The boys sat on the couch in the middle of the room facing each other. Youngjae had a dark, sinking feeling that whatever was going to come out of the conversation wasn't going to be good. The way Jaebum looked and talked made him feel uncomfortable and he knew something bad was about to happen.
"Look, I know what you're going to say already," Jaebum said, "so I'm just going to tell you flat out..."
Youngjae nodded but shifted in his seat. Jaebum let out a loud sigh.
"The way I felt about you when I left, just isn't there anymore."
Youngjae practically choked on air and he felt like he was going to vomit. He felt dizzy and nauseous just by a single sentence. Anyone else in the room could've heard his heart breaking.
"Being in America for two years... I just met so many new people and had so many new experiences, that the thought of you was pushed to the back of my mind."
Tears formed in Youngjae's eyes for the second time this morning.
"Actually, you hadn't even crossed my mind until the day before I left, when I realized is have to tell you all of this."
Youngjae was filled with so many different emotions at once. He didn't know how to cope with it. Anger, sadness, guilt, jealousy, embarrassment. He felt like the past two years of his life were a waste.
"What the fuck, Jaebum," Youngjae said through gritted teeth, letting anger take the part as the dominant emotion, "you leave, without telling me, for two whole fucking years, and come back to tell me that you don't love me anymore?" By the end of the sentence, he was yelling, unable to control the swirling fire inside of him.
But Jaebum nonetheless grabbed him by the shoulders and rubbed his thumbs into the bare skin.
"Calm down," he said, "let me finish."
Youngjae sighed and relaxed into the sofa, listening to his boyfriends ice cold words.
"Though I don't have the same feelings anymore, I don't want to break up. If, somehow, those feelings comeback after seeing you again, I don't want to have to go through all the ... Awkward stuff you know?"
Though he was still upset, Youngjae's heart lifted just a little. He hoped that what Jaebum was saying was true and that the two would be happy again. He smiled.
"I get it," he said, "now I'm going to shower. You go unpack and we can go do something."
"Actually," Jaebum said, I have a lot of other work to do. School work. Maybe another time."
Youngjae's smile faded, but anything to make Jaebum love him again.
"Oh, okay."
Jaebum shot him a polite but emotionless smile as Youngjae left the all too uncomfortable room.
+
I'm sorry