For the next three days I passed in and out of consciousness.I couldn't seem to keep anything down so even when Nella tried to get me to eat, I refused.
On the second day my temperature slowly started to decrease. I prayed I would be well enough to at least get on horseback to my kingdom.
I need to see my family. My homesickness was almost making me as ill as the infection. My tired body urns for my family and the familiar setting of home. Surly I can become well enough to ride on horseback to return home, and then I can rest further there.
On my third day after the infection spiked, I could stay awake long enough to talk to Nella.
When I woke up she was busying herself with apply my medicine and changing my bandages.
I watched her work with tired eyes. She moved with the grace of a dancer as she worked. Marygold may have claimed that talent, but Nella surely inherited the same grace.
When I first woke up my leg had felt blissfully numb feeling to it. I realize now that because she gave me so much medicine and painkillers I barely felt the full affect of what happened. I remind myself to thank her of this when I get the chance.
Nella brushes a strand of her loose hair out of her face as she finished rewrapping my bandages.
She hummed a soft song slightly out of tune, but it was quite endearing to listen to and sounded more beautiful then the angles voices to my ears, and then she glances up towards me.
"James!" She gasps, jumping back. "You scared the skies out of me!" She says, hitting my arm lightly.
I smile weakly, shifting on the pillows. "I'm sorry..." I say softly, blinking my eyes groggily, and a smile tugs at the corners of my lips.
She placed her hands on her hips, looking me up and down. "Well, you're looking much better, but you need to eat," she says, putting a hand on my forehead.
Her eyebrows scrunched together in dissatisfaction. "You still feel warm," She says as she takes out the thermometer from her basket.
I pull the blankets up to my chin. "But I'm... I'm freezing," I respond, and Nella rolls her eyes and smirks. "Well, let me take your temperature and I will get you some more blankets you big baby." Her teasing tone is light, but her eyes showed her wariness at my comment.
She placed the thermometer in my mouth, then went over and grabbed a blanket from under the dresser and put it onto the bed.
She sat down in a chair by my bedside as we waited for the thermometer. Occasionally she would tuck in a corner of the blankets, and I smile weakly up at her.
"I got you some crutches that could help while you learn to use your new foot," she says, dabbing my forehead with a cool cloth.
She takes the thermometer out and shakes her head. "One hundred. Better but still not good." She glances down at me with her lips pressed in a thin line. I reach up and carefully tuck her hair behind her ear so it's out of her eyes. She frowns, and I grin wider than I have in weeks.
"Don't... don't look so worried. I'm going to be fine," I say hoarsely, and smiling stupidly at the fact that she was worried about me.
Nella rolls her eyes and sits down on the end of the bed. "I'm not worried," she says quietly.
I slowly push myself up until I am in a sitting position, the effort made my stiff body groan. "Then why are-" I begin coughing, and Nella was with me in an instant, her hand on my shoulder to support me.
I look up between coughs. "Are too worried," I say with a smirk and continue coughing.
She rolls her eyes and hands me a glass of water. I gulp it down greedily and for the first time in three days I could actually keep it down.
I slowly laid back down, and leaned back into my pillow and realized that I was sweating suddenly.
Nella's eyes grow wide. "James, I think you fever is breaking!" She says with a bounce of excitement when she noticed the beads of spread.
I give her a small smile, knowing this small step meant mountains to her. I draw myself up straighter, taking pleasure in the simply ability to sit upright.
She places the cool towel on my forehead which made it easier to think. I close my eyes and take deep steady breaths and allow myself float in a moment of serenity.
"James...?"
My eyes flutter open and Nella stares down at me. She looked nervous, then mad at herself for being nervous.
"Yes?" I ask quietly. She twirls a strand of her golden hair nervously. "Well, since you're getting better and will be going back to your kingdom soon... I-I just wanted to know-"
"I love you," I interrupt suddenly.
She drops her curl and looks at me. For a moment, we said nothing and she just stared at me. I stared right back at her with a reflection of her own surprise.
Had I imagined the conversation she had with her sister? Is my breaking fever making my memory distorted?
She lets out a long breath that I didn't realize she was holding.
"You did mean it? When you were passing out. I thought you might have imagined hearing your sister or mum talking but..." Her eyes meet mine.
A month ago, I would have been terrified with myself to look into those eyes and say they were beautiful. To say that I love them and everything that comes with them.
They were the eyes of my enemy. A trait that all of them share. Now when I look at them I see the beauty in them. Those beautiful swirls of violet pull me into their depths like a tsunami wave and I can see the love reflecting in them as well.
