Harry
After getting in my apartment and slumping down on the couch, I felt miserable. I hurt her, I saw it in her eyes. The wet tears brimming in her eyes, as she insulted me in the, may I say most ridiculous way ever, but still. I hurt her.
She thought she'd be a burden to me, when she was the only thing right now making me happy. I know I get hurtful whenever I'm mad, I say things I don't mean and I hate me for that. I wanted to comfort her, but I knew it was the best to leave her alone.
Perfect first start for an relationship, isn't it.
I'm a douche. I should've respected her and her choice not to tell me. She was already telling me so much today and I messed it up with my lose mouth. I wanted her to count on me, when she was sad. I don't even know why I said those things I did, I was just mad that she hadn't answered me, even though I understood her reaction to all of his. I completely did. I was a jerk.
I rubbed my face, exhaling loudly.
She only told me today that she was so scared of losing me and here I am, destroying the trust we build up in a matter of seconds.
I walked over to my balcony, taking a smoke. I sat down, lit my cigarette and inhaled the toxic smoke. It was now 1.23am, but there was no way of getting sleep right now.
I heard the patio door from underneath open and I held my breath, I didn't wanted her to think she had to leave again, I wanted her to calm down and talk to me whenever she was ready. I listened to the sound of her lighter, of her inhaling and exhaling and her quiet sobs which escaped her mouth from time to time. I think she knew I was there, but I wasn't quite sure. But after a few minutes, she started speaking.
"I almost died a year ago." she almost whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear it. "I don't even remember what happened. I remember me getting so worked up about one little thing, but I think this is what I needed to lose control over myself. I remember how I escalated completely, crying screaming and punching. I remember how I woke up in hospital after a few days. I was completely devastated and the doctors told me, I could've died." she started sobbing loudly, not holding back. "I almost died Harry, I almost missed the chance of meeting you." she got louder, talking through tears. "I knew in that moment I had to change my life, but it wasn't enough. It never was. I was always back into this spiral, always taking steps back instead of forward. I hated myself, so I just did what I always did. I drank, I took drugs, I was an complete bitch." her crying slowly died down. "I'm so scared of losing you." she whispered.
I carefully listened to hear words, knowing I could not say a single word to make things better for her.
"When I was 12 years old," I started speaking, voice a little croaked, "I remember my mom getting me from school, because I missed the bus. She was so mad at me that she had to cancel a appointment. She was yelling at me the whole car ride, even though I was crying loudly. It didn't bother her at all. She was screaming how useless I would be and I could not do a single thing right." I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the memory that replayed on my head, "I remember how she slapped me across the face after we got out of the car. She told me it wasn't manly to cry, no girl would ever want me. I still remember exactly how she lifted her hand and slapped it across my face like I was nothing to her. She didn't even flinch at her harshness. She just smiled afterwards, ruffled up my hair and told me to go in my room, that I would have nothing to eat for the rest of the day." I sighed, the memory still bringing pain to
me. "Little did she know, that why I was running late, was because I did a project for her, for her birthday. I forgot the time, because I was so happy to do something for her so she would finally appreciate me, but she never did. I still gave her the present, she looked at it, laughed and put it on the table, where later Maria, our housemaid, threw it away because my mom told her so." I stopped speaking, taking another hit of my cigarette.
I don't even know why I told her that. Maybe I thought I'd be right to share a sad memory, too. She maybe wouldn't feel as alone as she does right now.
"I'm sorry I said that your nose is junk shaped." she sighed.
"I'm sorry I said your head was round like the moon." I apologised. We sounded like eight year olds, when their parents decide to tell them to stop fighting and apologising. "Can you come upstairs?" I asked and she told me she'd come in a couple of minutes.
I patiently waited in my door frame, when her tiny appearance entered the hallway. Her eyes were swollen and red and she slumped along the floor, looking tired.
"C'mere." I widened my arms and walked towards her, she didn't hesitate to sling her arms around my torso, pressing her warm cheek against my chest, while I held her in my arms, softly kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry I called you annoying, stubborn and childish. I'm a dick and I'm sorry. You are not a burden to me, I.." but then I stopped. Was it too early?
I felt wetness through my shirt, telling me she was still crying. "Shhh, I'm here babygirl. I'm so sorry that I took my anger out on you. Please forgive me." I mumbled into her hair and she nodded. "I'm sorry I was a bitch." she cried but I just led her into my apartment and placed her on my large black leather couch.
"I was a dick, you don't need to apologise for anything okay? I'm here now and I have no intention to leave." I assured her, she was almost sitting on my lap, while I rocked her back and forth. Every now and then I placed soft kisses on her skin, feeling the goosebumps growing on her skin, wherever my mouth left. We sat like this for good twenty minutes, until she finally calmed down.
"Can we.. just forget about this all and remember the beautiful day we had? I don't want to think about this anymore." her voice was nothing but a rasped whisper, she seemed tired. "We will. I still hope you forgive me." I wanted her to say it.
Her ocean blue eyes locked with my green ones as she nodded, "I accept your apology." she tried to smile, but failed miserably.
