It has now been 7 days since the funeral and 13 days since Hanna past away. It's been 13 days since the last time I saw my best friend. 14 days since I saw her smile, or even talked to her. That's about 336 hours. 336 fucking hours since I last talked to my bestfriend. The last few days has been a mess. I haven't been to school. I've laid in my bed, all day long, crying. I haven't ate much. Just the pieces Niall forced me to swollow. Niall's been amazing. He have laid with me every night. Just holding around me. He put on a patch over my scars. Forced me to promise him to never ever do it again. Then he have kissed the patch. He has swiped every tear that have run down my face away. My mum has been crying a lot too. She has been holding around me when Niall had to go out. I've finally realized how much my mother really means to me. I haven't talked to Selena as much as I should. We have just talked on the phone every night before I get to sleep, telling each other that we love each other.
Zayn is out of town. Niall told me he will not go to jail like I hoped. He had to pay a lot of money and thats not a problem since Zayns parents is very rich. He took a flight straight to London after the court. And to be honest I hope I never have to see his face again.
I haven't had courage to answer my phone everytime someone has called me. I've got a few text where it all stands the same "eveything will be fine" No. Everything will not be fine. I've lost my best friend. I haven't had the courage to visited Hannas grave. I can't handle that right now. I've got some from Liam too. He is really suportive.
"Princess eat this" Niall came in the door. I was laying on my bed staring in the roof.
I nodd my head in protest. "I'm not hungry" I say.
"You have to eat a little. Do it for me" He says and sit down on the bed. He had a plate with chicken and rice. My favorite.
He take the fork up to my mouth. I open it and swallow the food. My stomack was hurting and I felt like puking. He take another one up to my mouth and I swallow it. I am so hungry. Niall put the plate on the table before he take his hands around me.
"I need to go to the bathroom" I say and walk over to the bathroom. Niall sit still and stare on me.
I close the door, but I don't lock it. I stare in the mirror. My hair is in a messy ponytail. My face is all white and I've been wearing the same shirt for 4 days. I stare at my reflection before I break down and cry. Niall storms inn the door. He takes is arms around me before we sit down. I lay on his lap. He held his arms hard around me. He kiss me on my cheek. He dosen't say a word. That's the best thing. That he dosen't need to say anything. He just is there everytime I need him. With his arms, and little kisses.
"I'm sorry" I say in the middle of the crying.
"Don't be" He says. "We will get through this. I promise. And I'll be here. Even if it take years".
"Thank you" I say.
"Come with me" He swipe away my tears
"Where" I say.
"Just come with me and I'll prmoise you things will get better. Trust me" He stare in my eyes. I nodd my head before I stand up.
-
I stare out the window the whole time. Niall held his hand on my thigh. He only let go when he had to change provides. It was dark outside and the sky was covered with clouds. He stopped the car at a little road. I turned my head around and saw the cemetry.
"No" I yell and tears start tearing up in my eyes.
"Jennifer look at me" Niall said and hold on my shoulders.
I stare in his eyes while tears run down my face.
"You need to do this. Even if it is only for 30 secounds. You need to say good bye" He say.
"But I don't want to sat good bye" I lay my head over and he takes around me. He stroked his hand over my back a couple times. I cry out loud. Gosh I am so tierd. He kiss me on my forehead.
I open the door carefully and walk out. My feets hurt. My whole body is shaking. I take short steps, before I knew I stand infront of her tombstone. It has a picture of her on it from when she was little. She is smiling.
Hanna Johnson May, 13 1993 - June, 13 2013. Rest in piece angel.
The grave is full of flowers and candles. I sit down beside it. I'm not crying. I take my hands around my knees to comfort myself. I sit there for about 15 minutes just thinking. Niall came behind me ligthing a candle. I stand up and take his hand. We stand there for a while. He hugs around me before he turn around and walks back to the car.
"I love you" I say to Hanna. Before I run after Niall.
I sit still the whole time. All this silence is breaking me. I cry out. I lay my head on the car-window. I crawled my body together. I've got to a point where I don't have more tears again. Or that's what it feels like.
-
"Thank you" I say to Niall and kiss his lips. He takes his arms around my waist and smile. I've missed his smile. I haven't seen it in 13 days. A tear run down his eye. A single tear. He is so strong.
I lay down in the bed. Niall walks into the bathroom. I hear the water starts running. I roll my body over so I am laying on the side.. I close my eyes and fell a sleep.
