"You promised you wouldn't leave me again. It took me a while, but you made me believe that. Why are you doing this to me now?"
-----------------------------
"Hey. Dance with me." Sara said as she swayed with the soft music playing in their living room.
"I'm okay. You go ahead."
"I wasn't asking." Sara pulled her from the couch and held her close to her, and they started to dance. "It's been a while. Why wouldn't you dance with me?"
"You know I don't dance."
There were only very few occasions that Sara got Nyssa to dance with her; on their wedding, in two of her birthdays, and on their first and fifth anniversary. Most of the time she would just watch Sara dance. She loves watching her get lost into the music. Sara just loves the way she looks at her when she dances. She feels like the most beautiful and most loved woman in the world. Well, Nyssa always looks at her like that. But she still prefers to get lost in the music with her. She wants to share every moment with her.
"You dance when I tell you to dance." Sara demanded, but Nyssa just smiled at her. She wasn't walking into that trap. She would oblige with her wife's wishes from time to time to dance, but always? No. Sara dances a lot. They love playing music in the house, and she always dances along. So, no. Sphe won't make any promises she doesn't intend to keep.
"I'll give you today, my love."
They continued to sway to the lulling music, holding each other close, heads rested against one another.
"So, I was thinking."
"I don't know if that's supposed to be good." Nyssa teased, earning her a light smack on the shoulder.
"We should go on a trip for your birthday. I know you don't really celebrate it and that would already be too much, but this would be nice."
"It's not in a couple of weeks more."
"Exactly. We still have time to plan for it."
"You know we can go on a trip anytime you like, you don't need my birthday as an excuse."
"I know."
"You're up to something." Nyssa eyed her curiously.
"Oh please! Just go with it, Nyssa." Sara rolled her eyes. There was no point in denying, but she doesn't have to reveal the entirety of her plans.
"Fine."
"Where are we going?" Nathan sleepily asked from the bottom of the stairs.
The two looked over to their growing thirteen year old boy. There are days that Sara could not believe that she really has the family she has, Nyssa and Nathan. They're the best things that ever came to her life. It seemed not long ago that she was on the Waverider on a time travelling mission to save the world, whereas none of that occupied her mind, but now she can't even imagine never going back and never having them in her life at all.
"Come here. Did we wake you?" Sara asked wrapping him in her arms.
"Yeah. My senses got alerted at the sign of adventure." He joked as he sleepily stood in his mom's embrace.
"You are your mother's son." Sara brushed away stray hair that was on his face as he smiled up at her.
"He's your son too, Sara Lance." Nyssa added as she wrapped her arms around them both pinning Sara between them.
"He is?"
"Very funny, ma. As if you'd ever deny and disown me. You love me too much."
He's right. She would never. Even if they hadn't given him her father's name, she would always claim him as her son. No one could take that from her.
And they're so glad that despite being a teenager, he doesn't act tough, and doesn't mind being sweet to them even when there are people around. Maybe it's because that they taught him that showing emotions is not a sign of weakness, neither is having things and people to care about. They give you a stronger will and something more to fight for.
And as he grows up, he sees how much love there is between his parents and that they have for him that he would never deny his love for them. He is blessed to have them as his parents. Whether they are heroes to others or not, they are to him. And their love is what's legendary.
--------------------------------
"Why don't we go on a sailing trip?" Nathan suggested as he scanned through pictures of sailboats.
It was only two weeks before their planned trip, but they still had nothing in mind on what to do or where to go.
"No." Nyssa answered sternly.
"Why? You said you wanted something relaxing. That's relaxing. And fun for my part."
"We haven't told you, have we?"
"What?"
Sara then relayed to him the events that happened before and after the Gambit; how things were between her and Nyssa before she decided to leave with Oliver, how she survived and thrived after the Gambit got wrecked and before Nyssa had finally found her again.
"I thought I was gonna die there, but there she was again, saving me."
"I hadn't known what had happened to Sara, all I knew was she chose to leave. But when I heard, I had to come find her."
"How did you know where to find her? How did you know she was still alive?"
"I didn't. All I knew was I needed to find her. No matter what." Nyssa looked deep into Sara's eyes, then kissed the back of her hand. A simple gesture that expressed a thousand words.
Nathan finally understood Nyssa's fears. She never really mentions it. But he always knew there was something. They never told him much of the worst pits of their relationship. It was mostly of their adventures, however big or small. And of the sweet wonderful memories. He always saw their love and relationship as so grand and perfect. But after hearing that story, he realized that it was so much more. Their relationship wasn't perfect, but it made their love stronger and more real. And there's nothing he could admire more from them.
