It's three in the morning and I can't get any sleep.
I can't stop thinking about what Albert said 'It's not like I've ever fucked her or something!'
I can't believe he said that. How can he be so insensitive?
I look at my phone over and over again hoping to receive a text from him. Nothing. All I see is the number of minutes increasing and the sentence 'Slide to Unlock' glistening on the screen.
I'm staring at the ceiling trying to get bored enough and eventually fall asleep.
Like William Shakespeare once said,
'So full of artless jealousy is guilt, it spills itself is fearing to be spilt.'
I know I'm jealous of Alice. I bet she's beautiful and better looking than me. I know that Albert said he never loved her but during my whole life I always believed that if something is too good to be true it's because it is. Maybe Albert is too good to be true and that's why I'm afraid of losing him.
I'm so tired of playing these games with my head.
I give up of begging my sleep to come and grab my old example of '
Romeo & Juliet.
I underline the quote, My Bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have for both are infinite. from the Act. 2, scene 2.
I'm bonded to Albert somehow. Especially when I'm reading this book. It's like I can feel him near me. Not just in my mind but actually next to me physically. I sound like Juliet's nurse..
I grab my phone and I've got a new text. Anxiety and excitement grows in my stomach and my heart is racing inside my chest.
I look to the name on my phone screen and disappointment seems to destroy the last light of hope that Albert would actually miss me enough to send me a text.
*Hi Emily! I know it's very late and I'm sorry to bother you but I'm searching for a gift for Sophia on the internet, and James told me you two were kind of best friends so I thought you could help me out*
I read the text and my mouth falls open. Andrew is going to the party? How? How can he possibly know Sophia? Is he a friend of James?
*Hello Andrew, You're not bothering me. I did not know you were attending Sophia's birthday party. Why don't you go for a fragrance? I believe she likes that kind of stuff. Xx*
I type and send him. If he decides to show up at the party, I don't even want to imagine what reaction Albert will have.
I shake my head to shove all the images formed in my mind about Albert beating on Andrew and decide to open the text glistening on my screen.
*Yes, I'm going! I'm an old friend of James and he invited me. He did mentioned your name so how I could possible say no? :) How are you?*
Oh no. He is really going to the party. Well, he can do whatever he wants. Albert needs to stop being immature and jealous. Andrew is very sweet, I wish Albert could understand that Andrew likes me as a friend and nothing more.
I shortly answer him and toss my phone to the pillow standing on the other side of my bed.
I close my eyes trying to erase all the thoughts that are spinning inside my head.
**
It's 10 A.M. Today is Sophia's birthday party and I couldn't be more nervous.
I don't even know how my situation with Albert is.. after our 'little' fight yesterday at his house we didn't speak to each other so probably I will end up on my bed with my old example of Romeo & Juliet or probably just watching The Ring or The Conjuring for the tenth time while eating popcorns.
I get up from my bed and take a long shower. I dip my face into the water to try to wipe all the thoughts that keep messing up with my head.
Honestly, if Albert doesn't speak to me all day, I'm not going. Or maybe I am, because this party is about Sophia not about Albert.
I grab my KATE MOSS AND SOME PIZZA SLICES sweatshirt and my jeans that stays just above my ankle. I put my white converse on and let my hair down.
I need to breathe some fresh air and the fact that today is a slightly cold air mixtured with rain makes me think straight.
I catch a train to Carnaby Street. I love it there. I used to shop here with my mum after heading to Oxford Street.
I buy a 'Double Chocolate Ship' on Starbucks and head to my wonderwall, the London Library.
As I walk inside I instantly feel the smell of old books what makes me love this place a bit more every time I come here.
I walk to my usual spot and lay my books on the table next to an enormous shelf that makes me feel isolated from the rest of the world. Just what I need right now.
**
"Miss, we're closing in five minutes." A female's voice interrupts my reading.
I instantly look at the window and the sky is painted with a dark gray shadow. I look at my watch with panic floating through my eyes.
It's 7 P.M. Oh no. Sophia is going to kill me.
"Okay, thank you." I smile grabbing my books.
I don't have time to wait for a train so I just take the bus instead.
I really don't like to hear people talking about their personal lifes, that's just so obnoxiously nosey, so I just put my phones on.
The 1975 pours into my ears as I watch the drops of rain rolling down the window.
The music stops as the name 'Sophia' appears on the screen.
"Hello?"
"Emily! Where the heck are you?!" Sophia yells through the phone.
"I'm on the bus on my way to Primrose Hill." I calmly say.
"You took the bus?" Sophia asks with a surprised tone.
"Yeah.. I didn't have time to take the train and I know that I'm late for James's party.."
"Yes! You are! What have you been doing the whole afternoon?"
"I've been studying." I say.
"Ems, I wanted to call you so you could come to my house and we can go together to the party."
"I don't know if I'm still going, Soph.."
"WHAT?! You must! What happened?!"
"Nothing.. I'm just not really in the mood for parties with loud music and a lot of people around me.."
