertain if I want to continue talking to him or not, but I follow my instincts anyway.
"I mean, people may choose to end their lives when it becomes too hard, but I'm glad you didn't, because you're surrounded with wonderful people who really appreciate that you're still here," I say with a smile. When he gives me a weird look, I wish he didn't misinterpret this and wave my hands in the air. "I'm not saying I'm one of them – I meant Olivia and Hailey, you seem to respect them even though you seem somewhat distant toward them..."
What. Am. I. Even. Saying?
"Please erase the last line I just said from your memory – "
But then I hear him snort so quietly it's almost inaudible. "Just don't tell anyone about that night, and I'll be thankful."
"Why would I even tell anyone?" I say with a shrug, taken aback that he actually thinks I might do something like that. Then, scrunching my eyebrows together, I question him worriedly, "You never told anyone that you saw some weirdo playing her violin on the railing on an ice cold night, did you?"
He shrugs. "Why would I even tell anyone?"
I know the conversation is coming to an end when the silence descends on us. There's something inexplicable in his eyes when I look at him. They seem to darken a bit, so I drag in a deep breath, a sincere smile drawn on my face, before turning away and pulling out of the kitchen. But then I come to a halt and tilt my head at him and say, "You play beautifully, by the way."
I maneuver my way to Hailey to find that she cleaned up the piano and is inspecting the chords of the guitar. She looks up at me, her hair loose, dust covering several spots of her bangs and clothes. I sit on the piano and press on the keys Hailey tells me to, helping her out with the process as the guitar seems to be in a serious condition.
When Hailey curses under her breath for the umpteenth time, I stand and walk over to her, taking the guitar with a fright that she may break it if she holds it any longer, and set it against the wall.
I don't know what to say since it seems that the piano keys need adjusting too. I never thought the state of these instruments would be like this. Evan didn't seem like the type of person to leave them to dust since he treated the piano he played on when I saw him that day well.
I sigh, placing my hands on my waistline and looking down at frustrated Hailey. "I thought he took good care of these instruments since he plays on them."
It's just a casual comment, but Hailey's head snaps up, an unreadable look flashing across her features. "What are you even saying? Evan has stopped playing ever since his parents died two years ago."