dan woke up and he followed the same routine as always, no breakfast, looking in the mirror and point out every flaw, take a shower, get changed and finally doing whatever it was he was going to do that day except this day was monday. so he wasn't going out, he was going to to the place that caused him most of his misery, school.
he headed downstairs and his mom didn't ask or say anything to him as he walked out the door. dan didn't think much of it because he was used to it by now. he was a waste of money, i mean he had to take therapy when it didn't help at all. secondly he wasted his mother's money by throwing up the food she made. so yes, he was a waste of money and space. as he walked to his school his thoughts soon over took him and he was sinking again, as if he was an anchor in an ocean. about ten minutes passed when dan finally arrived at school.
as he walked through the halls the one thing he thought of was what peej had said to him the other day. was he right? no he can't be you're not skinny at all he thought. peej was wrong. dan headed to his homeroom class where it wasn't as bad as his other classes, sure people snickered a few comments about him such as fag and ugly but other than that it was better than his other classes.
after homeroom he headed to his next class which was math and after math he had gym. gym was the worst class he had most times he would skip the class by going to the nurse or making up an excuse. this time though he was sorta forced to attend due to the fact that his grade in gym was low. unlike the others who changed among each other dan changed in the bathroom stall. he couldn't bare the thought of having someone else besides himself look at him or more so his body in disgust.
instead of wearing shorts like the others he wore sweatpants that were a bit oversized for him. he also wore a plain white t-shirt. after he was done changing he made sure no one else was in the lockeroom. once it was just him he walked back into the bathroom stall, making sure to close the stall. dan then started getting onto his knees. both his hands on the lid of the porcelain toilet.
he was going to do it but his plans were soon changed when he heard footsteps.
when he heard the footsteps getting closer he immediatly got up. he couldn't get caught because he knew surely he was going to end up in the hospital. so he opened the bathroom stall and started washing his hands. you can't do anything right his thoughts said as the cold water fell onto his warm hands.
dan heard the footsteps getting closer.
he then felt someone put there hand on his shoulder. he turned around to face his gym teacher.
"howell, get on the field already"
"okay sir" he said in a barely audioable tone but his gym teacher just nodded and started pointing dan towards the exit as if he didn't know.
dan was walking towards the field and luckily the students that were in this class didn't pay attention to him. he didn't have to worry about anyone trying to do something to him because he was basically invisible to them.
the gym teachers started instructing everyone about the various excersises. excersise. dan didn't mind it because it kept him from not thinking about food. although he did need food somehow excersise distracted his urges for it and he was getting used to this feeling. after thirty minutes of different excersies and sweat gym was soon over.
_
lunch wasn't that bad because he decided to go to the libary. in the liabary he didn't have to worry about eating or consuming any calories. the libary was quiet and nobody there said anything to him so he basically had his own space for thirty minutes.
after lunch was over he headed quickly to his art class. dan figured that the earlier he came the less pain he'd have to feel from the stares and laughs of the others behind him as he walked the hallways. dan had made it first and he sat in his seat located all the way in the back he slumped in his chair and soon the only and only phil had walked in. phil didn't dare look at dan but that didn't suprise dan it seemed as if these days everyone couldn't look at him.
dan watched as phil acted as if he wasn't here throughout the class. the same events as the last class reoccured and that didn't suprise dan either.
it was when class ended, dan and phil were still in the class and they both seemed to know why. thats when dan began walking out the door till he felt a hand on his wrist an turned around to face phil.
"dan we need to talk, okay?"
"why"
"dan you know why we need to talk" phil told dan as he took his interwined his hand with dan's totally ignorning the fact that dan's cheeks were now a fiery shade of pink instead of the cool tan.
"p-phil were are we going?" dan asked confused but intrigued.
"my house if that's okay with you?"
"y-yeah it's okay" dan muttered as his thoughts soon kicked in. all these walking is going to help you lost weight which is what a fat pig like you needs, to lose weight.
it must have been something about the look on his face because phil soon stopped and looked at dan. "what's wrong?" he asked him with a tone of ??
"n-nothing" dan said trying to ignore phil's eyes looking at him worridly.
"dan were going to talk about this right when we get home, i want you to tell me what's wrong that's all" phil said as he started to walk and dan didn't reply this time. phil just sighed and kept walking, while still holding dan's hand.
he hates you now and it's all your fault.
"i care so much about you dan how do i show you that i really do?" then they got silent again until they both looked up. now they were face to face.
dan was staring at phil's bright blue eyes as phil stared at his brown eyes. they were both so close to each other that they were breathing the same air.
dan imagined how it would feel to just kiss phil if it was even for a second and little did he know phil was thinking the same thing. they were breathes away until phil got closer and dan started breathing heavily, phil was so close. phil's pink lips hovered over dan's lips but the door opened and there stood peej.