"Okay what the fuck did you do?" I hear Sophia saying like she's speaking from a distance from the speaker phone.
"Albert is there with you?" I ask. He didn't talk to me all day.
"Yes, he is. That prick is tossed on my damn couch watching A 1000 ways to die." Sophia says and even without seeing her I know she's shaking her head.
"Well, I'm not going." He spent his whole day watching tv? He could have sent me a text and he didn't so I'm not going.
"Please you have to come! For me! Please!" I hear Sophia begging through the phone and I know that if I was with her she would be grabbing my arm begging me to go.
I almost forget that the party was for Sophia. Shit.
"Fine. I'll go." I huff.
"Thank you, Ems! See ya!" Sophia says and I hang off the phone.
I finally let go a huge breath that I didn't even know I was holding.
Albert is watching TV. I know he's angry with me, I just don't understand why.. I do feel some sort of tension between us now that we fought yesterday but this is a little too much.
As I enter in my room I lay my dress on my bed. Probably Albert isn't going to the party.. it's like I don't have anyone to impress, dressing myself like this. I'd rather go with my sweatshirt and my jeans but I'll do it for Sophia.
I take a quick shower and grab my dress. It fits exactly like it fitted when I tried it on the store.
I make a braid with my hair laying it on my right shoulder. I curl just the stresses of my old bang and the end of the braid.
I decide to put some concealer and just a little nude lipgloss and finally grab my white Mulberry satchel and I'm ready to go to that bloody party.
As I arrived to Sophia's house she's already outside.
"Ems, you're stunning!" Sophia says pulling me into a short hug.
"Thank you, you too," I blush.
"James is here at any moment.." Sophia says.
"Where's Albert?" I ask in a lower voice.
"He left to pick up a friend, I think.." Sophia says looking at her phone.
"A friend?" I can't believe that he didn't offer to pick me up. I bet this friend Sophia has mentioned is Alice.
"Yes, I don't know if it was Alice on the phone.." Sophia says.
"He called her?" I gasp.
"No, at least I heard his phone ringing.." Sophia looks at me.
If he did call her, I'm done.
I feel my phone vibrating inside my satchel.
It's Andrew.
*Hi beautiful! My dad is taking me to the party. Do you need a ride?*
*Hello, no thank you.* I reply. It's weird when he treats me like this.
I'm not really in the mood for small talk. I know Andrew is just trying to be polite but this subject called 'Alice' just makes this twist of jealousy bigger and bigger.
James arrives with a friend that seems to be a lot older than he already is, he stares at me in the most awkwardly way possible. I've should stayed home.
I sit on the back with Sophia and I constantly see the creepy guy looking at me throught the review mirror and what hurts me the most is that if Albert were here, this guy would never look at me because of the death glare Albert would give him. I even chuckle at some rude remark I know Albert would snap at him. Gosh, I miss him.
As we pull out of the car, Sophia holds my arm and I welcome her comforting gesture.
James's house is enormous. As he enter in the hallway a lot of teenagers are drinking by the ponche. All I see is red plastic cups and a lot of pizza boxes.
The music is as louder as I thought it would be. Some of the people are dancing wildly and drinking.
This is hell. Literally.
I'm searching for all the faces in the room. It's too many people around me and some of them are staring at us. This is too much attention and I'm starting to feel dizzy.
"Emily!" I hear a familiar voice approaching to me.
"Hi, Andrew," I'm actually relieved to see a familiar face.
"Are you okay?" Andrew asks laying his hand on my shoulder.
"Yes, I'm okay."
"You're shaking. Are you nervous or something?" He asks protectively approaching to me.
"Nope, I'm okay." I give him a small smile.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"You don't need to be scared, Emily, I'm here." Andrew says gently squeezing my shoulder.
Oh how I wish I could hear those words from Albert and not from Andrew.
"Come with me, let's go grab you a drink." Andrew says and I follow him to the centre of the living room.
There are so many people here that we barely can walk. It's suffocating.
"I've got something for us," Andrew holds up the bottle of vodka in his hands, shaking it playfully and a grin spread across his face.
"Oh I don't drink." I tell him and he smiles.
"Just take a sip. It's really good. Just try it,"
"I don't think that's a good idea.."
"Come on, live a little, it's just a sip."
He hands me a red plastic cup with some white liquid.
"It has lemon juice on it," he smiles and I nod taking a small gulp. The flavour it's really refreshing and it feels good.
"Thank you," I smile and he chuckles.
I look at the door to see where Sophia is in the middle of all these people when I spot a curly hair from a distance. It's him.
My twist of anxiety is boiling inside of me when I see Albert next to the door. Next to him I see a shorter girl, the girl, Alice. Oh My Gosh, he brought her instead of me.
She's beautiful, extremely beautiful. I can see the bright blue hue of her eyes from here what makes her even more beautiful. I'm almost too distract by my growing jealousy to notice that Albert is dressed in a dark blue button down shirt. He looks so handsome.