"So, no sailing then." He said trying to take the conversation on the lighter side again.
They went over a couple more ideas on where to go, and decided on visiting a vineyard in Tuscany. Nathan opposed to it at first, saying it's not exciting. But came around when they told him they'd let him taste the wines and have him riding horses there.
They made arrangements right away. The two weeks went by and they were off to their trip to Tuscany.
"It's so beautiful here." Sara took in the wondrous green landscape, so simple and serene.
"Yeah. Maybe we should make these trips annual." Nyssa slipped her arms around Sara's waist, holding her close to her, and placed a kiss at the back of her head.
"Why not? I miss travelling, seeing different places, and delving into various cultures."
"And this time, no missions. It's just us enjoying every single moment."
"Yeah." Sara turned around to look at her. Her arms draped around Nyssa's neck. "Happy Birthday."
"I love you."
"Ma! When can we ride a horse?" Nathan shouted from the balcony of the house they were staying in.
Nyssa smiled, thinking how he hasn't changed since he was a small kid, always curious and excited. Just like his father, patience wasn't his strongest suit. He waits when he has to, but prefers not to.
"We'll have that for tomorrow, Nathan."
"What am I going to do now?"
"I told you we should have left him at home." Nyssa said loudly making sure Nathan could hear.
"Oh, you know what happened last time we left him alone. And that was just a day."
"Come on! You two are never gonna let that go?"
Nyssa and Sara had gone to take a day for themselves only to find the house a mess when they got back that day. Nathan had found the keys to the basement and had tried almost all the weapons they had. He had broken and damaged much of the furniture, but thankfully he hadn't hurt himself.
"Not a chance, buddy."
That day, they went to the town and wandered around the local market and stores. They tried tasting different food and wines there. They walked around for hours until Nathan got too tired and had fallen asleep in Nyssa's arms. They went back to the house they were staying in and tucked Nathan in bed.
"This is nice, isn't it?" Sara asked handing Nyssa a glass of wine.
"Yeah. And you're right. We should do this more often."
"Of course, I'm right."
After a few more hours of conversation and cuddling by the fireplace, Sara went up to check on Nathan and get ready for bed. She looked at their son thinking how much of a blessing he is for them. She went to their room and just a few steps in, she felt a little light headed and would have fallen to the floor if Nyssa hadn't suddenly appeared behind her to catch her.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah. A bit tired and a little too much wine, I guess."
Nyssa raised an eyebrow at her in disbelief. "You don't get drunk that easily."
That was true. Sara had developed quite a high tolerance for alcohol that even most men can't keep up with her. So what was that all about?
-----------------------------
"You promised you wouldn't leave me again. It took me a while, but you made me believe that. Why are you doing this to me now?" Nyssa said, holding Sara's hand, as tears fell from her eyes.
"Don't be like that." Sara pleaded with her. Seeing her like that was breaking her heart. She knows how hard it is for Nyssa, but it would be harder for the both of them if she wouldn't accept it.
"Isn't there any more we can do?"
"And then what? We talked about this, Nyssa. I've accepted it."
"I haven't. I can't lose you again."
"And I'm sorry for all those times, but this is different. As much as I don't want to leave you, it's time. I'm happy with all that we've had, aren't you?"
"Of course, I am."
"Then let me go. I know you love me, so let me go and be okay with it."
"How could I be okay with you dying on me again?"
"Because I'm happy. I'm happy that until my last days, I am with you. Let me die happy."
Sara's dizzy spells progressed through the years. She didn't mention any of it to Nyssa, until one day, Nathan found her lying unconscious on their bedroom floor. They took her to the hospital and found out that she has some kind of cell degenerative condition. The doctors said that it was a miracle that she has her memories intact, but the disease was mostly affecting her motor functions. It was a rare condition and since it has progressed so much, they really don't have much solutions for it. They told them that in a few months time, she would be too weak to even walk.
Nyssa took a lot of time and effort in trying to find a cure for her. She had wanted to reach out to Sara's old team hoping that maybe there's something in the future that could help her, but Sara opted against it. Even if there is something out there, she doesn't want it. She doesn't want to waste anymore time searching for something she doesn't know even exists, when she could just enjoy every bit of time she has left with her loved ones.
Nyssa didn't agree with her decision. She doesn't want to lose her again, but how could she argue with Sara. Her choice was reasonable and she also just wants to be with her wife as much as she could for as long as she could still.
"What do you think would have happened if we never met?" Sara asked out of the blue.
