Chapter 2
Betty Sue lay on her back, eyes closed. She tried to move but couldn't. She willed her eyes to open but they wouldn’t work either. There was something very odd going on here. Judging from the low hum around her, the chill of the floor, the smell of metal and a hundred other little things her mind couldn't identify, she knew she wasn't in her cabin any more.
A curious three-note, chiming tone sounded and an echoing, mechanical voice spoke (It sounded exactly like a can-opener would, assuming one ever had something to say). "Scanning subjects for sentience quotient to begin in five tics."
Sentience quotient? Five tics? The words sounded both familiar and strange at the same time. And what was with the weird voice? Betty Sue strained to open her eyes. It was like trying to unscrew the lid from an old rusted jar full of pickles. She strained and thought she was almost there, but her eyes simply refused to open.
The echoing voice spoke again. "Sentience quotient scan in four tics."
Betty Sue tried to open her mouth to shout at the voice to shut up but it did not respond any better then her eyes did.
"Sentience quotient scan in three tics."
It wasn't that the words were actually doing her any harm. It was just that the voice was so damned annoying. It sounded so unnatural and yet so uppity at the same time. Betty Sue vowed if she ever met the guy who talked like that she would give him a swift kick in the chestnuts.
"Sentience quotient scan in two tics."
She continued to wrestle with her inert body, cursing it for being so unresponsive. Cursing the voice for being so irritating and mostly wondering just where the hell she was. Nothing changed: the floor remained cold and her body stayed stiff as a board.
"Sentience quotient scan commencing in five, four, three, two, one, begin..."
A hum began and a light so bright she could she it through her eyelids flashed into life. A feeling like someone scraping the innards out of a pumpkin assaulted her brain. It hurt so badly she couldn't think, couldn't breathe. She screamed. Four other voices joined hers.
The pain lasted only a moment but it was enough to pull her body out of its paralysis. She felt an arm flop across her chest and she opened her eyes.
Her eyes took a few moments to focus and she saw Zeke lying beside her. His head lay in what she supposed was a giant pool of drool. He looked even more slack-jawed than usual.
The room grabbed her attention next as her eyes focused even more. Every wall was pristine white like the snow that fell in the wintertime. She'd always wanted her shack to be that colour but she had never been able to manage it. Things in the mountains just never stayed quite that clean.
Besides white on the walls, there was nothing. No doors, no windows. Nothing.
"Sentience quotient scan complete," the annoying voice cut in. "Scan results indicate subjects possess minimal sentience requirements to allow ship to function with full faculties."
Her eyes drifted along the white expanse and she tried to make out what was ceiling, what was wall and what was floor. The stark whiteness made that impossible.
Lying in a sort of heap across the room were three other people, all naked. One was a young boy she had only seen once or twice. A girl she knew named Carol Anne lay straight beside him looking incredibly groggy. And the third? Her breath caught in her chest. The third was Jim Bob, that handsome man.
Oh Lord! What would happen when Zeke and Jim Bob finally met? Then she remembered. Zeke didn't know about Jim Bob. She meant to keep it that way.
Just then the annoying voice cut in on her reverie. "Hello Earthlings and welcome aboard the ship. It is an honor to have you here."
“Who are you callin’, Earthling?” Betty Sue noticed she wasn't wearing any clothing either and tried to cover up with her hands and arms. Zeke sat up, took one look at Betty Sue and grinned.
She punched him in the shoulder. "Quit it ya big lug." She looked around. "Hey there, whoever you are! Where are my clothes?"
The voice spoke again. "Unfortunately, your clothing was contaminated and had to be destroyed."
"ContamiWhat?" Betty Sue tried to identify the source of the voice while covering herself with hands and arms and failing miserably.
"Contaminated. Please wait one moment while I fabricate something appropriate for you to wear." She heard a whirring sound and moments later a rod slid out of a momentary slit in one wall, a grey garment hanging on it.
Betty Sue stood up, trying hard to keep Zeke's hands away from her body. She scrambled on unsteady feet over to the grey garment. The cloth was soft and flowed through her fingers like water. She quickly pulled the form-fitting clothing on over her nakedness.
"Thing’s a little tight," she said as she twisted and stretched to test the fit. "It don't leave nothing to the imagination do it?” She pulled a bit of the stretchy cloth away from her body. “What do you call this? It sure ain't no dress."
"I call it a ship suit," (It is a strange coincidence that throughout the galaxy and history any one-piece, form-fitting coverall is always called a “Ship Suit”. Maddaz Gringgott of the Galactic University of Soldat II did his Master’s thesis on the subject, concluding that, rather than coincidence, the effect was clear evidence that the concept of fashion was merely a construct fabricated by the textile industry. Shortly after publishing his paper Maddaz was branded a heretic and killed by a quasi-religious group of clothing designers) the voice responded. As it spoke, four more appeared out of the walls. One was grey, two black and a smaller brown one. "Please, everyone, put one on. I understand that your culture has some morality issues about nudity."