The wind blows over something on the floor. I almost jump out of bed. I stand up and close the window. The weather is terrible. I stare on Niall. He is laying so piecefully on the bed. He almost takes all of the space, like he always does.
"Come here princess" He says and take his hands up.
I lay down with him. He takes his arm around me and dreg my body closer to his. I feel is warm breath in my neck. I turn around and stare on his face. He struggle to open his eyes. He holds them a little open.
"How you feeling" He asks.
"Hungry" I say. I haven't felt the feeling "hungry" on days. It feels good. Too good.
He close his eyes again. "Cuddle a bit with me first" He says. I kiss his nose before I close my eyes.
"Babe wake up. I've made breakfast" I sit up in the bed. I must have fallen a sleep again.
He put the big plate on my lap. He sit down beside me.
"Youghurt" He says.
"Thank you" I say and take a bite.
"Anything"
"Can we do something today" I ask.
Nialls face lights up.
Nialls Pov;
"Can we do something to day" Jen asks..
I don't know if it's the fact that seeing her wan't to do something makes my face lights up, or her beautiful face. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Seeing the people you care about go threw something like that is fucking hard. Going threw it yourself at the same time. I've lost my ex,. A girl I really cared about even if it dosen't seem like it.
I've cried a lot. More than I would imagine if someone had told me Hanna was dead. I've tried keeping my head straight for Jennifer, but I'll tell you it's so fucking hard. Somedays harder then others.
Today seems like one of those good days. I've slept good, and so has Jen. I can tell by her eyes and face. She is not all white, and her eyes are not grey.
"What if we go back to my place for a while" I asks and drink the last juice in my glass.
"Sure. I need to change first" She says and get out of bed.
God she is so beautiful. Her blond long hair, and blue eyes. I put the plates on the table and put my shirt on before I walk after her on the bathroom.
She is trying to take her patch off.
"Let me help you with that" I say. I try act the best I can but seeing someone hurt themself is one hell of a look. You just feel like you wan't to take eveything that is sharpen in the house and throw it away.
I take the patch carefully off. The scars is red but they seem to get better. I put on a new patch and kiss it.
-
"Hello Harry" I yell and open the door. I haven't seen him in 2 days.
"I'm in here" He yells from the kitchen.
I take Jennifers hand and walk with her in there. Harrys eyes got quite shocked by seeing here. He jumpes off the chair and walk up to her and hug her.
He is hugging her for a long time. "I'm here if you need anything" He says.
"Thank you Harry. That is really nice of you" Jen says.
I sit down by the table. Jen sits beside me.
"Louis is coming over now. I can tell him not to if you don't want to" Harry says to Jen.
"No that's fine" She says. I put my hand on her back to comfort her.
Louis storms in the door like he always does.
"Thats one hell of a weather" He yells. It's dripping water from his hair.
"Oh hey mate" He says and hug me. I hug him back.
"Hello beautiful" He says and hug Jen. I knew he only say it to be nice, so I don't really give a shit.
"Hey Louis" She says.
I stand up to get some food from the fridge. Why am I always hungry. I walk fast and before I knew I am laying on the floor.
"Wopsi sorry bro" Louis says with angel face.
I look over at Jennifer. She is laughing. She is laughing for the first time. Her beautiful face is lighting up. I can still tell by her eyes that she is not okay, but she is on a good way to be. It's so good hearing her laugh again. I've missed it.
Harry is rolling on the floor laughing. "Shut up" I yell and get up.
My phone is vibrating. It's my mum.
"Hello" I say.
.....
"Who was it" Harry asks.
"My mum" I say.
"Ohh Mrs. Horan. It's been so long since the last time I saw her" Harry says.
"She said she is coming over" I say. I have a really good relationship with my mum. I talk to her almost eveyday, and she is the only women threw life I've had respect for. So it's good she is coming when things are tough.
Jennifer looks at me and smiles. "Aw" she says.
Harry claps his hans. "Yes. Omg can't wait for her to cook for me".
"Oh yeah her food is absolutley delicious" Louis says.
"Can't wait to taste" Jen says.
"Lets watch a movie or something it's horrible weather" Louis suggest.
"Yes. Can we pleeease watch the holiday" Harry says.
"Hell no. Harry you watch that movie every other day" Louis says.
"And it's a christmas movie" I add.
"But...I love it" Harry says.
"Lets let Jennifer choose" Louis suggest. I nodd in agreement.
"Safe haven" She says.
"So girly" Louis says.
"Omg I love that movie" Harry says. I had to laugh at him. He is so wierd.