The class is over and I don't know what I'm really feeling. I think I'm mostly upset he kept Alice as a secret. Why is she a secret? I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him just yet but I know I won't be able to focus on my Ancient Greece essay until I hear his side of the story.
"Well, I'm going to find James so you two can talk. Albert don't fuck up this time." Sophia says and Albert mouths to her the words Fuck You to what she rudely responds with her finger.
"Emily, I'm sorry- I -"
"You're sorry for what exactly?"
"For not telling you about Alice. I didn't want to keep her as a secret because she doesn't worth a to be considered one. She used to me a friend of mine for four years."
"But did you date her?"
"We kissed once and she liked me and I thought we could hang out together sometimes, mainly when I would say so."
"Oh so you used her?" I feel an odd feeling inside of my chest. I'm disappointed.
"I did. I know it sucks but I was a fuck up before I met you. But I assure you that I never felt what I feel for you, I never feel the things that I feel when I kiss you, I never feel the need to hold her and feel her on my arms. To feel her breathing or all the things that I want to do everyone I'm near you."
"But did you trust her like you trust me?" I'm relieved that Albert is pointing out that he loves me more but this is about trust.
"No. I mean, she knows about my dad but not about my problem. Only you and my mum do."
I have more questions popping on my mind. I would like to know if she used to hold him when he was scared at night and missing his father. I would like to know if she was in love with me and if she ever told him she loved him.
"Okay, so why did you never mentioned her?"
"Because I didn't think she was important for me to talk about with you. I feel Albert approaching to me as the usual heat starts to collide against my skin.
"How does Sophia know about her?"
"James probably told her."
"And do you keep talking to her?"
"Yes, sometimes.." Albert answers meeting my eyes. Now I feel a pinch of what its called jealousy.
"Oh.. So you are like best friends then?" I ask. What I mean is 'Do you still have feelings for her?' but I don't want to look worried or too insecure of what he feels for me even if I know I always do inside.
"She's a friend." He nonchalantly shrugs.
"When did you two meet?" My curiosity /jealousy is taking the best of me.
"We were on the same class this semester but then I changed classes remember?" He gives me a knowing smile and I nod.
How could I not remember? I was so nervous when he seated next to me.. I was blushing all the time with the thought that I would be able to talk to him often and look at him by the corner of my eye.
"Are we okay?" Albert asks running his roots with his fingers. His curls are so perfectly waved on the top of his head.. It's so entertaining and attractive to watch..
"Yes," I answer looking at his shoes to hide my blushed cheeks.
"I love you, Emily."Albert says pulling me closer to him while cupping my red cheeks with his soft hands.
"I love you too, Albert," I say in a lower voice as he leans down to kiss me.
I close my eyes as I feel the touch of his lips on mine.
It's weird to think that I'm not the first girl he kissed.. He's really good looking so I already knew I wasn't his first. But he's the first guy that I trully ever liked in my whole life, not just the one that I found interesting, but the only one I felt myself falling for.
He breaks the kiss meeting my eyes.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
"Nothing." I lie. I don't want to look like I'm jealous of Alice. I just want to see how she looks like. If she's tall like him, if she's sportive and healthy, if she's shorter than me, skinny or breathtakingly beautiful..?
My insecurity is taking the best of me and I can't fight the fact that Albert is completely out of my league, even if Sophia says the opposite.
"Love, I think I know you enough to understand when you're lying.." Albert smiles rubbing his noise against mine.
"Nothing, really. I'm okay!" I try to make my best smile to convince him.
"Look, if you're jealous of-"
"I'm not jealous!" I abruptly interrupt him.
"Okay, but if you were.. I want you to know that Alice is a friend of mine and she likes me as a friend, okay? I don't give a shit actually."
He plants a kiss on my forehead and wraps his arms around my waist.
"Do you want to meet her?" Albert asks me meeting my eyes and I'm terribly surprised.
Did he just ask me to meet the girl he dated before me?
"Albert, I don't know if I want to meet your ex-girlfriend," I say repeating his words on my mind.
"She's not my ex-girlfriend, fuck! I never had a girlfriend until you, remember?" Albert snaps widening the grip between us.
"You two kissed," I point out and he rolls his eyes.
"So? That's doesn't mean we were dating, Emily,"
"Yeah, I know." I look down without having anything to say.
"But why did you kiss her then? Why would you give her expectations and hopes by kissing her back?"
"I don't know. I was fucking angry with God and with the world generally and I literally hated everyone. I needed to have a distraction. We only used to kiss, that's all."
"When did you stop.. um.. kissing her exactly?" I ask with my heart hammering on my chest. I didn't think Albert was the type of guy that would use girls just for his own pleasure. I didn't know that side of his. I thought I never would.
"When I met you." He tells me and meets my eyes with his intense brown ones.