"Ah don't got no problem with it," Zeke said, admiring the way the grey ship suit hugged Betty Sue's curves.
Betty Sue grabbed the nearest black garment and thrust it at Zeke. "Just put it on, ya big oaf!"
She looked around the room, watching Jim Bob out of the corner of her eye. Yup, he was fine to look at, even in these weird clothes!
While the others were pulling on their ship suits, Betty Sue picked a wall to focus on. "Hey, you!"
"Yes, how can I help you?" The voice sounded friendly, almost helpful.
"You can start by telling me where the heck we are!"
"I already did that when I welcomed you on board," the voice said, slightly offended.
"And where is that, exactly? Humor me, mister cause ah know this isn't where ah was a little while ago."
The voice sounded patient, almost like it was talking to a small child. "You are on board the ship, Grokmar."
"And just what in tarnation is this ship?" Betty Sue demanded. "This here room ain't like nothin' I've ever seen before."
The Grokmar is a star ship," the voice said proudly. "You are on board the star ship Grokmar," it added to emphasize the point.
"Well, ah don't want to be on no starship," Betty Sue said. By the shuffling sounds she knew that the rest of the folks were crowding behind her.
"I am very sorry about that," the voice began, not really sounding very sorry at all, "but you are necessary to my mission. I must have sentient beings on board to perform my function."
"There you go saying that word again. Sentient. What the heck does that mean exactly?"
"You do not know what sentient means? Just a moment." A sound like a fast-forwarding cassette tape flashed through their hearing. The voice that came back sounded puzzled. "I have rechecked your vocabulary and I am certain I have used the right word. Are you sure you do not know what sentient means?"
"Just stop talking so highfaluting and tell me what it means." Betty Sue stamped her foot. "Right now!"
The voice sighed. "Sentient means you think and are aware. Do you understand now?"
"Well why didn't you say that in the first place? Geez!" Betty Sue stamped her foot again.
"I did say that," the voice said sounding slightly offended. "It is not my fault you do not understand simple English."
"Hey, just who the heck are you, anyway?" This came from the girl, Carol Ann. She walked up beside Betty Sue as she spoke.
"Who am I?" The question seemed to startle the speaker. "I am the Grokmar. I am the ship."
"Get outta here!" Betty Sue said. "How stupid do you think we are?"
"I know exactly how stupid each of you are, Miss," Grokmar said. "That was the purpose of the sentience scan. Would you like to know the results?"
For once, Betty Sue was speechless. She pounded on the wall of the ship. "None of your sassing, you hear? Ah want some answers, plan and simple."
"Very well," the Grokmar replied. "Where shall I begin?"
"You can begin by telling us how in tarnation we got here in the first place." Betty Sue demanded.
"I brought you here," the ship said simply. "I needed members of an intelligent species to be my crew. You were the first denizens my scanners detected when I dropped down from your upper thermosphere. I chose the first five among you who were physically fit and young enough to come with me."
"You...kidnapped us?" Betty Sue asked, amazement colouring her voice.
Jim Bob stepped forward and spoke to the wall. "Did you call us intelligent?"
The ship had paused at Betty Sue's question. "I suppose in your vocabulary, I did kidnap you. And yes, I did call you intelligent."
Jim Bob let out a whooping laugh. "Ah thought so." He started dancing and hollering. He pointed at Zeke. "You sure made a mistake with that one though. That there fella is dumber than a sock fulla rocks."
“Sock full of rocks? I do not understand the reference.”
“It means Zeke is stupid,” Carol Anne said.
“Zeke? Stupid? I disagree,” the ship said. “While it is true that his mind is damaged, Zeke may be the most intelligent of you all.”
Jim Bob almost fell down, he was laughing so hard at that statement.
Betty Sue slapped the wall of the ship. “Ah don’t care about any of that. Ah’ve got to get home. Ah left stew cooking on the stove.”
“You need not worry about any stew cooking,” Grokmar said. “When I took you, I destroyed the buildings you were in to cover your disappearance. There is nothing left to go home to.”
“You…destroyed my home?” Betty Sue sat down hard on the floor.
“Yes. As I said before, I need you to be my crew. I cannot return you, as you are necessary to my mission. Here. I will show you your planet so you can bid it farewell.”
A picture appeared in the wall. A blue planet surrounded by the blackness of space was receding by the second.
As the humans watched, their planet grew smaller and eventually disappeared.