I loved that about her. She was never mad for a long time, she always accepted my apology when I act like a douche. I didn't want to use this against her, but I was happy that she would not throw my mistakes into my face every time she had the opportunity. I loved how her face softened, when she knew I needed her. I loved how she caressed my skin, every time she knew I felt unsure. I loved how she opened up to me, even though she never wanted to. I loved how the wrinkles by her nose crinkle, every time she tried to suppress a laugh. I loved how she was so carefree sometimes, like today. She wouldn't give a single fuck about what people thought of her when she got on my knees. She literally got on her knees for me and I was acting like a fucking brick.
"Can you promise me something?" I mumbled into her hair and she softly nodded. "'Course." she whispered.
"The next time I want to go on my knees for you." I admitted. She looked up to me, her soft eyes telling me how confused she was. She thought I'd make a sexual reference in the most inappropriate situation like this.
"Not like this, stupid. I want to get on my knees for you, when I ask you to marry me someday." I shyly told her, not sure of her response to this.
Her eyes lit up with joy, as she slowly climbed onto my lap, cupped my face and tucked my hair behind my ears. "You are so beautiful." she rasped and left soft pecks on my skin.
One on my cheek, then on my nose, the other cheek, my chin, my forehead. She slung her arms around my neck and rested her chin on my head, while I softly stroked her small back. She clung onto me like I would leave her, but I never ever could. I wanted her to be mine forever, not in a possessive way, I just wanted her to only be mine. I could never lose her.
"I'll gladly say yes." she answered to my statement before and I grinned against her chest. "You will?" I asked and I felt her nod.
"Definitely. One day, I'll marry you. You make me the happiest I've ever been. This is not some cheesy shit Harry, I've literally never felt this happy in my entire life." she now looked at me, her eyes full of tears she wanted to spill. "Sorry for crying again." she quickly wiped away a tear that escaped her eye. "I'm so emotional when it comes to you. I just can't believe how I got so lucky." she admitted.
I am the one who should be feeling this lucky, not her. Not that I don't, I just don't know how she feels like this, when I've hit the jackpot with her. She is admiringly beautiful, confident, she keeps me on my toes, she's so kind hearted and she keeps up with the bad attitude I have. She is beautiful on the inside as well. I was so in love with that broken girl, I was scared that I could cut myself, but it was worth it.
Everything I did for her was worth it. Like Mr. Cromwell said, the pain you get from love, is always worth it. I was so ready to heal this girl, I even forgot that I needed to be healed, too. Maybe it was a dangerous love, but I was still so up for it.
"Isn't it messed up, how I'm just dying to be here." (A/N: thumbs up if you know the lyrics!) I gently smiled and she nodded. "We are messed up." she chuckled and I definitely agreed. "I need you so much." she admitted and I leaned forward, connected our lips and we instantly moved in the same rhythm. My heart was beating quickly and she noticed. She placed her small hand over my heart and let herself feel my heartbeat.
"You're doing this to me." I mumbled in between our kiss. "I could listen to your heart all day, I would never get tired of it" she disconnected our lips and hid herself in the crook of my neck, where her warm breath was meeting my skin.
"Millie, I.." I hesitated. I was so scared that she would be scared away if I admitted my love for her. I was so scared that it was still too early for it.
"I wanted to say something, but I don't know, I'm so scared of my feelings for you. You make me feel all dizzy and light hearted and.. not that I'm not sure of it, I definitely am. But I'm still scared that I have way more feelings than you do and I just don't know.." I rambled senseless stuff.
Her ocean blue eyes locked with mine and they were speaking nothing but love and truth. She slowly leaned forward, connecting our lips again, her nails digging into the flesh in my arm. I felt her nervousness, it radiated from her. The way her breathing got quicker and how she was holding onto me for dear life, the way she kissed me and the way she jumped around a little in my lap.
"Say it." she gently demanded, while stroking my arm now, her eyes not leaving mine.
"Millie Hasting." I took a deep breath, trying to relax and make this the most beautiful scenario ever. "I'm in love with you. I never felt this good about something as I do know. I've never felt this safe in someone's arm. I never knew what I missed. I always knew how love could heal a lot of things, but I never knew I was capable of feeling something so strong. I'm happy I fought my way into your life and that you accepted me." I pecked her soft lips another time.
"I love you." we both said in unison, completely following our hearts, our instincts and our love for each other.
I saw her eyes filling with salty tears again, telling me how much this affected her. "Say it again." she whispered through her quiet sobs.
"I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Millie, I, Harry Styles, love you so much, I can not describe it anymore. No words could ever come close to describe an ounce of my feelings for you. I love you so much." I hugged her tightly, as she cried into my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, this is so overwhelming." she cried and I could not contain a chuckle. "It's okay, love." I comforted her.
"I love you so much as well." she hugged me tightly, I heard her chuckle. "So so so much." she told me in the sweetest voice possible.
We disconnected and she smiled at me. Then she slammed her lips onto mine and instantly sneaked her tongue into my mouth. I could taste her salty tears, but I couldn't care less. I instantly responded to her kiss, our lips moving together so perfectly, I thought this must be magic.
And it indeed was, it was pure magic between us.
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Awwww they admitted their love like noooooo I cried a little. What do you think of them? I want a ship name. Mirry? Hallie? idk.
Don't be a silent reader please, leave me a vote or a comment, it would make my day and it doesn't take you long.
Hope you liked the emotional chapter 😢
loads of love xx