"I..." She shakes her head. "I love you too," she says, and then her lips are on mine.
Time seems to freeze around me and the world stops spinning. All I can see and touch and focus on is the beautiful Waterwalker girl who's lips are on mine, and I know I want to be with her the rest of my life.
When we pull apart I don't want to let the warmth of her close to me leave. She looks at me breathlessly. Her cheeks flush to a rosy pink.
We held onto each other tightly, as if we were the only thing in the world that was real. "Come with me, Nella. Join my kingdom. My father is a loving king and is merciful. If he knew we wanted to be together he would allow you to stay," I plead her. "Please... I can't go without you."
Her eyes become distant, and she looks always. "James..." Her eyes don't meet mine again, and her lack of words answers my plea.
I nod, unable to hold back the wave of disappointment. I squeeze her hand lightly. "I understand. You have a family here, but please," I lift her chin up softly to meet my eyes. "Please, think about it," I beg.
She nods slowly, her eyes distracted. "I-I have to go back to the house..." She leans down and kisses my forehead, her lips linger above my skin and she pulls away. "Get some rest. I will see you in the morning and... I promise I will have a decision."
I squeeze her hand once again, her fingers slip from mine. "Okay," I croak, and watch her blonde waves disappear out the door.
It was not long after she left that I fell asleep, but my dreams didn't allow me to sleep restfully.
My nightmare started on a battlefield.
It was the same field on which first battle took place, and the night of my first kill.
The ground was littered with bodies, and I stumbled back when I saw their lifeless eyes staring into nothingness. The mist around me made everything creepy and eerie.
The sight of the bodies made my stomach toss, and I dropped to a knee. The mist seemed to suffocate me, and I clawed at my neck. My fingers rake my skin and come back bloodied and useless. "Someone..." I croak. "Help..." the plea was desperate but what else could I do? This smoke was killing me.
Then suddenly, there were figures in the distance.
My parents.
I stumbled forward, running towards them. "Mother, Father!" I gasp, but they stood still with no expression or acknowledgement of me being there.
When I went to touch Father's shoulder they disappeared as if made of mist itself.
I call out for them. Where have they gone? Why did they leave?
My eyes trail to the faces of the dead bodies littered around me and my blood turns cold.
In horror I realized that they are soldiers.
Fourteen at the youngest, and maybe twenty five at the oldest. They are Waterwalkers.
Every man I killed on battle lied at my feet. I almost couldn't breath.
Fifty six.
That's the number of how many I have killed.
Fifty six lives were silenced by my hands, and their ghosts haunt me day and night. Every night after a battle I come home with the fresh blood of more soldiers on my hands.
Just a boy following orders. Now I am staring at each of them.
They had families and lovers and lives that had to go on without them. Because I took their life on the battlefield.
"I'm sorry," I whisper over and over as if I could tell each individual corpse. Because in the end I too am just a soldier boy following orders.
I never wanted to kill. I wanted to defend my country and serve the people the best way I can, and that is the price I payed.
When I look up again I see the shimmering form of my brothers. Three curly haired redheads, and Charles's with his dark locks so similar to Ana's.
I push myself to walk towards them. My legs felt as if my bones themselves have turned to lead. "Augustus, Charles!" I stumble forward. "Philip, Alexander?" I call out.
When I finally reached them they faded away just like my parents. I can never get close enough to be with them.
"James," says a voice in what sounded like a whisper but echoed through the battlefield.
I turn in a full circle, searching for the source of the voice. Then suddenly, the shimmering form of Ana stood only a few feet away from me.
I didn't run towards her, afraid she would vanish like my parents and brothers.
She looked so beautiful that it seemed unearthly. As if she should be an angle. Her skin glowed like liquid bronze, her curls full of life bounced around her face.
"Ana..." I croak. She held up a hand. Wait.
"James, why did you leave me?" She asks in a faraway voice.
A tear traces down my cheek. "I didn't want to Ana, I am coming home," I respond.
She shakes her head. "You told me everything would be fine... Just like these soldiers told their loved ones, but here they are." She stares my way, her chocolate eyes beg for me, pleading me to come closer.
She reaches out towards me with open arms as if waiting for an embrace. She was welcoming me into her arms, and I wanted so badly to reach them.
"Will you end up like them? The unsaid promise of your return broken? Please James, I need you," she whispers, and a shimmering tear traces down her cheek.
I couldn't stand it. I run towards her.
But the minute the tip of my finger touches her hand she dissolves into mist, and I fall into darkness.