"I don't want to think about that."
"Come on. Humor me." Sara gently squeezed her hand to prompt her.
"I think it doesn't matter how circumstances turn to be. It doesn't matter what timeline or what universe we're in. You and I are meant to cross paths. How could we not?"
Tears spilled from Sara's eyes because of her words. She herself want to believe the same, that they were always meant to be in each other's lives no matter what. She thinks nothing much of her life imagining it never knowing Nyssa. It wasn't something she could ever want to happen.
"You're right. What would my life have been if you never came along?"
"Probably safer."
"That's boring. I'll dive into danger anytime of day if it meant having you."
Nyssa brought her hand to her lips and gave it a little kiss.
"I love you, Sara, more than anything."
"I know. And I love you." Sara closed her eyes and squeezed tightly at Nyssa's hands as a wave pain came crashing. She can bear the pain, but never the look of heartbreak in Nyssa's eyes every time it comes.
And it's like the only look she sees on Nyssa most of the time. She can only imagine how painful it is for her. She's lost her sister, but Nyssa? Through out their relationship, it had always been her to leave. It was painful for her as well but not as much as Nyssa's pain. She can't imagine losing her for good. Despite everything, she had always kept the hope that Nyssa's always there for her, that she could always come back to her. But the thought of her never there for her again, she doesn't think she could handle that.
For her, it was better that way, for her to leave the earth before her, even if it's for the second time.
-----------------------------
In 2046, Sara walked back to the house where she had found the box full of Nyssa's letters. There was a strange pull that made her go back. She knew that Nyssa must have lived there; for how long, she has no idea, since the letters only dated just a few years after she had left. But there was something else. She just had to go back to the house. There wasn't much left in it, but it felt like a home, warm and welcoming despite the current ragged appearance.
Nathan watched her as she walked right through the doors. A very familiar sight for him that he truly misses. He took in a deep breath to compose himself, before he walked out of the shadows to reveal himself.
"You're here, like you said you would be."
Sara was surprised by his presence. She wasn't able to pay much attention to her surroundings as she was so consumed by feeling the connection with Nyssa by simply being in that house. She was also surprised by warmth of the voice that spoke, and how he spoke with such familiarity.
"Who are you?"
Nathan walked further into the light so Sara could have a better look at him. He had his face uncovered. There was no point in hiding. He wanted her to know who he is, because he needs to make sure she goes back to them. He needs to make sure that that version of the future happens. The one that though they have lost her, they still had her. They had the best of her.
"I'm Nathan. Lance."
"Lance?" Sara wondered if she had heard him right and if he meant what she thought.
"Yeah. Hey, ma. I'm your son."
Sara didn't know how to process the information. Son? She was so confused. A son. A son with whom? She caught her breath and looked at him closely, then noticed the pair of eyes staring back at her. Those eyes. She can't be mistaken. Those were the eyes that she had spent so much falling in love with. And seeing them again, though on a different face, made her ache with longing.
"Nyssa." She said in a low whisper. She smiled as the realization dawned at her. Nathan Lance. Nate. Nyssa. Then her.
"Yeah." He said confirming her thoughts.
"I miss you, ma. So much." He added, unable to control the emotions he was feeling. A part of him could not believe that she was there standing in front of him, but he can only be grateful to have a moment with Sara once more.
Sara saw a glint of tear in his eyes and the heartbreak shadowing them. He lost her. That she was sure of. She was somewhat scared to know more, to go there. How could she put him through that much heartbreak? How did they lose her? Had she left again? But then a closer look, she saw that behind the heartbreak was so much love. They lost her, but what matters to him is that they had her. And she could have them in her future. Nyssa. A son. A family of their own.
She walked closer to him, looked him deep in the eyes, and just wrapped her arms around him. Not being able to control his emotions any longer, Nathan broke down in his mother's arms. Sara knew he needed it. And holding him, she realized she needed it as well.
When both of them had finally collected themselves again, they sat down side by side at the bottom of the stairs.
"You wanna know the last thing you said to me?"
"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."
Nathan smiled thinking that though she still hadn't gone back, she's already the mother he has always known and loved. She can already read him though she had basically just met him.
"You told me not to be sad. You told me that you were happy, that though it seemed short, you were still happy to ever have had me. You promised me that I'll see you again. You won't know who I am, but I'll see you again. And I have to make sure you come back to us, that you come home, because you said that's where you should always have been. With us."
Nathan paused. He looked at Sara and he tried to hold back the tears that were once again threatening to fall.