"peej" phil yelled out.
peej smirked. "what?"
"nothing, what are you doing here?"
peej paused. "i need to talk to both of you but especially to dan"
this lead to dan getting anxious what did he want to talk to dan about? and also was phil going to kiss him earlier?
he shook his thoughts off.
now they were all seating across from each other on the carpet that scattered phil's plain floor. they were all silent for a while until peej spoke up as he turned to face dan.
"dan, you need help" he said blankly and phil didn't say anything his face went blank. dan didn't know what to say. what the hell were you supposed to say to someone when they tell you that you need help?
"w-what do you mean help?"
he paused. "dan you have an eating disorder i want you to get better"
"i d-dont have one" i don't have one. i don't. dan thought to himself as the othee two in the room began to worry for him.
this time phil spoke. "dan please listen to peej, we just want to help you" his tone was soft. dan didn't know how to reply. everything was happening so quick. he didn't need help. did he? no. he was fine.
"phil i'm fine i don't need help"
"dan please listen to us we want you to get better, okay?"
"stop talking to me like i'm five"
"then listen to us" peej yelled out which quickly got the attention of both dan and even phil.
"ok" dan muttered.
"dan, do you eat often on a daily basis?" phil asked him.
"yes" dan lied. he rarely ate. dan had forgotten the taste of food or more like the feeling of eating food in general. as he looked down and fiddeled with his fingers phil could tell. phil could tell dan didn't eat anymore and actually it wasn't about food anymore it was deeper than that, it was the fact that dan had an issue not an issue but a problem with his body image, yet he didn't know that.
"dan don't lie to us please, i want to help you" phil pleaded as he had a look of concern on his face. dan wished he could believe him but how could he? how could you believe people when all your life all they ever did was lie and break your heart.
"i d-don't" dan whispered as he looked down and felt tears start to form on the edges on his eyes. phil noticed. peej on the other side was trying to get to the point.
"dan don't do that, okay? it will get better you just need to understand you have to try to eat but a little at a time"
dan looked up and started at phil in the eyes "do you not understand, i can't it's not that easy i'm tired of everyone telling me to fucking eat and i just can't"
before phil and peej could speak he took a breathe and started talking about "if you're wondering why i can't i'll tell you, whenever i see food i see calories and my thoughts tell me that i'm a piece of shit and i don't deserve to eat"
before peej and phil said anything said anything dan started getting up. "that's all you guys wanted to know so i guess i'll be leaving now"
"no dan stop" both peej and phil said in sync.
"we didn't know it was that hard i'm sorry about the other day, can you at least try for us just a tiny bit each day" peej said looking at dan in the eyes and meaning every word that left his mouth.
"i guess" dan replied but that didn't stop the other too from removing the look of concern and pity on there faces.
"dan i'm sorry about the way i've treated you for the past weeks you deserve better people in your life" phil said while staring straight at dan.
he was right. he was ignoring dan but then again he also tried helping me, tried. what was dan thinking? sure phil ignored him for a while but lets be real phil was the only one who talked to dan and made him feel like a normal person.
"n-no you deserve better" dan spoke. i deserve no one i mean who cares about someone like me, he thought.
before phil could respond to the broken boy in front of him peej spoke up "dan if you're going to get better you need to understand that you're a great person"
"and also you're amazing and special and you really mean a lot to me" phil added to what peej said causing a small smile to appear on dan's face. they cared maybe it was just at this moment but they really seemed to care about him.
"thank you guys i'll try to get better for you guys" i wont get better.
"dan get better for yourself because you're the only person that can get better because sure we can help you but you really are the only person that can make a difference in your own life" phil said.
dan nodded. "thank you guys really" dan didn't know why he was thanking them when in reality deep down he didn't think he wouldn't be able to eat every single day even if it was only a little.
"okay so now that i'm here lets have some fun" peej said as he turned his gaze towards the video games.
"let's play mario cart" phil mentioned and both dan and peej nodded. as they began to play the game dan just smiled a full on smile because phil and peej made him like he was doing okay. when in reality he wasn't his life wasn't the best and his health sure wasn't but for some reason they made all that go away. for once he actually had, people that made him feel happy those people were his, friends phil and peej.
_
this isnt edited because its 1am but because i haven't updated in a while i hope this makes up for it also THIS FIC GOT 11K READS ?? THANK YOU GUYS ALSO I LOVE ALL YOUR COMMENTS, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING !