What if?
What if things will become good again? What if us coming back together is a sign that things can become good again? What if this is just the beginning of our true healing? What if eventually we will be fully healed and I will no longer ask what if, no longer expect the worst? For now, asking what if is what keeps me sane.
What if? What if? What if...
---
The sunlight seeping through the thin curtains highlight his blond hair as I run my fingers through it. His face is inches from mine, his quite and slow breath against my face as my fingers brush his hair. His face is peaceful as he sleeps, his arms stay locked around me despite him sleeping and his grip remains not painfully strong but firm. As if he's afraid of me leaving, afraid if he lets go then I will be gone. It's another curse put upon us after the games and the rebellion. Being split up after the quell we have learned enough to hold on tight once retrieving each other, to never let go. To protect each other. And though all is peaceful now that vow to protect each other remains. It's a curse as well as a gift. It means we stand by each other in all situations but we also fear that in stepping back to leave someone independent that we will Pay the price. After a while he moans softly, moving as he slowly wakes up. His eyes then flutter open and his familiar blue iris' look into mine. He says in a whisper
"Good morning"
I smile. I feel his fingers lock in mine under the bedsheets between us as I reply
"Good morning"
For a minute he just looks at me in silence. It's as if he's examining every part of my face. Every wrinkle, every scar, every cut, every freckle, every eyelash, every eyebrow hair, everything my face possess. Every ugly part of me, every part he tells me is beautiful, every scar that tells me I'll never escape the past. Take it in Peeta. Take in every part and finally realise it's not the beautiful face you envision. But he won't ever see that. He will always see me as beautiful, as imperfectly perfect. And that's why I love him. His finger strokes my cheek, moving slowly until reaching my chin and whispering
"Beautiful"
He guides my face toward his, our lips crashing together. Once we pull away my smile has grown considerably. I whisper to him, my lips still tingling from his touch
"I just never thought I'd wake up to you beside me again"
I meet his eyes. They lure me to him once more and our lips reconnect and once again my body is engulfed with the amazing sensation of his lips joining mine.
---
"Door Mummy!!!"
Sophie yells, her mouth full of cereal causing me to laugh. I tell her
"Okay!"
Peeta sits beside her, dabbing her chin with a laugh as she spills more milk over it. I walk to the hall and open the door to find Gracie. She greets me with a hug, talking so quickly I can't process all she's saying only picking up some words of congratulations on us getting back together. I allow her to step in and Sophie runs into her arms almost straight away. Gracie embraces her and picks her up into her arms, whispering something in her ear I can't quite catch. Sophie nods in response, climbing down from her arms and running out of the room before I can even ask her. I turn to Peeta who asks Gracie
"What are you doing here?"
He doesn't sound surprised just curious. She replies
"I thought me and Sophie could have a girls day out. And you two could you know, catch up"
She winks causing me to laugh. Peeta grins and then turns to me and with a questioning look
"You okay with that?"
I turn to Gracie and say
"Free babysitting, sure why not?"
She beams as she exclaims
"Brilliant!"
Sophie comes down the stairs a few minutes later with her small backpack on her back and a snapback hat she got for her birthday. I hug her tight before letting her go, she's anxious and excited to go out for once so she hurried me. I laughed at this and waved goodbye until the door was shut between us and them. Once they were gone Peeta and I stand in our same positions for a moment before going back to the kitchen. He washes the dishes and passes them to me as I dry them and place them in the cupboard. My arm is out of its sling since last night but my shoulder pain isn't as bad so I didn't bother to put it back on this morning. As I place a plate in the cupboard behind me Peeta says casually
"What do you want for dinner?"
When Gracie offered to mind Sophie for the day I think she was doing it to let us alone, to catch up and spend quality time alone with each other. That isn't as easy done as it sounds. We haven't really talked much, once again avoiding talking about my injuries, hospital visits and more. I don't want him to feel a bit guilty, I don't want him to run out on me out of guilt. I shrug my shoulders and cleaning a glass in my hand I reply
"I don't mind really"
He nods, his face showing that he's thinking as he scrubs the dishes and then suggests
"I could make pizza"
I nod and reply
"That sounds good"
That's the last thing said for the next hour.
---
Peeta kneads the dough beside me as I chop up the ham into small pieces for sprinkling over it. At one point he's passing by with the flour packet when part of it spills out onto my apron when walking past. He apologises but I shrug it off. A few minutes later I decide that I need a tiny bit of revenge. I walk over to the cupboard and reaching my hand into the packet pull out a fist full of flour. I walk up behind him then quickly hit the flour to the back of his head, sprinkling his blond strands of hair in the powdery flour. he turns to me slowly, a massive grin across his face. He strokes my hair softly with his fingers and then I hear a 'crack' as he pours the gooey insides of an egg upon my head. Then the food war begins.
One hour later we are sitting on the floor, backs against the cupboards and our hearty laughs filling the room. I have nearly all the ingredients coated onto me, flour on my arms, egg in my hair. The list goes on, in basic terms we are both destroyed. I turn to him, my cheek against the cold wood of the cupboard as I look into his eyes once he faces me. I smile, he reflects this upon his own face. His blue eyes sparkle in the sunlight as his lips approach mine and eventually collide. My mouth is greeted with a taste of flour but I hesitate to pull away. We stay like this for a long time until we are forced to get up and clean up the mess we created. Peeta goes for a shower as he got a lot more destroyed than I did. I simply change clothes and tie up my hair, knowing Sophie will be back soon and I won't get to shower for at least an hour. The flour was only visible on my clothes luckily and although my hair looks very greasy from the egg yolk I know I can manage.
Peeta comes down after a bit, his hair wet and his skin shiny clean. He wears clean clothes and beams a smile. I'm almost jealous as I smell the egg off my hair. Sophie arrives with Gracie over an hour later, immediately running to the garden before we can greet her. Gracie talks to us for a moment then stops and pulls a curious face. A few minutes later she asks
"What's in your hair?"
She points to a strand which only now do I notice is fully white in flour. I glance at Peeta then we burst out laughing leaving poor Gracie standing before us with a look of confusion on her face.
It's not long after Gracie's gone to we find out Gracie bought her a plant. A beautiful flower in which Sophie puts in a pot in the back garden. As Peeta and I helped her take it out from is previous plastic pot I find a small note with written on it
'For when she's gone, to remember her always. Xxx Gracie'
I smile, showing Peeta the note. The pizza was never made, we settled for a takeaway one from the pizzeria from in the centre of town. Once Sophie is asleep that night I continued to clean the kitchen as Peeta sits out on the decking, drawing the delicate flower and the starry background behind it.