"You have to go back, ma. You told me how you met me then, how though I knew about you, it was only from stories, but not personally. I can't imagine that. I can't imagine growing up never having you by my side. I can't imagine how mom would be without you."
"She was happy?"
"We all were." He reassured her. He reached in his pocket and handed her an envelope with her name scribbled on it. Another letter from Nyssa. "I'll leave you with this. Come home, ma. Come home to us."
He gracefully made his exit, then turned for one last look at the younger self of his mother, who was intently examining the envelope in her hand. "I love you, ma." He said in goodbye, with hopes that would be the determining point if he still hadn't convinced her to come back.
Sara carefully opened the letter, her hands trembling, anxious of what was written for her.
My dearest Sara,
I love you and I miss you so much.
I don't want to think how many times I have lost you, and how each time broke me. I thought that being able to say goodbye to you properly would make it easier, the pain more manageable, but it didn't. It still hurt so much. But the thought of how happy and content you were in the years we've been together as a family until the last moments of your life, it just eases the dull ache of emptiness even for some time.
We were happy. We were a family. I admit that I never actually thought we would truly have that, especially after everything. But there you were knocking on my door, walking back into my life and making that long lost dream of ours come true. And I didn't think it possible but I loved you more for it.
Every moment that you were by my side were the best days of my life. It never mattered what we were doing, as long as you were there, I knew that I would be fine, I would be happy. It never mattered how long each moment lasted, as long as I got to share them with you. You have always made my life better. You have always made me better, happier.
I loved the days when I would wake up and your breathtakingly beautiful face is the first thing that I see; and that I would sleep at night with my arms wrapped around you tight. I loved it when you would just look at me and smile for no reason; when you would laugh your heart out even at the simplest of things; just whenever you were there, I loved every moment of it.
I sometimes lay awake at night, wondering if some miracle would once again happen that would reunite me with you. I would give anything to be able to have even just another brief moment with you. You are my yellow bird, you said. My canary. You would always make your way back to me,right? You've proven that to me over and over. Though I had been afraid, you made me believe you had truly come back to me for good. Prove it to me again. Don't let me down. Please come back. Come back to me.
I love you, Sara Lance. I love you to no end.
Lovingly yours,
Nyssa
Sara wasn't able to hold down her tears as she read through that letter. If there were any hesitation in her mind in going back to her family and to Nyssa for their mission, they were all gone even before she opened that letter. How could she not go back knowing everything that was entailed for her when she does? She was going to have a wonderful and happy life with Nyssa. She would have a son. They would be a family. And from all that she had heard from Nathan and read from Nyssa's letter, they would be happy. There was nothing more for her to think about. She was going home to her family.
She folded the letter and placed it in her pocket. She wiped at her tears and got herself under control. She got up from where she was seated and walked through the house once more. It was their house, she finally made that realization, making sense of the strong connection she had felt. She walked out the front door and saw a silhouette of a person. She thought it was Nathan, but when she got closer, it dawned on her.
"Nyssa?" She said in a tone barely a whisper.
Nyssa turned around to see her. She smiled at the sight of her beloved. There were creases at her eyes, signs of how much she had aged through her linear time line, as Sara looked the same as the last time she had seen her.
Nyssa walked closer to her and held her hand up to her cheek. Sara recognized the look in Nyssa's eyes. It was the same as the one she had the last time she had seen her. It was the time she had gone to see her for the first time since she got resurrected and was herself again. It was the look of disbelief, not that she didn't believe it, but that she couldn't. Like she had said, maybe it was the other miracle she was hoping for.
Nyssa just looked at her without saying a word. Everything can be read in her eyes. The longing, the gratefulness, the happiness, and all the love, they could all be seen in her eyes. She leaned her forehead against Sara's and closed her eyes. Sara saw tears rolling down her cheeks. And she just closed her eyes as well. They stayed in that moment and savored it for a little longer.
They both opened their eyes and saw the immeasurable love they have for each other mirrored in the other's eyes. Nyssa still couldn't believe that she was able to see and hold her again. She did everything she could to make sure she made it there that day.
"I'm coming home, Nyssa. I'm coming home to you and our son." Sara finally spoke again, and her words just made Nyssa's heart swell, making her smile.
"I'm glad." Nyssa replied. "Oh, how I've missed you."
"I'm sorry."
Nyssa shook her head. She had nothing to apologize for. She never had to. No matter how hurt Nyssa got, she never needed apologies. She just needs her with her. "Just come back to me. Just come back to me and everything will be okay."
"I will."
"I love you, Sara Lance."
"And I love you, Nyssa Raatko."